I Saw The Light!

Winter and the long dark days ahead are not really my friend. Too many previous winters have proven that. Depression complicated by Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) can make for some pretty bleak and exhausting days.

 Last year I swore I would NOT go through another winter without one of those Happy Lights. True to my word, I purchased one a couple weeks ago. It's a compact size so its convenient to move from space to space as needed. I had it set up in my kitchen window sill to start, letting it wake me as I made breakfast but I found that kind of startling light that early in the morning just didn't make sense to me, non-early bird that I am. I moved it to my work space, next to my computer. I think the discipline of sitting by the light at my computer desk will double as incentive to do some writing! Brilliant idea!!

It's only been a couple of weeks so I can't speak with authority to the job its doing but I am hopeful.

As I have done in past years on my Facebook account, I've been posting each day a gratitude or what I am thankful for that day.

That's a great way to remind ourselves of all we have been blessed with in this life. Some of the things I've posted are simple: warm home, coffee, cozy socks. Some have more significance: a loving husband, friends, good health. Some have deeper meaning: God's gift of salvation, being His child, eternal life in Christ.

Whether it's elementary or complex, the mind experiences a shift in attitude when our hearts exhibit gratitude. 

Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all things. 1 Thessalonians 5.16-18

Thanksgiving is just a couple of days away. Have you made a thankful list? If not, what are you waiting for?

Practicing the Art of Abundance

At a recent meeting for my women's writing group, the subject of abundance came up. One of the members had brought a book full of poetic phrases designed to capture the essence of abundance. I left that day challenged to seek out and appreciate more fully that which is abundant in my little world. 

I've been giving it some thought and on the day that I locked my keys inside my car and had to wait two hours for my rescuer to come and unlock the car, I thought about how nice an extra set of car keys would have been right about then! I suppose I thought having one set more than I needed was an abundance I didn't need but I'm thinking differently now.  (I USED to have a hide-a-key under my car bumper but it is likely to be rusting away on the bottom of some pot hole ridden back road. And there is SUPPOSED to be an extra key tucked into a drawer at home but it has gone AWOL) 

Later that day, home and feathers slowly un-ruffling, as I put away my groceries I thought about abundance some more. 

A fruit bowl piled high with shiny apples
 and plump juicy oranges
A fresh vibrant colored array of vegetables
 piled high in the produce drawer of the fridge
A freezer stocked piled with food 
and a pantry lined with an assortment 
of bright colored packages and cans
A kitchen full of healthy yummy food products
            This is abundance.

When I take my cup of fresh brewed coffee, 
mixed with sweet heavenly cream 
and I tiptoe out onto the front porch, 
barefoot and still in my jammies,
when I park myself on my 
kaleidoscope colored patio chair 
and breath in the still cool freshness of a new day, 
when I turn my face to the sun and let it kiss my face 
and let the breeze tousle my hair
               This is abundance.

On laundry day when the piles of clothes seem endless
and there is no more room on the clothes line 
When the sheets need changing on the bed 
and I must decide between flannel or cotton
or whether or not to add  the extra blanket
When it's time to get the fans back out of storage 
and I have one for upstairs and one for down
              This is abundance.

Abundance is noticing just how many Bibles we have, 
when I know there are others who are rejoicing over having 
just one page of a Bible.
Abundance is not complaining about 
having to dust the library shelves
where rows of books are assembled.  
Abundance is having gas in my tank, 
enough to get me to places I want to be, 
not just the places I need to be.
Abundance is staring at the shoes in my closet 
trying to decide which ones to wear today,
knowing others go barefoot.

Abundance is...
    fresh drinking water
       a lawn to mow
          a house to clean
             a meal to cook
               a garden to grow
A family to love.


All the things I might take for granted...
               come from living a life of.....
                                                        Abundance. 

A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands. Proverbs 14.1

Grace, Strength, Hope

He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12.9

What a timeless verse! I've shared it many times here on my blog but its a passage of scripture that never loses power, never fails to stir a hope in me that surpasses whatever dark and weary emotion is weighing me down. The word 'grace' itself has several meanings. There's the grace that brings to mind a ballerina, pirouetting gently. There is grace as in being courteous. And then, the grace as in unmerited favor, offered freely, giving us eternal life. Grace is also the word I chose for this year as an area to concentrate on and grow in.
 

We all struggle with a weakness. Some physical, some internal. We are, after all, fragile 'jars of clay' as Paul puts it. I think of all the times I have struggled to find energy to do the thing that lies before me.When physical ailments challenge me the thing I need to do instantly becomes bigger. When I'm having a dark day internally, the thing I need to do can quickly get pushed to the bottom of the list. It's sometimes easier to pull the covers over my head and hide than try to forge ahead. It's on days like this that this verse saves me. Think about it. Christ is saying my weakness works to His advantage. If I am feeling strong and confident, I won't likely turn to Him. ("I can do it myself") Christ says it's when I am weak that He does His best work. It's as if being weak is the whole point!

And what about the next part of that passage?

My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

God says "my grace is sufficient" but the take away for Paul was to boast about it! And not just to boast, but to also be content in it. I've said before that with chronic depression I have found ways to be thankful for it. It has made me all the more dependent on the Lord. I do feel like Paul, in that I have prayed-- and been prayed for-- that the depression would leave and I wouldn't need to take my little mood stabilizers anymore. So far it's not happened. And I'M OKAY WITH THAT. Because the power of Christ lives in me. I have learned to be content with my condition, with the gray days and the low energy. I'm okay with others judging me when they don't know the whole story. I'm okay with the difficulties that a chronic condition brings. I'm okay with it ...and I am grateful.

Because... when I am weak, then I am strong.

Giving Thanks in ALL Things.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I love the traditional turkey dinner with all the trimmings (except for a green bean casserole-- I'll pass, thanks). I look forward to the gathering of crazy relatives and friends.(As long as the house is big enough to accommodate us all.)

I think the reason I favor this holiday over any other is because it's so pure. It's Thanksgiving whether you are a Christian or not. Easter has been corrupted by a bunny, the birthday of Jesus upstaged by a jolly man in a red suit. Halloween is controversial, Valentine's Day brings sadness if you don't have a sweetheart, and the 4th of July is overrated. But Thanksgiving... there's no competition. It's just focused on being thankful (OK, and pie!!)

 It's good to stop and really appreciate all the blessings we have. And we all have something to be thankful for. Regardless of whatever this year has brought, there is always something to be thankful for.

I heard a testimony in church this weekend that knocked my socks off. The woman in the video shared how when she was going through a divorce and raising her kids alone, she still felt blessed. She said those were precious times because of how dependent she was on God. She said those were the times of such sweet intimacy with the Lord, that sometimes she misses that.

I think of all the tough stuff I've gone through in my life and how God was there for me. I think about the things I still struggle with, from the physical to the emotional, and can see how God uses this to shape my character, to stretch me, challenge me, grow me. My life is far from perfect but how boring life would be if all was perfect, right?

Thanksgiving is a great time to pause and reflect on all the blessings, and the Giver of those blessings. At some point during the day, we will take time to ask and share what we are thankful for. There will be lots of laughter and eating and more laughter, but above all, there will be gratitude.

Jehovah Jireh!

The Lord will provide.

Plain and simple that's what Jehovah Jireh means.

I've learned a lot about God as Provider over the years. His faithfulness knows no bounds.

Remember how He provided daily for the Israelites as they wandered in the wilderness? Each day He sent them quail and manna and told them to gather the manna-- just enough for that day. They didn't need to worry about tomorrow (though they often did)

I'm no different. I guess I am guilty of some short term memory loss because it's so easy for me to get worked up about my needs for tomorrow. I get to the end of my rope and start to freak a bit, forgetting how God always steps in and provides what I need, just as I need it.

I love this translation from Matthew 5.3 in the Message: "You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule."

Wow.

How about verse 5...  "You're blessed when you're content with just who you are-- no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought."

Things that cannot be bought...
Peace.
Love.
Joy.
Contentment.
Patience.
Friendship.
Immortality.

We won't find any of those on sale this Black Friday.

I'm working on not worrying about tomorrow. I'm working on a lot of stuff lately, but mostly... mostly I'm letting God work on me.

In This Season of Thanks

And each morning and evening they stood before the Lord to sing songs of thanks and praise to Him. (1 Chronicles 23.30)

So, I just started a 14 day reading plan called "The Power of Being Thankful" by Joyce Meyer.

Day 1 didn't mess around. It started with the challenge to go an entire day without complaining. As usual, God has a way of giving me a message in a multitude of ways. Yes, just the night before as Bruce and I were coming home from a meeting, we talked about this very thing: not grumbling.

Developing an attitude of thanksgiving in every situation is challenging enough when life is normal. It's so easy to gravitate towards the negative. I don't know why. What's so attractive about cynicism? Yet, that's often where my mind goes these days. Given that both of us have been struggling with maintaining a positive attitude in the face of our trials, I think this exercise is very much needed. We need to not lose sight of the bigger picture: that God is in control. That God is bigger than whatever problem comes at us. That nothing is impossible with Him.

I spent a day in quiet solitude, just me, the cat and some good praise music playing. A cup of tea, a blazing fire, a good book. It was easy to feel gratitude for the day with all these sweet pleasantries surrounding me.

I did reflect several times on the devotional reading. On letting gratitude be the foundation of my prayer life. Being in desperate mode often brings me before the Throne of Grace whimpering "Help!" and even though I know God hears me, I am sure it pleases Him to hear me begin my conversations with Him with some praise and thanks for who He is. For ALL He is.

And so...
God you are so good. You created the world and filled it with beauty for me to enjoy. You placed me in this part of the world where green and blue dominate in splendid hues, where majestic mountains and oceans tantalize the eyes.

Then you surrounded me with good people. People who love you and can teach me much about a relationship with you. You brought me to a church that is filled with warm hearts and helping hands. I have a pastor who prays for us, not just because he is suppose to, but because he cares and wants to partner with Bruce and me in prayer. You have brought amazing Christian women into my life who can encourage me and befriend me, who constantly point the way to you. You have brought my sister back home and given us many days of enjoyment together. You have blessed me beyond measure with a godly husband who, I believe with all my heart, is a man after Your heart.

I was looking for songs that express thanksgiving and I came across this one by The Katinas. It's simply called "Thank You" and it captures so perfectly what I want to convey to the Lord...

Just a little while longer I wanna pray
Can't get You off my mind so I came to say
Thank You Lord, just for loving me, alright
Many times I do forget
Every need that You have met
Oh thank You Lord, I know You're showing me

You are there when I am down and out, You're holding me
Your love is so amazing, oh it changed me

Here I am with all I have
Raise my hands to worship You
I wanna say thank You, oh thank You
For everything, for who You are
You cover me and touch my heart
I wanna say thank You...

I could have died in my sin but You saved me
Didn't have any hope at all
You gave me peace divine, strength to carry on, alright
I should have been the one to pay
But instead You took my place
Amazing grace, it's more than just a song

Even though I don't deserve Your love for me
You look beyond my fault and You showed me mercy

Here I am with all I have
Raise my hands to worship You
I wanna say thank You, oh thank You
For everything, for who You are
You cover me and touch my heart
I wanna say thank You

I wanna say thank You for the sun
Lord we thank You for the rain

Oh Lord I love You
Thank You, that's all that I can say
Thank You for the love You gave

Here I am with all I have
Raise my hands to worship You
I wanna say thank You, oh thank You

For everything, for who You are
You cover me and touch my heart
I wanna say thank You,

Thank You

Thank You~ the Katinas
Songwriters
BURGESS, TIMOTHY / BLUNT, MARTIN VICTOR / COLLINS, ROBERT JAMES / BROOKES, JON / COLLINS, MARK VINCENT

With Thanksgiving

Come, let us sing to the Lord! 

Let us shout joyfully to the Rock of our salvation. 

Let us come to him with thanksgiving. 

Let us sing psalms of praise to him.

 Psalm 95. 1-2

Funny how just when I enter a whiny, self centered phase, my daily bible readings start cropping up with reminders of being thankful. Yes, God must be trying to tell me something. I'm working on it Lord, I'm working on it! 

I am thankful for...

... work for my husband! It was only a couple of days worth of work, but it will pay another bill! 

...getting to spend the day with him. Not only getting to watch him work (something that always amazes me-- truly-- carpentry never fails to impress me) but being able to help even in a small way.

... FREE lattes! Yes, Oh, Yes!! (thankful for a full punch card!! whoot whoot!) (hey, it's the little things!)

...Rain...because it smells wonderful, it sounds delightful and even watching it (from inside a cozy warm room of course) brings me comfort. (full disclosure: I skipped walking today!!!) 

...  a  freshly made bed. Now, granted, I made the bed so I guess I could add that I am thankful I can make a bed!

... a couple of leads on other jobs for hubby. One that sounds very intriguing, one that would utilize his brain power instead of his body. 

...a big ol' sack of potatoes. Yep, someone gifted me with a 10# bag of russets. That'll go a long ways to filling our tummies. Potato soup, hashbrowns, baked taters, etc...

...my sister. Today is her birthday and she is my next best friend after hubby. Oh, the adventures we have had! 

... speaking of sisters and birthdays, tomorrow I get to spend the day with her and help her shop for clothes! Yay!

... thankful for a hot cup of tea to settle down and round out my evening. 

... and last but not least, I am thankful for God's Grace and Mercy, NEW every morning. His daily reminders of his love and provision, his love letter to the church, his bride. 

It's not my complete list of grateful's but it's a good start. 

On Being Thankful

Be thankful.
A simple concept, yes?

Scripture tells me to be thankful over and over again...

Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Jesus Christ. 
(1 Thessalonians 5.18)

Give thanks to the Lord for He is good; His love endures forever! (Psalm 107.1)

Give thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. (Ephesians 5.120)

BUT... let's be honest....Some days it's harder than others.

My husband is self employed, as you may already know. That means when he's not working, there isn't unemployment to tide us over to the next job. Because the past several years have been incredible lean, there is no cushion called savings to fall back on. And let's be even MORE honest. At our age it's really difficult to find a job working for some other company. (Despite his vast experience they want to hire younger people.) Anyway, I am sure you get the picture. No work means no income. And even though we've been there-done that- (too many times to count) and even though God has never abandoned us (and has surprised and blessed us in amazing ways) it is still quite wearing on our morale when the season of no work hits.

This morning I was reminded of this bible verse: All who are weary, come unto me and I (Jesus) will give you rest. I was also reminded to not worry about anything, but by prayer and petition presents my requests to God. In doing this I will experience peace. Peace that exceeds understanding.

That sounds awesome. I am more than willing to release my burdens to Jesus. I am totally ready to surrender my worries and take up His peace. And I do. But, I still can't pay my power bill or my mortgage.

I still have faith that God will provide. I never doubt that He has His best planned for us. I believe that there is always something going on behind the scenes --sometimes things I will never see or know about-- that will prove God was at work. I know all this yet... navigating these curves is exhausting. These tough lean times are depressing... and to some extent,demoralizing.

I don't need to be reminded to be thankful. I am thankful. Thankful that because my husband isn't working right now he has plenty of time to soak in the Word each morning. Time to focus on home projects. Time for giving his all to men's ministry at church.

I don't think you ever get used to the stresses that these kind of times bring. I can paste on my smile and practice an 'attitude of gratitude' or 'fake it till I make it'. I can refuse to worry and refuse to be fearful  and instead be faithful and faith-filled but it doesn't change the reality of our situation. There's this funny little practice here in America called paying our monthly bills and those entities get a little cranky when you don't follow through with payment. And even though I know that this work gap won't last forever, I also know that it will take us twice as long to catch up.

I often wonder what it is I am missing. As in, I should be learning something from this experience and obviously I haven't gotten it yet because here I am taking the class over again.

Maybe I'm making too big a deal out of this, since I am sure I am not the only person who is going through a similar situation.

I don't want this to be a negative, whiny self centered post. It does sound like it though. Like I said, I'm just really really weary.

Weary, but still, thankful.

Ready, Set.... GO!

Tomorrow is the Big Day! 

The Run for the Honeywagon.

 Bucket List Day. 

Team Burke. 

The LoveBurkes do the honeywagon. 

A 4 mile walk. 

We've got this. 

No problemo! 

Piece of Cake.

And speaking of cake, I just might have some to celebrate after we finish. 

(gluten free of course) 

 Took an obligatory 2 mile around the high school track this morning, just because. I debated on making this a rest day but the muscles really needed to be stretched. And it was such a glorious, beautiful, sunny morning. The birds were trilling, the parking lot was busy with cars; high school kids showing up for some event, cars whizzing by on the highway, and the wind rustling my hair and nipping my ears. 

2 miles around the track, with a chocolate protein smoothie to finish it off!

I woke up with a sense that 

today was a day I really needed to remember all I am thankful for. 

To not let any waves of overwhelmedness, depression, anxiety or worry, get me down. 

As I gazed out my living room window, sipping my morning cuppa, and watching the sky change colors with the breaking of sun through clouds, I just stopped.

THANK YOU.  

Thank you God for your mercies, new every morning. 

Thank you God for your loving kindness. 

Thank you for loving me. 

Thank you for providing for me. 

Thank you for never giving up, even when I feel like doing so. 

Thank you for your strength that carries me when I am weak. 

Thank you for making me weak, so I will learn to depend and  lean on you. 

Thank you for building my faith muscle. 

Thank you for the little pill I take each day

 that helps keep me balanced and sane.  

some days this IS how it feels!!

I do try every day,

 to remember to be thankful for the things one would think we wouldn't be thankful for.

 Like depression. Who would be thankful for that?

 Or financial worries and woes. Who wishes for that in their life? 

For body aches and limitations. Why? 

But we are told repeatedly in scripture to give thanks. 

To praise him.

  Give Thanks in ALL THINGS, for this is the Will of God. 1 Thessalonians 5.18 (emphasis mine) 

some days are just FULL of hurdles!!

Really God? Give thanks for circumstances that aren't pleasant? 

Give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Ephesians 5.20

Give thanks for feeling weak and needy? 

My grace is sufficient for you; My power works best in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12.9 

what a wonderful way to look at it.

Yes. Some days its harder than others for me to remember to be thankful. 

To give thanks.

 And it is on those days that I need it the most.   

Yes, even more than coffee.

even more than coffee, I need to give thanks.

Tomorrow I will bust a move along with my sweetie, knocking out those 4 miles like it's nothing.

 And along the way, I will continue to be giving thanks. 

Giving Thanks ~ Week 5

Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving; Let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms. For the Lord is the great God, and the great King above all gods. Psalm 95.2-3

Thanksgiving Day has come and gone but the spirit of gratitude lives on. It was a lovely celebration for us, a gathering of sweet family and relaxing times of reconnecting, sharing, laughter and love. The days preceding were busy but relaxed.  Rather than listing my daily thanks I am going to just bullet point the highlights. 

A lovely stroll along the boardwalk with my sweetie; 

a coffee date on the waterfront. Life is good.

Boulevard Park on a Sunday Afternoon

Taylor Street Dock, Bellingham Bay

Seeing the Lord provide for us in unexpected ways.

Strengthening our faith, even as we felt stretched and tested....

Plans coming together for my birthday celebration next month...

I was born the same year the Hula Hoop was invented... wonder where we're going with this.... hmmm

Road trip! Just a short one this time. 

Bruce and I with my sister and her husband. 

First thanksgiving spent with my sister in DECADES. 

We think the last time we might have spent this holiday 

together was maybe 1983? 

photo credit to my sister Anita, who isn't in the picture. phooey.

Spending the day with extended family.

A walk around the block with our grandson.

three generations of goodness.

 Love spilling over.

 Laughter.

JOY

did I say JOY? I mean, PURE JOY.

 Food.

Games. 

Phone calls. 

Skyping.

A hike for Bruce and I to work off that turkey dinner.

a hike above our town to the overlook

chocolate!

Sunny skies for the most part...

from the Deming Overlook,.

All woven together with God's grace, love and mercy. 

I am so thankful. 

Giving Thanks ~ Week 4

One thing that has been confirmed for me this week is the power of memory. As I have carried out the theme of posting each Saturday my week of thanks, I'd write the post all week long, adding to the list almost every day till I was ready to post it.  This week, however, I did not write anything until Friday evening and then I found myself grasping for recall. Slowly, as the brain-fog lifted and I saw clear back to Sunday, I was properly chagrined. I had an awesome week with many, many things to give thanks for. To not remember them is a shame. The lesson in this is that I need to pause more often, take stock in my surroundings and give praise and thanksgiving to the One who supplies all my needs.

Sunday
We spent a delightful afternoon visiting our 2 year old grandson (and his daddy and mommy). He is talking up a storm and repeats the cutest things that he has garnered along the way of watching the world in front of him.

Bennett brought the blanket to us because he wanted us to all be 'cozy-wozy'

Monday
Given the fact that 8 or 9 weeks ago, we dove right into some rather heavy stuff with our newly formed small group, we thought it would be fun to backtrack a little and enjoy some lighter fare as we celebrated the wrap up of our study. So...
Have you ever played the Ungame? It's a conversation starter/ice breaker type game, designed to stimulate interesting conversation and get to know one another better. Questions range from the light hearted (if you received $5000 as a gift, how would you spend it?) to the deeper probing ones (what lifetime dream are you still trying to make come true?)  We had a lot of fun going around the room drawing cards and sharing our answers. And we learned a lot more about each other. Always a good thing!

this greeted me as I returned from my morning walk!

Tuesday
Girlfriends and chocolate. Need I say more?

my Tuesday Morning Life Group

Wednesday
This was a fun day. My sister and I went over to my friends home in the afternoon and worked on the details of a party that they are throwing me next month in honor of a milestone birthday! The theme is "What Happened in 1958?"  Turns out I was born the same year that the Hula Hoop was invented... and that's all I am going to say for now.

Thursday
a long phone conversation with my daughter.
Precepts Bible Study
Skyping with the grandkids.
It's all good!

To this I will add  that after the bible study my sister and I chatted with one of our class leaders who mentioned she wants to form a Christian Writers group in the new year that will meet monthly to encourage one another. This is very exciting!!

Friday
Hubby was called back in for a second interview which took place Friday morning!! He also learned it is between him and one other person for the position. Trying to just remain calm and not fret over it as we probably wont hear anything before Thanksgiving.

Saturday
We've been enduring a serious COLD snap all week and our house is hard to keep warm. We rely on our woodstove for heat pretty much exclusively but this week found us pulling out our little electric space heaters.

My morning walks seem to happen a little later each day as I wait for the temps to rise just a wee bit. We've had some marvelous sunshine each day though and the glistening frost on the grass and fallen leaves has a beauty all of it's own.

I am thankful for warm blankets, mittens, hot chocolate, and wood fires.
I am thankful for friends, for family, for books to read and books to share.
Thankful for plans in the works for our Thanksgiving gathering next week.

How about you?