Jesus Loves Me, This I Know

Not just the words to a Sunday School song, this phrase struck me in a brand new way this morning. The deeper meaning came about in a rather unusual way.

First you have to understand that morning is typically not my best time. I'm not a morning person, and today was unusual in that, it's my one day of the week to sleep in. Yet, when Bruce's alarm went off at 5am, (which typically I don't really hear) instead of snuggling deeper under the covers and snoozing, my mental alarm clicked in and BAM! I was awake, I was up and-- gasp-- I was THINKING.  I mean, my brain was actually forming complete thoughts and sentences and they were coherent and thought provoking! This was all BEFORE I'd even made the coffee!

Once the coffee was made, I proceeded to fix a cup for me and one for him. And since Bruce had hit his snooze button and obviously needed some extra motivation, I brought his to him. I watched him struggle to untangle the bed sheets, find his bathrobe and try to connect the coffee mug to his mouth. I took in his morning look-- his hair a twisted sheaf of golden wheat, his eyelids heavy with sleep and his general demeanor clearly stating what a discombobulated state he was in. Lest you think I am being unkind, please know that I fully understand what sort of state I am in, in the mornings. I give you exhibit A as proof:

my typical morning look

Because I know what I look like every morning, and since almost every morning, without fail, I'm still in my robe and slippers or at best, yoga pants and an oversized T, hair not combed, face unwashed, and feeling just as discombobulated, as I send Bruce out the door, it is a marvel to me that he tells me he loves me. That he calls me 'adorable' or 'cute' or, amazingly enough-- 'beautiful'. Really? I mean, REALLY??? 

But here's the thing... As I watched him this morning, this face that I have loved for over 20 years, I was moved beyond words. But I had to put it into words to really get it. 

He finds me beautiful even in my raw state. This 56 year old body, that has born two children, gone through the ups and downs of weight gain and weight loss, numerous injuries and surgeries; this body a road map of stretch marks and scars; this face devoid of make up,with its weathered lines and crows feet more prominent with each passing year... and more than that, this woman who has allowed her husband to see her in all kinds of vulnerable, he finds her beautiful? It must be love. 

And I, who look at him, his body weighed down by the passage of time. The once tight muscles of a younger man, coming up against gravity and slowly losing the battle. Hands that have worked hard to provide. Shoulders that carry the burden of providing for a family, a responsibility that weighs heavily at times. And I look with tenderness and still feel the stirrings of passion for this man, my life partner. This is definitely love. 

And then it hits me... how much more does our Heavenly Father love? God, who knows me so intimately, with all my faults and failures, yet declares me righteous, blameless, without sin, giving me full access to His Kingdom as a heir of Christ. It's hard to take in.

When I look into my husbands eyes and see the love and adoration shining back at me, I am able to catch a glimpse of how he really sees me. When he looks into my eyes he can begin to believe it when I tell him I find him attractive. And that helps me begin to understand the fullness of just how much more Jesus loves me. If Bruce can see past my wild and wooly morning hair, my sometimes cranky, sometimes confused attitude; if he can see me at my worst and still love me as if I'm the best, it gives me a small sample of the overwhelming love that Jesus has for me. 

As Max Lucado puts it, 

“If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it. If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning... Face it, friend. He is crazy about you! ”

Greatest Day In History

*The Greatest Day in History

Death is beaten, You have rescued me

Sing it out, Jesus is alive

The empty cross, the empty grave

Life eternal, You have won the day

Shout it out, Jesus is alive

He's alive

Oh, happy day, happy day

You washed my sin away

Oh, happy day, happy day

I'll never be the same

Forever I am changed

Blessings upon Blessings 

this glorious Resurrection Sunday 2015! 

*Tim Hughes - Happy Day Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

A sobering realization hit me the other day. There is a lie buried deep in my subconscious that I have taken as truth. Its probably been there since childhood and it has shaped how I interact with God and live my life in relation to Him.

To get this, I have to bring some background into the picture. I was raised in a "God-fearing" church environment. When I say "God- Fearing" I mean just that. I thought of  God as Mighty King and Judge because that was how He was presented to me by the men who preached each Sunday. When I was nine years old I prayed the prayer asking Jesus to save me. I prayed it because I was afraid I was going to go to hell and burn forever.

It wasn't until I was in my 30's that I came to understand that God was more than just someone to fear. I got my first taste of the loving-kindness of Jesus when in my broken state of pre-divorce, with all my ugly hurts spilling out and consuming me, I needed His Grace, Love and Mercy so desperately.  Crying out for Him, He responded: "I want to restore your soul. But I have to have all the pieces."

Full surrender on my part was the key and in that moment I was able to turn to Christ in a way I never had before. Instead of my cries for help based on fear and desperation, I was brought to my knees by His abundant love for me and His desire to have a real relationship with me. That was the turning point and when real growth took place in my walk with the Lord.

Many times of significant healing took place over the next several years and I could feel the chains being broken, link by link, and each day my wings unfurled just a little bit more, allowing me to fly by His grace. Yet, a damaged wing would continue to keep me flying close to the ground, never rising up as high as He or I would love for me to go. I figured this was "OKAY" because He said that in my weakness, I am strong, His grace being all sufficient.

So back to the lie buried inside me that I was accepting as truth. Somewhere, somehow, I came to believe that many of the mistakes I have made are living on in the form of punishment. Punishment from God the Judge. I made a lot of mistakes in my teen years. Running away from home. Marrying at 17. Choices in that first marriage that resulted in years of emotional damage and psychological abuse. I made a lot of mistakes in the years following the divorce, regarding my children and other relationships. And I GET that from choices come consequences. That despite forgiveness we will still have to live with the repercussions of our actions. But it was more than that for me. I was/am still living under the banner of punishment to some degree.

For example. I have had periods of estrangement with both of my children. My son was 13 when I left his dad and things have been strained (to put in mildly) between us since then. The guilt I carry over the way things played out has crippled me in my ability to rebuild a bridge between us. Even though I know that I did the best I could given the broken state I was operating from, and even though I have sought forgiveness from God and from my children, I still struggle with guilt. On some level, I must still believe that I was/am a horrible mother. On some level, deep down, based on all the bad decisions I made, I must think I don't deserve to have a good relationship with my children.

For example. I have had issues with money management from early on. As a single mom I got myself into some deep doo-doo financially. Then I married Bruce and continued to make some poor choices. I'm not talking credit card debt or high stake loans, just every day un-wise, over-spending on things.  A few years ago I got some good prayer council that turned things around for me and I have been able to work with the monthly budget and stick to it. Yet, I realized the other day that on some level I have come to believe the lie that says our current financial issues are a direct result of my past mistakes. That our current situation is a punishment from God the Judge.

Like I said; this has been buried deep inside me, causing me to operate on a subconscious level effectively stunting my spiritual walk. It is time to go back to the basics.... If I confess my sin He is faithful and just to forgive my sin... and He removes my sin as far as the east is from the west. In His eyes I am now forgiven. Righteous.

The enemy would have me believe otherwise, in an attempt to rob me of my joy and of my ability to live in the fullness of Christ. I am coming to see how thinking I should be punished has caused the broken wing that keeps me flying so close to the ground. Yes, I have to live with the consequences of my actions-- if I spend the paycheck unwisely we wont make it to the end of the month-- but facing financial chaos isn't punishment from God. The consequences of my rebellion as a young woman, ultimately resulted in estrangement from my children, but it's not punishment from God.

I am prayerfully committing to having this lie removed from my heart, mind and soul. I am choosing to believe that I am forgiven. I am choosing to live like I am forgiven. In Christ I am a new creation.

I may need (daily) reminders of this until it sticks, but blessedly I know where to go for it.

Extraordinary Thoughts on an Ordinary Day

Perhaps I exaggerate. My thoughts are rarely extraordinary. I'm just your average blogger woman, who occasionally gets an inspiration to write a story. Yet, today as I meandered down a country road, taking in the sights, smells and sounds of my surroundings, I was struck with what I think was an extraordinary thought. At least to me it was. I will leave it up to your own judgement whether the same is true for you.

As you may know, I walk almost every day. I average 3 miles each time out but some days life conspires against me and a 2 mile shuffle is all I can manage. On the days my energy level soars I try to take advantage and log in more but on average it's 3 miles. According to my husband I walk very fast but I think I'm just faster than him. Some times I wonder why I don't seem to increase in speed, or the length for which I can speed walk. And then I shrug my shoulders and say "whatever. at least I got out there."

That's what I was thinking today as I stopped to take a pictures, scratch a mosquito bite, tie my shoelace. As I stopped to tie my sweatshirt around my waist I thought, "It's not about how fast I walk, or how far I go. What matters is that every day, I'm getting out there and I'm moving." Just as quickly the next thought came: The same is true in my Spiritual Journey.

 It's not about how many souls I reach for Christ (although that is important-- but really Salvation is up to the Holy Spirit) what matters is, am I shining His light to others?

Am I  living my life for Jesus? Am I living in accordance with His Will?

Obedience is what unlocks God's power. Am I being obedient to His Call?
Am I doing what He asks of me?

Yes. It's not about how much I do each day, but that I do it. Just keep moving in His Path.

 One step at a time.

Of Polka Dots and Nail Polish

Its date night! The love-burkes have reason to celebrate this evening. A job well done, a chance to show it off, and plenty of good food, good friends and good vibes to do it with!

For the last few months my carpenter-sweetie has been transforming an old pizza parlor into a new, fun, vibrant pizza parlor. A Hawaiian/Polynesian themed pizza parlor. Think beaches and bamboo and thatch. It has come together beautifully and tonight, the weekend before the grand opening, we get to enjoy a private celebration with the owners, staff, subcontractors, and some of our family and friends.

I got a sneak preview last week, and even though it was still in the last phase of finishing touches, I could see the creative details that my husband put into it. Gone were the garish red counter tops and walls, the Christmas colored booths and chairs. It's been totally transformed!

 

almost complete and ready for opening.

almost complete and ready for the grand opening.

In anticipation of date night, I've been primping already this morning. Picking out my outfit and accessories, putting on fresh nail polish and adding extra product to my hair to ensure it has longer staying power. Putting in a little more time on the workout so I can eat guilt free this evening. When my sweetie left this morning, I was still in my robe and slippers, hair looking like shredded wheat, un-caffeinated and mostly incoherent because of that. When he comes home tonight he will find me totally transformed.

 Transformation can be a scary word. It usually represents change and you know how some of us are about change. We like status-quo. If it aint broke don't fix it, right? The 'old' pizza parlor that was sitting empty for awhile, there wasn't really anything wrong with it. The kitchen still worked-- you could still crank out a pizza in its ovens. You could still sit in the booths and not get poked by broken springs. But with fresh paint, fresh decor, a buzz of excitement comes and it's attractive and people like attractive. My sweetie adores me and he doesn't care that my hair isn't brushed or that I look desperate for coffee, but he truly does appreciate the extra efforts I make when I 'gussy up' for him on those special occasions.

God is in the transformation business. He loves us, unconditionally, as He proved so long ago by sending His Son to us, to die for us and rise again. (John 3.16)  He accepts up, just as we are, offers us forgiveness, redemption, and grace. But He doesn't just stop there. He takes our old dirty rags (our old selves) and clothes us in robes of righteousness. (Isaiah 61.10) And still He does not stop. As He proclaims us without sin, without blemish, He also adopts us into His family, giving us full access to the Throne of Grace. But there's more! God wants to continue the amazing journey we have embarked on when we stepped on to His path. To paraphrase Max Lucado, yes, He loves us just as we are, but He also loves us too much to leave us there. So He calls us, Come, be transformed! Come be like Jesus

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corinthians 5.17

We are new! Like a brand new restaurant, ready for its grand opening-- still capable of welcoming guest and feeding people good food, but in a fresh, clean, vibrant and exciting way. We are new! Like an excited wife who's had her coffee, ironed her new polka dot dress, and polished her nails, still me, only sparkly! 

 Yes, God is, still, in the transformation business. I am not the same girl I was 45+ years ago when I asked Jesus to save me. I am not the same girl who at 14 made a more public profession of faith by being baptized. I am definitely not the same girl who ran away from home, got married at 17, and was divorced at 34. I am not even the same 'girl' I was 5 years ago. I am constantly being changed, by the things around me, and most importantly, by the changes I allow inside of me. 

Romans 12.2 tells us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds, and that can only truly happen when we surrender it fully to God. Like the project manager of a restaurant remodel, He needs full access to the whole shebang.

from The Message: 

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

it comes in whispers, it comes in shouts

We all have one.
The voice inside our head that tells us things.
You know the one...

you look fat...
he doesn't really love you....
they think you are weird.....
you aren't welcome here...

Sometimes its a subtle little whisper. 
Sometimes it's loud, drowning out the voice of reason.
Sometimes it's an annoying echo in your head, or worse, a damaging dose of poison in your soul.

It sneaks up on you, when you are alone in your room, in front of the mirror. Those pants that looked so good on, in the dressing room mirror don't look as great in the privacy of your own room, where doubts live.

It attacks you in the middle of a party when you see your life partner engaged in conversation with the vivacious hostess.

Insecurities rise up  when you begin to engage in a discussion on biblical truths, insecurities that remind you of your lack of training, your lack of experience and your ridiculous ideas.

Regardless of how much weight you have lost, how many times he has said he adores you, and how hard you studied to prepare, regardless of how many times you have faced this battle and felt victorious, the voice in your head won't stay silent.

The thing we have to understand is that the voice in your head is lying. 

The truth is, the voice in your head isn't your voice--- it's the enemy's and we can choose not to listen.
The truth is, we live in a world fraught with evil. But Jesus has overcome the world.
The truth is our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against the powers of the dark world, and against spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
And because of Christ, we fight, not for victory but from victory.

A couple of days ago, in my ladies bible study, we began to share some of the lies that prey on us. Those accusations that come from some deep seated insecurity... you are such a bother, you talk too much, you are stupid, you have nothing of value to contribute. 

Even as we shared and joked about these statements that we knew deep down are LIES, it was amazing to realize how much power they often have over us.

All of us gals are at an age where we've become pretty comfortable in our own skin. We've made peace with our shapes and our looks and if the mirror doesn't exactly give off a glowing review of how we look today, we shrug and say "Oh well!" and we go out anyway.

But the lies that attack us in our core, the ones that try to shake our confidence that we have anything of value to offer to the world? Those seem to be harder to shake off.

In this Captivating book study, we've looked at the wounds that have broken our hearts and at the ways in which our Heavenly Father wishes to heal those hurts. We've worked on letting Him have access to the broken places so that healing can take place and we are all making positive steps towards deeper healing. Still, the attacks continue and it is why we are commanded in scripture to Stand Firm and keep on standing firm. Don't back off, don't let down your guard.

It's an process. An ongoing one.

But....
For every whispered lie, Jesus whispers, "You are mine. I love you."
For every loud accusation, Jesus reminds me, "I am with you. You are precious to me."
For every damaging echo in  my soul, He counters it with, " Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name, you are mine."

These reminders, these assurances come in a myriad of ways.... through scripture,books, music, through His creation, and quite possibly through a trusted friend.

Sometimes it come in whispers. Sometimes it come in shouts.

But always, if we will look for it and then listen, the truth comes.

A 7-11 Jesus

The woman at the well is a familiar passage from the bible for most of us. She's used in sermon illustrations about as often as Peter walking on the water, Martha's whining over Mary not helping her with dinner and Lazarus being raised from the dead. So it always amazes me when I revisit a well known story and have a fresh take away.( I guess that is why we call the Word of God "LIVING".)

John 4:

10 Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”

11 “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? 12 Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?”

13 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

15 The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.”

We were discussing the Woman at the Well the other night in our small group. The woman had this interesting exchange with Jesus-- the Great I AM-- and asks where she can get this water that will forever quench her thirst. Someone in our group made the comment "I don't think she got it." meaning the Samaritan Woman thought Jesus was talking about literal water when He was actually referencing the spiritual water that only He can give. Of course the Samaritan Woman wanted the water that would satisfy;  "Give me this water so I don't have to keep coming back to draw more water."

Don't we all want the easier way? I sometimes despair as I clean my house because I know by tomorrow the carpet will be in desperate need of another vacuuming, and the bathroom will need another disinfecting wipe down. I wonder if I, like the woman at the well, want what Jesus has to offer, only out of convenience, to make my life easier.

But did Jesus come to take away lifes challenges? Hmmm...... I'm thinking He is more concerned with changing us inside  in order to empower us to deal with our problems with a more Christ like perspective. Yet, here I am, acting like Jesus is some corner-market convenience store I can run to when I am running low on supplies.

I do my major grocery shopping about once every two weeks. I stock up with enough meat and veggies to make the meals I have planned out but in between those big shopping trips, there will be several quick visits to the market on the corner for bread and eggs, or some forgotten ingredient, or when I am desperate for cream in my coffee early in the morning, the gas station-quickie-mart across the road from my house.

I get my big fill up of Jesus on Sunday mornings, soaking in His presence as we worship, taking notes as our Pastor exegesis and it's all good. But if I don't supplement my Sunday with DAILY dips into God's Word, if I don't stop and have some heart felt conversation with my Jesus, if I just coast all week on Sundays message it will be like having pancakes without butter and syrup, oatmeal without milk and--- horror of horrors--- coffee sans cream.

In other words, it won't satisfy.

Too often I am ashamed to admit, I end up treating my Savior like a 7-11 Jesus. I know he's there 24/7 and he's got all the things I need in a pinch. So I dash in and grab the stuff I need like, safety for my husband on the job, healing for all those people on my list-- you know who they are Lord, and please make things go smoothly for my friends who are struggling..... oh, and Jesus, could you make my life go slower so I won't have to do this mad-dash prayer routine? 

Well, that's just nuts but it's a reality thats played out much too often to my chagrin.

I dusted the living room today and shook my head sadly as I wiped particles of dust off my bible. I flipped it open to the card with the Daily Reading Plan many of us in church are following. Yep, its marking the chapter for last weeks reading. Oops. So I sat down and read. I read up to today. And guess what? We are in the book of John and it's chapter 4. The Woman at the Well.

Which brings me full circle. The woman wanted the water that would satisfy so she wouldn't have to keep coming back to draw more buckets from the well. It was a lot of work hauling water home each day and she was tired of the scornful looks she got from her neighbors who knew her shameful past (5 husbands!) and her shameful present (living with a man she wasn't married to). She yearned for her life to be made easier. And Jesus offers her water that isn't from a well. Jesus offers her water that will satisfy eternally; a spring of water welling up to eternal life.

I said I gleaned some new stuff from reading this familiar passage in the gospel of John.

I realized I'm thirsty.

and so we reflect

It's the last day of 2013. A time for reflection, examining the past, and then pressing onward, looking to the future with expectations. I came across this popular post on Facebook , perhaps you have seen it? It is credited to the popular author Debbie Macomber and it's an excellent tool for thought provoking conversations with others and ourselves.

What was one of the greatest blessings I experienced this past year?

Three things immediately come to mind and it is hard to pick just ONE but these top 3 need little explanation for making my list. 

1. Mom moving into Summit Place Assisted Living; she is settled in and thriving in her new environment

2. My sister and bro-in-love moving here. 

3. Our oldest grandson coming to visit for a week. 

What was one of the biggest challenges you faced?

Oh, wow. It was Bruce's decision to go on his mission trip to Honduras that challenged me in SO many ways. It tested our relationship, it stretched me in ways I thought would make me snap.  It required great relinquishment on my part and subsequently a deeper spirit of submission to both God and my husband. It also required forgiveness and acceptance, both of which were difficult for me to arrive at. It was not my favorite experience of 2013 by far, but yet it was also a very crucial part. I don't know yet what that sort of testing may someday lead up to, but I sense it is definitely part of a bigger plan God has for the two of us. EEk!!

What lesson did you learn from that challenge?

Not to try and navigate these sorts of things on our own. I think sometimes we forget that God created us to live in community and we neglect to bring in the wise council of strong fellow believers. It is natural and right for a married couple to turn to each other first when facing a challenge but what do you do when the challenge has you on opposite sides? For too many weeks Bruce and I were at such odds over his decision and we thought we could navigate this turbulent trial through continued conversations but those conversations only left me more angry and resentful. Finally we sought the counsel of 2 couples from our church that we respect and trust. It didn't solve the dilemma but it calmed the storm raging inside me. And that was the first major step in bringing me to a place of acceptance.  

How can use that lesson to help you grow as a person?

By realizing how much another believer can help me, I came to understand that if I offer that sort of help to someone else who is struggling, that in turn will grow me in ways that will never happen if I keep it to myself. One of my roles as a leader of a small group is to come along side of another and support or mentor them. I feel a strong affinity for young married women in particular. Not that I am an expert on marriage by any stretch of the imagination but I can offer to listen and to pray. I can turn them to God's word for instructions and encourage them as others have encouraged me. I liken this to my past role as a fitness coach. I learned the work out and then began to teach it to others. It not only was a benefit to my members but it served to reinforce my own learning of the workout. As a result, both the women who came to my club and myself, grew stronger. I look forward to using my own past experiences to fuel both myself and another who is challenged, into a brighter tomorrow. 

You know, 2013 was a pretty good year! There were plenty of other blessings and challenges that I could pull out and examine and I probably will as the week rolls on. Today brings to mind this scripture passage from Hebrews; Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses,  let us also lay aside every weight and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance, the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith...

Good bye 2013.... and let's get ready to embrace with JOY the New Year!!

Life Has Been....

Time keeps on ticking....whether I come to my blog or not!
Honestly, for a girl who was blogging 3-4 times a week, I sure have pulled back. Not on purpose... just life has gotten so busy-- in a good way-- and I actually FORGOT about my blog now and again!!

Life has been....

memory verses and dissecting of scripture = whew!

Busy...
My role as a small group coordinator for our church has had several weeks of ramping up as we launched several awesome studies.  That includes the small group my hubby and I are hosting, and the ladies study I decided to go ahead with. I felt like a match maker some of the time as I paired people up with small group leaders. Then there's the Precepts bible study I am doing with my sister-- which is still kicking my butt big time, but it is paying off as last night in a convo with hubby I stated my position in Christ (as a victor) in a strong and emphatic way that I have not always fully appreciated. So KUDOS for bible study!!

strong coffee and lots of colored pencils required

Satisfying...
The satisfaction from a job well done. Of gaining a better understanding of my position in Christ. Of growing in patience and grace. God has been refining and re-defining me in the last few months I think. I noticed the other day that some of the people who have long been on my EGR list (that's EXTRA GRACE REQUIRED-- a nice way of saying difficult people) while they have not changed (they are still on that list!) it seems I have...   it doesn't take as much effort for me to negotiate time spent with them. In fact, some of the people who I, honestly, tend to avoid, have logged into a place in my heart that astounds me. Amazing what happens when we submit to Christ and say 'there is no way I can love this person in my own strength, but I know you ask me to, so.... will you help me with this Lord?"

Joy Filled...
Our 17th anniversary came and went and we celebrated in a low key but truly fun way. We took a day trip to Port Townsend and Sequim and despite the rain SQUALL we experienced, we also experienced some truly spectacular views, reconnected with a sweet friend and most importantly, enjoyed our quality time together.

the view at Fort Warden, Port Townsend

My sister and I are also making up for lost time by enjoying many play dates together. In addition to taking the Precepts study together, we've been making applesauce, joy riding and building many new memories while laughing hard enough to pee our pants It's been crazy fun but also very fulfilling.

I have to also say how very very much I am loving the women's small group that the Lord directed me to start. It's a nice sized group of some very dear ladies. Just 5 of us each Tuesday morning. We are doing the same study that Bruce and I are doing in our Monday night small group; The Invisible War by Chip Ingram. It's about spiritual warfare and it's got some heavy stuff! But I love these ladies and the conversation is always lively and educational. I have been amazed at the level of transparency we've been able to move to in a relatively short amount of time. It helps that we already knew each other to some degree so it's not like we were starting at ground zero. Still, opening up and sharing is risky and daring and involves trust. I feel honored and humbled that I was asked to do this and that God is blessing me so richly. I guess this is a perk of being obedient to His call.

Level but not quite balanced...
Emotionally, psychologically speaking, as far as the dreaded depression goes, I feel GREAT. My med's are working and I feel leveled out. Life is calm. Life is stable. Life is good. It helps immensely to be on a regular walking regime and having achieved my goal of losing 20+ pounds has gone a long way towards helping me feel better about myself too!

walking every day. rain or shine.

The off-balance comes only in our personal finances as we once again struggle with the ups and downs of paying work for hubby. Self employment always has its drawbacks, the worst of which is too much time spent working for no pay. He has plenty of work lined up now for the rest of the year and most likely into the coming new year but we are still playing serious catch up for the months prior to this when work wasn't so great. It's tough going much of the time but our God is bigger and we are trusting in Him to carry us through.

So, yes, Life has been: An adventure as always. Rewarding. Surprising. Tense and intense. Never boring, never dull. I am grateful to be walking around with my eyes wide open, taking in every drop of sunshine, every drop of rain, embracing life, loving fully, laughing freely and living faithfully. May you be able to do the same.

Whose That Tapping On My Shoulder?

I'm not really sure where to begin, but God's been working in my life and there's a lot of cool stuff going on.

I can't even remember if I blogged about this but I recently took on a role in my church of small group coordinator for our campus. (We are a church with different locations and our "mother" church is large but it's little offspring is flourishing!) My role has ramped up in the last few weeks as school started and a flurry of activities related to Fall and a new school year began.  I have stood up in front of my church for several Sundays in a row and joked, cajoled, sung and even danced, as I talked about the benefits of belonging to a Life (or small ) group. We are launching several awesome studies this month... a class on Boundaries (Townsend  Cloud-- how to set boundaries in your relationships and still be loving) Freedom in Christ (Neil Anderson- being set free from addictions and past baggage) and Building Strong Marriages (Family Life Marriage Builders). It's been exciting and SO rewarding to see some of my favorite people step up into leadership roles and act as facilitators for these classes.

Bruce and I are also getting a new LIFE group rolling this month. We will meet in our home over the next 8 weeks using a curriculum that will mesh well with our new sermon series that kicks off this weekend. We will be taking a closer, deeper look at that awesome passage from Ephesians 6 about putting on the WHOLE ARMOUR OF GOD. I find it really interesting that this is the focus over the next several weeks for a couple of reasons. 1. This is one of my most favorite books in the New Testament and chapter 6 is powerful!! 2. I just this month joined a women's bible study that is, guess what? On the book of Ephesians.

I have to say something about this women's bible study. I have not ever been a very serious student. In school I flew by the seat of my pants and got average grades. Even as an adult doing some post high school classes, I didn't take it super seriously. I was just, so whatever about it. When it came to women's bible studies I was pretty much ho-hum about the whole deal. Did a few and (yawn) they were OK but nothing that ever melted my butter.

I love the small group setting so much more but even in those gathering times, I can't say I ever got all up and at 'em about what we were studying. So it makes it all the more curious that not only did I sign up for a bible study but I chose a inductive study-- one of those dissect each verse and study the who, what, when, where and why out of it. It's a Kay Arthur Precept study which I am quickly learning is like THE BOSS of bible studies. Perhaps the idea of going shopping for colored pencils and cool notebooks and dividers got me pumped, (because I dearly love to LOOK organized) but more likely it was the tantalizing notion of doing this study with my sister. Oh, yes. this is something we have never done together before and it's very cool to be doing it!!

So, here I am all digging in to this new way of reading a bible verse and thinking I am in a good place. All the while in the back of my head is this little thought that has popped up from time to time to time, about me leading a women's bible study of my own AT SOME POINT IN TIME. I was asked to lead one a couple years ago and I gently but firmly declined. It just wasn't the right time for me. But the idea never departed and once in awhile I would think about what I might choose for a study topic. I flirted with the idea out loud a couple of times with some gals from church but that was as far as it went. Today, TODAY,  while having coffee with a new friend, I even dared to tell her that SOME DAY I might like to do a women's bible study. But, I hastened to add that I believed God would tell me when that right time was.

We continued this great conversation as we drank our coffee, touching on several things, all the while circling the theme of going deeper in our relationships with Jesus. I mentioned the Precepts bible study I was doing and the small group Bruce and I were starting and  the topic of that study and....that's when it happened. THE NUDGE. Actually, it was more than a nudge; it was a firm grip on my shoulders and it was as if Jesus was looking right into my eyes as He spoke firmly. "This is the time. You need to lead a daytime study for women using the same stuff you're gonna use for small group."

I think I broke off speaking for a moment and then, in a kind of laughing, shaking voice I told my friend what I thought I was being told. I watched her tear up as I shared and then I knew that was the confirmation I needed. This woman needed this study and I needed to lead it.

I contemplated it as we continued to talk and I said I was going to pray about it and talk it over with my husband but inside my heart was racing and my mind was already making a list and my fingers were dialing numbers to invite other women whom I knew wanted this as well. I knew this was the time and this study on Ephesians and spiritual warfare was the one to pursue. 

There you have it. I am starting this new group next week and God is being very gracious in letting me start small-- very small-- there will only be 3 women plus myself, meeting in my home to do the same study Bruce and I will be doing with our LIFE group. I am being obedient to the call of God.

It is interesting to note that though I take a certain amount of pride in being less than studious, that I like being thought of as a free spirit and even a bit of a rebel now and again, God seems to think this is a time for me to get disciplined and shine. Well, OK, then.

tune in next week when you hear Robyn say.... "WHOSE CRAZY IDEA WAS THIS ANYWAY???"

Remind me of the WHO, will you? ;)

Are You A Multi- Tasker?

I'm a born multi-tasker. I love going for my morning walk knowing that while I am gone my dishes are being scrubbed clean in the dishwasher and my clothes will be ready to go from washer to dryer when I return. I love knowing that while I am running errands all day, a savory stew is bubbling in the crock pot and will be ready to devour when I get home.

I can even make my walks more than just about walking. It's a time for reflecting, plotting stories in my head, praying for others. And if I'm walking with a friend, we're not just working those thighs-- that jaw muscle is getting used and friendships enriched in the process.

Yes, I love to multi- task.

Sometimes it comes back to bite me however. The other day I was chopping and stirring and measuring, I had 3 pots on the stove, a pan ready for the oven and all my concentration centered around cooking up these casseroles. And my husband walked in with a packet in his hand. He had been working on house plans and wanted to share with me the fruit of his labors. I had to apologetically warn him that while he was free to talk and wave papers in front of my face, I would not be able to give him my undivided attention. If that was what he wanted, he would need to wait until I was through with my meal prep.

I am married to a gracious man. He was happy to wave papers in my face and settle for my non-committal grunts but we both knew that at some point he was hoping for a more focused approach to what he had to share. I'm the same way. I don't want to share what is on my heart when he's buried in bill paying or working in the shop. Yet, sometimes I do and settle for his non-committal grunts.

I remember when my daughter was small. I was sitting on the floor, playing with her but not fully engaged. She suddenly grabbed my face with both of her chubby little hands. Forcing me to look right at her she said quite solemnly, something she must have heard me say more than once.... "Mommy, pay 'tention to me!"

I chuckle at the memory even as I shake my head, for I am sure I am guilty of this in my spiritual walk as well. In Psalm 46.10 we read  "Be Still and Know that I Am God." Yet how often do I cram my bible reading into another multi-tasking project. I listen to praise music and call that my quiet time as I whisk around the house with a broom and a dust rag. Are there times when God wants to grabs my face with His Hands and say solemnly "Robyn, pay attention to me."?

Ah, I am sure He does. And has. The times I have been rendered useless due to the fibromyalgia flare ups. Or the insomnia- infused nights where tossing and turning yields no results. Are those the things God might use instead of chubby little hands?

I think listening to praise music while I clean my house or drive my car is a great way to incorporate Worship into my day. But I am also realizing more and more how much God wants my undivided attention.

And how much I need His.


from Psalm 62....

Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
    my hope comes from him.
⁶ Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
    he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
⁷ My salvation and my honor depend on God
    he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
⁸ Trust in him at all times, you people;
    pour out your hearts to him,
    for God is our refuge.

application is everything...

Small Group has started up again. We're doing a 6 week series using an Andy Stanley (learn more here) study called Life App's. Our first session was "Application is Everything."

You know, the doctor can prescribe the best medicine but it doesn't help if you don't take it. You can purchase a gym membership but it does no good if you don't go to the gym and work out. You can study out the best healthiest eating plan in the world, but it won't help you at all if you don't follow the meal plan. 

Application makes all the difference. 

James 1: 22-24: Do not merely listen to the word and so deceive yourselves. DO WHAT IT SAYS (emphasis mine)  Those who listen to the word but do not do what it says are like people who look at their faces in a mirror and after looking at themselves go away and immediately forget what they look like.

then came the question...

What resolutions have you recently made but failed to apply? 

I read this question and immediately thought of every New Year's Resolution I've ever made.... of every diet plan I have failed to follow through on.... on every promise I've made to exercise every day, every budget I've said I would stick to, and the best laid plans for improving myself spiritually. 

Yes, I felt like a loser and not in a pounds off kind of way.

Real life change happens in the doing.

 

I can put on my spiffy new walking shoes but unless I go out and walk, my feet might look good but my health won't be any better. I can plan out better eating habits but if I ignore the carrots and reach for the cookies instead..... and I can read my bible every day but until I actually put into practice the things that I read, it will just be words on a page rather than directives in my heart. Application is everything and it's time to apply it. it's time to DO WHAT IT SAYS.