It's Saturday, It's Raining and I Have Questions.

what can I say about a rainy Saturday? Glad to be inside by the fire with book and blanket. Got the walk out out of the way earlier when it looked like it might actually be a decent day, so that's done. Been averaging 3-4 mile walks 5-6 days a week but had a couple set backs this week. Feeling puny; my body likes to betray me every now and again.

There are days, such as today, when I ask myself who am I racing? I keep trying to increase my pace, applauding myself when my walk app gives me my time and it's better than the day before.  But these child-bearing hips, these creaky-cranky ankles and the feet with slipping arches, are only gonna plod so fast. I see some slight increase in my speed and ability to hold that pace for longer portions of time but again, I have to ask myself, where's this competitive spirit coming from? My sweetie asked me that same question. Why do I feel the need to walk faster than I do right now? I could only shrug and say "I just want to keep improving."

I am at my goal weight and have successfully maintained it for 7 months, and that includes some major holidays! Yet, I think about dropping "just 5 more pounds". I can walk a mile in under 14 minutes on a good day yet I keep thinking "Can I do it in 12?" I love walking and I know how much it has benefited me yet when I walk, in my heart I'm running. I still dream about running a 5K if you want to know the truth.

I was cleaning my closet, moving winter clothes to the back and bringing forward the spring and summer wardrobe, discarding things that are worn out, or the wrong size. Making a mental list of what I need to replace and what would look snazzy with that cardigan and I stop and look, really look, at the pile of clothes I own and have to ask "isn't that enough? Do I really need another.... shirt/pants/sweater?

Where does it end? How much does it take to be satisfied? 

I am part of the human race known as Consumer. If I am being completely transparent, I will tell you I have a selfish streak a mile wide. I wrestle with letting go of my best stuff, in favor of giving just what I don't want or need. The materialistic side of me wins more often than I like to admit.

I comfort this truth with the other truth, that I am a giving, compassionate person, motivated by the Holy Spirit to do what is right and loving and good. I know I have good-- no, GREAT,  qualities. And most of the time, I like to think that the good qualities outshine the bad.

So, here I am wrestling with two different areas: the dissatisfied me and the selfish me.

In his letter to the Philippians, the Apostle Paul wrote: I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. (Philippians 4.12) 

Earlier in the letter he tells them, Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.(Phil. 2)

I don't think it's wrong of me to want to work on improving myself health wise. I don't think it's wrong to want to dress or look nice. What does bother me however, is the attitude behind those things. Am I doing it for my health and well-being or is there some other motivating factor at work? When I want just a little bit more than what I already have, when I want to hang on to my possessions is that an indication that my heart needs some adjustments?

Good questions to ponder on this rainy Saturday afternoon.

One Day, One Week, One Year

Funny how much can happen in just a day or a week. Things can change, turn around, surprise you. You wake up one morning with a plan, a schedule, a detailed list. Then, in the blink of an eye, life happens and your world is turned upside down! Sometimes its good, sometimes its bad. And sometimes, a year from now, now of it will matter, or everything will.

Focus on the good. Hang on to the positives.

**********

This morning at work I told my boss, "I wish you were a total jerk instead of being so nice. It would make quitting here not quite so hard!"  I have one more week of work left and when I woke up this morning , creaking, aching, sore, I thought "Hallelujah! Tomorrow is my day off, then I work Sat. have Sunday off, and then it's just one more week...." But once I got to work and my co-workers showed up and we commenced with our day, in spite of the pain I was feeling in every joint (must be the change in the weather) I was laughing and joking and enjoying the camaraderie and thinking "this makes me so sad to leave."

**********

My sister and her hubby are enroute to HERE! They will arrive sometime Friday afternoon or evening. I will probably not see her till Saturday after work, when my hubby and I go up to help them unpack the moving van. I know they have a lot to process with the move and getting settled so I will be patient, allowing them time to adjust and rest and gear up. but I am chomping at the bit a little, to spend time with her, with them.

**********

I got email from one of my former sister-in-laws with some very very sad news. My former mother-in-law, whom I love still very much, is dying. This woman was like a mom to me, never a mother-in-law and it grieved me terribly to lose her when the marriage ended. We were still on good terms... sort of... but you don't really get the same kind of relationship with someone when 'blood is thicker than water' and you have made strong accusations against their son. Still, I know she still loves me and I believe she grieved the loss too. Now, she is in the last stages of cancer and hospice will be setting up to help care for her. Not sure how much time she has left but I think it's very very short. I was planning to visit her next month, when our grandson comes out to visit... now I am thinking I best not wait even that long.

**********

One day, one week, one year. One lifetime. 

Only one life, it soon will past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

Going AWOL

I feel like I've been missing in the blog-world. Goodness, the last time I posted was last week!

Life has been busy.... let's see, we...

• painted the bathroom over the weekend...(pictures later... it's a work in progress)
• hosted our small group for potluck-planning-praying-preparing time (the same day we tackled the painting!! crazy!!)
• kicked off a NEW small group bible study (building teamwork in marriage-- exciting!)
• celebrated (via long distance) a certain 14-year-old grandson's birthday!!
• shopped for airline tickets to bring said birthday boy to visit this summer!!! (grandma/grandpa camp!)
• had a Mom-Day.... ( prayer needed)
• and a host of other little activities all designed to keep us hopping and reminding us that we are alive, well and living a good life.

How about you?

Vivaldi, Sunshine and Apple Pie

I feel ever so slighty naughty. I didn't go to church this morning!! We went last night instead. Our church decided to launch a Saturday night service calling it "Soup and a Service". We serve a simple meal of hot nourshing soup and bread, seated at tables of 6 or 8. After sharing a meal together we stand around our tables and sing a few worship songs, then sit again and listen to the message from our pastor. We started this just a few weeks ago but this was the first time hubby and I have been able to attend. We enjoyed the simplicity and casual atmosphere and pray this will be a welcoming place to those who might not come on a Sunday.

It was a beautiful weekend starting with our spectacular  Friday Hike! We got out of the starting gate a little late but the mountain waited patiently for our arrival. In fact, we had cloud cover mixed with sunshine-- the perfect combination for a hike. Not too hot, not so buggy I'd go nuts. And then the clouds stayed at bay while we did some fabulous photos in front of the view. In fact, as I looked over the pix in the view finder of my camera, and pronouced them good, we looked back at Mt Baker and realized it was completely under cover of the clouds now! Well! I am so glad we were able to get those awesome shots!!

We enjoyed a delicious dinner on Friday night at a new-to-us dining estabishment called Bayou on Bay. Clever little title given the location is on Bay Street but it's also closely situated to the bay of Bellingham. Bruce was brave and ordered the catfish. I went for the salmon but after one bite of his pecan encrusted catfish, I was wanting more!! We divvied up our entres and shared them like a good married couple. ;)
We also has lip smacking scrumpdelicious fried green tomatoes for appetizers. Yummmers!!  We completed our evening with a stroll under the moonlight, and coffee at our favorite coffee house. We'd talked about taking in a movie or a show at the local comedy club but the next showing was at 10 and by 9pm we were done. laughing as we drove home about feeling old I comforted hubby by pointing out we weren't OLD, we were WISE!!

Saturday was a bit of a rough day but we still made the most of it. We attended the memorial service for the young man who passed away earlier in the week. So unexpected! He was only 28 and leaves his bride and 2 young children. So sad. Only the knowledge that he IS with Jesus and his wife is finding her strength and comfort in that and the presence of the Holy Spirit, made the service bearable. We had a few moments to converse with her after the reception, actually the first real conversation we'd ever had with her. But we assured her we were here for her and her children and to please not hesitate to let us know what we can do to help in weeks to come.

After we left the service we drove into the older historcial part of our little city and enjoyed walking in the sunshine, leaves crunching under our feet, wind touseling our hair. We stopped for gelato and sat on a park bench in the sunshine and ate our sweet treat and people watched. We smiled deeply at each other, recalling past dates, one in particular at a coffee house across the way. First time my man had ever had an espresso concoction!

Speaking of coffee, we had to get some to enjoy on the drive home, then we went to the church soup and service.

this morning I slept in.... oh my how I slept! I enjoyed my coffee on the couch and now with the patio door wide open and the fresh crisp air wafting in, I am listening to Vivaldi, while a salted- caramel- apple pie with crumbly topping bakes in the oven and soon to replace that, a whole chicken to roast.

It's another glorious fall day here in my corner of the world and I am happy to sing praises to my Creator for blessing me with another day. May His Blessings be on you today and in this new week as well.
Shalom.

A Big Sigh

and a glass of wine...

I'm sipping and watching the sunset out my back door, after another glorious day of summer weather in the month everyone thinks of as the beginning of fall. Ha, ha-- Mother Nature fools us once again! I love September! We often get the best weather during this month and I am fully aware that the official first day of Autumn is on Saturday. THIS IS WHY I LOVE THIS MONTH!

It's Wednesday which means it was my Mom-day. That always evokes a BIG SIGH out of me once I get home. Today we ran a few errands --both her's and mine. Her's included a trip to the bank and an appointment at her hair salon. Oh, and of course, Zoom Zoom Espresso. Decaf, Soy, Sugar Free Vanilla. All the baristas know her on sight and have her drink memorized. That's nice. She get's a 16 oz every other day. She only drinks half of it and saves the other half for the next afternoon. I kid you not. Hey, we're talking the Queen of Frugal.

Another big sigh squeaked out of me as I posted the final chapter of Broken Places on This Robyn's Nest this evening. 46 chapters plus an epilogue. It took a lot out of me when I first wrote this story. The rewrite has been kinder, but still I tend to read/write the accounts of abuse (fictionalized but based on fact none-the-less) in a zone. Thank God, really, for the healing He has done in my life!! And continues to do. Sharing this story has been powerful and I pray for more power to be released as women stumble across that blog and read about the freedom Christ alone can give!

It's been a heavy week; losing our friend Michael and grieving along with his wife and children. The memorial will be this Saturday. I believe it will be a time of celebration despite the heavy hearts. Michael is no longer battling cancer-- he is healed and free!! I imagine we will be doing a lot of crying along with rejoicing when we gather this weekend. Michael was a talented songwriter/singer and I have about worn out his CD this week playing it over and over again.

On the job front, I believe I jumped through the final hoop as the Doctor signed off on my health and faxed the appropriate paperwork to the Occupational Health Division of the USPS. Whoo Hoo!! I might actually get a start date?!! It's only been since the end of June that I began this process. I'm impressed with myself, LOL.

So, deep sighs,  from feeling accomplished, feeling tired and feeling sorrow mixed with joy.

So, it's September...

My favorite month.

I truly do love Autumn but I love the approach of it just a wee bit more... these awesome sunny days that we treasure because we know the rain is coming.... warm days alternating with cool- even cold-- nights! I need to put the extra blanket back on the bed.

and did you see that MOON this weekend??? It was a Blue Moon but I was calling it a Harvest Moon because there was such a nip in the air.

School is starting and because we live right next door to the school, I delight in hearing the school bell and the buses and the voices of kids as they travel across the campus. Our backyard looks right into the football/track field. Last Friday night was the first game of the season. Perhaps it was a Pre-Game since school had not officially started yet. I could smell the popcorn from the concession stand and the lights of the football field make my bedroom glow. The excited chatter of the people in attendance and the MC over the speaker all make me feel contented inside knowing it's starting again.

I moved my peppers into the greenhouse this weekend because I am afraid the colder nights will damage them and this is the first year we've been successful in growing peppers and I really really want to eat one! My tomatoes were put in the garden and I have green promises on the vine and hubby said he'd build a protective wrap around them so they will still have time to ripen.

Suddenly things feel rushed. We wait all summer for it to really feel like summer, here in the Pacific NorthWest... and then so suddenly it's almost fall and there remain many things undone! I want to pick blackberries, we didn't go on one single camping trip and work has taken Bruce away even on weekends.

We have a sweet little get away planned for next weekend. Bruce's brother and sister in law, along with several of her extended family, rented cabins on Orcas Island for a week and invited us to come be a part of the family fun. We are going over for a Sunday-Monday as that is really all we can squeeze out right now. But we will make the most of it!

I suspect this might be my last week of 'vacation' as it is rumored that my new job will demand my presence with in the next 10 days. Today I will enjoy this official holiday, Labor Day, with a late breakfast on the deck, fresh sheets on the bed and a walk around the school track (last one I might get to take since school begins tomorrow). Yesterday was a bad day; woke up feeling like someone poured cement in all my joints and then the IBS kicked in... then I chipped off a tooth while enjoying BBQ ribs.... so I am grateful and pleased that this morning I feel almost back to normal. I want to run a few errands and check on those blackberry bushes down behind the bus garage. I want to soak up the sunshine and read a good book. I plan to work over some more chapters from Broken Places over for the This Robyn's Nest. But most of all, I plan to appreciate everything about this day.

Sits With Sunglasses

the poke in my eye with the sharp edge of a piece of paper has done nothing for my attitude the last couple of days. I can deal with a lot of things, including pain,  but ongoing pain, especially in the eye, is almost too much. thankfully our eyes tend to heal fast but I have found being outside, where moving air and light are strongest, is too much. Even starting at the computer screen adds strain to my poor eye. It's been an uncomfortable two days. I am sitting in the my house, wearing my sunglasses, administering eye drops every couple of hours and alternating Ibuprofen with Tylenol to try and manage the pain.

it's not working all that well.








On the lighter side of things, I did manage to be productive with a HUGE box of produce hubby brought home the other night. Beans and more beans stacked the bottom of the box, along with several over sized zucchini, some heads of romaine, a passel of carrots, rutabagas and onions and some snap peas to top it off. The first thing I did was sort it all out on my back deck. There were 3 types of beans so I sorted the yellow from the green and the re-sorted the yellow as there were skinny ones and fat/flat ones. From sorting came snipping, followed by washing. Finally they were ready to be blanched and frozen. I prefer freezing over canning and I don't have a pressure cooker anyway. But my freezer has limited space so it was a jigsaw puzzler's challenge to make it all fit!! Along with all the luscious berries and corn on the cob that has gone in in weeks previous, getting in my freezer is a little daunting. But we'll eat well this winter. And some of those berries will be coming out in the next few weeks for jam making. Yum!

I have not  heard anything from the Post Office. I debated contacting them and decided I would wait until Monday, which would make it exactly two weeks since I got my letter with the news of the job. I do recall the man who I met with saying that there was other paperwork shuffling that was taking place in another part of administration and there was no 'usual' time frame to quote me as to when I might hear more. But he seemed confident that I would hear something by that week's end.... and nothing happened. Meanwhile, I have enjoyed this week with no thought of going to work, other than wondering when it would happen.

This week had it's highlights, that is for certain. Monday was the lunch with the girls from high school-- still sighing with delight over that one. Not rushing anywhere all week has been a gift, even if we had monetary setbacks and stresses. Yes, even the pain in my eye cant compete with the peace of knowing God's in charge of ALL THINGS.

my sister and I at the Columbia River, fall of 2010

One more thing I want to mention to wrap up this week.....

A very fun thing I had had the pleasure to be a part of, is helping my SISTER create her own blog!! Using skype to connect and tutor her on blogging has been satisfying and I am just delighted with her launching out this way. You will find her theme of light quite illuminating, if you'll pardon the pun ;) I am sure she would welcome a visit so feel free to pop over to AniLouMinary and take a look.



Have a marvelous weekend friends!

what a week!

it has been a good one. In many ways. Still living high on the joy experienced at the class reunion. Unofficially receiving word that I got the job I applied for! (pending back ground, fingerprints and drug test checks) Having a really good phone conversation with one of my friends from high school. Having Bruce's friend here to visit for a couple of days. And maintaining a 6 lbs weight loss. Yup, it's been a good week!

So, yes, unofficially I have been told I got the job that I applied for at my local post office!! No word on a start date, since, as I said, we have things pending. But, I am starting to get excited, even as I feel torn over leaving the job at Curves. In fact, I started training my replacement yesterday ( I gave my 2 weeks notice on Monday) and it was such a fun day! I hadn't expected that. I will spend the next week working with her and I think she is going to do great. And she paid me a high compliment when she told me she thought I was a good teacher! I never think of myself in that manner. It was nice to hear.

The visit with a friend on the phone was the result of the re-connection that took place at the reunion. This gal was one of my best friends in high school and like all the others, we lost touch once graduation came and went. I know that is a common occurrence for many but our community is pretty small and unless you move away, most of us manage to stay friends with our high school buddies. I was deprived of that, because during my 1st marriage, having any friendships outside of his realm of choices and influence was greatly discouraged, if not prohibited! I am reveling in the renewed friendships and encouraged to keep reaching out and rebuilding relationships.

Having Bruce's friend here means food! LOL. He LOVES to cook when he comes and he brings all the food and stockpiles it in my cupboards, fridge and freezer. I get the privilege of doing all the clean up but it's a small price to pay for his pesto pasta and killer spaghetti sauce!! This time he brought us a huge ice chest filled with corn on the cob! Already cooked and packaged for the freezer, I had to rearrange a bit to make it all fit but we are good to go now! This afternoon hubby and his buddy are heading out for the weekend to hike and camp. They had planned a canoe trip but turns out the canoe has a hole and patching it will take more time than they want to give it. So up the mountain they go and I will enjoy a weekend of quiet solitude which suits me just fine!

As to the weight loss... well it's just a miracle as far as I'm concerned because it has taken forever to break the plateau I have been on for like forever!! But the counting points and choosing fruits veggies and salads over starches and heavy sauces has finally paid off. I am glad because once I leave my Curves job it is going to be harder to get a work out into my daily routine. Not sure how physical my new job will be, sorting mail and selling stamps. :) But I'm kind of promising myself that with my first paycheck, I might just buy the bike I have been dreaming about for the last year or so.... we'll see.

Have a fantastic weekend Friends!

apathy

have you ever noticed that the word apathy contains part of the word pathetic?

blame it on the rain
or the seasonal allergies/cold
that has settled into my ears for the last week and a half,
blame it on the economic crisis in our own home,
blame it on disappointments,
fear
or frustrations.
blame it on ALL of the ABOVE.
whatever.
but I have been dealing with a sh*t load of apathy in my life.
and it's making me feel pathetic.

i don't want to
clean
or cook
or (shudder)
even bLOG!
i am tired,
cranky and
easily exhausted by
just the sight of an unmade bed,
a pile of laundry
or a sink full of dishes.

I don't want to
return phone calls,
run errands
or go anywhere.

what i do want to do is
stuff my face with
sugary treats,
high carbs
and drink lots of coffee.
I want to take naps,
read a book
or watch the rain beat against the deck.

honestly, this almost feels like drifting back into a depressive state and
I AM NOT GOING TO GO THERE.

so maybe this will run it's course.
we have plans for this weekend, to attend a marriage conference at church... starting tonight and running thru Sat. i am looking forward to that.

meanwhile... that coconut macaroon looks mighty tasty.

time for another......Attitude CHECK!

 One of the things Bruce and I almost always do on the drive home from church each week is discuss the points of the sermon and what we felt God was speaking to us in that.


Yesterday what we both got out of the Sunday sermon was that sometimes our circumstances wont change until our attitude does. 

So we've been checking ours. 
Do we have an attitude of gratitude even as we stack those unpaid bills on the desk? 
Do we have an attitude of expectancy as we wait on the Lord to meet our needs? 
Do we leave God-Room for every situation? 

Well, I'd like to say YES!!  But in all honesty, we struggle every day to be joyful, hopeful and grateful. We ARE grateful for the surprises that come from unlikely benefactors. We are amazed at how God uses others to bless us.
But are we grateful, truly GRATEFUL for the CIRCUMSTANCES that  have us in this situation in the first place? 
Are we grateful for CIRCUMSTANCES make us so utterly dependent on God to supply our needs? 

Honestly? I can't say I would answer yes to that one all the time. And I want to be able to.  So attitude check time. And attitude adjustment time.

Lord, I WANT to really truly be GRATEFUL, not just for how you supply all my needs but for the very fact that I am in a situation where I have to depend on you and your greatness to meet those needs. Not just grateful for benefactors who show up on my doorstep and shove a twenty in my hand mumbling that they  felt led to give this to me, not just grateful for the fact that this $20 will buy me gas for a few more days, but grateful for the fact that I am in this place of poverty in the first place. And who in their right mind thanks God for being poor? 

Yet, if this is the will of God for me today, then who am I to discard it, reject it or even resent it? Lord Jesus, forgive me for this bad attitude. I repent here and now of my pity-party attitude that has me sinking into despair and depression and fear. YOU have a plan for my life and its for GOOD, (Jeremiah 29.11--it says prosperity in some versions) not for evil. Your plans include HOPE. 
You have my best in mind. You see and know things I can't. I trust you. I know you want what is best for me. So, even though I don't understand it, and may not like it, I will give thanks for it. And with your help Jesus, may I even find joy in my circumstances. 

Joy and Thanksgiving. I think I have found the words to live by for 2012.

it's the last day of November...

Good Bye Sweet November.
You have been good to us.
We will miss your sunny days and your rainy days,
your windy days and
your calm days.
The falling leaves and
the golden hues
first frost, first snow
departures and arrivals...

Good Bye Sweet November.... 
                                           Hello December!

only 15 more shopping days till Robyn's BIRTHDAY!

Backwards in Time

He's heading to Tokyo today where it is already Sunday and on Monday he gets on a plane and flies backwards in time. what a neat trick that would be, to fly back in time? If you could, where would you go? how far back? would you try to change things or just relive the best moment?

I wrestle with the "if I could do things over I'd do this instead" syndrome quite frequently. I think when we have some tough stuff in our history that we know is a result of some bad choices we made, it is natural to wish we had a second chance so we could do it better this time. But all of the things that have happened to me, good or bad, the choices I made or didn't make, have made me who I am today. The real question then would be to ask myself "Do I like who I am today?" 

Some days, most days, the answer to that is YES. But occasionally I have moments where I question my self and think dark thoughts and wish I had handled myself better or resisted certain things... said no instead of yes or yes instead of no.


Thank God for His Grace that allows me new beginnings and fresh starts!

Things I might be tempted to change if I could do it over again....

I would have turned out for the high school play. I would have turned out for track.
I would NOT have gotten married my senior year. I want to say I would have never married him period. But I have 2 children and how can I say I'd turn the clock back and make a different choice if it takes them away? Still, I wish I had known then what I know now.

I would have gone to college. Or at the very least trade school. I still can of course but I have to wonder where I would be in my writing 'career' if I had taken the journalism classes I dreamed about in Jr. High.

If.

But life is too short to live in the regrets unless you are going to use them to fuel you forward in life now. I am where I am because of the road I took and I do like where I am. As for the things I might not like, I can change them. That's the beauty of it. I can change my circumstances or I can change my attitude. I really do have that power.


Sometimes it is really good to look back at where we were and where we came from. Look back and really examine and appreciate the past. It gives us a new appreciation for the present and an anticipation for the future.

am I looking back or looking forward? or just sitting in the moment enjoying the view?

meanwhile here on the home front...

While my husband gives his whole hearted self to the people of Japan today, I was spending the day with one of my besties, at the local thrift store, taking advantage of their 50% off sale. As keeper of hearth and home, I excel at all things frugal.

By the way, I know exactly where I was at 11:11 am on this day; 11/11/11. And because it was so much fun, I intend to pay attention to the what and where of my activities when it rolls around again this evening. 

just waiting

Sunday morning. Coffee. Breakfast. Shower. Dress. Wait.

We are going to the 11 am service at church today and we awoke fairly early for a Sunday morning. The rain drizzling outside was what woke me up and then the heavy pressure on my legs followed by gentle kneading. Yes. The cat. >^;^< telling me he wanted breakfast. now.

So once all those little morning chores were out of the way it was only 9:30.... more than an hour before we need to leave for church. Kind of nice to not be rushed. To have time to think about where we are going and why. A sort of spiritual inventory and reflecting time. 

There is a church picnic in the park after second service. Our good bye to the summer season and the kick off to all the fall programs. Youth group, small groups, new sermon series, adult classes.... And it's raining. Not a very nice thing to do on a picnic day! But as I wrote on my facebook status this morning: who needs the sun when we have the SON shining down on us.

so true. so true.

and look.... I think I see a break in the clouds!

Defining Moments

"Live life fully while you're here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You're going to anyway so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: 
find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don't try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human."

~Anthony Robbins

 
This morning, with the sunshine gloriously streaming through the windows, my husband waiting on me (for a change) so we could leave for church, I whirled through my morning routine of 'what to wear today.' I wanted to wear a skirt; I chose my black and white floral patterned one. I grabbed a tank top but it felt too skimpy for church. I looked for my lime green t-shirt-- love the way it 'pops' with the black and white. Alas the green T was in the wash. My next choice was an orange V neck which I love. I just wasn't sure about the pairing but once I put it on I decided I liked it and now with hubby "A-hem-ing" at the bottom of the stairs, I didn't have time to change. I raced down to join him and away we went.

Why did I waver on wearing orange with black? I can tell you why; not 10 minutes after we arrived at church a friend commented that she liked that color (orange) on me and she would never be brave enough to pair orange and black because it seemed so 'halloweenish'
Aha! Exactly! That was the thought that flashed through my mind as I ran down the stairs.

Funny how we let certain situations (or people) define us. This same friend said she loves the color red and with a birthday on Valentines Day, she decided one year to buy herself this beautiful red dress. But when she put it on and came out of her room her mother said (and we can all hear our mom's voice on this one) "Your not wearing THAT are you?"
My friend took the red dress back to the store and exchanged it for something more sedate.

I wish we could all be brave enough to express ourselves. Appropriately of course. But so often we let what other people think define us. We shouldn't wear that, or we should wear this.

My mom made a lot of my clothes for me when I was in grade school. And I remember one time choosing this very FUN material-- it was actually kinda crazy-- all sorts of primary colors and it had cheery little graphics on it-- pigs and balloons and !! exclamation points. it was kind of a down on the farm -mod squad-Laugh In combo and I thought it was awesome! The outfit was a 2 piece; top and bottoms. I couldn't wait for Mom to finish it so I could wear it to school.

I wore it once.

Why? Well, because the very first day I wore it, some snotty little classmate laughed at me and my outrageous outfit. And suddenly I saw how ridiculous the material was. When I got home I shoved the outfit in the back of my closet and never wore it again.

As a grown up, I decided not to let others influence me this way. One day, while thrift shopping I found these very cute pants. They were made up of many different squares of silk-- each a different color and pattern. They looked ethnic. I fell in love with them on the spot and bought them. And I wore them a lot.

Until one day one of my closest friends, upon seeing me in them for her first time, blurted "Those are the most god-awful things I've ever seen! I can't believe you are wearing them!!"  I felt the smile freeze on my face as I choked back a retort.

I kept them in my closet for another couple of years, pulling them out every so often and wearing them around the house but when it was time to leave, changing into something less bold. Finally, I sent them on to the consignment store.

I like bold colors. I like pastels. I go through clothes as my mood changes. Bright primary colors in the summer and fall, pastels in the spring and a lot of black in the winter. And sometimes I like to wear something with a little 'pop' to it.

One of the oldest friends I have (and by old I mean, length of time not age) initiated a friendship with me because she saw me wearing my red Ked's and thought anyone who wears red shoes has to be a lot of fun!

I look at my mom, wearing her sock monkey slipper on her good foot and I understand where I get my streak of creativity. I may tone things down from time to time because the situation calls for it but underneath my sedate black sweater I might just be wearing a fire engine red bra or a polka dotted one. I might change my clothes a dozen time before meeting a friend for coffee, finally settling on the safe paring of blue jeans and white t-shirt rather than being brave enough to wear a leopard print negligee under a pink cardigan.

I wrestle with these moments. I should be confident enough by now to wear what feels good and get rid of anything that smacks of boring. I should feel free to ask the spa attendant to paint my toenails all a different color for once. I should get up and karaoke next time I have the chance.

Life is too short and to important to let those defining moments hold us captive. Defining moments should instead be about being set free.

Spread your wings today and write your own definition!

Today Seems Like a Good Day To...

~crawl back under the covers and catch up on sleep~build a fire ~it is July after all right?~have lunch with girlfriends~drink lots of coffee, sample rich foods and laugh a lot!~wear a sweater~write a letter~go to the library~prepare for date night with my sweetie~think happy thoughts~

~whatever you are doing today, may you be blessed in the joy of it! Happy Friday!~

When You've Hit A Wall

it's best to just lay there awhile before you get up. 

I am so in need of this day to do nothing. I need downtime desperately. 

I need downtime on a regular basis actually and this week has not allowed for any. 

I'm not whining. I'm just stating facts. 

I slept in and when I did get up it took THREE cups of coffee to get me motivated to do anything other than just sit in my recliner and breathe.
So then, I puttered.
Oh the pure joy of puttering!!!
Even if it was mundane chores like...
laundry and dishes and cleaning the kitchen counters and floor.
Even if it was non-productive time like...
catching up on other peoples blogs, or facebook (or... for shame, soap opera daily updates!) Simple pleasures, guilty pleasures, whatever you want to call them, it was truly bliss.

Mom is in good hands and even in good spirits. We talked on the phone this morning and she sounded great. She had been bathed, dressed and eaten breakfast and was expecting some physical therapy of some sort to happen soon she said. I will go in to visit her this evening as I know she has a friend coming to visit her this afternoon.

I will need to take care of this paperwork matter for getting her medical care covered and making sure Mom's bills get paid and so on..... and I also need to tend to my own paperwork for the job which was put on hold this week. (Grateful for understanding future employers)

but for today....

for right now...

I can enjoy...
the smell of a clean house...
fresh coffee brewing...
birds chirping...
a quiet house...

and feelings of...
relief...
comfort...
peace...

what blessings.

The Write Perspective

Oh Joy of Joys, I have been writing all week... journaling, emailing, blogging, fictionalizing and loving every minute of it! For such a long long time all my pens were out of ink and the pencils broken and my muse was on strike and a piece of me curled up and nearly died inside of me. But Day of Hallelujah when the inspiration and desire to return to the page and write, write, write came back!

Yes, there was a period in my life when I could not write. No matter how hard I tried and no matter how desperate I was to create, it wasn't happening. It wasn't writers block as much as a dried up well. I had used my writing to escape from the hell my life had become but when the person who was making my life hell forced me to destroy the very words that were giving me life... well, yes. something died.


There is something incredible soothing about stringing words together into sentences into something that makes you smile and breathe in deep and sit back and say: wow, look what I just said! For me the pen has always been mightier than the words  sword (no let's stick with words-- its got all the same letters just arranged differently is all and in my case I don't like swords but I do love words!!!)

I love to read and I love to write. The reading entertains and feeds me. Writing feeds me deeply. Blogging has given me a powerful outlet, as has FaithWriters . Knowing someone else is reading your words can be a vulnerable thing but the feedback is such a gift! Whether its a positive remark or a corrective suggestion, it can make my whole day! (a negative comment can leave me fretting for days however and I am working on getting over that.)

Sometimes I write without anything to say but I do it anyway because it often takes me to a place I didn't know I  was going and when I get there I discover some good stuff.

These beautiful reminders came to me this morning in my Quiet Time. I will close this post with them, choosing to embrace the positive no matter what may lay on the other side. Happy Friday!

Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead. Phil 3.13b

Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Phil. 4.8

Jumble i

1. mom to the pain clinic for cortisone injection. CHECK
2. make appointment for oil change AND brakes serviced on the car. WAITING FOR PAYDAY
3. find resume. NOT TO BE FOUND
4. Create new resume. CHECK.
5. work on story for this weeks FaithWriters challenge. CHECK
6. shop for a new (gently used) stove. WAITING FOR PAYDAY
7. mow the lawn. WAITING FOR A SUNNY DAY (when hubby isn't working)
8. respond to emails. CHECK
9. laundry. IT NEVER ENDS!
10. catch up on the other blogs and come up with something creative for mine... HOW'M I DOING?

some days are like that... list, list, list, check, check, check. I am not a big list person normally but I do love checking things off. I have been known to create a list, set to work, do something that wasn't on the list originally, add it to the list just so I can cross it off too. ~ aaaahhh.... can we say..... Satisfaction~

So yes, mom was resting comfortably when I left this afternoon. We probably won't know for a day or two if the cortisone shot is making a difference-- it could even take up to a couple of weeks for the steroid to bring some healing in the area of those compressed discs. but for today, no pain and that is good!

I did wash my car today, which helps make up for the delay on the oil change and brakes serviced. Car washing can be done for free; the service visit will be expensive no matter what. And that just has to wait till payday. At least Bruce is working again after so many months with virtually NOTHING going on. Uggh. But once again God has been so faithful at keeping us afloat. It's nothing short of amazing. His timing is always perfect.

And then out of the blue I get a phone call with an invitation to come in and interview for a job!!! I didn't apply for a job. But these folks know me, know my job ended, and need a part time -- more of an 'on call person' for their office and they thought of me! Hence the resume. It is good to just have one polished up anyway. The interview is for next week and I feel pretty ambivalent about the job either way. It sounds like it would be fun (receptionist type duties) and being an on-call position (pre-arranged for the most part) would mean really really part time-- which would be just fine for me. So, we'll see...

So, it's a sunny spring evening and I can hear a walk down the street calling my name... (I should add it to the list~)

11. walk to the post office. TO SOON BE CHECKED!

Tuesday, Lovely Tuesday

Because one of our bedroom windows faces east, waking up this morning was certainly a pleasure as this strange yellow-orange glow permeated our room. When was the last time we were awakened by the SUN and not the alarm clock??!!

the lump under the blanket is my cat!

It didn't take much to make me leap out of bed, doing the happy dance as I searched for my flip flops. My husband chuckled as he watched me, because it isn't often that he sees me wake up before I actually drink my coffee.

I was so inspired by the warm glow outside that I had all the breakfast chores done, the bathroom cleaned and laundry underway by second coffee break time! Oh, and I even walked to the post office! (That in itself is not so amazing as I do that almost every day, but this counts as amazing in that I did it without a rain coat, or any coat at all for that matter... and I did it in sandals!!)

inspiration station!

Now, I am at my desk... another amazing feature, because my desk is upstairs where it can be very cold because we rely almost entirely on wood stove heat, which is located downstairs.  We didn't even start a fire this morning and now I am at the desk, which faces the window and the sounds of a lovely warm spring day are all around me.

I love to sit outside (or near an open window) and listen to the sounds. And after awhile of listening I can start to peel back the layers and identify all the sounds...

Cacophonous chirping from a choir of birds~
cars whizzing by on the highway~
clink-clink-clinking of the metal tie-down against pipe on the flagpole at the school yard~
wind chimes on the back deck~
lawn mower down the street~
someone laughing~
hummingbird wings~
kids outside at the school, high pitched excited voices~~~~
and soon to come, will be the marching band.

There are three sounds in our little community that speak of spring to me.
1. lawnmowers (that's a given)
2. the marching band from school. every year about this time they start practicing outside, marching around the high school track, in preparation for parade season.
3. Friday night sprint car races at the Deming Speedway down the road. (It's over a mile away but we can hear the motor sounds as they carry over the airwaves)

Hearing any of these sounds makes me smile. It's like a confirmation that all's right with my world.

Aah, Tuesday, Lovely, lovely Tuesday.