it comes in whispers, it comes in shouts

We all have one.
The voice inside our head that tells us things.
You know the one...

you look fat...
he doesn't really love you....
they think you are weird.....
you aren't welcome here...

Sometimes its a subtle little whisper. 
Sometimes it's loud, drowning out the voice of reason.
Sometimes it's an annoying echo in your head, or worse, a damaging dose of poison in your soul.

It sneaks up on you, when you are alone in your room, in front of the mirror. Those pants that looked so good on, in the dressing room mirror don't look as great in the privacy of your own room, where doubts live.

It attacks you in the middle of a party when you see your life partner engaged in conversation with the vivacious hostess.

Insecurities rise up  when you begin to engage in a discussion on biblical truths, insecurities that remind you of your lack of training, your lack of experience and your ridiculous ideas.

Regardless of how much weight you have lost, how many times he has said he adores you, and how hard you studied to prepare, regardless of how many times you have faced this battle and felt victorious, the voice in your head won't stay silent.

The thing we have to understand is that the voice in your head is lying. 

The truth is, the voice in your head isn't your voice--- it's the enemy's and we can choose not to listen.
The truth is, we live in a world fraught with evil. But Jesus has overcome the world.
The truth is our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against the powers of the dark world, and against spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
And because of Christ, we fight, not for victory but from victory.

A couple of days ago, in my ladies bible study, we began to share some of the lies that prey on us. Those accusations that come from some deep seated insecurity... you are such a bother, you talk too much, you are stupid, you have nothing of value to contribute. 

Even as we shared and joked about these statements that we knew deep down are LIES, it was amazing to realize how much power they often have over us.

All of us gals are at an age where we've become pretty comfortable in our own skin. We've made peace with our shapes and our looks and if the mirror doesn't exactly give off a glowing review of how we look today, we shrug and say "Oh well!" and we go out anyway.

But the lies that attack us in our core, the ones that try to shake our confidence that we have anything of value to offer to the world? Those seem to be harder to shake off.

In this Captivating book study, we've looked at the wounds that have broken our hearts and at the ways in which our Heavenly Father wishes to heal those hurts. We've worked on letting Him have access to the broken places so that healing can take place and we are all making positive steps towards deeper healing. Still, the attacks continue and it is why we are commanded in scripture to Stand Firm and keep on standing firm. Don't back off, don't let down your guard.

It's an process. An ongoing one.

But....
For every whispered lie, Jesus whispers, "You are mine. I love you."
For every loud accusation, Jesus reminds me, "I am with you. You are precious to me."
For every damaging echo in  my soul, He counters it with, " Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name, you are mine."

These reminders, these assurances come in a myriad of ways.... through scripture,books, music, through His creation, and quite possibly through a trusted friend.

Sometimes it come in whispers. Sometimes it come in shouts.

But always, if we will look for it and then listen, the truth comes.

No Girls Allowed

Remember tree houses with rope ladders where little boys played serious games and absolutely did not allow girls to enter under any circumstances?

My husband attends a men's breakfast almost every Saturday. It's for men only; no girls allowed. The guys do all the shopping, prepping and cooking. They even clean up.  They call it a "Get fed twice" gathering because after their hearty breakfast, they open up God's Word and chew on that.

I love that my husband is studying the bible. I love that he is spending time in the company of other godly men. I love that he is growing in his relationship with God and his brothers. I love that I get to sleep in on Saturdays and not have to cook!

Awhile back someone in the group suggested they host a special breakfast for the ladies, as a way to serve them, but also to give them an opportunity to see what goes on in those sacred halls on a Saturday morning. This morning was the day. The day they let the ladies in.

I was greeted at the door by one of the men and then joined by my husband as soon  as he spotted me. He greeted me with a beautiful lush single red rose and a special valentines card.

He ushered me to my table and presented me with a lovely menu. I was told to chose whatever I wanted and he would get it for me.

It was beautifully orchestrated-- these guys went above and beyond to make us all feel special and welcome. They served us with gentle spirits and loving hearts.

After breakfast the men shared with us why they come to the men's breakfast; why learning about God and his word is so important to them and what a difference it has made in their lives. A couple of the women volunteered that they appreciate the changes they have seen take place in their husbands because of their involvement with this mens group. Awesome!

my yummy made to order plate of food, and in the corner there you can see my special valentines card. very ducky!!

I have to admit that I sometimes have some control issues...trying to micro-managing my husband seems to be a bad habit of mine. It was a little challenging for me to just sit and let him serve me -- and not tell him how to do it!

I am a blessed woman. I cannot adequately express how much I love this man!!

It was a lovely morning, a lovely breakfast and a sweet and much appreciated gesture. One of the guys said they thought they should do this for us again to which I quipped, "Mother's Day is coming!"

Facing Your Fears

Last night was Date Night for my sweetie and me. Because the key word in date night is frugal, we were thrilled to find a FREE activity happening at our local library.  A young woman from the Bellingham area was sharing through words and slides, her record breaking experience of hiking the entire Pacific Crest Trail last summer. She set a new record for how quickly this hike has ever been done but that wasn't the reason hearing her talk piqued our interest. I had recently completed the true-life story "Wild" by Cheryl Strayed, another epic adventure of a hiker on the PCT and as I have stated in previous posts, hiking the PCT isn't on my bucket list, but there is a fascination for me with hearing about others who have accomplished this daunting and thrilling task. So going to hear Heather Anderson share about her experience was something both Bruce and I were instantly drawn to.

Heather said one of the goals of her trek over this hike was to face down two fears. Because she was going for a record breaking time she knew she'd have to hike into the dark hours each day and so that was fear #1, hiking at night, and fear # 2; mountain lions/cougars. She encountered not just one, not just two, but SEVERAL mountain lions during her two month hike and she did cover a lot of ground after the sun went down. She conquered both of her fears. She said the night hiking has a beauty all of it's own and as for the lions, she barked and yelled and acted bigger than them and it worked. I can only imagine how accomplished she feels. I know the measure of joy I feel when I face down a challenge and rise above it.

The PCT, if you are not familiar, is the famous trail that stretches from the Mexican border to the Canadian border. Over 2600 miles that forges over mountain ranges, sloughs through dessert, and thrills all the senses as it does so. At least, that's what I gather from reading others accounts. I wouldn't know personally; I've never hiked any of the PCT although my husband has done a couple of short sections in Washington State. As I said, I have no burning desire to hike the PCT, at least not the whole thing! I have no burning desire to even do an overnight hike, preferring my treks into the wilderness to be contained to at the most an all day adventure, free from bugs and extreme temperatures. But I am interested in facing my fears.

It's interesting to note that my ladies small group recently started the book "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldridge and some topic of discussion has been about fear. Not so much about fears such as being afraid of the dark, or fear of spiders, etc, but more along the lines of. what is that deeply rooted fear that drives me in my sin patterns.

Yes. Sounds like a lot of fun to go digging after doesn't it?

Probably a fear most women have in common is that of not being loved. Accepted.  Not feeling wanted or needed. Of not being found with beauty. The question/comment in the study guide that made me the most uncomfortable this week was: Underneath our sin is a deep fear. What are you most afraid of? 

As I mulled this over all week I finally came up with this realization; I  fear not being accepted. I find that when I am treated with an air of dismissal, when someone doesn't  fully acknowledge me, or my offering is treated with disrespect, I shut down. My wall of defense goes up, I retreat and I withhold myself. It's out of protection to be sure; my battered heart will only take so much. But I realize that in that pattern of protection lies the fear of "this might happen. this is going to happen."  and it sets me up to raise the wall of defense before it is ever needed. As a result, I withhold some of myself before it's ever proven that there is a need. I short change others in our exchanges because I don't trust. I wont risk.

To be sure, these modes of protection can be a good thing. A necessary thing. But it's also very tiring. And what about when the people I don't trust or the situations that I don't want to risk, are the very people and things that God has brought my way for the very purpose of facing those fears and being set free?

Hmm. Food for thought. Something that I am pretty sure will be delved into in depth over the course of the next several weeks. Stay tuned....

A 7-11 Jesus

The woman at the well is a familiar passage from the bible for most of us. She's used in sermon illustrations about as often as Peter walking on the water, Martha's whining over Mary not helping her with dinner and Lazarus being raised from the dead. So it always amazes me when I revisit a well known story and have a fresh take away.( I guess that is why we call the Word of God "LIVING".)

John 4:

10 Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”

11 “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? 12 Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?”

13 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

15 The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.”

We were discussing the Woman at the Well the other night in our small group. The woman had this interesting exchange with Jesus-- the Great I AM-- and asks where she can get this water that will forever quench her thirst. Someone in our group made the comment "I don't think she got it." meaning the Samaritan Woman thought Jesus was talking about literal water when He was actually referencing the spiritual water that only He can give. Of course the Samaritan Woman wanted the water that would satisfy;  "Give me this water so I don't have to keep coming back to draw more water."

Don't we all want the easier way? I sometimes despair as I clean my house because I know by tomorrow the carpet will be in desperate need of another vacuuming, and the bathroom will need another disinfecting wipe down. I wonder if I, like the woman at the well, want what Jesus has to offer, only out of convenience, to make my life easier.

But did Jesus come to take away lifes challenges? Hmmm...... I'm thinking He is more concerned with changing us inside  in order to empower us to deal with our problems with a more Christ like perspective. Yet, here I am, acting like Jesus is some corner-market convenience store I can run to when I am running low on supplies.

I do my major grocery shopping about once every two weeks. I stock up with enough meat and veggies to make the meals I have planned out but in between those big shopping trips, there will be several quick visits to the market on the corner for bread and eggs, or some forgotten ingredient, or when I am desperate for cream in my coffee early in the morning, the gas station-quickie-mart across the road from my house.

I get my big fill up of Jesus on Sunday mornings, soaking in His presence as we worship, taking notes as our Pastor exegesis and it's all good. But if I don't supplement my Sunday with DAILY dips into God's Word, if I don't stop and have some heart felt conversation with my Jesus, if I just coast all week on Sundays message it will be like having pancakes without butter and syrup, oatmeal without milk and--- horror of horrors--- coffee sans cream.

In other words, it won't satisfy.

Too often I am ashamed to admit, I end up treating my Savior like a 7-11 Jesus. I know he's there 24/7 and he's got all the things I need in a pinch. So I dash in and grab the stuff I need like, safety for my husband on the job, healing for all those people on my list-- you know who they are Lord, and please make things go smoothly for my friends who are struggling..... oh, and Jesus, could you make my life go slower so I won't have to do this mad-dash prayer routine? 

Well, that's just nuts but it's a reality thats played out much too often to my chagrin.

I dusted the living room today and shook my head sadly as I wiped particles of dust off my bible. I flipped it open to the card with the Daily Reading Plan many of us in church are following. Yep, its marking the chapter for last weeks reading. Oops. So I sat down and read. I read up to today. And guess what? We are in the book of John and it's chapter 4. The Woman at the Well.

Which brings me full circle. The woman wanted the water that would satisfy so she wouldn't have to keep coming back to draw more buckets from the well. It was a lot of work hauling water home each day and she was tired of the scornful looks she got from her neighbors who knew her shameful past (5 husbands!) and her shameful present (living with a man she wasn't married to). She yearned for her life to be made easier. And Jesus offers her water that isn't from a well. Jesus offers her water that will satisfy eternally; a spring of water welling up to eternal life.

I said I gleaned some new stuff from reading this familiar passage in the gospel of John.

I realized I'm thirsty.

Life Has Been....

Time keeps on ticking....whether I come to my blog or not!
Honestly, for a girl who was blogging 3-4 times a week, I sure have pulled back. Not on purpose... just life has gotten so busy-- in a good way-- and I actually FORGOT about my blog now and again!!

Life has been....

memory verses and dissecting of scripture = whew!

Busy...
My role as a small group coordinator for our church has had several weeks of ramping up as we launched several awesome studies.  That includes the small group my hubby and I are hosting, and the ladies study I decided to go ahead with. I felt like a match maker some of the time as I paired people up with small group leaders. Then there's the Precepts bible study I am doing with my sister-- which is still kicking my butt big time, but it is paying off as last night in a convo with hubby I stated my position in Christ (as a victor) in a strong and emphatic way that I have not always fully appreciated. So KUDOS for bible study!!

strong coffee and lots of colored pencils required

Satisfying...
The satisfaction from a job well done. Of gaining a better understanding of my position in Christ. Of growing in patience and grace. God has been refining and re-defining me in the last few months I think. I noticed the other day that some of the people who have long been on my EGR list (that's EXTRA GRACE REQUIRED-- a nice way of saying difficult people) while they have not changed (they are still on that list!) it seems I have...   it doesn't take as much effort for me to negotiate time spent with them. In fact, some of the people who I, honestly, tend to avoid, have logged into a place in my heart that astounds me. Amazing what happens when we submit to Christ and say 'there is no way I can love this person in my own strength, but I know you ask me to, so.... will you help me with this Lord?"

Joy Filled...
Our 17th anniversary came and went and we celebrated in a low key but truly fun way. We took a day trip to Port Townsend and Sequim and despite the rain SQUALL we experienced, we also experienced some truly spectacular views, reconnected with a sweet friend and most importantly, enjoyed our quality time together.

the view at Fort Warden, Port Townsend

My sister and I are also making up for lost time by enjoying many play dates together. In addition to taking the Precepts study together, we've been making applesauce, joy riding and building many new memories while laughing hard enough to pee our pants It's been crazy fun but also very fulfilling.

I have to also say how very very much I am loving the women's small group that the Lord directed me to start. It's a nice sized group of some very dear ladies. Just 5 of us each Tuesday morning. We are doing the same study that Bruce and I are doing in our Monday night small group; The Invisible War by Chip Ingram. It's about spiritual warfare and it's got some heavy stuff! But I love these ladies and the conversation is always lively and educational. I have been amazed at the level of transparency we've been able to move to in a relatively short amount of time. It helps that we already knew each other to some degree so it's not like we were starting at ground zero. Still, opening up and sharing is risky and daring and involves trust. I feel honored and humbled that I was asked to do this and that God is blessing me so richly. I guess this is a perk of being obedient to His call.

Level but not quite balanced...
Emotionally, psychologically speaking, as far as the dreaded depression goes, I feel GREAT. My med's are working and I feel leveled out. Life is calm. Life is stable. Life is good. It helps immensely to be on a regular walking regime and having achieved my goal of losing 20+ pounds has gone a long way towards helping me feel better about myself too!

walking every day. rain or shine.

The off-balance comes only in our personal finances as we once again struggle with the ups and downs of paying work for hubby. Self employment always has its drawbacks, the worst of which is too much time spent working for no pay. He has plenty of work lined up now for the rest of the year and most likely into the coming new year but we are still playing serious catch up for the months prior to this when work wasn't so great. It's tough going much of the time but our God is bigger and we are trusting in Him to carry us through.

So, yes, Life has been: An adventure as always. Rewarding. Surprising. Tense and intense. Never boring, never dull. I am grateful to be walking around with my eyes wide open, taking in every drop of sunshine, every drop of rain, embracing life, loving fully, laughing freely and living faithfully. May you be able to do the same.

Are We Excited?

I am slogging as I am jogging through the 1st chapter of Ephesians. Slogging because this new way of bible study using the inductive style is at times slow going and frustrating for me, a neophyte to Precepts, but at the same time I am jogging with Joy as I spend time in God's Word, and in prayer over His word. And believe me, I am praying because everytime I feel that slog begin and the cobwebs spin over my brain causing me to shut down, I have to mentally and physically shake it off and realign myself in Christ to read it through His Spirit.

I was texting with my sister earlier today, as we are taking this bible study class together. No, I wasn't asking her for the answers!! Silly. The good news is that there really aren't wrong answers per say, because God speaks to each of us in the way we need most so He may reveal something to me that He won't reveal to another and vise-versa. No, we were chatting back and forth about each of us experiencing the slogging. We both agreed however, that talking to God about how frustrating this bible study is for us, does seem to bring us closer to Him and isn't that really the point of studying His word? Well then, mission accomplished!!

One of the sweet gems that is rising to the top like a thick layer of cream, is the revealing of the Great Mystery, as Paul refers to it. The Mystery of The Plan. And this is the plan: long ago, before He even made the world, God loved us. Loved us and chose us! He chose us, in Christ to be HOLY AND WITHOUT FAULT in His eyes. And what's more, this has ALWAYS been His plan! He made a plan and never wavered. It  was always His unchanging plan to redeem us. To adopt us into His family. Not only did He have this awesome plan to adopt us, but it gave Him GREAT PLEASURE to do so.

Now think about it. Does this blow you away?

Well, here's a truth. I asked Jesus into my heart when I was 9 years old. I don't have one of those heart wrenching gutter-to-gospel stories of redemption but I do believe that the angels rejoiced just as much over my prayer to receive Jesus as they did when Paul, who calls himself the worst of the worst, converted. But because I grew up in a bible believing, church attending family, because I never left the church to go explore the seedier side of the world, (ok, I might have tip-toed close enough to see it but I never went over the edge) I must admit that over time the Gospel Story of Redemption kinda lost its glow. I just take this gift, this precious gift, for granted a lot of the time. I grow complacent in my faith, just humming along like a happy little Christian, but not really living like my life has been rescued, saved, redeemed, bought with a price.

This must break the heart of God.

I remember searching for a very special gift for someone's birthday one year. I saved the money to purchase it, and I was very excited over what I had chosen to give them. I hoped and prayed that this gift would be received with elation and gratefulness. But there was only a shrug of the shoulders and a rather sullen thank you from their lips. And then the gift was set aside and was probably never used. At least, not in the way it was intended. Now, how do you think I felt?

Yah. Pretty hurt.

And I realize that is what I am doing to God when I treat His gift of eternal life, His Saving Grace, like it's just, so-whatever. I find myself going back to verse 19 in chapter 1 of Ephesians where Paul writes: I pray you will begin to understand the incredible greatness of his power for us who believe him.

Because, if I begin to understand just how incredible this really is, perhaps I won't ever take it for granted again.

Whose That Tapping On My Shoulder?

I'm not really sure where to begin, but God's been working in my life and there's a lot of cool stuff going on.

I can't even remember if I blogged about this but I recently took on a role in my church of small group coordinator for our campus. (We are a church with different locations and our "mother" church is large but it's little offspring is flourishing!) My role has ramped up in the last few weeks as school started and a flurry of activities related to Fall and a new school year began.  I have stood up in front of my church for several Sundays in a row and joked, cajoled, sung and even danced, as I talked about the benefits of belonging to a Life (or small ) group. We are launching several awesome studies this month... a class on Boundaries (Townsend  Cloud-- how to set boundaries in your relationships and still be loving) Freedom in Christ (Neil Anderson- being set free from addictions and past baggage) and Building Strong Marriages (Family Life Marriage Builders). It's been exciting and SO rewarding to see some of my favorite people step up into leadership roles and act as facilitators for these classes.

Bruce and I are also getting a new LIFE group rolling this month. We will meet in our home over the next 8 weeks using a curriculum that will mesh well with our new sermon series that kicks off this weekend. We will be taking a closer, deeper look at that awesome passage from Ephesians 6 about putting on the WHOLE ARMOUR OF GOD. I find it really interesting that this is the focus over the next several weeks for a couple of reasons. 1. This is one of my most favorite books in the New Testament and chapter 6 is powerful!! 2. I just this month joined a women's bible study that is, guess what? On the book of Ephesians.

I have to say something about this women's bible study. I have not ever been a very serious student. In school I flew by the seat of my pants and got average grades. Even as an adult doing some post high school classes, I didn't take it super seriously. I was just, so whatever about it. When it came to women's bible studies I was pretty much ho-hum about the whole deal. Did a few and (yawn) they were OK but nothing that ever melted my butter.

I love the small group setting so much more but even in those gathering times, I can't say I ever got all up and at 'em about what we were studying. So it makes it all the more curious that not only did I sign up for a bible study but I chose a inductive study-- one of those dissect each verse and study the who, what, when, where and why out of it. It's a Kay Arthur Precept study which I am quickly learning is like THE BOSS of bible studies. Perhaps the idea of going shopping for colored pencils and cool notebooks and dividers got me pumped, (because I dearly love to LOOK organized) but more likely it was the tantalizing notion of doing this study with my sister. Oh, yes. this is something we have never done together before and it's very cool to be doing it!!

So, here I am all digging in to this new way of reading a bible verse and thinking I am in a good place. All the while in the back of my head is this little thought that has popped up from time to time to time, about me leading a women's bible study of my own AT SOME POINT IN TIME. I was asked to lead one a couple years ago and I gently but firmly declined. It just wasn't the right time for me. But the idea never departed and once in awhile I would think about what I might choose for a study topic. I flirted with the idea out loud a couple of times with some gals from church but that was as far as it went. Today, TODAY,  while having coffee with a new friend, I even dared to tell her that SOME DAY I might like to do a women's bible study. But, I hastened to add that I believed God would tell me when that right time was.

We continued this great conversation as we drank our coffee, touching on several things, all the while circling the theme of going deeper in our relationships with Jesus. I mentioned the Precepts bible study I was doing and the small group Bruce and I were starting and  the topic of that study and....that's when it happened. THE NUDGE. Actually, it was more than a nudge; it was a firm grip on my shoulders and it was as if Jesus was looking right into my eyes as He spoke firmly. "This is the time. You need to lead a daytime study for women using the same stuff you're gonna use for small group."

I think I broke off speaking for a moment and then, in a kind of laughing, shaking voice I told my friend what I thought I was being told. I watched her tear up as I shared and then I knew that was the confirmation I needed. This woman needed this study and I needed to lead it.

I contemplated it as we continued to talk and I said I was going to pray about it and talk it over with my husband but inside my heart was racing and my mind was already making a list and my fingers were dialing numbers to invite other women whom I knew wanted this as well. I knew this was the time and this study on Ephesians and spiritual warfare was the one to pursue. 

There you have it. I am starting this new group next week and God is being very gracious in letting me start small-- very small-- there will only be 3 women plus myself, meeting in my home to do the same study Bruce and I will be doing with our LIFE group. I am being obedient to the call of God.

It is interesting to note that though I take a certain amount of pride in being less than studious, that I like being thought of as a free spirit and even a bit of a rebel now and again, God seems to think this is a time for me to get disciplined and shine. Well, OK, then.

tune in next week when you hear Robyn say.... "WHOSE CRAZY IDEA WAS THIS ANYWAY???"

Remind me of the WHO, will you? ;)

Unintentional AWOL

I didn't plan to not blog for a week and a half. I sat down several times to start writing and after staring at the blank page for 30 seconds, I would close the page and limp away. Sometimes my writing muse does that. Goes on vacation and doesn't tell me. And honestly, don't we all ask these questions once in awhile: What new thing can I blog about? What words of inspiration, humor, wisdom or nonsense can I share with others today? And the answer I came up with was as blank as my blog post page.

I have been tired a lot. I mean, a lot tired and a lot of the time. I go to work each morning and stumble around and do my best and come home and sit. And sit. And sit some more. Part of this I blame on physical exhaustion as my job does demand a fair amount of physical responsibility. My brain can slide into neutral a lot of the time as I sort the mail and chat with a co-worker but my arms and hands, my legs, my feet, even my back, take a beating most days. Yet, I enjoy the job, the keeping busy, the people I work with, the pay check. I count myself blessed and lucky in this economy to have this job. But I often find myself asking, how long can I do this?

One of the physical tolls on my body has been pain in my feet, that awesome condition known as plantar fasciitis. But something else was going on and it was getting worse so I finally went to the doctor and it was decided I am probably dealing with a stress fracture in my left foot. The metatarsal to be exact. Top of the foot, the bridge part. I am now sporting a big thick black boot as my newest fashion accessory. I was also told that staying off my foot for the next 4 weeks was going to help it heal. I can't do that. I can't be gone from work for 4 weeks. And I can't do my job in a modified manner (as in sitting down-- it just won't work) I am taking this week off to try and stabilize things. Ice, ibuprofen, elevation, rest... repeat.... and we'll see how next week goes.

My emotional state has also been a little bit blank. I question of any of my tiredness is related to that depressive fog that has threatened me in the past from time to time. But this heart-fog feeling isn't like past times. So I examine a little more closely my spiritual state as that greatly impacts my heart. And I find that the spark I usually feel about Jesus and worship and spending time in the Word has gotten a little.... cold. I don't like that feeling.

I recently downloaded the YouVersion of the bible app on my phone and have been using that for my morning daily devotional time. I recently started a new reading plan called 'Falling in Love with Jesus Again and the scripture focus is Psalm 139. I am only on day 2. The prospect is to let Jesus reveal the parts of my life that need His touch. To invite Him to search me out and reveal what needs changing.

I sense this could be painful yet necessary. I want to get back on track. With my physical abilities, my emotional stabilities and my spiritual willingness. And, yes, back into writing. Inspiration, humor, wisdom, or nonsense. I'll take it.

When We Shift Our Focus

practicing an attitude of gratitude in a world of practiced self-entitlement

if a person were to be consistent in spending time praising God, how would that affect the way that person looks at problems 

she is facing? 

When I cannot see the forest for the trees, when the road I'm walking is so foggy I can't see more than one step at a time, when life circumstances knock me to my knees, I want to lift my eyes to the hills, and ask, from where does my help come from? And answer with certainty and resolute hope, "My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth!"

This past week has had the usual challenges and trials. Trying to pay bills from last month with this months paycheck, stretching that mighty dollar once again. Watching the gas gauge flicker on empty and still coaxing one more trip into town. Talking with Mom about the impending move. Working. Feeding my family and keeping up with the house keeping. Nursing my hubby who is once again being pulled under by a nasty head cold. Feeling the distance and separation in stronger waves as I learn my son-in-law has broken his foot and knowing the hardship this puts on their family. Feeling tired. Stressed. Near burn out. Fighting tears and cranky spells (and losing) I have found something that works better than sleep, better than chocolate and better than retail therapy. 

What is IT????

PRAISING GOD. 

I crank UP the praise music. 

I dig out my bible and read from the Psalms >ALOUD<  

I LOOK, really look at creation and all the glorious splendor our loving and mighty God gave us to enjoy. 

And I am instantly transported to a place of peace, joy and hope. I gain strength in a way that I cannot truly describe. I feel hope in the face of despair. I start praising God and thanking Him for all I DO have. It turns everything around. 

I see things in a fresh new perspective. Those bills I was worried about have all gotten a portion of our paychecks. We slid through another month with the power and phone intact. Those numerous trips to town yielded great results and good gas mileage! Mom took the news about moving with grace. I am thankful for my job and getting up early every morning is good discipline and I have time  carved out for reading my bible. The life group bible study my husband and I are leading is encouraging us to have weekly dates and pray together. We have cold medicine stashed in the cupboard and a weekend for him to sleep, rest and recuperate. We have skype to stay connected with family and friends far away. We have stress-busting worship time with our church family and smiles and hugs from them also. 

I am blessed. 

I am so very very blessed. 

I am grateful. I am thankful. I am satisfied. 

I have joy. 

I lift my eyes to the hills.Where does my help come from? 

My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth! 

Psalm 121.

a post in which i mostly ramble...

how was the weekend.....??

Friday evening was the official beginning of our weekend and it was ~DATE NIGHT~ in our little world!! Love those times when hubby and I can escape even for just a couple of hours, grab a cup of special coffee and cozy up at a table in a corner of a great little coffee house and just TALK.

We are still processing things related to the mission trip and getting back into the groove of work. It's been good though. We also recently started up with our small group and it was awesome to reconnect with these special group of people. Verrrry Excited about our upcoming 6 week study. it's from Family Life Today and the study is called "Growing Together in Christ". We are planning as a small group to turn around and offer this study to other couples in our church and community. Again, VERY excited about the prospect!!

Even though I work Sat. mornings and hubby races off to his men's breakfast/bible study, the rest of my Saturday did feel like a weekend. I cozied up with books and a blanket for most of the afternoon, breaking up part of the day with a little cookie baking frenzy. Chocolate Chip Cookies, the best kind. We'll see if they last long enough to go into the carpenters lunches though!!

We slept in this morning, a rare thing, and then while praise music played softly in the background, we sat in companionably silence and worked on our small group study book assignments. Between laundry and spot cleaning, I have spent most of the afternoon in the kitchen prepping food for the week. I love to cook up a huge pot of rice because we eat a lot of it and it's great to just have it on hand to stir in to other things. I also baked up 2 dozen potatoes and when they cooled, I diced them and put into freezer bags. We had this ginormous bag of bakers sitting in the garage and too often those taters start growing arms and legs and threaten to take over the garage so I didn't want to let them go to waste. Having them pre-baked makes it super easy to fix hash browns for breakfast--something we both love. Lastly I put on a pot of black beans to soak and simmer. Not sure what I will do with the beans but they'll end up in something in the next day or two-- chicken tortilla soup maybe.

Just sitting here now, I am enjoying the aroma of the simmering beans and I know when I go to stir them again I will find them soft and beginning to split as they become more and more tender. I like to think I am like a little black bean as I soak in the music that still plays on the stereo and meditate on God's Words for me today. Getting softer and more pliable... taking on the flavors of Christ... allowing His love to wash over me, heal me, and strengthen me.

Happy Weekend~~ Here's to a Marvelous Monday!

application is everything...

Small Group has started up again. We're doing a 6 week series using an Andy Stanley (learn more here) study called Life App's. Our first session was "Application is Everything."

You know, the doctor can prescribe the best medicine but it doesn't help if you don't take it. You can purchase a gym membership but it does no good if you don't go to the gym and work out. You can study out the best healthiest eating plan in the world, but it won't help you at all if you don't follow the meal plan. 

Application makes all the difference. 

James 1: 22-24: Do not merely listen to the word and so deceive yourselves. DO WHAT IT SAYS (emphasis mine)  Those who listen to the word but do not do what it says are like people who look at their faces in a mirror and after looking at themselves go away and immediately forget what they look like.

then came the question...

What resolutions have you recently made but failed to apply? 

I read this question and immediately thought of every New Year's Resolution I've ever made.... of every diet plan I have failed to follow through on.... on every promise I've made to exercise every day, every budget I've said I would stick to, and the best laid plans for improving myself spiritually. 

Yes, I felt like a loser and not in a pounds off kind of way.

Real life change happens in the doing.

 

I can put on my spiffy new walking shoes but unless I go out and walk, my feet might look good but my health won't be any better. I can plan out better eating habits but if I ignore the carrots and reach for the cookies instead..... and I can read my bible every day but until I actually put into practice the things that I read, it will just be words on a page rather than directives in my heart. Application is everything and it's time to apply it. it's time to DO WHAT IT SAYS.