that time my buzzer broke

I have a perfectly decent range in my kitchen. It boils water, bakes a casserole and broils meat. It's a nice neutral color and it's fairly easy to clean. We bought it second hand a few years ago and it serves us well.

Except for the timer. It has never worked. I learned the hard way the first time I tried using the timer and went away to do some other chores, counting on the buzzer to sound and bring me back for the brownies. When the scorched smell of blackies (no way we could call them brownies) brought me rushing back to the kitchen, that was when I learned that the timer on the oven did not work. I threw out the brownies/blackies , set the poor pan to soak and added "buy kitchen timer" to my grocery list.

The other afternoon I was heating up a casserole and when it was done, I removed it and set it down on top of the range, a little heavily. Apparently this bump triggered something inside the timer mechanism because the timer suddenly went off.

BZZZZZZ!!!

A very annoying BZZZZZZ!!!

I messed with the timer, trying to turn it off but with no success. I twisted and pulled, pushed and even banged on the oven top again, hoping it would cause the loud rasping noise to cease! Nothing worked. IN fact the timer knob-dohickey came off in my hand and the BZZZZ continued BZZZZING. Finally, in desperation, and to save my sanity, I went to the breaker box and flipped the breaker for the range.

Silence.

Aaaah.

That was fine and dandy except at some point I was going to need to turn the oven back on! Bruce got home too late that evening to want to mess with it. The next morning I used the microwave and toaster to make breakfast, and put all the ingrediants in a crock pot for a supper stew. That evening after he'd been fueled by a tasty soup, he tackled the range.

Several screws, and knob removals later, he found his way into the housing of  the buzzer mechanism and discovered where it was wacky. The Why was something else. There seemed to be no real logical explanation for why the little metal piece worked its way up against the vibrating piece that causes the buzz to emit. But it was fixable... A couple of twists of the metal away from the vibration mechanism and the problem was solved. The buzzer would never bother us again! It  would never work again either, but at least peace was restored to our household. All was well.

I suppose sometimes I'm like that little buzzer. I am by nature pretty easy going. I maintain a calm presence for the most part. But I am a passionate person. I feel things intensely. And once in awhile, something sets me off internally. Something jiggles loose and sets me a'vibrating. I reach my aggravated point and BZZZZZZZ!!!! I get myself all wound up and let it fly. (usually its my husband who bears the brunt of this.) The worst part of this is that I don't really have a valid reason for getting all buzzy. Being irritated or angry with just cause is one thing but I'm talking about reactions like the wacky buzzer on my range.

not my most flattering picture and my husband risked his life taking this given my mood at the time,
but it serves as a good reminder on the non-attractiveness of being cranky. 

As I ruminated on how like my oven timer I sometimes can be, I was struck by the notion that if I don't find a way to defuse my anger--to turn my buzzer of-- Somebody might just flip my breaker switch and shut me down.  Ecclesiastes 7.9 says: Don't be quick to fly off the handle. Anger boomerangs. You can spot a fool by the lumps on his head. (from the Message) Well, I certainly don't want lumps on my head! And I don't relish the idea of having my breaker switch flipped off any more than I like the idea of acting in a less than mature and loving way. I don't want my irrational side to have control. I would much rather be controlled by the Holy Spirit.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. Galatians 5.22-25

You'd think I'd have this by now. 

How about you? How do you handle life's irritations?

the sucker punch

We're not all going to always get along. We're human. We're all wired differently and at times those wires cross and we might get a little 'shock' from the other. It's part of life and I think for the most part we probably all take it in stride, forgive and forget and move on. But what happens when someone you trusted, admired and respected pulls the rug out from under you? What about when that someone is a brother or sister in Christ?

I was reading the passage from Acts where Paul and Barnabas disagree sharply over bringing John Mark with them on journey. (Acts 15: 36-40) It says their disagreement was so sharp they separated. none of the commentaries I've looked at go into great detail over the argument and of course the woman in me wants to know all! What the commentators do say is that it was not a matter of theology or doctrinal issues that brought them to separation. And they did not allow the issue to derail them from their respective efforts to keep sharing the gospel.

It is my sincere hope that the issue that has come up between me and another will not impede anyone in their spiritual journey.

Still, the issue occurred, the hurt was inflicted and the relationship is broken. The waves of pain over the injury wax and wane like our weather. I wake up some mornings and feel angry. Justified anger. Then the anger simmers and confusion and frustration come to a boil. I feel like crying. I feel like yelling. I make jokes to lighten the mood and think of a myriad of biting comebacks that "I wish I'd said." Then I work on forgiving and forgiving again.....

It isn't the first time a 'friend' has let me down. It wont be the last. But this one really caught me off guard. A real sucker punch. I honestly did not see this coming even though some clues were there. I expected better treatment I guess, a little more respect, a little more grace. Perhaps they had none to give and so the Lord is asking me to give it.  We're working on that one, me and Jesus.

I think it is important to allow ourselves time to heal. Forgiveness is expected as a follower of Christ ( ... make allowances for each other's faults, and forgive the person who offends you. Remember the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others... Colossians 3.13) but forgiveness does not make the hurt automatically go away. Think about a time you smacked your leg on the open cupboard door or stubbed your toe... or someone stepped on you toe? and it hurts!! Even if the person who stepped on your foot apologizes and you forgive them, the ache in your foot doesn't immediately stop hurting. It takes time.

And during the healing time, we process. I know I do. I replay the conversation and try to understand where they were coming from. Searching out for what I might have done to prevent the whole incident from occurring. Considering how THEY might have done things differently... and there were SO many ways it could have been handled differently, better, and in ways that had left me more intact!

Maybe that is what hurts the most. The way they went about it... shredding me verbally, with such venom that it still causes me to take a deep breath in at the shock of it.

Deep breath.... cleansing breath... praying.... for peace... calming.... healing.... forgiveness....

it's a process.

I'm getting there. The funk has cleared somewhat. I don't feel like I'm sinking into the dark cloud of depression like I did last week. My husband and I talk a lot, sharing how we're feeling today. We have a good prayer support and safe places we can share in more detail as needed.

Spending time in Colossians 3 is a cure all of sorts for me. I recommend it to others when they are struggling and I am applying it liberally in my life right now.

I found this in a book by the wise and wonderful Max Lucado:

Perhaps the wound is old. A parent abused you. A teacher slighted you. And you are angry.

Or perhaps the wound is fresh. The friend who owes you money just drove by in a new car. The boss who hired you with promises of promotions has forgotten how to pronounce your name. Your circle of friends escaped on a weekend getaway, and you weren't invited . .

And you are hurt.

Part of you is broken, and the other part is bitter. Part of you wants to cry, and part of you wants to fight. The tears you cry are hot because they come from your heart, and there is a fire burning in your heart. It's the fire of anger. It's blazing. It's consuming. Its flames leap up under a steaming pot of revenge

And you are left with a decision. "Do I put the fire out or heat it up? Do I get over it or get even? Do I release it or resent it? Do I let my hurts heal, or do I let hurt turn into hate?" . . .

Resentment is the deliberate decision to nurse the offense until it becomes a black, furry, growling grudge.

Unfaithfulness is wrong. Revenge is bad. But the worst part of all is that, without forgiveness, bitterness is all that is left. [Max Lucado LET THE JOURNEY BEGIN p. 71]

I don't want bitterness to grow. Been there, done that. So, we're working on this.... me and Jesus, we're working on this....