REWIND??

Back in 1986 I watched a fantasy/comedy movie called "Peggy Sue Got Married"  In the movie, a woman named Peggy Sue attends her 25- year high school reunion. She's recently separated from her (cheating) husband Charlie. She regrets some of the decisions she made in her life-- such as marrying Charlie. When she faints at the reunion and wakes up in 1960-- back in high school, she's suddenly given the chance to live her life again. She sets out to change things... only... some choices are more complicated... her relationship with Charlie being just one of them.

I suppose all of us at one time or another has wondered if we had the chance do our lives over again, if we wouldn't do some things differently. I know I have.  If I woke up to find myself back in high school I want to think I'd make much wiser decisions, knowing then what I know now. However, who I am today is based on the experiences I have had. So, if I had a rewind button on my life, while I might be tempted to push it  I think it would be to revisit the highlights of my life, just for the pleasure of reliving those moments...

family hikes...
camping...
the birth of my children...
the falling in love experience with my sweetie....
vacations that brought much  happiness....
meeting my grandchildren for the first time...

But perhaps the one thing I would truly love to re-experience are the mountain top highs in my relationship with Jesus. 

I've been a Christian since I was 9 years old. I was raised in the faith, having attended church my whole life and except for some teen-age rebellious years, have pretty much tried to walk the talk. It wasn't until I was in my 30's however that I realized that what I'd been calling my "Christian Life" wasn't exactly the full life that God had planned for me. I'd been living life according to Robyn, making decisions based on what I thought was best for me, not on seeking out what was God's best for me. 

The day I came face to face with this truth was the day my relationship with Jesus got real. I realized that a lot of what I had been doing was based on religion: going through the motions of bible reading, attending church, praying and signing up for lots of 'do-good' activities. When I caught a glimpse of just how much Jesus loved me and how much He wanted a real relationship with me, that's when things began to change. For the better.

Since then, it's been a process, a journey, full of ups and downs, twists and turns, but an exciting adventure with laughter, tears, sorrows and joys. And while I wouldn't trade that for anything, there are times I realize I've been coasting, sort of taking my Christian life for granted. I start getting a little lukewarm about things... the passion cools, the mind wanders, and then I find I've drifted into a dry and weary desert... again.

I really don't like when this happens. That's when I wish I  could push a rewind button and go back to the times where I felt the Holy Spirit powerfully at work within me. This last time of desert dryness I finally reached a point of such frustration that I did something either incredible brave or incredible stupid. I asked the Lord to ignite in me a Holy Passion for the things He wants me to go after.

I prayed that prayer and then sat back in fear and trepidation wondering what would happen next. It's been a few weeks since I prayed that prayer-- and I've even repeated it a time or two. It's been a slow, tender unfolding but change is happening. I feel like I am coming out of a long winter's nap and as I stretch and yawn and look around, I feel like a little branch on a tree, it's delicate shoot gently unfurling a little more each day.

God knows me so well and while in someone else's life He might bring change swift and powerfully, He knows me and He knows my circumstances. He knows at what speed I need to travel --when to go fast, when to go slow. But each day I have felt the passion re-igniting. Yes, it's slow but it's enough. And I am aware that the rewind button isn't necessary. It's a brand new movie and while occasionally I might catch a peek of the trailer, it's with my best interest in mind that God reveals things to me in just the right measure, at just the right speed, at just the right time.

Praise  God!

Extraordinary Thoughts on an Ordinary Day

Perhaps I exaggerate. My thoughts are rarely extraordinary. I'm just your average blogger woman, who occasionally gets an inspiration to write a story. Yet, today as I meandered down a country road, taking in the sights, smells and sounds of my surroundings, I was struck with what I think was an extraordinary thought. At least to me it was. I will leave it up to your own judgement whether the same is true for you.

As you may know, I walk almost every day. I average 3 miles each time out but some days life conspires against me and a 2 mile shuffle is all I can manage. On the days my energy level soars I try to take advantage and log in more but on average it's 3 miles. According to my husband I walk very fast but I think I'm just faster than him. Some times I wonder why I don't seem to increase in speed, or the length for which I can speed walk. And then I shrug my shoulders and say "whatever. at least I got out there."

That's what I was thinking today as I stopped to take a pictures, scratch a mosquito bite, tie my shoelace. As I stopped to tie my sweatshirt around my waist I thought, "It's not about how fast I walk, or how far I go. What matters is that every day, I'm getting out there and I'm moving." Just as quickly the next thought came: The same is true in my Spiritual Journey.

 It's not about how many souls I reach for Christ (although that is important-- but really Salvation is up to the Holy Spirit) what matters is, am I shining His light to others?

Am I  living my life for Jesus? Am I living in accordance with His Will?

Obedience is what unlocks God's power. Am I being obedient to His Call?
Am I doing what He asks of me?

Yes. It's not about how much I do each day, but that I do it. Just keep moving in His Path.

 One step at a time.

Advancing for the Kingdom (part 2)

We retreated so we could advance.

Our overnight retreat was truly a time for connecting. Connecting with one another as a small group. Connecting with ourselves as we pulled away, just for a few hours, from the hustle-bustle of our busy lives. Connecting with God in an intimate, unhurried way. 

Saturday Morning found me out on a new road for my morning walk. I have driven this road any number of times but it takes on a much different flavor when you walk it. I had a couple of hours to myself before we would gather again as a group for our next session and I made the most of it. As I marched along, breathing in the unmistakable aroma of  "Dairy Air", I couldn't help grinning. 

I had slept deep the night before, which is unusual for me on any night, and especially so in a strange bed. But I was filled with a deep sense of peace and joy stemming from the time of prayer the night before and the joy that was carrying me down that country road that morning almost had me running. 

Because I am no stranger to those times of dryness in my prayer life, I know that it is never God who moves away from me. No, it is I who move. I go in my own direction and do my own thing and it isn't long before the Voice of the Holy Spirit gets muted in favor of my own voice, or the voice of the world. 

Later that day I will share with the group how God moved in me during our Friday night prayer time, and I know they will rejoice with me but for right now, I am tackling hills and valleys on this country road, thrilling at the clouds and tree blossoms and cheerful daffodils blooming in random places. 

In A Whisper

Pounding rain against the roof and windows at 4am. Driven from my bed from a need to pee, I listen in awe to this summer shower turned reckless. Back under the covers I try to find the perfect position in which to return to slumber for a couple more hours. I am challenged by 3 things. A backache that just won't quit, a snoring husband and a neurotic cat who thinks I want to cuddle now. Correction. Who thinks I should cuddle now.

But as I snuggle deeper under my blankets and smell the freshness this rain brings, my thoughts return to the troublesome issue that's been plaguing me for days now. My job. I have been off work for going into my 3rd week and am not scheduled to return till the 1st of July. A stress fracture on my foot that was then complicated with shin splints from wearing a walking boot, followed by my back going out due to what I can only attribute to a lack of activity, has left me confused about whether to sit or stand. Sitting causes my back to spasm, standing puts pressure on my foot. Laying in my bed seems to me a logical conclusion and until my antidepressants catch up with me, it's where I truly want to be. But, my job. What about my job?

I have been there 6 months and during this time the physical work has never gotten easier. I like what I do and I enjoy the work atmosphere for the most part, however, physically it kicks my butt every single day and I am seriously questioning whether or not I can  continue.... As I roll over and push my cat away from my face, I mentally list all the things that hurt.
Rotator Cuffs. Both of them torn, operated on and then torn again and basically, at this point, stable but always ready to make me miserable should I do one small thing to set them off.
Fibromyalgia. It's been over 10 years since I was diagnosed with this chronic disease and I have learned for the most part how to counteract it and live with it. I keep it under control by watching what I eat, getting equal amount of rest and exercise, and trying to avoid the things that can trigger it. Fibromyalgia also presents a wide range of issues from the achy body to brain fog, to insomnia and more. Loads of fun. Loads.
Stress fracture in the foot. Not getting better. Wondering if there is perhaps also some arthritis in the ankle as it aches when it's fixing to rain. Which in Washington is just about all the time.
Back issues that come and go... such as now. My back goes out more than I do.
And lastly, Depression that can range from debilitating to manageable, but always, the threat of a dark cloud is there.

This is my list and no wonder sleep is elusive. I kick the covers off my feet as I feel a hot flash developing. And then, a whisper. Words flash across my brain, my heart and I think... "God... is that You?"
Because, He does speak to me, and usually, almost always,  in my quiet, unguarded moments.
I listen.
He says "Trust. Try. Talk."

"Trust. Trust in Me. I have it under control. Trust me to lead you in everything. And Trust your husband. I have appointed him the spiritual leader of your household and he's following my lead. It's going to be alright."

"Try. Do you best and leave the rest up to Me. That's all I ask. I am strong where you are weak and I know where your weaknesses are better than you do. All you have to do is try."

"Talk. Communication is key. Talk to Me. Talk to Bruce. Talk to your boss."

I drift back to sleep for maybe another 30 minutes or so. When I have my coffee and my bible reading plan ready for my morning devotions, I discover the title of my read is 'God Speaks to His Friends". Interesting. Not a coincidence, this morning's topic for me.

God speaks. In a whisper. Are you listening?

His Perfect Peace

I was reminded today that it is the Presence of God that brings me peace, not the absence of troubles.

Oh how I needed that reminder....

bills are due....
they outweigh the paycheck as usual.
My old one has ended; my new job hasn't started yet
I haven't heard the start date yet and I wonder why...
the car is on empty and I need to figure out a way to drive into town so I can collect my last paycheck so I can buy gas for my car!
checked my bank account this morning and discovered a garnishment was taken by a creditor we owe money to. I don't dispute the amount we owe them but we've been trying to work out a payment arrangement with them and they do this?? never mind the fact that some checks are going to bounce now thank to the garnishment...
the job hubby has spent weeks working on the price estimates for came to a screeching halt once the prospective home owners got the estimate... hours for which he won't receive compensation.... and it's iffy they will decide to proceed with the project.
my house looks like a mini tornado came through here... laundry in various stages of dirty, clean, wrinkled, are my decor. dirty dishes, an unmade bed and a muddy floor taunt me....
I feel disorganized, chaotic and uncertain. Troubles surround me and I want to let the waves of depression drag me into a cave....

I pick up my worn bible and sit down with a cup of coffee and drink in both. It doesn't even seem to matter what section of scripture I read to feel His Presence....
to feel alive again.
to find hope.
courage.
peace.

Dirty dishes stacked by the sink, tell me we ate good last night.  an unmade bed says I slept warm and comfortable.  muddy footprints in the entry way remind me that my husband is doing his best to make ends meet. Bills will come every month and serve to remind me of all the blessings we have each month; a place to live, electricity and water, precious commodities that many MANY in this world DO NOT have.

I sink back against the couch and let HIS WORD wash over me.... the troubles do not go away but His Presence-- HIS MIGHTY PRESENCE -- sustains me. I will dwell in His Presence.

Yesterday I took a pleasurable dip in a emerald green lake and felt both the exhilaration and refreshment that came from the cool temperature of the water. It wasn't too cold, it was actually just cool enough-- a wonderful contrast against the rising heat of the day. Floating with my girlfriends, using a water noodle to keep me stable, it is a great example of how the Holy Spirit is working for me. He refreshes like cool water, He brings me companionship, He gives me a buoyancy to stay afloat in times of weariness. And like the water that surrounded me, how much more so does My God.

I am saturated. 

How Do I Love Thee?

Let me count the ways.....

This beautiful sonnet by Elizabeth Barrett Browning has been one of my favorites since I first read it oh, so many years ago. Who wouldn't want to be loved this much or feel this depth of  love for another? I know how much I love my husband and I know he loves me with all his might. Yet it pales in comparison to the Love of God.

About 3 this morning I woke to the irritating call of mother nature and as usual had a hard time nestling back into slumber. As I tossed on my bed, breathed in the night air and felt the cooling breeze circulate our bedroom, I heard a whisper came with it.... "do you love me?.... do you desire me?" and then, softly, tenderly, "come back to me, my love."

It wasn't my husband, deep in slumber beside me. I knew instinctively this was the Holy Spirit, taking my pulse. For some time now I've been feeling stagnant. It happens every now and again. I struggle with my daily bible reading, with praying, soon followed by trouble with writing things of significance, or pursuing a life of excellence. I'm sure lots of others have experienced this a time or two. We get caught up in 'stuff' and allow our worldly busyness to distract us from what really matters.

It's no coincidence that this would follow on the heels of starting a new bible reading program. We've started a new sermon series at church and (I love this) daily assigned readings for each day of the week to compliment the sermon series. We're spending the next few weeks looking at the Minor Prophets in the Old Testament. We've started with Hosea. He was a prophet told by God to marry a prostitute and LOVE HER UNCONDITIONALLY as a way to illustrate God's Faithful Love for His people despite their unfaithfulness.

In our church program was a little checklist that I wanted to avoid answering as soon as my eyes fell upon it. It asked.... "HOW IN LOVE ARE YOU WITH JESUS TODAY?"  and it was broken down into categories regarding spending time in prayer and in the word, and sharing with others about him. I knew I didn't want to take this little quiz right then because I knew my answers would be sad and depressing. I knew I was struggling and I knew I needed this as a little wake up call -- or spiritual pulse checking.

As I snuggled deeper under the covers last night, yearning for sleep to overtake me once again, I found myself whispering back to the quiet voice that had called me. "yes, yes I love you, but I want to love you more..... I want my desire for you to be reignited.... have your way with me Lord, work on my heart and my spirit even as I sleep...."

I feel back asleep within seconds of breathing this prayer and when I got up this morning, despite the pre-coffee fogginess of my brain and the un-stretched muscles of my body, I knew my prayer had been answered. Once hubby was off to work I settled into my chair with my coffee and my bible and drank in both my beverage and His Word. It was no coincidence that the reading this morning included this passage from Chapter 6 of Hosea. 

“Come, let us return to the Lord.
He has torn us to pieces 
    but he will heal us; 
he has injured us
    but he will bind up our wounds. 
² After two days he will revive us; 
    on the third day he will restore us,
    that we may live in his presence.
³ Let us acknowledge the Lord;
    let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
    he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains, 
    like the spring rains that water the earth. ”


How Faithful is our God, that He loves like that! Despite my unfaithfulness and my forgetfulness, no matter how many times I stray or fall down or fail, He is there to pick me up, set me back on the path and hold my hand and guide me once again to the green pastures, the refreshing waters, the soul restoring places. He offers restoration and life to all who seek and ask. 

the word

today's scripture reading has me in 1 Thessalonian 2. The last phrase of verse 13 caught me.  The full verse says:  Therefore, we never stop thanking God that when you received his message from us, you didn't think of our words as mere human ideas. You accepted what we said as the very word of God--which, of course, it is. And this word continues to work in you who believe.

I like meditating on this. It reminds me that no matter how much (or truth be told, how little) time I spend in God's Word, I take it with me when I close my Bible and get up to go about my day. Because I have the Spirit of the Living Christ, living in me, I have The Word. What a gift! What a promise!

Whatever we as believers embark on today, we can do it with confidence and assurance. Because even after we close our bibles and move on with all that we have planned for this day, we do it with the Living Word of God.

for the word of God is alive and active. Hebrews 4.12

Treasures in Perishable Containers

We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.  2 Corinthians 4:7

The Treasure that lives in me is the Holy Spirit. God's Spirit resides in ... ME ?!?! Weak, failing, frail, wicked me? Yes. When I accepted Jesus as my Savior, His Spirit came to live in me. And day by day, His Spirit is transforming me, into His likeness. As I allow Him to have more and more of me, I become less and He becomes more.

Who am I that God would deem this possible? That this cracked, frail ugly little clay pot named Robyn would host the Spirit of the Almighty God? It's a little unnerving to say the least!

Yet, God makes it possible. Not so that I can say "I am worthy" but  so that I can say exactly the opposite. I am NOT worthy yet the Love of Christ is such that He chose to redeem me and cleanse me and reside with in me. And by this the world will know that God lives.

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:8


I have troubles But I will not be crushed and broken. I'm confused but I won't give up or quit. I am pursued by evil but God has not left me. I get knocked down, time and time again but I will get up and keep going.

I have been chewing on this 4th chapter of 2 Corinthians for several days now. It's got so much of what I need right now that I have not been pushed by my daily Bible reading plan but rather just camped out right here in chapter 4 to drink in all that God wants me to. I have been praying for several people lately who are struggling with things in this life; overwhelming things. Depression, sickness, death.... and I know the depths of the despair they feel because I've walked through those experiences myself.

Yet. Yet the TREASURE is with in us.

I can't help but chuckle a little thinking about this line in the movie "O Brother Where Are Thou?" where one of the characters warns the others "do not seek the treasure!" Most treasure hunts can bring us along a dangerous path. At least that is the way it is depicted in the movies. But the treasure of the Holy Spirit is worth pursuing, so like most people on a treasure hunt, we press on. And to fully have this treasure, there will be a death. the death of my selfish-need-to-have-control- be-in-charge-want-it-all- self. But what I will gain in exchange is incomparable.

That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever. 2 Corinthians 4: 16-18