Fragments

 I wake slowly, the heaviness of the blankets that kept me safe and warm now feeling cumbersome. My eyes adjust to the darkness, seeking the sliver of light from a curtain not quite closed all the way. Before I have even sat up, I am aware that I was having quite a vivid dream, one full of details and emotions. But before my feet touch the floor, the dream has already begun to dissipate, leaving only fragments that puzzle me as I work to piece it together. Over a steaming mug of coffee, I try to recall it all, but the fragments are slipping away fast, and I finally resign myself that it's just another dream I can't remember.

I glance over at my end table where my Bible sits. How often does my time in scripture result in the same experience? I think I am present as I read God's Word but when I close the book and walk away, what stays with me? How quickly the words fade from my memory, telling me I was not as present as I thought I was. Only fragments remain. 

Yet, there are verses that have imprinted on my heart, learned in childhood, reassuring me that God's Word does not return void. "The grass withers and flowers fade but the Word of our God will stand forever." Isaiah 40:8 

This is why God commanded in Joshua 1:8 "Study this Book of Law continually. Meditate on it day and night, so you may be sure to obey all that is written in it." 

And in Colossians 1 we read how prayers for spiritual wisdom are ours for the asking! So, I am encouraged. I may not recall my dreams, but I can ask for retention of God's Word. Even better, His word is there to dive into and be refreshed when my mind has only fragments. 

It Won't Keep

As a young mother I came across this sweet poem that reminded me what's really important in raising children. I learned that sparkling clean floors are no comparison to the sparkle in my child's eyes because I spent time with them.

As I am now in my 'mature' years with children grown and grandkids to love on, my focus the past few years has been on a different kind of baby.

It's the story locked with in me that cries to be released. It's the words that I birth as I labor over a blank sheet of paper or watch the curser blink on my computer screen. I've learned that when the ideas are hot, I must act on them. If I ignore it or procrastinate, those little ideas start to slip away.

We discussed this at our last writers group meeting,  brainstorming over the things that often keep us from writing and how to knock down those roadblocks to creativity.  Writing is hard work. But if we want to hone our craft, we must be dedicated. This writing gift deserves attention, just as a baby does.

A few days before the writers meeting, I created a quiet space for myself in our little travel trailer. A place where I can spread out my bible, my journals, my colored pencils and unleash my creativity as I spend time in God's Word.  This was due in part to inspiration I received from a friend who loves to journal and has put a crafter's touch to it. Illustrated Faith is one name for it.

 I've always been an 'underline my bible verse' kind of gal but now I'm taking it to the next level. I take my Sunday Morning sermon notes and ponder them all week long, taking a deeper look at the scriptures, meditating on them and making notes in my journal. I might color or add a sticker or two to make the thoughts I've collected stand out a little more or I might just stick with my ink pen. But the point is, I am spending more time in the Word, more time focused on things of eternal value. (it helps that in the tin-can travel trailer internet reception gets spotty so I can't surf the web very well, and therefore I can truly remain focused on what I went out there for!)

I shared with the writing group about my 'She-Shed' because I realized that one of the roadblocks in my writing is that I have allowed myself to be distracted and often the reason I don't write is because it was easier to just spend time on Facebook rather than putting any effort into writing.  While there's been a writing block in front of me that has had a lock on my creativity the truth is my creative juices tend to run driest when my spiritual life is also dry. When I have a clear close connection with Christ, my creativity flows much better. And my quiet time with the Lord had gotten way too quiet as of late if you catch my meaning...

The sermon this past Sunday was about priorities which just seemed to cement further the whole idea of getting back into God's Word and back into writing my words! In fact, our pastor encouraged us to make a list of the top 5 priorities in our lives.

It was pretty much a no-brainer for me to make my list (God, Family, Friends...) but I pushed myself to go deeper with each item on the list, listing specific measurable goals for each one. Not surprisingly, #5 was to make time and effort to work on my creative side.

So... quiet down Facebook,
Internet go to sleep.
I'm writing a story
and the words just won't keep.

Just Jesus

I'll just go ahead and say it. I'm a slow learner. Or, perhaps more correctly, a stubborn one.

You would think that after 40++ years of being a Christian, I'd get it. And, of course, I do. Get it I mean. I get what being a Christ follower means. I get what living a life set apart should look like. I get that living for Jesus demands my whole heart. I get it and I want it and I pursue it. Well, most of the time. I mean, let's be perfectly honest... there are days where living for Jesus is not at the front and center of my heart and mind. More correctly, it's living for Robyn taking His place. And so, I need these constant reminders, these daily checkpoints to stop me in my tracks, keep me in line and help me refocus, renew and recommit.

As so often is the case, when God wants to get a message, He does it repeatedly. It happened that way this morning....

In addition to following a bible reading plan, I receive multiple online devotionals via email. This morning as I sipped my coffee and tried vainly to focus my bleary eyes on the email as viewed through my smartphone, I read the scripture accompanying the devotional. 

From Philippians 4.19: And my God will meet all your needs, according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus. 

The main thrust of the devotional was about running on empty-- forgetting to spend time daily with Jesus, refueling. It was a timely and gentle reminder for me as I had allowed a few days to slip away where starting my day with The Word had been forsaken in exchange for whatever else was clamoring for my attention. 

I laid my phone down and picked up my bible and journal to jot down some thoughts. Satisfied with my pondering, I returned to my phone to finish my email. As I scrolled down through the content of the next email what jumped out at me? Reference to not worrying about our own needs because God will supply them.... and, yes, Philippians 4.19.

Even as my heart thrilled in my chest I wasn't that surprised. It was so clearly NOT coincidence. God had my attention. 

I don't forget to eat. I need food to fuel my body and my brain and when I skip a meal or go too long between eating, I grow cranky, tired and sometimes a little shaky. So why do I allow my spirit to skip feedings? 

It has to be more than just a habit I lock myself into. It has to be the most important source I turn to, daily, minute by minute. 

Jesus. 
Just Jesus.

With Time to Ruminate

I have been mulling it over in my heart all week. This thought about the glass being half full or half empty. About what's in my cup. About loving fully, no holding back. About serving without any expectations on a return for my investment. About 'doormat'.

Probably the word I struggled with the most was that last one. After more mulling, praying and discussing, I think I have reached the place of understanding that 'doormat' as Oswald Chambers uses it, means to serve without any thought of being noticed. I don't think it means to be walked on/walked all over/misused. I think it really means having a servant's heart.

The servant is probably the least noticed person in any given situation. When I dine out, I don't really want a chatty waitress. I just want my food. I'm not saying this to be snarky. If you wait on me in a restaurant and approach my table with a big smile and tell me your name and that you will be taking care of me this evening, I won't be offended. I won't be striking up a conversation with you though either, because, I came here to enjoy dinner with my companion and we'd like to be alone now please. But some people might not give the wait staff a second thought. Ever notice how in the movies conversations don't necessarily come to a halt just because the waiter comes by? That's the kind of going unnoticed, unappreciated kind of service I think being a doormat means in this reference.

I'm OK with that. It's not my strong suit, I'll grant you. I like to be noticed and acknowledged.  I get a little grumpy when I work hard for someone else and barely garner a thanks. So, this is probably also an area I need to work on. Because, as it says in Ephesians 6.7: Work with enthusiasm, as though you are working for the Lord, rather than for people. And again in Colossians 3.23: Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord, rather than people. If it is what the Lord asks of me, to serve where He calls me to serve, to work where He needs me to work, I should respond, willingly, whole heartedly and without any expectations of reward.

My pride wrestles with that I guess. Just as I have tried to protect certain areas of my heart and wrestle with the idea of full surrender no matter what the cost, I will wrestle with this one.

I used to have a button back in Jr High School that said "Please be patient. God isn't finished with me yet." I could use that button now. I may be over 50 and have probably used up over half of my life, but I'm still a work in progress.

A 7-11 Jesus

The woman at the well is a familiar passage from the bible for most of us. She's used in sermon illustrations about as often as Peter walking on the water, Martha's whining over Mary not helping her with dinner and Lazarus being raised from the dead. So it always amazes me when I revisit a well known story and have a fresh take away.( I guess that is why we call the Word of God "LIVING".)

John 4:

10 Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”

11 “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? 12 Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?”

13 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

15 The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.”

We were discussing the Woman at the Well the other night in our small group. The woman had this interesting exchange with Jesus-- the Great I AM-- and asks where she can get this water that will forever quench her thirst. Someone in our group made the comment "I don't think she got it." meaning the Samaritan Woman thought Jesus was talking about literal water when He was actually referencing the spiritual water that only He can give. Of course the Samaritan Woman wanted the water that would satisfy;  "Give me this water so I don't have to keep coming back to draw more water."

Don't we all want the easier way? I sometimes despair as I clean my house because I know by tomorrow the carpet will be in desperate need of another vacuuming, and the bathroom will need another disinfecting wipe down. I wonder if I, like the woman at the well, want what Jesus has to offer, only out of convenience, to make my life easier.

But did Jesus come to take away lifes challenges? Hmmm...... I'm thinking He is more concerned with changing us inside  in order to empower us to deal with our problems with a more Christ like perspective. Yet, here I am, acting like Jesus is some corner-market convenience store I can run to when I am running low on supplies.

I do my major grocery shopping about once every two weeks. I stock up with enough meat and veggies to make the meals I have planned out but in between those big shopping trips, there will be several quick visits to the market on the corner for bread and eggs, or some forgotten ingredient, or when I am desperate for cream in my coffee early in the morning, the gas station-quickie-mart across the road from my house.

I get my big fill up of Jesus on Sunday mornings, soaking in His presence as we worship, taking notes as our Pastor exegesis and it's all good. But if I don't supplement my Sunday with DAILY dips into God's Word, if I don't stop and have some heart felt conversation with my Jesus, if I just coast all week on Sundays message it will be like having pancakes without butter and syrup, oatmeal without milk and--- horror of horrors--- coffee sans cream.

In other words, it won't satisfy.

Too often I am ashamed to admit, I end up treating my Savior like a 7-11 Jesus. I know he's there 24/7 and he's got all the things I need in a pinch. So I dash in and grab the stuff I need like, safety for my husband on the job, healing for all those people on my list-- you know who they are Lord, and please make things go smoothly for my friends who are struggling..... oh, and Jesus, could you make my life go slower so I won't have to do this mad-dash prayer routine? 

Well, that's just nuts but it's a reality thats played out much too often to my chagrin.

I dusted the living room today and shook my head sadly as I wiped particles of dust off my bible. I flipped it open to the card with the Daily Reading Plan many of us in church are following. Yep, its marking the chapter for last weeks reading. Oops. So I sat down and read. I read up to today. And guess what? We are in the book of John and it's chapter 4. The Woman at the Well.

Which brings me full circle. The woman wanted the water that would satisfy so she wouldn't have to keep coming back to draw more buckets from the well. It was a lot of work hauling water home each day and she was tired of the scornful looks she got from her neighbors who knew her shameful past (5 husbands!) and her shameful present (living with a man she wasn't married to). She yearned for her life to be made easier. And Jesus offers her water that isn't from a well. Jesus offers her water that will satisfy eternally; a spring of water welling up to eternal life.

I said I gleaned some new stuff from reading this familiar passage in the gospel of John.

I realized I'm thirsty.

Psalms for the Soul

Last week, despite the biting cold, we had some spectacular sunny days to ease the chill. I got out there every day for my walk and managed a few pictures along the way. Afterwards I was just struck by the notion to soak in the Psalms for a time. The words of the psalmist and the photographs of God's amazing creation seem to come together like notes to the words of a song.  Enjoy!

Are We Excited?

I am slogging as I am jogging through the 1st chapter of Ephesians. Slogging because this new way of bible study using the inductive style is at times slow going and frustrating for me, a neophyte to Precepts, but at the same time I am jogging with Joy as I spend time in God's Word, and in prayer over His word. And believe me, I am praying because everytime I feel that slog begin and the cobwebs spin over my brain causing me to shut down, I have to mentally and physically shake it off and realign myself in Christ to read it through His Spirit.

I was texting with my sister earlier today, as we are taking this bible study class together. No, I wasn't asking her for the answers!! Silly. The good news is that there really aren't wrong answers per say, because God speaks to each of us in the way we need most so He may reveal something to me that He won't reveal to another and vise-versa. No, we were chatting back and forth about each of us experiencing the slogging. We both agreed however, that talking to God about how frustrating this bible study is for us, does seem to bring us closer to Him and isn't that really the point of studying His word? Well then, mission accomplished!!

One of the sweet gems that is rising to the top like a thick layer of cream, is the revealing of the Great Mystery, as Paul refers to it. The Mystery of The Plan. And this is the plan: long ago, before He even made the world, God loved us. Loved us and chose us! He chose us, in Christ to be HOLY AND WITHOUT FAULT in His eyes. And what's more, this has ALWAYS been His plan! He made a plan and never wavered. It  was always His unchanging plan to redeem us. To adopt us into His family. Not only did He have this awesome plan to adopt us, but it gave Him GREAT PLEASURE to do so.

Now think about it. Does this blow you away?

Well, here's a truth. I asked Jesus into my heart when I was 9 years old. I don't have one of those heart wrenching gutter-to-gospel stories of redemption but I do believe that the angels rejoiced just as much over my prayer to receive Jesus as they did when Paul, who calls himself the worst of the worst, converted. But because I grew up in a bible believing, church attending family, because I never left the church to go explore the seedier side of the world, (ok, I might have tip-toed close enough to see it but I never went over the edge) I must admit that over time the Gospel Story of Redemption kinda lost its glow. I just take this gift, this precious gift, for granted a lot of the time. I grow complacent in my faith, just humming along like a happy little Christian, but not really living like my life has been rescued, saved, redeemed, bought with a price.

This must break the heart of God.

I remember searching for a very special gift for someone's birthday one year. I saved the money to purchase it, and I was very excited over what I had chosen to give them. I hoped and prayed that this gift would be received with elation and gratefulness. But there was only a shrug of the shoulders and a rather sullen thank you from their lips. And then the gift was set aside and was probably never used. At least, not in the way it was intended. Now, how do you think I felt?

Yah. Pretty hurt.

And I realize that is what I am doing to God when I treat His gift of eternal life, His Saving Grace, like it's just, so-whatever. I find myself going back to verse 19 in chapter 1 of Ephesians where Paul writes: I pray you will begin to understand the incredible greatness of his power for us who believe him.

Because, if I begin to understand just how incredible this really is, perhaps I won't ever take it for granted again.

When We Shift Our Focus

practicing an attitude of gratitude in a world of practiced self-entitlement

if a person were to be consistent in spending time praising God, how would that affect the way that person looks at problems 

she is facing? 

When I cannot see the forest for the trees, when the road I'm walking is so foggy I can't see more than one step at a time, when life circumstances knock me to my knees, I want to lift my eyes to the hills, and ask, from where does my help come from? And answer with certainty and resolute hope, "My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth!"

This past week has had the usual challenges and trials. Trying to pay bills from last month with this months paycheck, stretching that mighty dollar once again. Watching the gas gauge flicker on empty and still coaxing one more trip into town. Talking with Mom about the impending move. Working. Feeding my family and keeping up with the house keeping. Nursing my hubby who is once again being pulled under by a nasty head cold. Feeling the distance and separation in stronger waves as I learn my son-in-law has broken his foot and knowing the hardship this puts on their family. Feeling tired. Stressed. Near burn out. Fighting tears and cranky spells (and losing) I have found something that works better than sleep, better than chocolate and better than retail therapy. 

What is IT????

PRAISING GOD. 

I crank UP the praise music. 

I dig out my bible and read from the Psalms >ALOUD<  

I LOOK, really look at creation and all the glorious splendor our loving and mighty God gave us to enjoy. 

And I am instantly transported to a place of peace, joy and hope. I gain strength in a way that I cannot truly describe. I feel hope in the face of despair. I start praising God and thanking Him for all I DO have. It turns everything around. 

I see things in a fresh new perspective. Those bills I was worried about have all gotten a portion of our paychecks. We slid through another month with the power and phone intact. Those numerous trips to town yielded great results and good gas mileage! Mom took the news about moving with grace. I am thankful for my job and getting up early every morning is good discipline and I have time  carved out for reading my bible. The life group bible study my husband and I are leading is encouraging us to have weekly dates and pray together. We have cold medicine stashed in the cupboard and a weekend for him to sleep, rest and recuperate. We have skype to stay connected with family and friends far away. We have stress-busting worship time with our church family and smiles and hugs from them also. 

I am blessed. 

I am so very very blessed. 

I am grateful. I am thankful. I am satisfied. 

I have joy. 

I lift my eyes to the hills.Where does my help come from? 

My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth! 

Psalm 121.

If God's So Great Why Isn't He Enough?

God should be my everything. The psalmist said "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want" or in another version, "I have everything I need."  In almost every psalm that David wrote the theme of praise is constant: God is Great! 

I believe this with all my heart. God is great. He is faithful, His love endures forever. His mercy is everlasting. His care for me is evident. God is, irrefutably, undeniably, overwhelmingly, GREAT. 

So why isn't He enough? 

Why is it that my worries and fears crowd my heart and mind in such a way that I diminish God's greatness? Why is it that I seek after other things for comfort, solace, fulfillment? If God is everything I need, why do I act so needy and why do I seek after other things? 

Why do I allow the pressures of unpaid bills and lack of funds to supersede the track record that my Jehovah Jireh has established in my life? Why do I let my circumstances define me rather than my identity as a child of the King of Kings? 

Why do I cast my worries on Jesus, as my bible encourages me to do, and then in the next minute pick them all back up again to weigh me down? 

If God is as great as I say I believe He is, why isn't He enough for me? 

For years, my biggest vice was shopping. Call it retail therapy and chuckle, but since I was a young girl, my monthly allowance burned a hole in my pocket and I couldn't save a dime to save my life! When I was a single mom, struggling to provide for my daughter and I, I got into some serious debt thanks to credit cards and a void I was trying unsuccessfully to fill. By the time I married Bruce, my shopping and spending habits were deeply entrenched and I had some serious addictions to battle. Now, I know when you say the word addictions,  drugs, alcohol and gambling are the things that come to mind. Say it's a shopping addiction ,and like saying retail therapy, people kind of laugh it off. But for me, I knew it was something I needed to get control of. I tried to manage it in my own power but it took the work of the Holy Spirit in my life to really break the control that unbridled spending had over me. 

The question I had to come to terms with wasn't why I was spending money I didn't have on things I didn't need, but rather what  void in my life was I trying to fill through this activity? In other words, why wasn't God enough? 

Tonight I took another look at Psalm 145... like all of David's poetry, it is overflowing with a melody of praise, of God's greatness. I was struck, really struck with the choice I have to be grateful for God's goodness and grace. I must decide to declare God's Greatness. I must commit 100% to believing that God is greater than all my circumstances. 

I will exalt you, my God and King,
    and praise your name forever and ever.
² I will praise you every day;
    yes, I will praise you forever.
³ Great is the Lord! He is most worthy of praise!
    No one can measure his greatness.

For a LOT of us, life's not so great. You all know of the ongoing struggle my husband and I face because of financial issues. Life is hard right now. Life without the money to live properly is really really not O.K. But even when life is not great, God still is.

 Let me say this again: When Life is NOT great, God is still great. My pastor says these two truths are not mutually exclusive, and deciding to declare God's Greatness in the face of badness can be my way of acknowledging I belong to Him.

Let each generation tell its children of your mighty acts;
    let them proclaim your power.
⁵ I will meditate^[ on your majestic, glorious splendor
    and your wonderful miracles.
⁶ Your awe-inspiring deeds will be on every tongue;
    I will proclaim your greatness.
⁷ Everyone will share the story of your wonderful goodness;
    they will sing with joy about your righteousness.

When life is not great, I can still decide to be Grateful. This life is temporary but I know His Kingdom is eternal, and my security in Him is eternal. 

All of your works will thank you, Lord,
    and your faithful followers will praise you.
¹¹ They will speak of the glory of your kingdom;
    they will give examples of your power.
¹² They will tell about your mighty deeds
    and about the majesty and glory of your reign.
¹³ For your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom.
    You rule throughout all generations.

When life is not great, God knows. He hears. He helps and He cares. I know I am not the only person who is struggling, daily, with keeping strong, keeping the faith, keeping their head above water, and pushing forward. Finding strength, hope and help in God's Word and the presence of the Holy Spirit is something I have to choose to do--- again, declaring God's Greatness-- minute by minute, day by day. 

The Lord helps the fallen
    and lifts those bent beneath their loads.
¹⁵ The eyes of all look to you in hope;
    you give them their food as they need it.
¹⁶ When you open your hand,
    you satisfy the hunger and thirst of every living thing.
¹⁷ The Lord is righteous in everything he does;
    he is filled with kindness.
¹⁸ The Lord is close to all who call on him,
    yes, to all who call on him in truth.
¹⁹ He grants the desires of those who fear him;
    he hears their cries for help and rescues them.
²⁰ The Lord protects all those who love him,
    but he destroys the wicked.

¹⁰ 

God is Great. I trust Him.... so I will decide to declare His Greatness... even when.... and especially when, life is not!

I will praise the Lord,

    and may everyone on earth bless his holy name

    forever and ever.

Sour Grapes

google images

She clipped the gnarled vine carefully and pulled it through the tangled web of interlocking branches. Once free, she examined it carefully, proudly even, and then tucked it under her arm as she laid down the pruning shears. Triumphantly she turned and carried her piece of grapevine to the car. She was eager to get home. 

Once she arrived she parked the car and hurried to the house. She scraped the mud off her boots and hung her coat up in the mudroom. The nip of fall hung all around her and the crackling fire was a welcome respite after being outside all morning. She laid the cut vine on her dining room table, eager to be in front of the woodstove. As the warmth of the fire began to penetrate her chilled bones she gazed across the room at the vine branch resting on the table. She grinned. She was going to have grapes! Perhaps she'd even be able to make wine someday. 

The vine branch lay on the table day after day after day. Each time she walked past it she thought about the deep purple fruit she'd seen on the grape arbor from where this piece had been cut. She smacked her lips in anticipation some days, envisioning grape jelly on her toast, or a pretty ceramic bowl filled with the juicy plump goodness of grapes. Tart, sweet and dripping with juice. That was how she pictured it. And she would pat the withering vine and wonder again, how long it would really take for her little branch to bare fruit. 

google images

Are you wondering when she is going to plant this clipped vine? Do you know as well as I do that as long as this cut off branch lies on her kitchen table, without soil and nourishment, nothing, and I mean, NOTHING, will grow? 


Ah, how foolish this person is, thinking that all she had to do was cut off the branch and bring it home and just lay it on the table and expect fruit to come from it. Yet, how often do I follow the same foolish path in my own life. I know how much I need to spend time in God's Word, and in communication with Him and with other believers, yet I foolishly commit the same mistake over and over again. I forsake my quiet time of reading His Love Letter to me, in favor of other things. I neglect studying His Word or seeking His face in prayer and supplication. I forgo my quiet time thinking I'll be fine without it. Or I do my time in the word and then walk away, taking little if anything with me, forgetting all about applying what I've read to my life. 


And then I notice things.... my writing feels dry and withered. I lack enthusiasm for life and the people who love me. I am dried up, shriveled and thirsting for even a drop of Spiritual moisture. I become as brittle as the cut off branch on the middle of the kitchen table. And if by some miracle I was able to produce grapes under these conditions, they would certainly be sour ones. 


The scripture that comes to mind right now is found in John 15.5: Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. 

Like the grapevine withering on the table, I need to be grafted back into the love and life that only Jesus can give. How about you? 

His Perfect Peace

I was reminded today that it is the Presence of God that brings me peace, not the absence of troubles.

Oh how I needed that reminder....

bills are due....
they outweigh the paycheck as usual.
My old one has ended; my new job hasn't started yet
I haven't heard the start date yet and I wonder why...
the car is on empty and I need to figure out a way to drive into town so I can collect my last paycheck so I can buy gas for my car!
checked my bank account this morning and discovered a garnishment was taken by a creditor we owe money to. I don't dispute the amount we owe them but we've been trying to work out a payment arrangement with them and they do this?? never mind the fact that some checks are going to bounce now thank to the garnishment...
the job hubby has spent weeks working on the price estimates for came to a screeching halt once the prospective home owners got the estimate... hours for which he won't receive compensation.... and it's iffy they will decide to proceed with the project.
my house looks like a mini tornado came through here... laundry in various stages of dirty, clean, wrinkled, are my decor. dirty dishes, an unmade bed and a muddy floor taunt me....
I feel disorganized, chaotic and uncertain. Troubles surround me and I want to let the waves of depression drag me into a cave....

I pick up my worn bible and sit down with a cup of coffee and drink in both. It doesn't even seem to matter what section of scripture I read to feel His Presence....
to feel alive again.
to find hope.
courage.
peace.

Dirty dishes stacked by the sink, tell me we ate good last night.  an unmade bed says I slept warm and comfortable.  muddy footprints in the entry way remind me that my husband is doing his best to make ends meet. Bills will come every month and serve to remind me of all the blessings we have each month; a place to live, electricity and water, precious commodities that many MANY in this world DO NOT have.

I sink back against the couch and let HIS WORD wash over me.... the troubles do not go away but His Presence-- HIS MIGHTY PRESENCE -- sustains me. I will dwell in His Presence.

Yesterday I took a pleasurable dip in a emerald green lake and felt both the exhilaration and refreshment that came from the cool temperature of the water. It wasn't too cold, it was actually just cool enough-- a wonderful contrast against the rising heat of the day. Floating with my girlfriends, using a water noodle to keep me stable, it is a great example of how the Holy Spirit is working for me. He refreshes like cool water, He brings me companionship, He gives me a buoyancy to stay afloat in times of weariness. And like the water that surrounded me, how much more so does My God.

I am saturated. 

How Do I Love Thee?

Let me count the ways.....

This beautiful sonnet by Elizabeth Barrett Browning has been one of my favorites since I first read it oh, so many years ago. Who wouldn't want to be loved this much or feel this depth of  love for another? I know how much I love my husband and I know he loves me with all his might. Yet it pales in comparison to the Love of God.

About 3 this morning I woke to the irritating call of mother nature and as usual had a hard time nestling back into slumber. As I tossed on my bed, breathed in the night air and felt the cooling breeze circulate our bedroom, I heard a whisper came with it.... "do you love me?.... do you desire me?" and then, softly, tenderly, "come back to me, my love."

It wasn't my husband, deep in slumber beside me. I knew instinctively this was the Holy Spirit, taking my pulse. For some time now I've been feeling stagnant. It happens every now and again. I struggle with my daily bible reading, with praying, soon followed by trouble with writing things of significance, or pursuing a life of excellence. I'm sure lots of others have experienced this a time or two. We get caught up in 'stuff' and allow our worldly busyness to distract us from what really matters.

It's no coincidence that this would follow on the heels of starting a new bible reading program. We've started a new sermon series at church and (I love this) daily assigned readings for each day of the week to compliment the sermon series. We're spending the next few weeks looking at the Minor Prophets in the Old Testament. We've started with Hosea. He was a prophet told by God to marry a prostitute and LOVE HER UNCONDITIONALLY as a way to illustrate God's Faithful Love for His people despite their unfaithfulness.

In our church program was a little checklist that I wanted to avoid answering as soon as my eyes fell upon it. It asked.... "HOW IN LOVE ARE YOU WITH JESUS TODAY?"  and it was broken down into categories regarding spending time in prayer and in the word, and sharing with others about him. I knew I didn't want to take this little quiz right then because I knew my answers would be sad and depressing. I knew I was struggling and I knew I needed this as a little wake up call -- or spiritual pulse checking.

As I snuggled deeper under the covers last night, yearning for sleep to overtake me once again, I found myself whispering back to the quiet voice that had called me. "yes, yes I love you, but I want to love you more..... I want my desire for you to be reignited.... have your way with me Lord, work on my heart and my spirit even as I sleep...."

I feel back asleep within seconds of breathing this prayer and when I got up this morning, despite the pre-coffee fogginess of my brain and the un-stretched muscles of my body, I knew my prayer had been answered. Once hubby was off to work I settled into my chair with my coffee and my bible and drank in both my beverage and His Word. It was no coincidence that the reading this morning included this passage from Chapter 6 of Hosea. 

“Come, let us return to the Lord.
He has torn us to pieces 
    but he will heal us; 
he has injured us
    but he will bind up our wounds. 
² After two days he will revive us; 
    on the third day he will restore us,
    that we may live in his presence.
³ Let us acknowledge the Lord;
    let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
    he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains, 
    like the spring rains that water the earth. ”


How Faithful is our God, that He loves like that! Despite my unfaithfulness and my forgetfulness, no matter how many times I stray or fall down or fail, He is there to pick me up, set me back on the path and hold my hand and guide me once again to the green pastures, the refreshing waters, the soul restoring places. He offers restoration and life to all who seek and ask. 

I should be studying

Tomorrow I will drive the 90 minutes it takes to reach the Big Post Office in Everett,  to take the postal workers exam. Am I anxious? A little. Tests, especially 'timed' ones, will do that to a person. I did get the Postal Workers guidebook from the library last week and it has the test in it so you can study and take the test and see how well you do and where you need to study more.

The more I study, the more I realize how long it's been since I've been in school and needed to study for anything!! And I realize my forgetter works a whole lot better than my rememberer. Acck! Well, the bottom line is, I am counting on God to open or close the door. I am doing my part by preparing as best I can and then leave the rest up to Him. If working in a post office is where He wants me, then I will soon find out!

I also have discovered just how good I  am at procrastinating. I will allow all sorts of things to distract me from the things I don't want to do. And funny how even some of the things I don't want to do normally, suddenly become much more attractive when contrasted against something even less attractive. Suddenly dishes, laundry and bed making seem SO vital when compared to homework. And all of those things can be dropped down further on the list when I realize I haven't blogged in a few days and I need to get something up!

Yesterday, Sunday, was the perfect day. Worship in the morning, followed by a lazy sunny day. Some dear friends stopped by for a brief visit after church and we sat in the shade and enjoyed the wafting breeze and  the heat and sipped glasses of iced tea. After they left hubby kicked back in his chair for the Sunday nap and I lost myself in a good book until the heat induced sleepies pulled me under and I too was out for the count. I can't remember the last time I napped for as long as I did and when I finally woke up, it had finally cooled off enough to sit in the dining room and look at my study book again. Too bad my back was complaining, making sitting for too long an uncomfortable thing. Too bad the mosquitoes were bugging me. Too bad I was suddenly so hungry. Yes, anything to distract me.

Like so many things in life.... we get so easily distracted. It is a constant battle for me to keep the better thoughts, the positive ones, the life giving ones, at the forefront. Instead so often it's the negative, life draining thoughts that threaten to consume me. I have to chose to focus on the positive, chose to make the healthy better options be the ones I go with. Chose to put God first no matter what.

Back to the books I go. And I think some time in God's Book needs to come first.

Happy Monday!

the word

today's scripture reading has me in 1 Thessalonian 2. The last phrase of verse 13 caught me.  The full verse says:  Therefore, we never stop thanking God that when you received his message from us, you didn't think of our words as mere human ideas. You accepted what we said as the very word of God--which, of course, it is. And this word continues to work in you who believe.

I like meditating on this. It reminds me that no matter how much (or truth be told, how little) time I spend in God's Word, I take it with me when I close my Bible and get up to go about my day. Because I have the Spirit of the Living Christ, living in me, I have The Word. What a gift! What a promise!

Whatever we as believers embark on today, we can do it with confidence and assurance. Because even after we close our bibles and move on with all that we have planned for this day, we do it with the Living Word of God.

for the word of God is alive and active. Hebrews 4.12

Treasures in Perishable Containers

We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.  2 Corinthians 4:7

The Treasure that lives in me is the Holy Spirit. God's Spirit resides in ... ME ?!?! Weak, failing, frail, wicked me? Yes. When I accepted Jesus as my Savior, His Spirit came to live in me. And day by day, His Spirit is transforming me, into His likeness. As I allow Him to have more and more of me, I become less and He becomes more.

Who am I that God would deem this possible? That this cracked, frail ugly little clay pot named Robyn would host the Spirit of the Almighty God? It's a little unnerving to say the least!

Yet, God makes it possible. Not so that I can say "I am worthy" but  so that I can say exactly the opposite. I am NOT worthy yet the Love of Christ is such that He chose to redeem me and cleanse me and reside with in me. And by this the world will know that God lives.

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:8


I have troubles But I will not be crushed and broken. I'm confused but I won't give up or quit. I am pursued by evil but God has not left me. I get knocked down, time and time again but I will get up and keep going.

I have been chewing on this 4th chapter of 2 Corinthians for several days now. It's got so much of what I need right now that I have not been pushed by my daily Bible reading plan but rather just camped out right here in chapter 4 to drink in all that God wants me to. I have been praying for several people lately who are struggling with things in this life; overwhelming things. Depression, sickness, death.... and I know the depths of the despair they feel because I've walked through those experiences myself.

Yet. Yet the TREASURE is with in us.

I can't help but chuckle a little thinking about this line in the movie "O Brother Where Are Thou?" where one of the characters warns the others "do not seek the treasure!" Most treasure hunts can bring us along a dangerous path. At least that is the way it is depicted in the movies. But the treasure of the Holy Spirit is worth pursuing, so like most people on a treasure hunt, we press on. And to fully have this treasure, there will be a death. the death of my selfish-need-to-have-control- be-in-charge-want-it-all- self. But what I will gain in exchange is incomparable.

That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever. 2 Corinthians 4: 16-18

What's Stopping You?

or perhaps I need to ask what's stopping ME?

This morning in my Quiet Time, as I read from 1 Corinthians, chapter 7, this little scrap jumped out at me in a powerful way: happiness or sadness or wealth should not keep anyone from doing God's Work. (verse 30, NLT)

I think sometimes I stop actively working for God because I allow myself to be stymied by the physical and the emotional. "I am too frail to do those kind of physical tasks." "I am too depressed." "I don't have the money."
But this verse reminds me of the marriage vows we make about in good times or bad, for better or worse, in sickness and in health. And my relationship with God is like a bride to her husband, making a vow to follow Him and be open to serving Him however He sees fit.

Even financial issues are no excuse for doing what God has planned for me. I already know first hand how if God wants us to go on a mission trip (that will require excess funding,) HE makes it happen! And there is PLENTY for me to do in my life that does not require me to go on a mission trip; my mission is where ever God places me. And that could be at Curves, church, the post office, the grocery store, coffee shop, facebook or my blog.



This morning I also saw a blurb on my facebook wall to join a group that friends of ours have pioneered, to go to Costa Rica this Dec. for Christmas to help finish work on an orphanage. (http://abina-project-ministries.blogspot.com/)
And it jumped out at me just like the little scrap of scripture. it grabbed me like Bruce's email last year about going to serve in Japan. I texted my husband and I am sure I startled the spit out of him by saying "Lets go to Costa Rica this Dec. with ABINA ministries"  Yah, just like that. Scares the spit out of me too!

My dear friend Melody Mae, on her blog of the same name, is always encouraging us to shine out lights and not let life pass up by but make the most of every moment. And Paul, in his letter to the Corinthians is basically saying the same thing.

There really isn't a good excuse for not living out the purpose for which we were designed now is there?

Let's GO!

His Word--My Rock!

I know God always speaks through His Word but it's really amazing when you actually listen to what He says!!

I read this morning from the 1st and 2nd chapters of Exodus, where the new king of Egypt has no idea who Joseph was or the good he did for the people. The Israelites become slaves, the king orders all the baby boys to be killed and the mother of one little boy hides her baby in a reed basket in the Nile River. The beginning of the story of Moses.

What jumped out at me this morning was the comparison to my own life. How quickly I can forget all the good God has done for me.... from sending His Son to die for my sins, to the daily bread He provides, I tend to have a short memory when it comes to this. Why is that? (aside from age contributors I mean!) I have a tendency, like this King, to fear the future, forgetting all that has happened in the past to protect me. Thankfully, God is at work despite my short sightedness!

Just as God was putting a plan for redemption into place when He inspired this young mother to hide her baby in the river basket, so He is still governing the plans for my life. I must trust, I must remember, that God is orchestrating things even if I can't see them. All that we are going through right now may at times feel overwhelming and scary and seemingly without a bright future but the God who provided for us in the past is still at work and will provide for me today and tomorrow and the next day and the next and the next!

God never said it will be easy but He does promise Good!

My memory verse- which I quoted quite proudly this morning to Bruce with no cheating- anyone who listens to my teachings and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the flood waters rise, and the wind beats against the house, it will not collapse because it is built on bedrock! Matthew 7:24-25.

I'm standing on His Word because it is the Rock!