How Do I Give My Blessing?

I love my husband's heart. He gives and he gives and he gives. It's one of the things I admire greatly about him; his desire to help others in tangible ways. I have seen him grow in this area immensely-- especially in just the past few years and it amazes me the strength of his conviction and passion to reach out to others; being the hands and feet of Jesus to those in need.

Ironically it is this same sacrificial spirit that often causes me to wonder how I fit in. When the weekend is over and I've not had any quality time with him owing to the fact that he gave all his time away to ministry, I can truly identify with what a pastor's or doctor's spouse goes through. When he is signing up for a mission adventure that will take him to the other side of the world for two weeks and the only contact we will have is on that amazing invention known as skype, I find my heart sinking even as it swells with pride.

O, the conundrum.

I remember the very first mission trip we went on together was only a few months after we'd begun dating. We took our churches youth group to work at a church in Southern Oregon for a week. He was in charge of the construction venue and I was on kitchen detail. I was impressed then with his leadership abilities and his administrative qualities. I still am.

He became quickly and heavily involved with our local affiliate of  Habitat for Humanity and I learned the joke about being a habitat widow every weekend as he enthusiastically packed up his tools and headed off to another volunteer work party. When the volunteer work yielded a paying job offer as project manager for them, I was the first one to encourage him to apply. Even as I knew it meant more 'widow' time.... I was-- and still am-- proud of him for what he does.

the first time he went on a mission trip without me we both went through a very painful realization that this just didn't feel right and we decided freely and fairly that we would not allow this again. We were either both on board for the mission or we wouldn't go. We stayed with that decision and even rejected a mission a couple of years ago because I didn't feel called to go and he chose to stay home, partly because of that. Then the call came to go to Japan with Samaritan's Purse and we both recognized that saying yes was right. Even though it meant I stayed behind. Even though it meant he was gone in the middle of winter and there were lots of chores that he normally attends to that would either not be done or would somehow fall on my (funky, sore, broken) shoulders. Even though it meant no income for the duration of the mission. Even though.... even though... even though. We knew it was something he was called to do and so I gave my blessing. I am not sorry.

Now he feels called to go to Honduras. (I do not) He feels called to lead the trip. To take other men who are ready and willing to experience being stretched in new ways for Jesus. He has talked at great length with our friends, who are full time missionaries in Honduras about the scope of the work. It's construction related of course, right up his alley and he is excited about all the aspects of the trip. Except of course for being separated from me but somehow he's making peace with that.

I am questioning the timing. I understand the work that needs to be done there and the timing on that end, the rainy season, the urgency for getting the construction underway.... But we JUST got home from Costa Rica and it's going to take weeks if not months to regain our financial footing. We may have been provided the funding for the mission trip expenses but we still sacrificed 2 weeks of paying work for both of us. I must say here that I am so thankful for how God provides! He has carried us through this time of leanness once again.
and as I explore my feelings in this post I find myself praying....

God you are so good! Please help me make peace with this decision of my husbands. I want to be the supportive wife who gives her blessing but right now I feel very cranky about it. I feel resentful of the time it will take away from us. I worry even though I know that's a sin, about the financial burden it will place on us once again. I am so tired of being in crisis mode each month at bill paying time and I wonder how the next 3 months of work will yield enough to not only catch us up but also pay it forward! I question the timing of this trip. The wisdom of it. I can survive the time apart but I don't know how well our relationship will take the quake of my not being fully on board. I want to give my blessing but I need more assurances that there's a good plan in place for taking care of us. Help me make peace with this...  shift my perspective... or shift my husbands. Ultimately this is about You. 

Working the Faith Muscle

If you have ever gone to the gym and done a vigorous workout, or started any new exercise program, you will know what I mean when I reference the jello-ey feeling in your legs as you stagger your way to the shower. When I started working at Curves last winter and hit those machines after months of being away from them, I certainly felt the ache, even as I welcomed it. Same with walking. This fall I began walking again and I try to log in 2-3 miles every day. When I skip a day or two and try to hit the 3 mile mark the first day out, I never quite make it. I have to turn around at my 1 mile marker and head back to the house. I recently was given an exercise bike and since I use it only when the weather is just too nasty for a walk, and it uses muscles in a different way, I come away from that feeling wiped. But I value that feeling of invigoration as the endorphins kick in and I like knowing my body is getting stronger and my jeans are fitting better. Exercise is good. I am making my muscles stronger.

My faith muscle is getting a real workout again too. We are moving into the winter season where work is progressively slower especially in construction. Every year we go through this but the last couple of winters, in our present economy, it's been tougher than most. We barely squeaked through October and now here comes November and we've got trouble. I won't start my new job for another week and it will be 3 weeks out from that start date before I see a paycheck. Bruce has a few jobs lined up for the month but they are short turnarounds meaning the money comes in fits and spurts. It adds an extra layer of challenges to sitting down at the desk to pay bills when you need to collect money all month before you have enough to send it in all the directions it needs to go.

Next month is our mission trip to Costa Rica to work at the children's home there. We've been planning this since last spring. We are so excited to go and we are so grateful and amazed at how God is orchestrating things. Our airfare has already been purchased and we have raised the money for the materials for the needed repairs. Funding for our lodging, meals and ground transport is a worry I try not to dwell on. Every time we have gone on missions the funding has come through and I try to rest in that. Still, with the constant pressure to find ways to pay the regular monthly expenses it does wear at me when I think about the lump sum needed to make this trip happen.

Aaagh, I know you have walked through this with me before, dear readers. God is faithful. He supplies our needs in amazing ways!! I guess my concern-- complaint if I am truly honest, is the constant living in "Crisis Mode" that wears me down. Like those muscles that are left shaky after a good workout, my Faith Muscle feels shaky too. I know it's being strengthened and this is good but wow, some days I am left panting, exhausted, desperate for rest.

Blessings in Missions

My heart is full. I have so many things of comfort around me. A warm house. A full pantry. My sweet set of wheels is back up and running after several months of waiting for the funds to repair the brakes. God has blessed us and I don't take this for granted. I am aware of how many others I know who may not feel they can say that. And I know how close I have come in past months to not having the funds to keep my house warm or pantry full. How close I have come to not being able to keep my house --period! I've known what it means to go without and to pinch and save and wonder how we will make it through another month. Or week. Or day.

Last weekend at our Saturday night Soup and a Service, we had a visitor in our midst who is homeless. He was camping out in the woods behind the church building. We were limited in what we could offer this man other than a hot bowl of soup, words of encouragement and a suggestion of places to go that would offer most assistance than we are equipped to offer.

As we move into colder weather I am more mindful of those who have no home to go to and limited resources to draw from for support. As I wrap another blanket around me, or draw on a thick fuzzy sweater, light a fire in my woodstove and sip from my mug of hot tea, I am more mindful of how cozy and blessed I am.

And it makes me all the more eager to go to Costa Rica this December to help at the children's orphanage there. Yes, there are so many things we can  (and do) get involved with in our own backyard. Bruce and I are very committed to serving in local community outreach. But in God's economy there are no boundaries between countries. We are ALL God's children and if there is a way to serve, we should do so.

Bruce and I have felt called to go to Costa Rica and help. We are going with friends who have established a non-profit (ABINA)  that is working exclusively with a ministry in Central America. The childrens homes there need a punch list completed in order to gain a permanent residency permit for the children who will live there. Bruce will be using his construction skills to help complete these tasks and I will be working with the director of the orphanage, helping her develop her blog so she can increase awareness of the ongoing needs. I am also looking forward to playing in the kitchen a little with the kids, making christmas cookies!

We will be there for 2 weeks in December. Our airfare has already been purchased. We are still working on raising the funds to cover our accommodations, meals and transportation needs while we are there. We still need to raise about $2000 for the two of us.  Our Chili Cook Off Fundraiser in July was a BIG boost to the overall ministry of ABINA, for the materials needed to do the work that remains on the punch list. It's a huge undertaking and not one that Bruce and I approach lightly. Every one of our mission trips has been made possible because of the generous support of family and friends. We appreciate it so much!! It is hard to put into words how much that kind of giving touches us. Truth be told, we cringe at asking for this kind of help. We'd love to be able to just whip out our checkbooks and write our own tickets. But God has made it clear to us that He choses to work in other ways when it comes to our mission adventures. So we obediently commit to the the projects He lays on our hearts, humbly present our requests and then faithfully expect God to work miracles.

Philippians 4.6  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Psalm 5.3 Listen to my voice in the morning, LORD. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly.


To learn more about Abina please click HERE . You can also check out the Abina Facebook page and request to be added to the group to get updates. You can also visit their Word Press Blog. 

DONATIONS, if you so feel led, can be made out to ABINA Ministries and sent directly to Abina, PO Box 294, Deming, Wa 98244. In the memo line please indicate our names. thank you so much~~ God bless you!

Up and At 'Em!

I have GOT to get back into the groove of waking up with the alarm clock and responding appropriately. Apparently hitting snooze and rolling back over is not the appropriate response, especially when Hubby has decided he needs to be at the job site extra early some days! I know my lazy days of summer are slowly coming to an end as the Postal Job is creeping forward. Yes, recent communication assures me that I should expect a start date within the next couple of weeks. Sooooooo, I have to get back in the habit of getting UP when the alarm sounds.

Today I have a nice TO-DO list. It's going to be a FUN TO-DO list. Ordinarily cleaning and cooking would not necessarily inspire and entertain me but we're having friends over for dinner and I'm excited for this! As many of you know, Bruce and I are going on a mission trip in December to Costa Rica. We are going with THESE AMAZING PEOPLE. Jeremy and Colette are pretty special  and we have been delighted to get to know them on a deeper level in the past few months. I can only imagine how the mission adventure will further us along!

But, that's not all! We also invited our dear friends Terry and Alexandra of  SOR Missions to join us. Full time missionaries in Honduras, they are home on furlough and not only do we cherish the time we can spend together while they are here, we are looking forward to introducing them to Jerry and Colette. We figure they have more than a little bit in common..... both have started their own non-profit ministry with Central America as their focus.

By the way..... It is sounding more and more like Bruce will travel to Honduras in the near future, leading a small mission team!

So, despite the sleep-cobwebs clouding my eyes and the rain washed skies outside my window, I have things to do and I must get Up and At 'Em!