Of Polka Dots and Nail Polish

Its date night! The love-burkes have reason to celebrate this evening. A job well done, a chance to show it off, and plenty of good food, good friends and good vibes to do it with!

For the last few months my carpenter-sweetie has been transforming an old pizza parlor into a new, fun, vibrant pizza parlor. A Hawaiian/Polynesian themed pizza parlor. Think beaches and bamboo and thatch. It has come together beautifully and tonight, the weekend before the grand opening, we get to enjoy a private celebration with the owners, staff, subcontractors, and some of our family and friends.

I got a sneak preview last week, and even though it was still in the last phase of finishing touches, I could see the creative details that my husband put into it. Gone were the garish red counter tops and walls, the Christmas colored booths and chairs. It's been totally transformed!

 

almost complete and ready for opening.

almost complete and ready for the grand opening.

In anticipation of date night, I've been primping already this morning. Picking out my outfit and accessories, putting on fresh nail polish and adding extra product to my hair to ensure it has longer staying power. Putting in a little more time on the workout so I can eat guilt free this evening. When my sweetie left this morning, I was still in my robe and slippers, hair looking like shredded wheat, un-caffeinated and mostly incoherent because of that. When he comes home tonight he will find me totally transformed.

 Transformation can be a scary word. It usually represents change and you know how some of us are about change. We like status-quo. If it aint broke don't fix it, right? The 'old' pizza parlor that was sitting empty for awhile, there wasn't really anything wrong with it. The kitchen still worked-- you could still crank out a pizza in its ovens. You could still sit in the booths and not get poked by broken springs. But with fresh paint, fresh decor, a buzz of excitement comes and it's attractive and people like attractive. My sweetie adores me and he doesn't care that my hair isn't brushed or that I look desperate for coffee, but he truly does appreciate the extra efforts I make when I 'gussy up' for him on those special occasions.

God is in the transformation business. He loves us, unconditionally, as He proved so long ago by sending His Son to us, to die for us and rise again. (John 3.16)  He accepts up, just as we are, offers us forgiveness, redemption, and grace. But He doesn't just stop there. He takes our old dirty rags (our old selves) and clothes us in robes of righteousness. (Isaiah 61.10) And still He does not stop. As He proclaims us without sin, without blemish, He also adopts us into His family, giving us full access to the Throne of Grace. But there's more! God wants to continue the amazing journey we have embarked on when we stepped on to His path. To paraphrase Max Lucado, yes, He loves us just as we are, but He also loves us too much to leave us there. So He calls us, Come, be transformed! Come be like Jesus

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corinthians 5.17

We are new! Like a brand new restaurant, ready for its grand opening-- still capable of welcoming guest and feeding people good food, but in a fresh, clean, vibrant and exciting way. We are new! Like an excited wife who's had her coffee, ironed her new polka dot dress, and polished her nails, still me, only sparkly! 

 Yes, God is, still, in the transformation business. I am not the same girl I was 45+ years ago when I asked Jesus to save me. I am not the same girl who at 14 made a more public profession of faith by being baptized. I am definitely not the same girl who ran away from home, got married at 17, and was divorced at 34. I am not even the same 'girl' I was 5 years ago. I am constantly being changed, by the things around me, and most importantly, by the changes I allow inside of me. 

Romans 12.2 tells us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds, and that can only truly happen when we surrender it fully to God. Like the project manager of a restaurant remodel, He needs full access to the whole shebang.

from The Message: 

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

Been There, Done That!

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected my tears in your bottle. 

You have recorded each one in your book. Psalm 56.8

This Captivating study I am doing is powerful. Each week is building upon the week before. As we go we are also building trust within the group, the ability to open up and share from our hearts becoming less threatening. Last week we cracked the box wide open as we each took a turn sharing our stories. Now, granted, just one of us could take a few hours to tell our life story-- and being there are several of us, and our group time doesn't allow for that, a condensed version was told by each participant; the focus being where or how the wounds of our heart came to be.

I know, I know, this just doesn't sound like fun. Do we really need to re-visit those places of injustice, cruelty, abuse? What if there isn't a deep wound from something that extreme? What if it was just a lifetime of small things; being treated with indifference or being let down by someone significant in your life. The sad reality is, it's just not possible in this world we live in to make it into our adulthood without something or someone inflicting pain on our impressionable souls. We all have a wound. Still..... do we really need to do this?

Jesus said that he came to heal the sick and set the captives free*. Regurgitating those stories of hurt isnt so we can have a pity party or wallow in depression, but to prepare us for a deeper healing from God. As we heal, the capacity to let love in becomes greater. Bringing things into the light releases us from the power of the dark. But... yes, sometimes the journey to light is painful.

I know this.
First hand.

Working through my years of trauma -- from the sexual abuse in my younger years, the dysfunctions in my family, to the domestic abuse as a young woman, oh, yes, I have been there. I can say with all conviction that the journey through the pain was worth it. I have come out on the other side, with rejoicing. God did a mighty work in my heart and soul, binding up the broken places, making me whole, perhaps for the very first time. I am, now and forever, so grateful for what He has done.

Being healed, being whole, that is my deepest desire for other women who've been hurt. If sharing my story helps even one woman gain courage, encouragement, hope, then it is so worth revisiting the past.

The beautiful thing I am discovering  is that I can tell my story without falling apart. I still feel emotional as I tell it; I'm not skimming over the top. I'm being authentic. But I'm not reliving it. Neither am I telling it as if it happened to someone else, feeling far removed from it. I'm telling it from the unique perspective of knowing how the story ends, and the ending is filled with joy!

I also know that for all the healing I have experienced, there is always room for more. Because we live in a fallen world, new hurts get inflicted every day. And some of us gals have mighty big backpacks in which we gather up those bad experiences and stow them away. I find my shoulders getting tired and my heart weary and I know it's time to empty my backpack again. I have discovered, happily, that over time my backpack has gotten smaller. It's more like a little fanny pack really. I can't carry as much before I recognize I don't like the feeling that the burden brings. I am quick to release it to God and move on. I like that feeling of freedom!

So, each week as I meet with these ladies and we bare our souls, I understand a little better my place in this group: I have a story to tell that someone else might identify with and not feel so alone. And I have a story of redemption to share that might give someone hope.

Some of us aren't there yet. Some of us are in the midst of our healing, some of us haven't even begun to scrape the surface. Some are still in denial and some are still trapped in it. But for those on the journey, or about to take the first terrifying step, know this: God is with you.



*"The Spirit of the LORD is upon me, for he has anointed me to bring Good News to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free." Luke 4;18 NLT

Reflections

Meet Bossy, Hossy, Saucy and Flossy. Everyone knows Thumbkin.

Several years ago my sweet niece gifted me with these ADORABLE fun winter gloves. I just love them and must admit to seeing raised eyebrows when people see what my fingers are sporting! But hey, I love to play and I love to have fun--- and I don't mind a strange look or two!

I think that is truly something to celebrate... when we reach that time in our lives when we can laugh at ourselves. Not take ourselves too seriously. Being ME and being comfortable in that. That's a gift!

In high school I watched from the sidelines as the popular girls flirted with the jocks, never dreaming they might have had just as many insecurities as I did. They had the looks, the hair, the wardrobe and the personality. It seemed like they had it all. And what did I have? A flat chest, a sad wardrobe, acne, strict parents, bad hair days every day and no idea how to act if a popular boy was to ever give me the time of day!

mooooving and grooooving.  it was theme day at work...

I think going to my high school class reunion last year (35 years) really helped cement the fact that we are all just people trying to live our lives as best we can. We were all struggling in high school to figure out this thing called life and some of us seemed to have a better handle on it then others. Or maybe just faked it better.

I think the first time I looked in my mirror and liked who I saw was when  I was approaching my mid-30's. I saw a clear smooth complexion, curves in the right place, cute clothes to enhance the curves and a much more flattering hair style. I knew more about how to wear make up and not look made up. I was gaining confidence as woman and that went deeper than what I saw looking back from the mirror at me.

goofing off while on vacation

The first time I let my sweetie see me without make up, sporting a bed-head and desperate for coffee was a major step. But the first time I went on a church retreat and let the people in my small group see me sans make up, sporting a bed-head and desperate  for coffee was the moment I knew I had arrived.

what do you call a lack of coffee? Depresso....

I have trembled slightly when I have written the number "55"... it's kind of a big deal you know? BUT I remember feeling like I was OLD when I turned 25 and my first born started kindergarten and my sister remarked that I was a 1/4 of a century old. (thanks sis!) All the subsequent birthdays have rolled by with ease... at 40 years of age I was happily (re)married, working in a job I took great pride in, growing deeper in my relationship with Jesus and loving my life. I did not flinch over my age but happily agreed with the gal in the mirror that I looked as good as I felt. (lest you think I brag, let me assure you, I looked good BECAUSE I felt good and that inner glow makes all the difference)

well, hello there!

At 50, I took stock in my life, assessed the damage that fifty years of good (and bad) living had done and decided that perhaps the bloom on the rose was starting to -- uh--- droop just a tad. Gravity was having it's way, whether I owned a fitness center or not!! Hot flashes, love handles, and some unsightly gray (can't even call them silver-- they were definitely gray) hairs cropping up, were all just par for the course. Still, in spite of those things I realized there were much more important things to focus on; relationships being #1.

I think my relationship with God really moved into a much deeper priority by then and it saddens me to think that it took that many years to place Him that high up the ladder. Yes, I have been a believer since I was 9 years old but I didn't really think about how He might have plans for my life and I might want to consult Him on those plans from time to time. (I realize Moses was in his 80's before God brought him into the ultimate purpose his life was designed for but I think I caught on earlier than that!!)

A few years ago I asked God to help me see myself as He sees me and while I know I still have a ways to go in this, I realize now, I always will. But the confidence with which I pursue life these days comes not just from the life experiences I  survived, but from understanding and believing that I truly am a Child of God; redeemed, forgiven, washed clean, sanctified, set apart and chosen.

So, here comes 55 and I think I am ready. I recently lost 25 lbs and this is the least I have weighed in about 20 years. I am walking 3-4 miles almost every day and reaping the benefits of  good physical exercise. I got my hair cut and colored today and feel vibrant and sassy.

the price we pay for beauty...

On the outside, the bloom may be coming off the rose, but inside.... inside, I know my purpose in life --as a writer, as a woman, as a wife, and I love each and every aspect of those roles. God still has a plan for my life. And I am determined, by His Grace, to know it and live it.

for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for good and not for evil, plans to prosper you and give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29.11

Are We Excited?

I am slogging as I am jogging through the 1st chapter of Ephesians. Slogging because this new way of bible study using the inductive style is at times slow going and frustrating for me, a neophyte to Precepts, but at the same time I am jogging with Joy as I spend time in God's Word, and in prayer over His word. And believe me, I am praying because everytime I feel that slog begin and the cobwebs spin over my brain causing me to shut down, I have to mentally and physically shake it off and realign myself in Christ to read it through His Spirit.

I was texting with my sister earlier today, as we are taking this bible study class together. No, I wasn't asking her for the answers!! Silly. The good news is that there really aren't wrong answers per say, because God speaks to each of us in the way we need most so He may reveal something to me that He won't reveal to another and vise-versa. No, we were chatting back and forth about each of us experiencing the slogging. We both agreed however, that talking to God about how frustrating this bible study is for us, does seem to bring us closer to Him and isn't that really the point of studying His word? Well then, mission accomplished!!

One of the sweet gems that is rising to the top like a thick layer of cream, is the revealing of the Great Mystery, as Paul refers to it. The Mystery of The Plan. And this is the plan: long ago, before He even made the world, God loved us. Loved us and chose us! He chose us, in Christ to be HOLY AND WITHOUT FAULT in His eyes. And what's more, this has ALWAYS been His plan! He made a plan and never wavered. It  was always His unchanging plan to redeem us. To adopt us into His family. Not only did He have this awesome plan to adopt us, but it gave Him GREAT PLEASURE to do so.

Now think about it. Does this blow you away?

Well, here's a truth. I asked Jesus into my heart when I was 9 years old. I don't have one of those heart wrenching gutter-to-gospel stories of redemption but I do believe that the angels rejoiced just as much over my prayer to receive Jesus as they did when Paul, who calls himself the worst of the worst, converted. But because I grew up in a bible believing, church attending family, because I never left the church to go explore the seedier side of the world, (ok, I might have tip-toed close enough to see it but I never went over the edge) I must admit that over time the Gospel Story of Redemption kinda lost its glow. I just take this gift, this precious gift, for granted a lot of the time. I grow complacent in my faith, just humming along like a happy little Christian, but not really living like my life has been rescued, saved, redeemed, bought with a price.

This must break the heart of God.

I remember searching for a very special gift for someone's birthday one year. I saved the money to purchase it, and I was very excited over what I had chosen to give them. I hoped and prayed that this gift would be received with elation and gratefulness. But there was only a shrug of the shoulders and a rather sullen thank you from their lips. And then the gift was set aside and was probably never used. At least, not in the way it was intended. Now, how do you think I felt?

Yah. Pretty hurt.

And I realize that is what I am doing to God when I treat His gift of eternal life, His Saving Grace, like it's just, so-whatever. I find myself going back to verse 19 in chapter 1 of Ephesians where Paul writes: I pray you will begin to understand the incredible greatness of his power for us who believe him.

Because, if I begin to understand just how incredible this really is, perhaps I won't ever take it for granted again.

White As Snow

so the other night, we are coming home from Alpha, (in kendall) and it is snowing like mad! those kind of 'white-out' conditions that make you loose your way in the middle of the road.... (where's the white line?!)

we made it home safely-- thank you Jesus-- and once we were parked in the garage, Bruce pointed out the interesting look the back of the car had!

what Ruby Tuesday would look like if she was a white haired/blond instead of a red-head?

I was struck with the thought of white-washed pharisees. I know, I know, what a strange thing to think of, but hang with me...

here is this car that is really red. But from certain positions, it looks white. Like some people we might know... not being authentic but trying to cover up things. it doesn't work.

in the morning, all the snow was melted from the car and it was ruby red again. if we go through life trying to fake it, eventually the facade crumbles and the truth comes out.

take another look....

then a second thought occurred to me.. a much nicer one!

When Jesus died for us, he did so to give us new life. When we accept Jesus' gift of salvation, we are immediately redressed-- in robes of righteousness! Pure, clean, fresh...

Looking at things in that light, I'd say, it looks beautiful. 

A scripture comes to mind: though your sins be like scarlet, they shall be white as snow.... and THAT reminds me of a song I learned in sunday school....

Scarlet, scarlet,
Though your sins be scarlet,
They shall be white as snow in the precious blood,
Crimson, crimson,
Though your sins be crimson,
By the grace of God they shall be white as snow.

Calvary, Calvary,
Jesus went to Calvary,
There he died on the cross that we might be free,
Finished, finished,
Jesus cried "Tis Finished,
Now there's nothing left for me to do but come.

http://littlelambsministry.freeservers.com/songscarletscarlet.htm

Being Thankful Day 20

fresh, clean, unmarked snow.. reminds me of the verse (Isaiah 1:18) that says, ..." though your sins be like scarlett they shall be washed  white as snow, though your sins be like crimson they shall be as wool."

If you have experienced the joy of knowing your sins have been forgiven, then you know thankful.
If you have experienced the joy of knowing you are now a member of the family of God, you know blessed.

Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 2 Corinthians 3:17

The ultimate freedom.

freedom from the chains that bind us... sin, guilt, shame, those chains that keep us from fully embracing the joys of life.

my chains are gone, I've been set free, my God, my Savior, has ransomed me.... unending love, amazing grace.

Last night we gathered with friends to celebrate Independence Day. We sang God Bless America together and said the pledge of allegiance together before offering up prayers of thanks for all of God's gifts to us. It was not something we do very often (sing patriotic songs and say the pledge together) but it seemed appropriate. fitting.

I couldn't help thinking however of some of my own independence days. the first one was May 1967, when I asked Jesus into my heart. Funny how depending on Him for my salvation yields me the most freedom.

My second day of freedom was Aug.29, 1991. After 15 years of suffering in silence at the hands of an abuser, I broke free. While it was not pretty or patriotic, or spiritual, it was still a victory for me. I never take what I have today for granted.

there have been other days of victory for me.... breaking free of shame and guilt, of lies and critical spirits that would hold me back from growing in my relationship with others and with Jesus. Overcoming strongholds, standing up for what is right and true and good.

As we stood last night, watching all the neighborhood kids running around with their sparklers, and I leaned back against my husband, safe and secure in his arms, I felt so incredibly grateful for my life. surrounded by dear friends, friends who keep me grounded, friends who love the Lord and encourage me to do the same, people who know my faults and weaknesses and love me just the same.... that brings a whole new level of meaning to the word 'freedom'.

Yes, where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom!

GETTING BACK ON TRACK

So yesterday I said, my pencil needed sharpening. Time spent away from The Word and in touch with God will dull my pencil lead faster than anything. I resolved that the next day would be different.

This morning, my spirit was still resistant however. not only that, my spirit was critical... and grumpy... and irritated. So I do what I do best when I am in those sorts of moods. I took it out on the one person who seems able to love me despite my critical, grumpy, irritated, rebellious self.  No, not the cat, though I wish that was true because the cat seems to revel in abuse. (JK)

No, I managed to open my mouth and say things.... that may have needed saying.... but could have been said differently... or timed better. Ugh. Now, for the rest of the day i live with that look on his face as he left the house. And he will have the picture of his shrewish wife in his mind all day as well. (when he comes home tonight and climbs on top of the roof, I will remember that verse in Proverbs about contentious wives and dwelling on the rooftop.... )

Thank God, literally, thank you Jesus, for your grace that extends and welcomes. Even as I 'stared' at your Word this morning, knowing I needed to dig in, but feeling so resistant, your Holy Spirit rose up off the page and calmed me. How is that possible? that just by picking up my bible and opening it, not even reading it yet, but just laying it open in my lap, has the power to woo me, that gravitational pull, that magnetic draw, reaches into my soul, stirring me, calming me, soothing me, speaking to me. I find the peace there and then i am able to take the next step, to let my eyes rest on a word, a sentence, a fragment of Holiness.... and from there be able to enter into conversation with you.... honest, brutally honest in my expression of how I feel and don't feel... what I am thinking and what struggles are taking place with in me. And I know, I feel it, that you are listening, without judgment, perhaps even a smile on your face as you listen to my rants.

Aah, you who designed me, understands me. I don't have to go very far to explain my self because you tell me that you totally get me. Whew, that's such a relief.

then, just as literally as a cloud that blocks the sun, moves over and the sunshine is free to shine, so my spirit shakes free of my contention and i am filled with joy. And I am back on track.

I still need to do something to fix the rift of this morning. Perhaps this sometimes contentious wife should have humble pie waiting... and ready to be served on the roof top.