My Cup Runneth Over

So much goodness the last few days...

Yesterday my sister and I were interviewed for a radio podcast, "The Karolyn Merriman Show". The daily show features licensed therapist, Karolyn Merriman and each broadcast covers a variety of different topics. From childhood abuse, to difficult relationships, from freedom from fear and anxiety to enriching your prayer life and many other life struggles and challenges, Karolyn offers biblical insights into dealing with and moving from hurt to healing through the power of God's grace.

in the recording studio with Karolyn, after a successful interview!

How did we come to land on Karolyn's show? Karolyn was my therapist many years ago and we've stayed in touch off and on. We recently reconnected on Facebook where she learned I was involved with a writing group. She was intrigued. As we chatted about what our writing group does she became more and more interested in the whole concept of a writing group designed for Christian women writers. She asked if we'd come on the show and talk about how we started the group, why, what we do in our group, how it benefits us etc. I was kind of taken back by her request originally as I couldn't fathom how our group fit in with the themes of her talk show. She assured me that because she often encourages her clients to engage in writing as therapeutic, sharing about our group would be appealing to many of her listeners. She also felt that what we've  done in establishing this group was worthy of mention as it may inspire other women (or men) in churches or communities to start their own writing groups. So.... Anita and I bravely committed to the podcast. It was so much fun!!

 ( You can listen to the podcast here)

Later that day I met up with a sweet gal who is going to host a jewelry party for me this month. I first met L. as a member of my Curves fitness center and we've stayed in touch on Facebook ever since. She is very excited to host a get together for me, not just because she loves the jewelry but she also shared she was happy to have a way for us to connect in a more tangible way than just online!

 I've had my emotional ups and downs when I look back on my time as a fitness center owner. I enjoyed the initial start up and being my own boss. I loved, loved, loved seeing Curves empower and strengthen women in all aspects of their lives. I loved feeling healthy and loved meeting so many wonderful gals and starting friendships that have continued long after the club closed. But the stress of running a business and keeping it financially strong was too much for me. The last couple of years running the club, I was depressed, angry, frustrated, stressed and exhausted most of the time. Not a very good presentation for promoting health! I've often wondered if my presence in the club was a positive one. If I made a difference in even just one persons life. I've questioned that over and over.

Until yesterday.

As we chatted L. expressed just how much she enjoyed her time at Curves and emphatically stated that it was my presence there that made the difference to her. She saw something in me that clicked with her. In addition to being friends on facebook since the club closed, she's been a faithful follower here on the blog (Hi L! Surprise!!) and shared that my posts often speak to her just what she needed to hear on that particular day. Wow.

Every writer desperately wants to be 'heard' and my deepest desire as a writer is not to attain fame and fortune (although I wouldn't turn it down, ha ha) but to know that my writing, Holy Spirit inspired, reached even  just one person and impacted them in some positive way. Yesterdays visit with L was a confirmation that yes, it has. And for that I am so very very blessed. Thank you sweet friend.

And to put the cherry on top of the day I came home with a burning desire to BLOG! And to WRITE! I whipped open my laptop and began pounding the keys. Even if it was drivel I have managed to shake loose the chains that were binding my hands and mind from creatively flowing. Hallllllllelujaaaaaaah!

I've Been Meaning to Write

and by write, I mean something of significance. 

Too many days and weeks have drifted by with nary a whisper of inspiration to stir my heart to write. It's a little scary and frustrating and depressing. 

At our last writers group gathering we decided to create a homework assignment where for every day we don't write, we'll at least list the reason why. 

 too often my excuse is this...

but really it's more like... I can't think of anything to write, or I don't feel like writing so I might as well diddle the day away by scrolling thru' facebook. 

GAH.

I guess it's been coming on for some time now. Feeling like I don't have anything creative left to blog about or write a short story about. I've got lots of stories written that could certainly use editing but I just don't feel the unction to do that either.

. 

At that last meeting, we each shared what helps us get moving again when we've gotten stuck. For me its taking a trip. Something about a road trip or a camping adventure always seems to help kick it back in gear. 

I've got a backpacking adventure coming up 4th of July weekend. Here's hoping the muse will be here when I get back.

When Introverts Have Meetings

It should be no secret by now that I'm an introvert.

And... just in case you are confused, let me assure you --for the record-- that I am not shy, reserved, or anxious. I'm actually quite the opposite; gregarious, outgoing, fun and adventurous.

In it's simplest terms think of a battery discharging energy. An introvert is one whose battery is drained by being around people and stimulation, while an extrovert's battery draws energy from those things.

My sister and I (both introverts) often chuckle over things that are suggested in our culture that have to have come from an extrovert. At church for example. When the pastor says turn and greet 3 people you've never met before, or, let's all join hands to pray. Those are exciting fun ways to connect... for the extrovert. For an innie like me, not so much.

At social functions where I don't know very many people, I tend to navigate to a quiet corner and seek out one person (that I already know) to converse with. Having to make small talk with strangers can choke me into paralysis if I'm already tired. Add loud noises and several things going on at once, and you might see that 'deer in the headlights' look on my face. That is if I haven't already snuck out the back door.

Let me clarify, that this is NOT a social dysfunction -it's not an anxiety attack or shyness or fear. It's that my brain has to process things, analyze things and if there's a lot of stuff going on around me it takes energy to filter it. It takes energy to mix and mingle. It takes a lot of energy to engage with others, especially if we don't already have a relationship established. And as the event goes on, more energy goes out and with no time to re-charge, eventually the battery goes dead.

Over the Christmas holidays we ended up having back to back parties to attend. Both were being held in the homes of people we know and love. However, at both houses, the rooms were filled with LOTS of people who also know and love them. But to me, those other guests were all virtually strangers. My husband was excited to meet and greet, mingle and laugh. His battery was getting charged up by all this interaction.

For me... well, it was a completely different story...

There was a lot of noise, it felt crowded and chaotic. I looked around for that quiet corner to hole up in, hoping I could sip a glass of wine and observe. As the evening went on, I could feel my battery draining fast and soon I was operating on reserve and that was dissipating as well. The thought of sitting down next to someone I didn't know was so overwhelmingly beyond me the very thought of it made me my skin crawl.

Thankfully, my sweetie recognized the signal I was sending and we were able to make our polite good byes and escape.

I remember the days before my husband truly understood my introverted nature. We'd enter a large gathering place-- a concert for example,  and because we'd not had a previous discussion about  it, he sort of expected me to choose where to sit and he would follow me. I'd stand at the back, almost frozen because the largeness of the room, the amplified noise and the unknown of all of it rendered me literally unable to make a decision. I didn't know where to sit because my brain was too busy trying to process all the stimulation around me and filter it into appropriate categories. Now that he better understands me he knows when we arrive some place new that I really do  NEED him to just take the lead. Don't ask me where I want to sit, just find us a place and lead me there!

I can play hard and love every minute of it when in a group of people I already know and am comfortable with, but eventually I'm fidgeting to be done. Ready to go home, put on my PJ's and curl up and veg. I relish and cherish my alone time, but that doesn't mean I don't  love people! I do need to be socially interactive. I just want it to have meaning.

So, it strikes me as funny that I now head up a women's writers group, which I'm willing to lay bets, is largely comprised of introverts. ( I don't have percentages to back this up but I think a large majority of writers are probably introverts)

Why this is funny to me is that when we started the group, most of us did not know each other. And what's more dreadful than going to a meet up with of a bunch of strangers? (Answer: going to a meet up with of a bunch of strangers and engaging in small talk! EEk!) It's been helpful to hide behind the hand outs of guidelines and reading our written words, rather than make surface talk around the table. Over time we've built a rapport, and gotten to know each other better and found connections of the heart and soul.

We have several gals who joined the writers group but haven't made it to any of our monthly meetings... and I wonder if the idea that they will have to face a room full of strangers and make small talk is just more than they want to pursue. I want to assure these ladies that I understand completely and I don't really blame them for choosing another activity (like staying home!!) over our meetings! I  also want to assure them that because I do understand, I can promise there will be no hand holding, no greeting 3 people you've never met before and really, no surface-y small talk.

Being an introvert is a wonderful thing. It's not something that needs to be fixed, as extroverts sometimes think. But it is helpful to recognize the differences between an introvert and an extrovert and then work to honor those differences. After all, this is the way God made us!

When Your Muse Goes On Strike

the muse is on strike.

It's been pretty dry around here. Creatively speaking of course. I have been staring at a blank space to post in for several days now. I think I have something... I pose my fingers over the keys and.... Nothing. Nada. Zip.

It happens. Not very often for me but it does happen. The Writer's Block, the lack of inspiration, creativity, even the need to just vent, goes out the window and in despair I close the lid on my laptop and walk away. But that's okay. I know this too shall pass.

Today was the gathering for our monthly women's writers group. We kicked this group off in February and we only meet once a month so it's been slow getting up to speed. In fact, it feels like we are still in the On-ramp. Aside from my sis and me, the others who signed up for the group have been scarce. Today it was just sister and me. Even our leader was unable to attend! That was okay, because she asked me to step in. My sister and I brainstormed on some different things we might try to make it easier for others in the group to attend. We'll have to see what comes of our ideas.

Meanwhile, my sis lent me a book called "The Playful Way to Serious Writing" by Roberta Allen. It's a delightful book chock full of prompts to get you rolling on your blank page. With writing exercises in the form of questions, images and statements all giving verbal directions and visual cues, I am planning to let it push start me.

The author writes a lot about Energy, in the sense of it meaning the impulse to write. Here is a direct quote from the book: Energy is the force behind the words. It is the power deep inside that drives you. It is the desire to bring forth something that has never before existed. It is the passion to give form to your deepest feelings, your deepest longings, your dreams, your fantasies-- who you are. 

Ah, yes. I think I feel some energy stirring right now.

With Pen (or Laptop) in Hand

I've joined a writers group! Our first meeting is tomorrow and while I don't know much about how this will lay out, I do know this: I've been WAITING for forever to find the right group to belong to! There are several writers groups out there, but either the timing was wrong, the location a logistical nightmare or the genre of the group a little off putting. A friend of mine from church took the bull by the horns after a conversation with my sister and me about whether or not we'd enjoy being in a group for (Christian)  (women) writers. We both jumped at the idea. The gathering together once a month with other like minded women, for sharing, encouraging, critiquing, can really serve as a catalyst for some growth in the area of written word. I am stinkin' excited for tomorrow to arrive!!