Blessed Assurance

I discovered a hidden treasure the other day. While going through boxes of my parent's belongings, I came across a precious piece of paper. In my father's handwriting is a testimony worksheet he had filled out in which he shares how he received Christ and how his life was different because of this. Oh! What a find! And while I have made copies for my siblings, I'm claiming the original for myself. This is why:

Among the things my dad shares in this testimony are several scripture references to verses he was memorizing or found especially comforting to him because of the promises offered. As i jotted these down and began to look them up, something amazing came to light. With the exception of only a few, every single one was something already highlighted in my bible as special to me! With the first two discoveries I just smiled and thought how nice. But as more of them matched my own a little shiver ran up my spine.

 This was not a coincidence. Sure these verses are favorites of many. Verses like "He was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities... and by his stripes we are healed" (Isaiah 53.5 KJV) or this one from Romans 8.1: "So now there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." (KJV) But a few of them were less commonly quoted or familiar. Yet at one time or another, in my bible readings, these same verses my dad loved, were underlined or highlighted as special to me for one reason or another.

As to the verses that were not a match to my underlined ones this one in particular jumped out at me: "I assure you, those who listen to my message and believe in God who sent me, have eternal life. They will never be condemned for their sins but they already have passed from death into life." (John 5.24 NLT)

Why did this verse grab my attention?

Well, even though I asked Jesus into my heart when I was 9 years old, I have experienced many times in my life where my salvation felt troubled. Fear and doubt would creep in, making myself question my salvation. I remember as a young girl coming home to find an empty kitchen. A pot was simmering on the stove and while my mother's presence was palpable she was nowhere to be found. My mother was always there when we came home from school. Always. But not this day. Fear struck my heart and I gulped. Terror gripped me as I searched the house calling out her name. I was sure the Rapture had occurred and I'd been left behind! You can imagine my immense comfort when my mother wandered in, fresh from a visit to the neighbors for an impromptu tea visit. And while I nearly collapsed in relief, I was unable to share with her the anxiety and fear I'd just experienced. How could I explain it when I was "supposed to be" a Christian?

I am a little embarrassed to admit that this doubt would continue to haunt me on more than a few occasions. A quiet room when someone had been in it just moments before. A sick feeling coming over me when hearing of terrible things going on in our nation (9-11) and thinking "this is it, the end is near" and being afraid that no matter how many times I'd prayed again to be saved, because I wanted to make sure, I'd still somehow fallen short of being one of those counted righteous in His Sight.

It wasn't a pretty feeling.

Thankfully, in part because of a praying husband, I was able to work through this over time and reach a point where I could say I was sure that I was not going to be left behind. I could rest in God's promise when He said he's adopted me into His family and I will spend eternity in Heaven with Him.

Why I experienced such doubt over my salvation, I can't explain. Perhaps my childhood traumas and later the betrayals by one who professed to love me, played into my psyche and fed that vein of low self esteem: I'm not worthy, I don't deserve salvation. I'm still not good enough for God. Well, here's the deal-- all of that is true! I'm NOT worthy. But because of God's amazing grace and endless love, He accepts me anyway. Funny how I seem to always need reminders of this... but then, we all have an Achilles heel that the enemy loves to poke at. We all have a propensity to something and apparently this was mine. How thankful I was when I realized that particular monkey was off my back.

So, then, coming across this verse the other day was a strong but gentle reminder that I can continue to rest in the promise Jesus gave. The fact that this reminder from my Heavenly Father, came via my other father is a significant factor for me. No matter how many times I struggle in my daily walk with the Lord, no matter the desert-dry days in my spiritual walk, I am still a Child of God. No matter how long I sit in front of a blank page cursing the blinking curser of my computer screen because of writer's block, no matter how apathetic I feel, no matter the brain fog or feelings of lethargy, it does not change Who I Am in Christ.

I am God's girl.
I am forgiven.
I am saved.
I will inherit His riches.
I will be in His Kingdom.
Indeed I already am.

Blessed Assurance, Jesus is mine
O what a foretaste of glory divine
Heir of Salvation, Purchase of God
Born of His Spirit, washed in His Blood.

This is my story, this is my song, 
praising my Savior all the day long
This is my story, this is my song, 
praising my Savior all the day long *

*Fanny Crosby

Are We Excited?

I am slogging as I am jogging through the 1st chapter of Ephesians. Slogging because this new way of bible study using the inductive style is at times slow going and frustrating for me, a neophyte to Precepts, but at the same time I am jogging with Joy as I spend time in God's Word, and in prayer over His word. And believe me, I am praying because everytime I feel that slog begin and the cobwebs spin over my brain causing me to shut down, I have to mentally and physically shake it off and realign myself in Christ to read it through His Spirit.

I was texting with my sister earlier today, as we are taking this bible study class together. No, I wasn't asking her for the answers!! Silly. The good news is that there really aren't wrong answers per say, because God speaks to each of us in the way we need most so He may reveal something to me that He won't reveal to another and vise-versa. No, we were chatting back and forth about each of us experiencing the slogging. We both agreed however, that talking to God about how frustrating this bible study is for us, does seem to bring us closer to Him and isn't that really the point of studying His word? Well then, mission accomplished!!

One of the sweet gems that is rising to the top like a thick layer of cream, is the revealing of the Great Mystery, as Paul refers to it. The Mystery of The Plan. And this is the plan: long ago, before He even made the world, God loved us. Loved us and chose us! He chose us, in Christ to be HOLY AND WITHOUT FAULT in His eyes. And what's more, this has ALWAYS been His plan! He made a plan and never wavered. It  was always His unchanging plan to redeem us. To adopt us into His family. Not only did He have this awesome plan to adopt us, but it gave Him GREAT PLEASURE to do so.

Now think about it. Does this blow you away?

Well, here's a truth. I asked Jesus into my heart when I was 9 years old. I don't have one of those heart wrenching gutter-to-gospel stories of redemption but I do believe that the angels rejoiced just as much over my prayer to receive Jesus as they did when Paul, who calls himself the worst of the worst, converted. But because I grew up in a bible believing, church attending family, because I never left the church to go explore the seedier side of the world, (ok, I might have tip-toed close enough to see it but I never went over the edge) I must admit that over time the Gospel Story of Redemption kinda lost its glow. I just take this gift, this precious gift, for granted a lot of the time. I grow complacent in my faith, just humming along like a happy little Christian, but not really living like my life has been rescued, saved, redeemed, bought with a price.

This must break the heart of God.

I remember searching for a very special gift for someone's birthday one year. I saved the money to purchase it, and I was very excited over what I had chosen to give them. I hoped and prayed that this gift would be received with elation and gratefulness. But there was only a shrug of the shoulders and a rather sullen thank you from their lips. And then the gift was set aside and was probably never used. At least, not in the way it was intended. Now, how do you think I felt?

Yah. Pretty hurt.

And I realize that is what I am doing to God when I treat His gift of eternal life, His Saving Grace, like it's just, so-whatever. I find myself going back to verse 19 in chapter 1 of Ephesians where Paul writes: I pray you will begin to understand the incredible greatness of his power for us who believe him.

Because, if I begin to understand just how incredible this really is, perhaps I won't ever take it for granted again.

In A Heartbeat

This morning started off amazingly. Coffee with my Bible open, eager to hear what Jesus would say to me this day. Phone call with a dear friend and plans made for getting together tomorrow. A brisk walk down a blazing in colors country road that included FINALLY reaching my goal for distance! YAY! got back home, stretched, ate a hearty bowl of oatmeal, whisked around the kitchen and got laundry going. Showered and dressed. All before 10 am.

then... a phone call came.

It was not good news.

I don't really know this young couple but they attend our church. I have smiled at them from across the room perhaps, maybe murmured a good morning on occasion. Always thinking one of these Sundays I should get to know them. I don't even know their last name, or their ages, but thinking 'young' OK, old enough to have 2 little ones but still, young. I'd be surprised if they were over 30.

The news was that the husband died this morning. Circumstances are unknown as to the why and the how. I am stunned but I can't even imagine what his wife and children and other family are experiencing.

Yesterday perhaps they enjoyed a sun-filled day such as my sweetie and I did. Walking, laughing, talking. Perhaps he swung his kids up in the air and breathed in the sweetness of their giggles. Never knowing this was his last full day on this earth.

I pray, oh, how I pray he was ready to meet Jesus.

Another friend posted on facebook this morning a picture of their car that  met with a deer on his way to work today. The deer didn't make it, the car is a mess but HE walked away unhurt. Still, these kinds of things will shake you to your core.

Are you ready? If your time comes up today, are you ready to go? Do you know Jesus? that he died for your sins, that you need him to wash those sins away. That you need only accept this as truth, believe it in your heart, confess your need of a Savior. I may be clumsy in my approach but I just don't know another way to ask. Are you ready? Oh, I pray you are.

if you are not sure, please contact me or someone you know who will pray with you. don't let this moment pass you by. because we have no guarantee about the next heart beat.

Memory Lane

Yesterday was one of those days with Mom where I am left a little breathless at the goodness of God for allowing me to experience this.

It was just another Wednesday. We had no specific plans to begin with. Then a chance comment on Facebook regarding a cousin's berry farm and an open house to sample some raspberries, led me to take Mom on a field trip down Memory Lane.

My Mom was born in Minnesota but her parents moved to Whatcom County when she was very very young. So she grew up in Lynden, specifically the area known as Northwood. Many times over the last couple of years Mom has made mention of desiring a little drive out to see her old stomping grounds. With a hazy weather forecast, the promise of tantalizing raspberries and the location of the farm being close to her parent's homestead, we decided a drive out there was in order.

The visit to my cousin's raspberry farm was fun. The open house they were holding was really more for the serious berry connoisseur as over 100 different varieties were being judged. My cousin Randy was in deep discussion when we crossed the lawn, but his lovely wife Leslie welcomed us warmly and invited us to have something to eat... several delectable raspberry treats were offered. (by the way, Leslie blogs too and you can read all about her crazy entertaining life as a Farmer's Wife  here) We sat under a canopy and visited with Leslie and members of her family, got in a short hello with Farmer Randy, a busy man, and  of course, sampled the raspberries!

Then it was back in the car and a short hop, skip and jump to the old homestead where my Grandma and Grandpa Bauman farmed. Now here's the thing. We passed the house my mom grew up in as we drove towards my cousin's place. Mom said that house used to sit on the farm but the house was moved years after my grandparents sold it. As we slowed down so I could take a better look, and snap a photo or two, mom says in an almost off handed way.... "And that window back there? That was my bedroom and it was in that bedroom that I came home one night from a Young Life meeting and knelt down and asked Jesus to come into my heart."

I have to admit, I was so focused on taking some pictures that I nearly missed this nugget of gold. You know how when someone is talking and you don't realize until the last word of the sentence is uttered that something important has just been shared? That is how I 'heard' this pronouncement from my mother. And as soon as it had registered I wanted to do an instant rewind and have her say it again. I glanced over at her but she was gazing at the house and the countryside around it and soon was launching into another memory of the school that is right next door to the house, as this was where she attended for her primary years.

I let her ramble, promising myself I would pay more close attention to any other facts she chose to share.  We drove down the road a piece and found the Farm. Of course, it has been kept up by the current owners and had a newer house built after the old home was moved to it's current location. Still, as we sat on this quiet country road, watching the cows graze in the fields, I tried to picture my grandfather farming here. this would have been, oh, at least 70 some years ago.

I am sure life was much different back then. Or was it? For the Farmer, has life changed much? Oh, I am sure technology has made farming somewhat different, but the goals remain the same. I must admit as we rode along yesterday I felt such waves of nostalgia for the life of a country girl, wondering what my life would be like today if my husband had chosen farming for a career.....

I am also sure that life was much different back then whether on the farm or not. Our children face a much different world than I knew growing up. Yet some things remain unchanged. We still have a need for a Savior. And the way to Salvation is still as simple as your ABC's...

Admit you are a sinner.  Believe that Jesus Christ alone is the answer. Confess that Jesus is your Lord.

My mom did when she was just a child. She did it in the privacy of her bedroom. I accepted Jesus when I was 9 years old. I was sitting up in a tree in the woods on the farm where I was raised.

As Robert Frost said in his poem, The Road Less Traveled, "'and that has made all the difference."