Restored!

photo property of Robyn Burke

Do you believe God heals? 
I do. I have experienced His healing in my life. It took time, because it's a process, but I've healed. 

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You may already know this, but I have had surgery for torn rotator cuffs on both of my shoulders. The pain I felt when I injured them was bad enough but honestly, the recovery after surgery was worse! My right rotator had not only torn but there was an impingement in the shoulder area that needed to be fixed. This required some shaving of the bone and a pin was inserted to hold things in place. I don't even like thinking about what all took place while I was knocked out by the anesthesia! However, once I was home and the numbness wore off -- I was TOTALLY aware of just how much tweaking had gone on inside of me! And the pain pills barely took the edge off. If I so much as raised my shoulder even a fraction of a fraction pain would ripple through me. I roared like a lion, I cried like a baby. It hurt!! 

Then... a few weeks later I began physical therapy. Oh. Oh. Oh. Even while I knew that the therapy was designed to help restore healing and it was a necessary evil, that did not stop my tears from trickling down my cheeks as I laid on the therapy table and allowed the therapist to manipulate my shoulder in directions it fought against.  As the weeks went on however, and more flexibility returned to my shoulder, the pain lessened. Eventually I was able to do the exercises on my own, without need for prescription pain pills or even ibuprofen. Eventually the pain subsided until there was no more. 

When I began my adult life as a single mom, I also began a journey of seeking healing for years of abuse. Part of this was dealt with the aid of a gifted, compassionate counselor. Some was accomplished through my private journaling, some in writing letters to those who had hurt me. But the single most powerful healing took place as one by one, I brought those broken places in my heart and laid them before God. It was painful-- Oh! It was painful! For so many years I had buried the hurts deep inside of me, the only way I knew to cope and survive. Inviting Jesus in to heal those areas meant exposing them. Digging up long buried shame and resentment, excavating pits of despair-- there was nothing pretty or pain-free in any of that! 

But God was with me every step of the way. It started when He spoke to me through His word: He leads me beside still waters, He restores my soul. (Psalm 23) In that verse I heard Him saying loud and clear, "Come. Come and rest here in this safe and quiet place. Give me the broken pieces- all of them-- and let me begin restoration." 

photo property of Robyn Burke 

Honestly, it was much like surgery and physical therapy! The surgery repaired the broken parts but the therapy brought healing and strength back to the damaged areas. God touched the hurts in my heart, mind and spirit, repairing the damage, and then over the next months and years, worked with me to restore life into those areas I thought were broken beyond repair. 

So much has taken place over the years since I first started that earnest journey into healing and wholeness. Sometimes I look back and shake my head in disbelief that I was once so fragile. God was-- IS-- so faithful. He spoke life back into me. It was a process, just like healing from a broken bone or a shoulder repair, but the torn up places in my spirit have been restored. 

If you have areas in your life that are in need of healing, I encourage you to take the next step to begin the process. Dr. Jesus is waiting. 

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

A sobering realization hit me the other day. There is a lie buried deep in my subconscious that I have taken as truth. Its probably been there since childhood and it has shaped how I interact with God and live my life in relation to Him.

To get this, I have to bring some background into the picture. I was raised in a "God-fearing" church environment. When I say "God- Fearing" I mean just that. I thought of  God as Mighty King and Judge because that was how He was presented to me by the men who preached each Sunday. When I was nine years old I prayed the prayer asking Jesus to save me. I prayed it because I was afraid I was going to go to hell and burn forever.

It wasn't until I was in my 30's that I came to understand that God was more than just someone to fear. I got my first taste of the loving-kindness of Jesus when in my broken state of pre-divorce, with all my ugly hurts spilling out and consuming me, I needed His Grace, Love and Mercy so desperately.  Crying out for Him, He responded: "I want to restore your soul. But I have to have all the pieces."

Full surrender on my part was the key and in that moment I was able to turn to Christ in a way I never had before. Instead of my cries for help based on fear and desperation, I was brought to my knees by His abundant love for me and His desire to have a real relationship with me. That was the turning point and when real growth took place in my walk with the Lord.

Many times of significant healing took place over the next several years and I could feel the chains being broken, link by link, and each day my wings unfurled just a little bit more, allowing me to fly by His grace. Yet, a damaged wing would continue to keep me flying close to the ground, never rising up as high as He or I would love for me to go. I figured this was "OKAY" because He said that in my weakness, I am strong, His grace being all sufficient.

So back to the lie buried inside me that I was accepting as truth. Somewhere, somehow, I came to believe that many of the mistakes I have made are living on in the form of punishment. Punishment from God the Judge. I made a lot of mistakes in my teen years. Running away from home. Marrying at 17. Choices in that first marriage that resulted in years of emotional damage and psychological abuse. I made a lot of mistakes in the years following the divorce, regarding my children and other relationships. And I GET that from choices come consequences. That despite forgiveness we will still have to live with the repercussions of our actions. But it was more than that for me. I was/am still living under the banner of punishment to some degree.

For example. I have had periods of estrangement with both of my children. My son was 13 when I left his dad and things have been strained (to put in mildly) between us since then. The guilt I carry over the way things played out has crippled me in my ability to rebuild a bridge between us. Even though I know that I did the best I could given the broken state I was operating from, and even though I have sought forgiveness from God and from my children, I still struggle with guilt. On some level, I must still believe that I was/am a horrible mother. On some level, deep down, based on all the bad decisions I made, I must think I don't deserve to have a good relationship with my children.

For example. I have had issues with money management from early on. As a single mom I got myself into some deep doo-doo financially. Then I married Bruce and continued to make some poor choices. I'm not talking credit card debt or high stake loans, just every day un-wise, over-spending on things.  A few years ago I got some good prayer council that turned things around for me and I have been able to work with the monthly budget and stick to it. Yet, I realized the other day that on some level I have come to believe the lie that says our current financial issues are a direct result of my past mistakes. That our current situation is a punishment from God the Judge.

Like I said; this has been buried deep inside me, causing me to operate on a subconscious level effectively stunting my spiritual walk. It is time to go back to the basics.... If I confess my sin He is faithful and just to forgive my sin... and He removes my sin as far as the east is from the west. In His eyes I am now forgiven. Righteous.

The enemy would have me believe otherwise, in an attempt to rob me of my joy and of my ability to live in the fullness of Christ. I am coming to see how thinking I should be punished has caused the broken wing that keeps me flying so close to the ground. Yes, I have to live with the consequences of my actions-- if I spend the paycheck unwisely we wont make it to the end of the month-- but facing financial chaos isn't punishment from God. The consequences of my rebellion as a young woman, ultimately resulted in estrangement from my children, but it's not punishment from God.

I am prayerfully committing to having this lie removed from my heart, mind and soul. I am choosing to believe that I am forgiven. I am choosing to live like I am forgiven. In Christ I am a new creation.

I may need (daily) reminders of this until it sticks, but blessedly I know where to go for it.