Ten Days

My husband is going on another mission trip. He leaves this Friday.

Traveling to Costa Rica with a group from our church; a team of 7, they will be involved with construction work on a church in San Ramon (the men) and visiting the hospitals and orphanage (the women). A visit to the Barrio and a puppet show at church is also planned involving the whole team. They will be gone for ten days.

During his absence I have a ten day plan of my own. I'll be participating in a 'diet' from the same nutritionist who designed the Fast Metabolism Diet, called the "Fast Metabolism Cleanse". It's a pretty strict eating plan, involving a lot (LOT) of healthy shakes and meals that are designed to rev up the metabolism while ridding yourself of toxins.

I've been experiencing quite a bit of distress digestively speaking and after doing some reading up on the cleanse, thought this might be a great way for me to get a fresh start on better eating habits. Learning it was for 10 days it seemed perfect timing-- with Bruce gone, I can concentrate on my eating plan and not have to worry about preparing his meals. (be tempted!)

So, 10 days for him, 10 days for me. Each focused on something entirely different but supporting one another in our separate endeavors.

I'll keep you posted on what's happening on both sides.

When No Becomes Yes

If you read my post on  Divine Appointments and then the follow up Handling Disappointments, about the whole job opportunity for my sweetie that didn't come to pass, this may be of special interest to you.

When the "divine appointment" happened, we clearly could see it was a God-orchestrated thing. And then, after the interview, when they called and said "sorry, but not at this time", we trusted there was still a lesson in all of it and we'd just roll with it.

Then, last week a couple of things happened.

First, a little out of the blue, Bruce was offered a part time-short term position with our church helping assess a maintenance position that needed to be filled. He thought that sounded rather interesting and said sure, why not.

On the heels of this, another call came in and.... yep, the job that didn't happen was now calling back asking was he still interested? (Apparently, the first person they offered the position to, didn't work out.) Short story is, he will start working full time for the building supply company in March!

(Insert insanely happy dancing and yippy-ki-yaying here)

Our take on this is that given the way the job came to his attention in the first place (with a little bit of shock) and considering the internal struggle he has wrestled with,(is this really what I want to do?)  God was just giving him more time to think on it. And to flex that ol' trust muscle a little more. The interim position with our church is also an interesting piece of the pie and I am sure the next 30 days will prove to be greatly beneficial in ways we are yet to discover.

It humbles me and scares me at the same time. One thing I am learning over and over again is that when we choose to be Christ followers, we allow God to be in control. The journey with God is best enjoyed when we let Him choose the vehicle that will transport us from one adventure to the next. The best thing I can do is get in, buckle up and let God drive. When I let God have His way with me, I experience that Peace that Passes Understanding, for which there is no comparison.

This new job for Bruce is going to be an adventure for sure. Thirty-some years ago, God led him into construction, kicking and screaming, and then he discovered how well suited he was for it. We're trusting that God's leading into a different realm of the construction world is just as big a part of God's plan for our lives as it always has been.

On Handling Disappointments

The big word is always TRUST. 

We all know one of life's Big Questions is "where is God when bad things happen", or some variation of that. One of the things that has been pressing close to my heart this past week is from Romans 8.

Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (Romans 8. 35 NLT)

What I hear in this passage is that regardless of my circumstances, I am still God's beloved child (I John 3.2) and I will never be snatched out of His hand. (John 10.28) Unless I willingly choose to step out of His protection in pursuit of my own selfish pleasures of this world, unless I am turning my back on God's will for my life, I am and will be, forever firmly planted in His care. 

It's been difficult to understand this long stretch of financial challenges Bruce and I have been traveling. If Life is a Road then there have been times when it feels like ours looks like this:

The hills and the valleys both bring challenges, the hairpin curves feel threatening, fog and rain make it difficult to navigate. There's been flat tires, engine failures and empty gas tanks. We've had to get out and push the car up the hill some days. (I'm speaking metaphorically, you understand) And it's been difficult to comprehend because it's not like we drive a clunker. In other words.... we are persistent in trying to follow what we believe is God's will. 

What it comes down to in this life is this: Trust. It's so crucial isn't it? I have to trust other people in order to build real relationships with them. I have to trust that things we set out to do will yield positive results. And I have to trust that God's Word is true. Trusting that God has the best plan for my life. Trusting that whatever life brings, nothing can snatch me out of His hand.

This week we got the news about the job Bruce applied for. The answer was a disappointing no. I thought I would be crushed by this, based on how badly I was rooting for it. The funny thing is, I did feel sad and disappointed and yet ...not without hope. While my first thought was "noooooooo!!!", my second thought was "God has something else in mind." 

There have been times I have wondered if we were somehow being punished for something we did--which I could accept being in dire straights if we were operating under illegal or immoral principles. I'd get it if we were lazy people who didn't want to work. But the God I know doesn't operate that way for people who follow Him. I don't follow the 'name it and claim it' theology but I do believe God wants to bless us. I am learning however that sometimes His blessings come in very different packages. 

I have to trust that what we are living is all part of God's plan for our lives. That even when I can't see what the purpose of the moment is, there is a higher purpose. Whether it is to teach us or someone else a lesson, to develop something in our character that still needs refining, or to build up something in us that no one can tear down, I need to trust God.

I must choose to trust God. Because any other option will break me. 

  

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8. 38-39 NLT)

while I'm waiting

Well, the week came to an end without any definitive word about the job. Patience is a virtue, right? (she says tapping her fingers impatiently) But, God is doing something in this time, of that I am sure. So, no worries...

The song that keeps coming to me is  "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller. A sample from the lyrics are:

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord
And I am hopeful, I'm waiting on You Lord
Though it is painful, but patiently I will wait

And I will move ahead bold and confident

Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint
I'll be running the race even while I wait

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord
And I am peaceful, I'm waiting on You Lord
Though it's not easy no, but faithfully I will wait
Yes, I will wait.

Divine Appointments

I wasn't going to write about this until I knew what the outcome was going to be. I was convicted however, by the reminder that no matter how this turns out, it's still God who is in control. God, who knows what's best.

Last week as I perused the classifieds a job posting caught my eye. I mentioned it to Bruce as a possibility for him. He was intrigued enough for me to send him the listing to examine for himself. While the job was definitely within his realm of interest and skill set, he was a little iffy about pursuing it as it would take him out of active home building and design, something he still really loves to do. Still, a job is a job and with our roller coaster economic situation all opportunities need to be explored and considered.

A couple of days later he had business to attend to at the place that was advertising for help. As he parked his truck he decided, for various reasons, to not ask about the job. He tends to be a bit of a "fleece thrower" and he just wasn't sure this position was a direction God was taking him. As he stood in the parking lot one of the guys who works there, a guy who Bruce deals with almost exclusively for all his material orders for construction jobs, came out to greet him. This wasn't strange really, but still, a little unusual. J. told Bruce he had a couple of things he wanted to Bruce to know. First, he told Bruce, he was retiring. (Ah, the reason for the job opening) That made Bruce a little sad as he really trusts J. and enjoys doing business with him. The second thing, J. pressed on, was he had already given his boss Bruce's name as a candidate to replace him. 

You can imagine the shock that rippled through Bruce at that moment but he maintained composure and a lengthy conversation ensued. This was followed by a chat with the manager of the store. While nothing was settled by these discussions, Bruce left there with his head spinning slightly. He certainly recognized this was not a coincidence by any means. In fact he knew this could only be a God-orchestrated moment and he felt obliged to follow through on this as far as he could.

You can probably also imagine the reaction he got from me when he got home and shared all of this with me. While I TRIED to maintain a neutral expression and refrain from telling him what to do, my body language CLEARLY told him anyway. We had quite a conversation about the possibilities and what to do next. Then, putting it into prayer and the Lord's hands, we tabled it.

The next morning he was called and invited to come in for an interview. On Monday he had the interview. It went well but he had no real sense of what they might be thinking. There were of course, several other applicants to meet with. But we should hear something by the end of this week. Until then, while I am anxious for a decision, I am also watching Bruce wrestle with this:  What is God calling me to do? Is He calling me out of construction after clearly leading me into it 30 some years ago? If I don't get the job what should the take away be from the way this opportunity was crafted?
Other questions like: am I ready to walk away from home building and instead be supplying materials to other home builders? I've been looking for work but the opportunities are slim. My body can't keep up with the physical demands of construction; I need to be using my administrative and managerial skills and let the younger guys do the physical stuff.  

And so on. It's not easy when you've been self employed for over 30 years to lay that down in exchange for being an employee. Even when that means steady income and somewhat less stress.

Sigh. I'm watching and praying.

Experiencing the Divine Appointment of last week has reminded me just how much God is involved in the minute moments of our lives. That verse about knowing the numbers of hairs on our head and if He cares about the sparrow, how much more He cares about us?* It's true and this was driven home so clearly for me this past week. I am having my own wrestling match with my thoughts that range from how clearly this IS a God- moment and how I believe that Bruce will get the job and life will settle down and be somewhat calmer, to preparing myself for him to not get the job-- or worse, he's offered the job and feels led to say no-- in which case I have a friend lined up to help me hide the body--(JUST KIDDING)  but through it all, remembering that God knows the plans for us... plans for good and not to harm us, plans to give us a future and a hope.**

Knowing, and believing, WHO is really in control, is keeping me sane.

* Matthew 10.29-30
** Jeremiah 29.11

He Said "Yes"

I love it when things come together. When a plan I hatch, crazy as it may seem, doesn't scramble like eggs but rather sets up nicely, like pudding. And I do love to plan things. Much as I am a 'fly by the seat of my pants' girl, I also pay attention to details and plot out the arrangements for weeks in advance. But those impulsive last minute decisions are just plain fun. Dangerous perhaps, but FUN!

I think I've shared a bit about how the Love-Burkes came to be, but you know it's almost spring time when the memories and pictures start making their annual appearance! Our first date was on March 20, 1994-- 20 years ago this year!!- which is also the first day of Spring! I love that our love story coincides with the arrival of a new season... as the buds are busting out on the trees and blooms appear, so it was with the friendship between us that quickly progressed to love.

What you may not know is that I'm the one who asked him out. I'd been so stand-offish in the past several encounters we'd had, kind of leaving him with Freezer Burn, so when I suddenly began to thaw-- even melt, he was, not surprisingly, a wee bit suspicious and perhaps gun shy of thinking we might possible move into a relationship. I dropped some subtle hints that might prod him into asking me out but when that didn't seem to be yielding the results I wanted, I finally had to just get bold and do the asking.

You will laugh at this, but I actually scripted out what I was going to say once I got him on the phone. I wanted the conversation to be causal and non-threatening, just a "hey I was thinking of going to the movies this weekend, you wanna tag along" sort of invite. So, I wrote it out, a couple of different ways, then pacing the hallway of my home, I practiced. When I thought I finally had it down I dialed his number quickly before I lost my nerve. I pitched my invitation in an airy, off handed way... "So... after that discussion we had about the movie Schindler's List, I decided I'm going to go see it on Sunday. I wondered if maybe you'd like to go along?"

April 1994, after we'd been dating for about a month

There was a silence on his end, for probably a second or two, but from my perspective it was a LONG silence. I have since learned so much about my man, that I can now picture exactly the look on his face and hear the wheels turning in his head as he processed this seemingly out of the blue request.

Then, mercifully, he said yes.

And, the rest, as they say,  is history.

No Girls Allowed

Remember tree houses with rope ladders where little boys played serious games and absolutely did not allow girls to enter under any circumstances?

My husband attends a men's breakfast almost every Saturday. It's for men only; no girls allowed. The guys do all the shopping, prepping and cooking. They even clean up.  They call it a "Get fed twice" gathering because after their hearty breakfast, they open up God's Word and chew on that.

I love that my husband is studying the bible. I love that he is spending time in the company of other godly men. I love that he is growing in his relationship with God and his brothers. I love that I get to sleep in on Saturdays and not have to cook!

Awhile back someone in the group suggested they host a special breakfast for the ladies, as a way to serve them, but also to give them an opportunity to see what goes on in those sacred halls on a Saturday morning. This morning was the day. The day they let the ladies in.

I was greeted at the door by one of the men and then joined by my husband as soon  as he spotted me. He greeted me with a beautiful lush single red rose and a special valentines card.

He ushered me to my table and presented me with a lovely menu. I was told to chose whatever I wanted and he would get it for me.

It was beautifully orchestrated-- these guys went above and beyond to make us all feel special and welcome. They served us with gentle spirits and loving hearts.

After breakfast the men shared with us why they come to the men's breakfast; why learning about God and his word is so important to them and what a difference it has made in their lives. A couple of the women volunteered that they appreciate the changes they have seen take place in their husbands because of their involvement with this mens group. Awesome!

my yummy made to order plate of food, and in the corner there you can see my special valentines card. very ducky!!

I have to admit that I sometimes have some control issues...trying to micro-managing my husband seems to be a bad habit of mine. It was a little challenging for me to just sit and let him serve me -- and not tell him how to do it!

I am a blessed woman. I cannot adequately express how much I love this man!!

It was a lovely morning, a lovely breakfast and a sweet and much appreciated gesture. One of the guys said they thought they should do this for us again to which I quipped, "Mother's Day is coming!"

in the middle of the night

when insomnia strikes....

sometimes I blame it on the moon. I find the insomnia hits me hardest when the moon is full. It's in sliver mode right now so I have to cast around for something else. I'll go with over stimulation and the need to unwind before I can fall asleep, but it's not working so great. It was a terrific day-- and I mean TERRIFIC!

My sweetie and I went snowshoeing. We feasted our eyes on phenomenal views, we sloughed through the snow, uphill and down, burning a ton of calories as we worked those muscles and I came home tired!! But we had company coming for dinner so napping was out of the question (and I'm a rotten napper anyway)

We had a wonderful time with our company, laughing and sharing. Then everyone went home and Bruce headed to bed and I tried... but my brain wouldn't shut off. So here I sit at 2am knowing that when the alarm goes off in 5 hours I will feel like I was robbed of some much needed sleep.

sometimes I wonder if the reason I'm awake is so I can pray. So, then I think, I should try that... and I can't keep on track. It's kind of like snowshoeing, really. I used trekking poles to help me stay balanced and it gives a little extra oopmf when climbing uphill and a little extra whoa when heading down. I wanted to keep my eyes on my glorious surroundings but I needed to also keep my eyes on the trail, to be wise to the rise and fall of the snowline. I remarked to Bruce that I felt frustrated by the need to look down at where I was walking, when what I really wanted was to look around at where I was!

How is that like prayer, you ask?
Well... I have this tendency, like I said, to not stay on track when I am praying. I go strong for a few minutes and then I want to look around in my mind for other concerns... which leads me to new thoughts and those thoughts connect to other thoughts and then I remember something else and pretty soon I'm not watching where I'm walking and I lose my balance and think I am going to fall and I realize I'm not praying and I'm not enjoying the scenery either.

This is the kind of rambling my brain does at 2 in the morning.

Still, it was an amazing beautiful day and a great way to kick start a brand new month. Sleep will come eventually. And even a few moments in prayer are better than none at all.

Amen.

and so we reflect

It's the last day of 2013. A time for reflection, examining the past, and then pressing onward, looking to the future with expectations. I came across this popular post on Facebook , perhaps you have seen it? It is credited to the popular author Debbie Macomber and it's an excellent tool for thought provoking conversations with others and ourselves.

What was one of the greatest blessings I experienced this past year?

Three things immediately come to mind and it is hard to pick just ONE but these top 3 need little explanation for making my list. 

1. Mom moving into Summit Place Assisted Living; she is settled in and thriving in her new environment

2. My sister and bro-in-love moving here. 

3. Our oldest grandson coming to visit for a week. 

What was one of the biggest challenges you faced?

Oh, wow. It was Bruce's decision to go on his mission trip to Honduras that challenged me in SO many ways. It tested our relationship, it stretched me in ways I thought would make me snap.  It required great relinquishment on my part and subsequently a deeper spirit of submission to both God and my husband. It also required forgiveness and acceptance, both of which were difficult for me to arrive at. It was not my favorite experience of 2013 by far, but yet it was also a very crucial part. I don't know yet what that sort of testing may someday lead up to, but I sense it is definitely part of a bigger plan God has for the two of us. EEk!!

What lesson did you learn from that challenge?

Not to try and navigate these sorts of things on our own. I think sometimes we forget that God created us to live in community and we neglect to bring in the wise council of strong fellow believers. It is natural and right for a married couple to turn to each other first when facing a challenge but what do you do when the challenge has you on opposite sides? For too many weeks Bruce and I were at such odds over his decision and we thought we could navigate this turbulent trial through continued conversations but those conversations only left me more angry and resentful. Finally we sought the counsel of 2 couples from our church that we respect and trust. It didn't solve the dilemma but it calmed the storm raging inside me. And that was the first major step in bringing me to a place of acceptance.  

How can use that lesson to help you grow as a person?

By realizing how much another believer can help me, I came to understand that if I offer that sort of help to someone else who is struggling, that in turn will grow me in ways that will never happen if I keep it to myself. One of my roles as a leader of a small group is to come along side of another and support or mentor them. I feel a strong affinity for young married women in particular. Not that I am an expert on marriage by any stretch of the imagination but I can offer to listen and to pray. I can turn them to God's word for instructions and encourage them as others have encouraged me. I liken this to my past role as a fitness coach. I learned the work out and then began to teach it to others. It not only was a benefit to my members but it served to reinforce my own learning of the workout. As a result, both the women who came to my club and myself, grew stronger. I look forward to using my own past experiences to fuel both myself and another who is challenged, into a brighter tomorrow. 

You know, 2013 was a pretty good year! There were plenty of other blessings and challenges that I could pull out and examine and I probably will as the week rolls on. Today brings to mind this scripture passage from Hebrews; Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses,  let us also lay aside every weight and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance, the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith...

Good bye 2013.... and let's get ready to embrace with JOY the New Year!!

Of Anniversaries and Whatnots

Yep, another year of wedded bliss has passed. 17 years this Saturday for my sweetie and me.Oh, to be sure, we have our ups and downs, our better and worse. (I call it 'intense fellowship") but I wouldn't wanna be with anybody else. If I had to be in a lifeboat watching the ship sink, I can't think of anyone else I'd wanna be in a life boat with than him.

What fun thing are we doing to celebrate this year? We are doing a kind of get away tonight/tomorrow but it's really work related. Our happy place, Tall Timber Ranch, is asking for hubby's expertise on some building repairs at the camp, and because it is almost a 4 hour drive one way, we will head over tonight when he gets home from work, and then in the fresh light of day, he can inspect what needs inspecting, make his recommendations and then we'll come back home. But I think, before we return, we'll have a little time to enjoy the glorious colors of Autumn and breathe in that fresh mountain air. And maybe even visit "our" waterfall.

Our plans for the actual anniversary date are sort of low-key but I know it will be a special, fun filled day. There is a pretty little town across the way that we've longed to explore. We pass through it whenever we head out to the west coastline to visit hubby's brother and I have often wished we could just spend the day taking in the sights and appreciating the beautiful historical buildings of the town. So, that is what we are going to do on Saturday. It involves a ferry ride, which is always fun, and we'll just tool around the town, take lots of pictures, take in a town festival, drink and eats lots of yummy treats and most importantly, spend some quality time with each other. I can't wait!!

the Good, the Bad, the Beautiful

Finding beauty in the day. My favorite view of Mt Baker and Twin Sisters, from Hwy 9

I have a very dear friend who always, and I mean, ALWAYS, finds beauty in her day. She inspires me to no end, with this attitude, especially since she is a cancer SURVIVOR. So, despite the good bad and ugly that you might expect to come with depression and physical pain, I am, PRAISE THE LORD, seeing beauty, not ugliness.

The Good:

• I do feel better. Stable. More evened out. Not so overwhelmed by little things like making phone calls or leaving the house. 

halfway to goal!

• I have even lost some weight! I set a goal awhile back and I have reached my halfway point. Celebrating being able to get back into some 'skinnier' jeans that have been tucked in the drawer for sometime....

• My sister and her hubby have decided to move 'back home' after being in S. Ca for 30 some years. They will be here next week and I cannot tell you how excited I am over this! I realized the other day that my sister and I have never lived in the same area as adults, where I had the FREEDOM to visit her whenever we wanted. The times she and her husband resided in our county, I was prohibited by the controller I was married to at the time, from having her over or going to her house, unless he approved it. Which wasn't very often. So I am delighted that this option is now before me. Sister-time will be happening on a regular basis!! whoo hoo!

ready for the 4th of July

• Progress-- and I mean GREAT progress has been made with my mom. While she still won't admit she likes her new digs, she has settled in and is opening up more to the other residents and joining in some activities. Other great news is I found a new doctor for her who makes HOUSE CALLS. HELLO!!!  Yes, it's a nurse practitioner and one of the places on their approved list for visiting patients in the facility is right where my mother is living. While I will still be in attendance for those Dr. visits, it is a huge burden lifted to have this service. 

The Bad

• pretty sure my foot still has the stress fracture. but it does feel better... 
• going back to work this week on the regular schedule was a toughie. Today made day 4 and I have tomorrow off and then work Saturday. Yah, even though the boss and I talked and had this cool understanding about me working 3-4 days a week he could not make it happen after all. He is out of the office a lot so I am just getting Fridays off for right now... could be worse.
• torn and undecided now about whether to continue with this job or not. Listing the pros and cons don't add up to much when I am in pain. 
• Work has been pretty much at a standstill for the hubby. Frustrating. We get a lot of phone calls and leads on jobs but they don't pan out or something else comes up. We are holding on, faith is important, trust is important, especially in times like these... like Mother Teresa is credited with saying " God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much."

The Beautiful

• This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.

• I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.

• My grace is sufficient for you,( Says the Lord) My power works best in your weakness.

• I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope.

• We have had sunshine for a week straight and it's been glorious. Not too hot, just perfect summer days, one right after the other.

• I am in love with my husband and he loves me. Super uber goodness right there. 

when your husband writes this in chalk and then nonchalantly walks you passed it on your way home, that's love. 

There is a great big wonderful world waiting outside. I am going out there and gonna REVEL in it!!

He's Home and I'm Happy

Reunited and it feels so good!

Yes, all is right with my world again. Hubby is home, safe and sound with many amazing stories to share with me and thoughts to process. He got in late Friday night and we had a sweet lazy day Saturday to sip coffee (Honduran of course) unpack and talk, talk, talk! He napped a lot-- jetlag you know-- and I was happy to watch him sleep. We went to church Saturday night and had a great time chatting with our church family.

This morning we were up bright and early and on the road by 8am for a little island get-away. We parked our car at the Anacortes Ferry Landing and did a walk-on to the ferry and headed out to Friday Harbor, San Juan Island. What a fantastic day for an island excursion!

 The temp's were soaring in the high 70's which is pretty amazing for this time of year. We love riding the ferry and today was no exception. Bruce is still in recovery mode however so naps were snuck in when ever he could....

We enjoyed some good island coffee and ice cream, wandered the docks and dreamed about boats,

climbed the stairs and let the sun kiss our faces, tourist-shopped the stores and winded our way back down to the wharf for a delicious lunch of crab cakes, fries and cole slaw, washed down with ice cold root beer.

We watched the boats sailing on the water, got a little sunburnt and just reveled in each other's company. A sweet, sweet time.

We caught an afternoon ferry home and meandered the back roads to home. All in all a truly romantic and most satisfying day.