It's Saturday, It's Raining and I Have Questions.

what can I say about a rainy Saturday? Glad to be inside by the fire with book and blanket. Got the walk out out of the way earlier when it looked like it might actually be a decent day, so that's done. Been averaging 3-4 mile walks 5-6 days a week but had a couple set backs this week. Feeling puny; my body likes to betray me every now and again.

There are days, such as today, when I ask myself who am I racing? I keep trying to increase my pace, applauding myself when my walk app gives me my time and it's better than the day before.  But these child-bearing hips, these creaky-cranky ankles and the feet with slipping arches, are only gonna plod so fast. I see some slight increase in my speed and ability to hold that pace for longer portions of time but again, I have to ask myself, where's this competitive spirit coming from? My sweetie asked me that same question. Why do I feel the need to walk faster than I do right now? I could only shrug and say "I just want to keep improving."

I am at my goal weight and have successfully maintained it for 7 months, and that includes some major holidays! Yet, I think about dropping "just 5 more pounds". I can walk a mile in under 14 minutes on a good day yet I keep thinking "Can I do it in 12?" I love walking and I know how much it has benefited me yet when I walk, in my heart I'm running. I still dream about running a 5K if you want to know the truth.

I was cleaning my closet, moving winter clothes to the back and bringing forward the spring and summer wardrobe, discarding things that are worn out, or the wrong size. Making a mental list of what I need to replace and what would look snazzy with that cardigan and I stop and look, really look, at the pile of clothes I own and have to ask "isn't that enough? Do I really need another.... shirt/pants/sweater?

Where does it end? How much does it take to be satisfied? 

I am part of the human race known as Consumer. If I am being completely transparent, I will tell you I have a selfish streak a mile wide. I wrestle with letting go of my best stuff, in favor of giving just what I don't want or need. The materialistic side of me wins more often than I like to admit.

I comfort this truth with the other truth, that I am a giving, compassionate person, motivated by the Holy Spirit to do what is right and loving and good. I know I have good-- no, GREAT,  qualities. And most of the time, I like to think that the good qualities outshine the bad.

So, here I am wrestling with two different areas: the dissatisfied me and the selfish me.

In his letter to the Philippians, the Apostle Paul wrote: I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. (Philippians 4.12) 

Earlier in the letter he tells them, Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.(Phil. 2)

I don't think it's wrong of me to want to work on improving myself health wise. I don't think it's wrong to want to dress or look nice. What does bother me however, is the attitude behind those things. Am I doing it for my health and well-being or is there some other motivating factor at work? When I want just a little bit more than what I already have, when I want to hang on to my possessions is that an indication that my heart needs some adjustments?

Good questions to ponder on this rainy Saturday afternoon.

Let Me Tell You About It

With hubby working every minute of every day, time alone together, uninterrupted and focused, is precious.

After weeks of watching him work exhaustively, with little return on his investment, listening to him grouch and grumble, I start to reach MY breaking point too. I try to give him room for his mood, because after almost 16 years of marriage, I know this is just how it goes. I know this will blow over and things will smooth out.... Still, there comes a time when I have to check in.... "Honey, are WE okay?"  Of course we are is his usual response-- it's just him. Now, while I understand that feeling, and even experience it for myself from time to time.... what he fails to remember, is something that I wonder doesn't happen to lots of married couples... When YOU are not OKAY, then WE are not okay.... because WE are ONE. What affects you, affects me. When you hurt, I hurt....  it does us all good to remember that from time to time and change our attitude and temperament to reflect that....

When I learned he was planning to work yet another Saturday, cleaning up at the job site, I decided I would join him. I may not be able to do a lot of physical labor as intensive as what he had planned but I could offer moral support, a ready smile and maybe even sneak in a little uninterrupted focused on us time?

Well, it was a good thought!!

We separated lumber, lugged junk, picked up tools, and tidied up the job site. Soon the site was looking pretty spiffy, the junk trailer was ready to be hauled to the dump and we'd made good time. Until it was time to hook up the trailer. We had the wrong ball hitch. The right ball hitch for towing was in the garage. At home.

So.... home we went, about 10 minutes one way.... not a big deal but still a little bit of a hassle when we had a schedule we dearly wanted to keep. But despite the wrinkle, soon we were on our way to the dump...

and about half way there some sputtering alerted us to another wrinkle in our plan.... we were running out of gas.

The gas gauge in Big Yellow hasn't worked in a long time... He keeps track of his fuel with copious sticky notes of figures on the dashboard, and it works most of the time.... but every once in awhile.... well, let's just say there is a reason he keeps gas containers in the back of the truck!

Alas, the containers were EMPTY. Thankfully, we ran out on 1. a back country road (opposed to a dangerously busy highway) and 2. we pulled off the road right next to a house that had a gregarious gentleman sitting on the front porch who was happy to run Bruce to the nearest gas station!

Soon we were putt-putt -putting back down the road and unloading our junk at the dump. Dump Dates have long been a fun adventure for the two of us as we often have the most reflective, passionate, and heart revealing conversations... I'm not sure why, but I think there is a metaphor of cleaning out junk from our lives that going to the dump symbolizes. This day was no different but it was very warm, we were trying to scrape all this garbage out of the trailer and I wasn't as much help as I'd have liked to be... and frankly, the dump STINKS. I was glad when we pulled out of there.

We had a couple other stops that afternoon and I just kept smelling the dump... it was trapped on my clothes, my skin, in my nose. I could think of nothing better than a hot shower. I suppose the fact that we sort of skipped lunch might have helped to contributed to my quickly fading energy and patience.

It was a good time for me to remember that when I'm not OKAY, then WE are not okay....

We got home, I washed my hands and threw some ginormous bakers in the oven and hit the shower. We ate a hearty dinner of baked potatoes and butter beans with baked apples for dessert and called it a night. Or, I did anyway. Hubby was back on the computer, finishing up another item on his to-do list.

I'm glad we had those few hours, grubby as it was.

Busy Week!

You all know how I feel about my Saturdays. the sleeping in and lounging till all hours. Welllll.....

My new job is offering me limited hours to start and since I need whatever hours I can get... I will be working Saturday mornings for awhile. It's only from 8-11 but still, it meant getting up at 6 in order to be ready to leave my house at 7:15. I know, I know, you are all crying right along with me right? Nah, it's okay. I worked a few days this week and had fun meeting new ladies.

After my shift I had an appointment at the Plasma Center but there was about an hour to kill before that. It seemed a good time to pop into my favorite consignment store and see if I had any credit. And I did! What a nice perk and how fun is it to find something to buy that is exactly what is available to you credit wise?  I am a happy girl.

cute AND comfortable!

I tell my husband all the time "Just say NO to cowboy boots" but I am thinking that only applies to if HE wears them. I think these are pretty darn cute. Boot Scoot Boogy anyone?

why I love saturdays

Toddy has Saturday figured out too.

there is no reason
whatsoever
to have to get up early
and do something.
My husband goes 
to his weekly men's group;
breakfast and bible study every Saturday morning.
he kisses me goodbye while i
am still unconscious and buried
under the warm blankets on our bed.
i wake up when i am done sleeping
and stretch in luxury.
i find my robe and slippers
and enjoy a cup of java
snuggled in my favorite chair
as close to the fire as i can get.
the house has a messy tousled look
-- like my hair--
and i will ignore it for
most of the day because
it's Saturday and i don't feel like doing anything.
i will eat left over chocolate cake
for breakfast and grin 
as i wipe the crumbs off my chin.
my list of things to do 
starts and ends with:

go to the library.

this feels like Saturday!

We're home. Arrived about 3 am this morning, uggghhh. lack of sleep makes me punchy. but we are home, safe and sound and trying to get back into the groove but it feels weird!

We attended a wedding this morning too which really throws my sense of time and days off. However, it was a sweet sweet wedding (more on that in another post) and now that the house has warmed up and the cat is home from boarding and the mail has been collected, I want to ignore the piles of laundry and dirt tracked into the house in favor of the gift to myself that arrived while I was gone. Yes, we're talking about a book.

I was given a gift certificate to Amazon.com as a thank you from Dream School for being a table leader and driver and I put it to good use right away!! Ordered the newest book in Sue Grafton's Alphabet series V is for Vengence. And today all I want to do is curl up in the easy chair, by the fire, sip hot beverages and get lost in this good book.

After all my husband has gone to bed to catch up on hours of lost sleep. It sure feels like a Saturday!

Ah, Saturday, How I Love Thee!

I usually sleep in on Saturdays. Bruce goes to a mens breakfast/bible study most every Saturday morning, kissing me good bye on my cheek... if he can find me under the blankets. I will stumble down the stairs a couple of hours later, blindly feeling my way to the bathroom, then coffee station, and do numerous things by rote as I slowly find consciousness. Coffee mug in hand, I will sit in my chair in the living room and s-l-o-w-l-y wake up.

Sleeping in is wonderful but I've made a sad discovery of late. It makes for a whole day of low productivity. Something goes awry with my inner clock when I doze into the next sleep cycle. I will feel groggy and lazy for several hours after I finally get up, where as on the mornings I defy logic by getting up when the alarm clock says, once the coffee has peculated inside my brain, I'm on the train full-steam ahead! Crazy huh?

This morning I got up shortly after my husband did. He was in the shower and I acted like it was a regular work day morning!! GASP!! I made the coffee, fed the cat, let the cat out, started --GASP-- a load of laundry and --another GASP!!-- made the bed!  All before 7:30. Um, am I feeling alright?

Yes, yes, no fever, I'm fine really. I just woke up and decided to get up and stay up. I don't know why. I watched Bruce leave; he was humming and smiling. He loves his mens group and I love that he loves it. I contemplated my choices and going back to bed was not one of them. I just feel awake and leaning towards productive and I am glad to be alive and enjoying this beautiful morning!

I had a date with my husband last night-- that's two Fridays in a row-- and we have something fun planned for this afternoon. All which makes me feel relaxed, happy and cherished.

I visited the Weekend Link Up page and read some new blogs. I checked Facebook and I felt the sun on my face. And you know what? This mornings activities have been just as cozy and comforting as hitting the snooze button and snuggling under the blankets.

I think this is going to be a really great day! Hope yours is too.

Like An Old Denim Shirt

"Saturdays should be like an old denim shirt." I said this morning to Bruce as we sat on our front porch sipping coffee in the sunshine.

(Except he thought I said "...like an old Deming shirt." and was trying to figure out which of his shirts looked like our little town of Deming.)

But really. I have an old denim shirt and it's awesome! It's large enough to hang loose. It's soft from many washings. It's light weight and easy to wear. I don't have to worry about spills because it already has paint stains in a couple of places. I can roll up the sleeves and get to work if I need to. It will fit over other clothing. It is comfortable and comforting. It's the perfect Saturday shirt and it is a perfect example of what Saturdays should be like.

So today, I put my old denim shirt over my P.J.'s and basked in the morning sun as I sipped my special brew and chatted with my sweetie about our plans for this day. I love Saturdays and all they are intended to be. A day to catch up on sleep. A day to enjoy a second cup of coffee without feeling rushed or guilty. Time for contemplation. No hurries, no worries. Pancakes with fresh strawberries for breakfast. A dump date* with my sweetie!  I think I'll wear my old denim shirt.

* dump date: a day where we take a load of garbage to the dump. it may not sound romantic but it's a measure of uninterrupted time together that always seems to spark deep conversations. Maybe it's the subconscious thought of hauling away the old junk to make room for fresh and new that causes the reflective conversations. Whatever the case, we have a lot of fun doing it.