Family

Tomorrow my grandson arrives!

 Kristjian and me in January when I went to Pensacola

This would be my second grandson in my daughter's family. He is 13 and he is coming to spend 3 weeks with grandma and grandpa!!. And yes, we are excited!!!

I have a ton of stuff planned but allowing for some down times (because Grandma will need a break now and then). Included in the plans is a week at Tall Timber Ranch for Jr High Camp. I'm going along and working in the kitchen that week so I can be a part of his experience.

My brother and sister-in-love are also back in town for a month long visit. Yippee! Family get togethers!

My husband is working like mad, at his regular job and also overseeing a project for a friends newest resteraunt. So it's been a little stressful at times and we haven't had much time to just chill but we have plans for a weekend get away the end of July.

Summer is wonderful! Sunshine, family, lots to do and see. I feel happy, full and blessed.

Hope you are finding things that bless you as well.

Just Chillen'

We had a camping trip planned for this weekend but a hiccup occurred when the truck broke down. So, plan B..... We'll stay home and work on projects and throw in a hike and a Barb-B-Que!

We've been enjoying the summer and the lovely weather. Last weekend we were treated to a cruise around Bellingham Bay by our friends who have a sweet little boat. I love being near and on the water. Throw in a sunset and I'm floating.

Bellingham Bay Marina

a little sunset to enhance the mood.

the love-burkes enjoying the cruise

Life is good.

Just Another Drop in the Bucket.... List

#24 Do an overnight backpacking trip

O Lord, My God, when I in awesome wonder, consider all the world Thy hands have made

I'm married to a former boy scout leader. When I first met Bruce he was the scout master for a troop of boys who were crazy about outdoor adventures. They did some sort of outdoor/camping/hiking venture each month. After we were married and Bruce retired from scouting, he and I began building our camping experiences together: car camping. You know, drive to the campsite, unload your gear, pitch your tent and cook over the camp stove. Take a day hike or laze around by the river. Eventually we upgraded to the little trailer we now have and camping took on a new level of adventure as we hit the road. All good. All fun.

Just about every year, Bruce takes off with a buddy or two and they backpack into some place you can only get to on foot and spend a few days exploring and experiencing nature in a way not possible by car. And I always send him off with a kiss and a wave and enjoy a couple of days of my own version of 'living on the edge" (i.e. sleeping in, not cooking, pampering myself, being lazy) I have no problem with his Wild at Heart escapes; indeed I heartily approve!

privacy in the privy?
 not much!

Still... we have often talked about doing an overnight backpacking trip of our own. And talk was all we did because there were a few issues that always cropped up in our discussions that made me waver on committing to the action.

Things like...

carrying a back pack with my bad neck, shoulders, and back...

walking a long distance...
climbing up & down with my bad feet & knees...

sleeping on the hard ground with my princess & the pea condition and let's not forget the biggie...
where does one p--p in the wilderness???
 (come on, you gotta think about stuff like that! and be prepared.) 

It occurred to me recently that if I did not do this thing I so really wanted to do NOW, I would likely NEVER do it because all those physical challenges were only going to get bigger, not smaller. So, with tenacity and positive thinking I said "This is the year!"

After some discussion of options we finally settled on the Chain Lakes Trail at Mt. Baker. We reasoned the trail wasn't so arduous that I would be defeated, the distance to the first lake was more than achievable, and the adventure I was longing for would be easily obtained by this outing. 

We chose 4th of July weekend for our trip and hoped for good weather. Well, good weather has been more than on our side here of late. In fact, we've had record breaking temperatures for most of June and into July. As the day of our trip neared and the temperatures continued to soar we began to second guess our choice. Should we postpone in favor of cooler weather? Well, since summer is only a few weeks long and there are plenty of other commitments already plugged into our calendars, we decided to stick to the original plan and make the best of it. 

So, Saturday afternoon we packed all our gear-- the majority of it going into Bruce's backpack, leaving me with a fairly light load. (Still, 20# on your back that you are not used to carrying, is something to adjust to) We set out for the mountain around 4 pm, relying on the cool of the evening to carry us into the woods. Even so it was in the 80's as we set forth on the Chain Lakes Trail. But we had a nice breeze rising over the mountains and not only did that serve to keep us feeling refreshed but it deterred the bugs and flies as well.

when through the woods and forest glades I wander and hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees...

It's about a 2 mile trek from Artist Point, our starting point, to the first lake, Mazama, where we'd decided we'd camp. (You can do the whole Chain, which is about 7 miles, passing 5 lakes in all, and then there's an additional trek back up the highway if your car is in the parking lot at Artist Point. For our adventure we chose to just hike in to Mazama, spend the night and hike back out the way we came.) With only a couple of stops for pictures and water consumption, we made it to Lake Mazama in about 90 minutes. Not too bad considering. 

when I look down from lofty mountain grandeur and hear the brook and feel the gently breeze...

The trail is fairly easy going. Well marked, smooth in most places, only a few areas of rocky terrain. Uphill for the first leg, then a gradual descent as you near Mazama. I was surprised at how well I did, considering my tennis shoes were not the best for hiking. The backpack was a good fit (thank you to our friend T-man. who lent us some great gear) so I was pleased with how well that went also. Bruce couldn't see it since he was trailing behind me but I had a mile-wide grin on my face most of the time, just feeling so much pleasure at actually doing what I'd long talked about doing. Such is the reward for knocking off a bucket list item! 

then sings my soul, my Savior God to thee, How great Thou art, how great Thou art!

We met several hikers as we traversed and wondered if we'd find a campsite once we reached the lake. If we didn't find a spot we'd have to either push on another mile or more to the next lake with campsites, or improvise. Mazama has 4 designated campsites and we quickly discovered they were all occupied. We were bummed but not defeated. We circled the lake and decided to appropriate a nice lush level area on the opposite side of the lake, which just happened to be adjacent to a pleasant little waterfall and gurgling creek that fed into Mazama. 

Can you say perfect?

Shout to the Lord, all the earth, let us sing, power and majesty praise to the King...

After our supper we hung the bear bag and explored a little. Then, with night falling and bugs rising, we dived into the tent for protection and rest. I wondered if we'd be able to spot the "Star of Bethlehem" that we'd been enjoying from our back deck at home but it was just a little lower than the tree line for us to see. However, around 1 am we were awakened by the brightness of the moon over the lake. We climbed out of our tent to watch in awe as it glistened on the rippling lake and then, breathlessly, we gazed at a million stars that were dotting the night sky.

Mountains bow down and the seas will roar at the sound of your name...

Sleeping in Sunday morning wasn't really an option as 1) the princess was definitely feeling the pea and 2) the temperature was quickly rising making the tent uncomfortable. We retrieved the bear bag and rooted around for our breakfast. We climbed up above the waterfall and found a luscious grassy paradise in which to consume our granola. 

I sing for joy at the work of your hands, forever I'll love you, for ever I'll stand

Nothing compares to the promise I have in you.

We did a little hike later to the second lake, Iceberg, so named because in a usual year of snow, there are really icebergs sticking up out of the lake. This year has been usually dry and with an early summer, the lake, while icily cold, had no icebergs. 

Lord of all creation, of water, earth and sky, the heavens are your tabernacle, glory to the Lord on high

And speaking of icy cold, what about Lake Mazama? It was surprisingly tolerable in temperature, made more so by the fact that by noon it was quite hot out. With our campsite broken down and packed up, we decided a dip in the lake before departure was required. 

God of Wonders, beyond our galaxy ~ you are holy!

from the highest of heights to the depths of the sea...

The hike back out was much more challenging than coming in. I admit, I loaded up on Ibuprofen before we left the parking lot on Saturday and took some more when we reached camp. I took some more before we began the return trek. But, add in a night of somewhat restless sleep, a sun that was beating down hotter than ever, and that slow descent to the lake that seemed now ridiculously steep as we climbed back out, and you'll have a picture of the challenges I was facing.

But I refused to be defeated! I am Tenacious Woman! This is my Super Power!! 

Creation's revealing Your majesty

Not to mention that every time I stopped I was attacked by biting flies!! I had no choice but to just press on! 

from the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring, every creature unique in the song that it sings...

We stopped for a nice break once we reached the intersection on the trail for Chain Lakes and Ptarmigan Ridge. From there we could actually see the parking lot and that spurred us on for the final leg. With not much of a breeze, a 3-O-Clock sun beating down on us, and the backpack seeming twice as heavy as the day before (I don't know-- do dirty clothes weigh more?) the last mile felt monotonous. 

awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim...

Yes... I was grateful to reach the end of the trail when we did. My shoulders were complaining, my feet were hurting and I had finished all my water about 20 minutes before we got to the car and was feeling quite parched. The first thing I did when we popped the trunk was grab 2 bottles of water from there. One went directly over my head and other went down my throat. 

You are amazing God!

Bruce was proud of me for doing what I set out to do, thrilled that we were finally able to experience this together. I was proud of my accomplishment as well. (And not ashamed to admit that there was more Ibuprofen consumed along with the water.)

the pulse of life within my wrist, a fallen snow, a rising mist, there is no higher praise than this

We stopped in Glacier for ice cream as a reward and celebration of our adventure. As we licked the fast melting treat off our fingers and hands, we looked at each other and grinned. How beautiful are the feet on the mountain!

oh my soul wells up, yes my soul wells up with Hallelujahs

* song excerpts from How Great Thou Art, Shout to the Lord, God of Wonders, Indescribable, and Hallelujahs,

The Summer of '97; the Sequel

If you've been following my blog for any length of time, you probably already know that Tall Timber Ranch holds a very special place in my heart. It's where I met my sweetie, and where our courtship sparked, it's where he popped the question a couple of years later and it's where we visit when ever we get the chance. It is also where we lived the first summer after we married.

Grasshopper Mountain in the morning light

 Having worked in the kitchen for summer camp the year before, I was ready and willing to give it another go. I was prepared for the long tiring days because I also knew the rewards that came with the job. Being a part of a team effort that reached children of all ages and introduced them to the love of Jesus was worth every aching muscle, even every burn from the grill. Not to mention,Tall Timber is located in such a beautiful setting, it takes your breath away every time you walk outside and face the massive mountain range that borders the camp. Yep, I was looking forward to another experience at the camp.

making pans and pans full of jo-jo's!

The catch was... what about Bruce? Well, I certainly didn't relish the idea of being separated all summer. Being apart the year before had been challenging but we weren't married then! We thought the idea of living at the camp for the summer to be a fun one, if we could just find a way to make it work on his end. The only way was if he could land a job near there. Hmmm.

He began detailing the criteria he'd need for a temporary job.

1. Construction work, obviously; something he enjoyed doing would be sweet.

2. It needed to be located close enough to Tall Timber that commuting wouldn't be a big hassle.

3.  It needed to be one job- something that would last from June-August or Sept.

4. Preferably paid by the hour, not a bid, at prevailing wage.

And just to make it a little more challenging, he added that it would be nice if he knew the person or company well enough ahead of time to know if it would be a good working environment.

Well, that's quite a list and once I heard it my heart sank just a little. It wasn't that I doubted God could orchestrate it. It was that Bruce was painting a pretty tight circle around our mission opportunity. Add to this, I really needed to give the camp a definite answer about the job and soon. With no leads on any carpentry work and a decision about the assistant cook position waiting, the pressure was getting rather intense.

Finally the moment arrive where we said, Look, do we trust God or not? We believe He's calling me to come back and work at the camp. We want to go. Do we say yes and trust that God will bring Bruce work? What if we say yes and no work develops for Bruce and he has to return home in order to work? Can we deal with that? With prayer and faith, we decided to go for it. I called the camp and affirmed I would be there in June.

The next day... the VERY NEXT DAY, Bruce got a phone call from a contemporary in the construction world. A builder/supplier of log home kits, he was calling to ask Bruce about doing some sub-contracting work for him... (which he'd done in the past) and as the conversation developed, Bruce explained what our plans for the summer were.... and guess what???  Mr. M. just so happened to have a log house kit being erected in Leavenworth Wa, which was a 40 minute drive from Tall Timber. He needed someone to come in and do specialty trim and finish work. By the hour. It was enough work to last all summer. Would Bruce be interested?

the house Bruce worked on that summer. 

I chuckle every time I tell this story or even think about it. That's just how our God works! We step out in faith and He meets us, greets us, and when it comes to wants and needs, exceeds us!

So, that is how a few weeks later we loaded up my car and his work truck and headed over the mountains to our special camp. We spent the next 3 months living in a dorm style lodge, playing house parents to a building full of college kids.

Shultze Center, the dorm style housing where we lived.

It was a very different summer from the one before. That first summer I was learning my way around the kitchen and the quirks of the schedule. I was there with my daughter, rebuilding our relationship, missing my fiance and being stretched in various ways.

That second summer, feeling seasoned and comfortable, I was able to relax and find ways to play a little bit more. Bruce took a week and volunteered as counselor for Sr. High Camp, we enjoyed some weekend hikes and camp outs. We mingled with college kids and not only laughed at their antics but readily joined in. (OK--we might have even instigated some of it.)

date night for the love-burkes. We went to Leavenworth one night for the outdoor summer theater!

I've been back many times over the years, to help out in the kitchen when needed and even do a few stints as camp counselor but it's those summers of 1996 and 1997 that stand out in my memory the strongest. How God used those times to stretch our character, build our faith, heal our hearts, bind us together, and bless us in unimaginable ways.

the view of the camp from Eagles Nest Mountain.

The Summer of '96

in a few short days my husband and I will be gathering in our special place, Tall Timber Ranch, for a reunion of all staff as we honor the retiring camp directors. I worked on summer staff several times and have made life long connections with amazing people-- some of whom I have not seen in about 18 years. Getting ready for the reunion has sparked lots of special memories... this is just one...

A little red compact loaded to the gills, boxes and suitcases precariously stacked, each niche filled with one more thing we could't live without. My almost 15 year old daughter tucked into the front seat beside me, fiddling with the radio, finding only static and finally negotiating a cassette tape from the box at her feet. 

"Not too loud" I made it a suggestion, choosing to ignore the eye roll. We would share a small room for three months and I remember thinking if we didn't establish rules during a 4 hour car ride, the summer was sure to be challenging. I knew it was going to be a challenge regardless. 

For the previous several months she'd been living with her aunt, before that, her dad. My opportunity to work at our church camp for the summer and my invitation for her to join me would provide us a way to try living together again and see if we couldn't make this relationship work. It had been strained since the divorce and that was putting it politely. It was my heart's cry that somehow we forge ahead and build something between us we could honor. 

The job opportunity came on the heels of my recent engagement to the love of my life. We'd been dating for two years and the proposal had happen on a church retreat at the camp. That same weekend I had spied a notice on the camp bulletin board, advertising for summer staff. Working at a church camp, cooking in the vast kitchen appealed to me, so I had taken an application not really sure how that would fit in with any wedding plans I'd be making. With the encouragement of my fiance however, I submitted the application and was delighted when hired. The next step had been to ask my daughter if she would like to come with me for the summer. It was truly an answer to prayer that she'd agreed. 

Tall Timber Ranch is located in the middle of a glacier wilderness area. Bordered by rugged mountain ranges and glacier fed rivers, it had been serving and blessing kids of all ages for several decades. All my previous visits to the camp had been in winter, when snow was often piled to the eaves of the cabins. That year would be both my daughters and mine first visit to it in summertime. We would share a room in one of the lodges, live, work, worship and play in community of other summer staffers, most of whom were college age. 

The first week of orientation and training kept me much too busy to worry about what my girl was up to. Not that there was much cause for worry. Being in the middle of nowhere without any of the worldly distractions, surrounded by some stellar people, it was the perfect place to thrive. 

It wasn't long before she had bonded with several of the college age staff. She helped out in the craft room, volunteered with the primary campers, and celebrated her 15th birthday that summer. She also got to experience being a camper for one week. Some days I barely saw my daughter but I knew she was being loved on, and I breathed thankfulness every day for the quality of people who were impacting her life. She was officially a 'Camp Kid".

The summer flew by, weeks of intense heat, vicious mosquitoes, long days, short nights. Working in the kitchen from early morning till clean up after dinner left me exhausted but grateful for every knot in my aching shoulders. I was part of something bigger than sore muscles or tired feet. Lives were being changed, as some kids met Jesus for the first time, other's experiencing an up close and personal relationship with Him-- something deeper than the flannel-graph Jesus of Sunday School. 

As we approached the end of summer and with a wedding date set for September, I walked with my daughter down to the river. With cool sand beneath us, our toes bracing glacial river flow, I dared to ask what had been surging in my heart for weeks. Did she want to come back home with me? Was she willing to make an effort to be a part of a new family structure? 
Thankful beyond words, I heard her shy answer, "yes." 

The Summer of '96. We met amazing people, people who have stayed in my heart, my memories, and my life forever. Being at Tall Timber with my daughter gave us a place to heal our relationship and grow closer. It was wonderful. Some parents send their kids to summer camp; I took mine with me. 

me with my beautiful girl; she smiles much better now!

 coming next: Summer of '97-- I took my husband to camp!

Windsday

Windsday.

Yes, I know I just misspelled it but with the amount of wind swirling around out there, the spelling actually fits quite well.

It's one of those perfect pre-fall days. Sunny, high 60's, warm enough to get away with capris and a t-shirt, but the sun has moved just far enough from us to warrant a sweater for back up. Leaves have begun to depart from the trees, the golden hues of Autumn are starting to appear. The kids are back in school, the Halloween decor is showing up in stores (who am I kidding-- Christmas decor is showing up in stores!!) and Pumpkin Spiced everything is being pushed upon us.

But you know me... it's still summer as far as I'm concerned. Technically it IS summer until September 23rd. And while Autumn is my favorite season I am just not willing to let go of the notion of summer quite yet.

Even if the winds of change are a'blowing.

One Year Later

Give or take a few days. I thought it was time for a check in/update/post script. A follow up to the Big D from last June. I know it is a cliche to say that it is hard to believe it's been a year since ______ (fill in the blank). But isn't that the way it always goes? Time just zips by, sometimes leaving a whiplash effect.

I look back over the past 12 months and feel grateful. Grateful for a full life and all the people in it. Grateful for church and family and my husband. Grateful for the area I live in, the experiences I have had and yep, even-- perhaps especially-- grateful for depression and the lessons it continues to teach me.

I'm sitting in my living room from where I have a great view of my back yard. I can see my deck with it's freshly painted patio furniture scattered around. The primary colors of the chairs and table cheer me to the very core.

I can see the planter boxes and pots filled with an array of flowers, all dancing happily in the breeze. Beyond the deck I see the wickets set up for a croquet game and the memory of this past weekend and some fun competition between friends makes me smile.

We've been blessed with a couple of weeks of delightful weather: sunshine almost every day with lots of gentle breezes to keep it from becoming too hot. It's been perfect weather for ice tea, gardening, reading books in patio chairs, sunscreen and sunglasses, shorts and flip-flops. But then, yesterday we woke up to heavy gray clouds that soon broke open with rain. Rain that cancelled some exciting plans for the day even as it nourished the plants and the lawn. It forced me to come up with a new plan for the day, or at the very least, a forgiving and accepting attitude about how this day was going to be played. This is exactly how it goes with depression.

My anti-depressants work well. I have many days of 'sunshine' and feeling full of energy and strength to tackle whatever may come. But there are still occasional days of feeling dragged low by emotional/mental dark clouds. What can I do but learn to roll with it. I have learned to read the signs, respect them and adjust my life accordingly, just as we do with our fickle pacific northwest weather. Even the heaviest days of rain hold a certain amount of beauty if we just look for it. 

Perhaps that is one of the things about depression I am most grateful for. It has taught me to search harder for the happy that sometimes feels beyond reach. It has taught me that there is an inner strength that I did not know I had until I fought for it. It has taught me that it's okay to fall down and that when I fall it's also okay to just lay there for awhile and rest. But it has also emphatically taught me that eventually I must get up and press on. Depression has forced me to open up and let others in. It has made me dependent on God much more than anything else I have ever faced. It has taught me about being vulnerable and where to put my trust. Depression has also given me a deeper empathy to others who are in pain.

What depression has NOT done is robbed me of my joy. "Happiness is fleeting" and we often say happiness is a choice and we can choose to be happy. But joy is something that runs deeper. For me, the best way to summarize the difference between happiness and joy is that happiness tends to be an outward expression of elation where joy stems from a place of inward peace and contentment. Happiness is temporary based on outward circumstances. Joy is lasting, based on inward circumstances.  I can be happy because the sun is shining, but I have joy even when it rains because I know the Maker Of All Things Good.

Depression has taught me that Joy is possible even in the midst of my lowest moments. But I am grateful that the lowest moments are fewer and far between. The past year has been rough but it's also been good.

Psalm 30

1 I will exalt you, Lord, for you rescued me.
    You refused to let my enemies triumph over me.
2 O Lord my God, I cried to you for help,
    and you restored my health.
3 You brought me up from the grave,[a] O Lord.
    You kept me from falling into the pit of death.

4 Sing to the Lord, all you godly ones!
    Praise his holy name.
5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
    but his favor lasts a lifetime!
Weeping may last through the night,
    but joy comes with the morning.

6 When I was prosperous, I said,
    “Nothing can stop me now!”
7 Your favor, O Lord, made me as secure as a mountain.
    Then you turned away from me, and I was shattered.

8 I cried out to you, O Lord.
    I begged the Lord for mercy, saying,
9 “What will you gain if I die,
    if I sink into the grave?
Can my dust praise you?
    Can it tell of your faithfulness?
10 Hear me, Lord, and have mercy on me.
    Help me, O Lord.”

11 You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.
    You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy,
12 that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.
    O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!

it's still summer!!!

my calendar still says it's summer.

I know the kids are all back in school and harvest is either over or almost over, and I know the nights are getting chilly and arriving sooner each evening, and morning dawns later and later and I know there are other signs that the next season is slowly coming... but folks, on my calendar? It's still summer!

It's still summer until the first day of fall in my book. And in my book, that day is officially September 22nd. So when I hear people comment about ohmygosh today is so warm and why did i already put the window ac back in storage and we must be having 'indian summer' and this is amazing weather we're having for fall... I just shake my head and sigh. Because it's still summer!!

I don't mean to sound all cranky and anal about things but it's this overall prematurity about a lot of life that irks me. We see it in the media and stores-- christmas stuff is already beginning to creep across the merchandise aisles for pete's sake! I love my seasons and I love the holidays, every last one of 'em but lets not rush things. Can't we enjoy each one until it's done, focusing on the matter at hand and relishing the blessings of it?

I hear this confusion about seasons not just in September but in February when people start lamenting what a cold wet spring we're having, forgetting that it's still officially winter. Spring hasn't sprung till Mid March but every year around the end of February when we get hit with some snow and ice, I hear it. The puzzlement in peoples voices as they exclaim over the strange cold snap we're having when it's supposed to be getting warm. It cracks me up!  I hear it in the early stages of June, when gardeners are itching to get out there in the soil, and the rain wont stop, asking why this summer is so slow in arriving. u-hum..... it's not summer till June 21st.

Lest you think I really am being cranky and anal about this, let me tell you that I think I understand it. At least the spring and summer part. here in the pacific northwest, we, who see so much rain, get a little crazy after months of endless non-sunny days, so we are clamoring for a change. I get it. I'm with ya.  We are a restless people. Impatient for the next thing.

Ah, this brings to mind this verse in the bible:
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him. Psalm 37.7

I know all about struggling with patience and wanting the next thing but there are some things we just don't need to rush. Can we just cherish the moment, enjoy what we have, right here, right now? Be in the moment?

So, I'm not packing up my capris or my sleeveless tops just yet. I'm not gonna get out my autumn leaf tablecloth and I'm not buying any candy corn.  I'm not gonna order a pumpkin spice latte either. Nope. Not till the first day of fall. and you know why....

yup. because it's STILL SUMMER!!!

As August Comes to A Close....

Oh my word!! I have never let this much time go by between blog posts. I guess I took a vacation. Well, this is the month to do it in-- last chance before fall rolls around.

Truthfully, this month has been fun and full. A week long visit with our so-grown-up grandson-- (did this ol' gramma's heart good) two camping trips, and in between. many play dates with my sister (so good to have her 'home') And, to be honest, I think a break from the blog was needed. I was feeling kinda dry there. Not writers block but just feeling tired and in need of a respite.

So, what is ahead this fall? Oh, lots of great stuff! My big exciting thing is that I have taken on a new role in my church, that of small group coordinator for our campus. We are a big church with different locations and the location we attend has not been very focused on getting small groups activated. I aim to change that! Some of my friends are hiding now when they see me coming because they think I am going to ask them to step up and lead a small group. They might be right. ;)

I am pretty passionate about the small group concept. I believe small groups are the backbone of a healthy church. So much of my spiritual growth has come about in the small groups I've participated in. I have seen amazing things take place in other people lives as a result of their small group experience. I am excited and hopeful for my church family to get connected.

I am also pretty pumped up about my renewed walking habit. Since I left my job I have been feeling physically so much better. I don't hurt! And I have energy for other things. I have been committed to walking every day-- sometimes I even manage twice a day. I am averaging 3-4 miles a day and feeling great. I have also been really, really watching my calorie intake and it's paying off!! Whoot Whoot! I am just a few pounds away from reaching my goal and I am loving and laughing over how lose my clothes are fitting. I might have to go shopping for some new outfits pretty soon!!

I have been taking advantage of every sunshiny day and I know the extra Vitamin D is complimenting my anti depressants. I feel strong. I feel confident. I feel positive. Yes, I occasionally have a day where it's hard to get motivated and I still get some flashes of anger that border on irrational...but those are few and far between and flashes really are the right word for them as they dissipate so quickly I have to wonder if they really were there. So, all in all, I am feeling good. Really good.

So good in fact that I have been able to handle today with out any pity parties. 35 years ago today I became a mom for the first time. My son and I have not had any communication in over 3 years and I don't have any solutions for changing that at this time. I have to leave it all in God's hands and trust like the father of the prodigal son, that some day he will return to me and then I can run to meet him and celebrate his return in my life. I feel sad for this separation but I can't change it. It is what it is. Still.... I am sending happy birthday wishes out over the airwaves, hoping he will know somehow, some way, that I love him very much.

August is coming to a close... and , dare I say it.....?????
Autumn is just around the corner......

Whirlwinds and Roller Coasters

It seems I have been too busy to blog! It's a beautiful summer and much to nice to stay inside most days. But  a quick update is needed and then I will blog deeper at some point.

Highlights from the past week include:
THE ARRIVAL
My sister and her hubs arrived over a week ago and it's been awesome to see them settling in to their cute little apartment and reacquaint themselves with the area. Sister and I are having lots of fun times together including Mom day, day trips and just hanging out. Love, love, love this!

reacting to the 'pantry blessing' we gave as a welcome home gift: a well stocked pantry!

fun with mother dear.

THE JOB
My last day was Saturday and I can say in all honesty, this was one of the few jobs I have walked away from where my heart was sad over it. I truly liked this job and wish my body was 20 years younger and could handle the load. It was an emotional weekend , made more so by...

SAYING GOODBYE
Made the trip to see my (former) mother-in-law and say goodbye. We were there on Saturday afternoon and I believe that she knew I was there....even though she was unresponsive and no longer able to speak (she suffered some strokes in the past week as the cancer continued its war on her body) I sat and held her hand and spoke my heart and then kissed her good bye. She was so very, very close to heaven and it came as no surprise to learn that Sunday evening she flew home to the arms of Jesus.

"Mom" Marta Fuller. Beautiful inside and out. You will be greatly deeply missed....

I am still processing all of the emotions that come from the good and the bad. I am thankful for the support of my sweet man who drove me down to see "mom" and then took me for a long drive up into the mountains to just chill and soak in some awe inspiring views. I will be back soon with more to share....

traveling into God's country.... balm for the soul.