Here's Hoping...

Hubby and I are on another little adventure! I'm hoping this time away will blow the cobwebs out of my brain and restore some creativity. It feels in some ways that it already has. YAY!!


This morning on the Facebook page that I admin for my Christian Women's Write Group, I saw a comment from one of the members lamenting something similar to my last blog post about writer's block.

On the one hand I certainly could identify and sorrow with her, on the other hand it was sort of a relief to know that I wasn't the only one feeling this! Anyway, as a result I made Writer's Block this weeks writing prompt. Here's hoping that having to write about writer's block might help release the creative juices and at the very least perhaps we will all gain some ideas about how to handle this unwanted but very real issue.

Meanwhile, here I sit, facing a gray washed sky and wind blown trees. I'm sipping a lovely cup of Chai tea. At my feet is a large sleeping (snoring) old dog and not far away another sleeping little dog.

We are visiting Bruce's brother out on the west coast where Bruce is doing some repairs on the house. A few days away is always refreshing, even if it involves some work.

 While I watch the guys brainstorm over deck upgrades I am also thinking about what to fix for dinner here tonight. Call me crazy but I find it kind of fun to cook for others especially in a new-to me- kitchen and for folks who will really appreciate a good home cooked meal after a long time of bachelor-cooking.

Because my brother in law lives on an decommissioned airport-- seriously, his drive way is part of the old taxiway-- my morning walk today was down the taxiway and back. Always fun to explore a new path and I saw evidence of 'wildlife' in several 'piles'. I learned later that there is a herd of elk that frequent this area so the chances of seeing some this week is good. I would prefer to view them at a SAFE distance however, since running into them while out walking might prove a bit unnerving.

Another fun fact about Bruce's brother is that he is a pilot so living on this old airport serves him well. He has his own small plane that he can taxi out of his shop and take off right from here. The plan originally was that he was going to fly over to collect us for the week but while we were enjoying a gorgeous sunny day in our neck of the woods, a heavy fog was developing in his. Not good flying weather so we made the last minute decision to just drive over. It's about a 5 hour drive including a short ferry ride, which we didn't mind. Spending time with my best friend is never a bad thing.

This is the week leading up to our anniversary and we have plans for camping for the weekend. I look at this week away as a little bit of warm up for the big deal! 18 years of blessings is something to celebrate!!

God has been good to us. But then God is always good. Even when we can't see it, or feel it, even when life's circumstances seem to be bringing us down, God is still God. Sovereign, Holy, Faithful and Loving. Even when I suffer from one of those days where it doesn't feel like my antidepressant is doing it's job or my body betrays me. Even when paying work dries up.  Even when the dreaded writer's block bonks me on the head. No matter what my circumstance, God is good and God is for me.  So, take that dry inkwell! Take that mood disorder! Take that fibromyalgia! Take that empty piggy bank!

A gust of wind has just risen up outside, bringing with it a fresh whirl of falling leaves. It serves to remind me that our God is always there to bring refreshment even as He brings change. I will rise to welcome it.

Of Polka Dots and Nail Polish

Its date night! The love-burkes have reason to celebrate this evening. A job well done, a chance to show it off, and plenty of good food, good friends and good vibes to do it with!

For the last few months my carpenter-sweetie has been transforming an old pizza parlor into a new, fun, vibrant pizza parlor. A Hawaiian/Polynesian themed pizza parlor. Think beaches and bamboo and thatch. It has come together beautifully and tonight, the weekend before the grand opening, we get to enjoy a private celebration with the owners, staff, subcontractors, and some of our family and friends.

I got a sneak preview last week, and even though it was still in the last phase of finishing touches, I could see the creative details that my husband put into it. Gone were the garish red counter tops and walls, the Christmas colored booths and chairs. It's been totally transformed!

 

almost complete and ready for opening.

almost complete and ready for the grand opening.

In anticipation of date night, I've been primping already this morning. Picking out my outfit and accessories, putting on fresh nail polish and adding extra product to my hair to ensure it has longer staying power. Putting in a little more time on the workout so I can eat guilt free this evening. When my sweetie left this morning, I was still in my robe and slippers, hair looking like shredded wheat, un-caffeinated and mostly incoherent because of that. When he comes home tonight he will find me totally transformed.

 Transformation can be a scary word. It usually represents change and you know how some of us are about change. We like status-quo. If it aint broke don't fix it, right? The 'old' pizza parlor that was sitting empty for awhile, there wasn't really anything wrong with it. The kitchen still worked-- you could still crank out a pizza in its ovens. You could still sit in the booths and not get poked by broken springs. But with fresh paint, fresh decor, a buzz of excitement comes and it's attractive and people like attractive. My sweetie adores me and he doesn't care that my hair isn't brushed or that I look desperate for coffee, but he truly does appreciate the extra efforts I make when I 'gussy up' for him on those special occasions.

God is in the transformation business. He loves us, unconditionally, as He proved so long ago by sending His Son to us, to die for us and rise again. (John 3.16)  He accepts up, just as we are, offers us forgiveness, redemption, and grace. But He doesn't just stop there. He takes our old dirty rags (our old selves) and clothes us in robes of righteousness. (Isaiah 61.10) And still He does not stop. As He proclaims us without sin, without blemish, He also adopts us into His family, giving us full access to the Throne of Grace. But there's more! God wants to continue the amazing journey we have embarked on when we stepped on to His path. To paraphrase Max Lucado, yes, He loves us just as we are, but He also loves us too much to leave us there. So He calls us, Come, be transformed! Come be like Jesus

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corinthians 5.17

We are new! Like a brand new restaurant, ready for its grand opening-- still capable of welcoming guest and feeding people good food, but in a fresh, clean, vibrant and exciting way. We are new! Like an excited wife who's had her coffee, ironed her new polka dot dress, and polished her nails, still me, only sparkly! 

 Yes, God is, still, in the transformation business. I am not the same girl I was 45+ years ago when I asked Jesus to save me. I am not the same girl who at 14 made a more public profession of faith by being baptized. I am definitely not the same girl who ran away from home, got married at 17, and was divorced at 34. I am not even the same 'girl' I was 5 years ago. I am constantly being changed, by the things around me, and most importantly, by the changes I allow inside of me. 

Romans 12.2 tells us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds, and that can only truly happen when we surrender it fully to God. Like the project manager of a restaurant remodel, He needs full access to the whole shebang.

from The Message: 

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

Life Has Been....

Time keeps on ticking....whether I come to my blog or not!
Honestly, for a girl who was blogging 3-4 times a week, I sure have pulled back. Not on purpose... just life has gotten so busy-- in a good way-- and I actually FORGOT about my blog now and again!!

Life has been....

memory verses and dissecting of scripture = whew!

Busy...
My role as a small group coordinator for our church has had several weeks of ramping up as we launched several awesome studies.  That includes the small group my hubby and I are hosting, and the ladies study I decided to go ahead with. I felt like a match maker some of the time as I paired people up with small group leaders. Then there's the Precepts bible study I am doing with my sister-- which is still kicking my butt big time, but it is paying off as last night in a convo with hubby I stated my position in Christ (as a victor) in a strong and emphatic way that I have not always fully appreciated. So KUDOS for bible study!!

strong coffee and lots of colored pencils required

Satisfying...
The satisfaction from a job well done. Of gaining a better understanding of my position in Christ. Of growing in patience and grace. God has been refining and re-defining me in the last few months I think. I noticed the other day that some of the people who have long been on my EGR list (that's EXTRA GRACE REQUIRED-- a nice way of saying difficult people) while they have not changed (they are still on that list!) it seems I have...   it doesn't take as much effort for me to negotiate time spent with them. In fact, some of the people who I, honestly, tend to avoid, have logged into a place in my heart that astounds me. Amazing what happens when we submit to Christ and say 'there is no way I can love this person in my own strength, but I know you ask me to, so.... will you help me with this Lord?"

Joy Filled...
Our 17th anniversary came and went and we celebrated in a low key but truly fun way. We took a day trip to Port Townsend and Sequim and despite the rain SQUALL we experienced, we also experienced some truly spectacular views, reconnected with a sweet friend and most importantly, enjoyed our quality time together.

the view at Fort Warden, Port Townsend

My sister and I are also making up for lost time by enjoying many play dates together. In addition to taking the Precepts study together, we've been making applesauce, joy riding and building many new memories while laughing hard enough to pee our pants It's been crazy fun but also very fulfilling.

I have to also say how very very much I am loving the women's small group that the Lord directed me to start. It's a nice sized group of some very dear ladies. Just 5 of us each Tuesday morning. We are doing the same study that Bruce and I are doing in our Monday night small group; The Invisible War by Chip Ingram. It's about spiritual warfare and it's got some heavy stuff! But I love these ladies and the conversation is always lively and educational. I have been amazed at the level of transparency we've been able to move to in a relatively short amount of time. It helps that we already knew each other to some degree so it's not like we were starting at ground zero. Still, opening up and sharing is risky and daring and involves trust. I feel honored and humbled that I was asked to do this and that God is blessing me so richly. I guess this is a perk of being obedient to His call.

Level but not quite balanced...
Emotionally, psychologically speaking, as far as the dreaded depression goes, I feel GREAT. My med's are working and I feel leveled out. Life is calm. Life is stable. Life is good. It helps immensely to be on a regular walking regime and having achieved my goal of losing 20+ pounds has gone a long way towards helping me feel better about myself too!

walking every day. rain or shine.

The off-balance comes only in our personal finances as we once again struggle with the ups and downs of paying work for hubby. Self employment always has its drawbacks, the worst of which is too much time spent working for no pay. He has plenty of work lined up now for the rest of the year and most likely into the coming new year but we are still playing serious catch up for the months prior to this when work wasn't so great. It's tough going much of the time but our God is bigger and we are trusting in Him to carry us through.

So, yes, Life has been: An adventure as always. Rewarding. Surprising. Tense and intense. Never boring, never dull. I am grateful to be walking around with my eyes wide open, taking in every drop of sunshine, every drop of rain, embracing life, loving fully, laughing freely and living faithfully. May you be able to do the same.

Moving On, Moving Forward

I found this awesome quote the other day by Monique Duval and I just loved it so much I decided to share it... both on my facebook page and here:

She decided to free herself, dance into the wind, create a new language. And birds fluttered around her, writing “yes” in the sky.” 

I feel like this quote describes my life from the moment I stepped into the path of healing and seeking wholeness and learning who I really am, as a woman, as a contributor to society and most importantly as a child of God.

Life is a constant and the only thing we can count on staying the same is change. We have to be ready for it. Change is something many of us really, and I mean, REALLY struggle with but yet is is what keeps life exciting. We do not live static lives. 

I am ready for change. I am nervous, facing another unknown but I have faith that God will guide and protect me. I don't know what will happen or when, just that it is time. I gave my 2 weeks notice at work this week and while I am filled with questions over this choice, (am I doing the right thing? what will happen now?) I know that once I reached the decision, there was a peace that descended that helps balance out those fears. 

It has been so gratifying to hear the responses from my boss and co-workers, expressing sadness over my decision to leave but they also understand that this is something I am choosing to do because I need to take care of myself, not because I am unhappy in my job.

Funny how peace and anxiety can co-exist. For as always, when we choose to move to someplace else in life, there are those moments of questioning and wondering and second guessing ourselves  Even when I have felt 100% sure of a decision and know I will not be looking back, there comes a whisper in the recesses of my mind, checking to see if I have any doubts. I still look back on my days of owning my business and wondering if I bailed to soon or if I could have handled things differently. But then I see this quote and I am filled with delight as the sense of freedom rises in me and makes me indeed want to dance and write a new language!

I am looking forward to the next adventure, whatever that may be, knowing that the God who holds me in the palm of His hand will continue to guide and protect me, stretch me perhaps, a bit more than I think I can go, but protecting me nonetheless.

He will do the same for you if you let him.

Carrying On The Theme

This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it! 

Psalm 118.24

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again~ rejoice! 

Philippians 4.4

God has a way of speaking to us, even when we forget to listen. 

MOVING DAY. LOOKS LIKE WE GOT US A CONVOY.

Yesterday was Moving Day for Mom. I wrote before the move started about letting the day be a day for gladness, even though I knew the challenges that laid before us. I am so glad God planted that verse in my heart yesterday morning because before we'd even gotten the first piece of furniture out the door my mom was freaking out and causing all of us within earshot to cringe. I was about to lose it myself when I put my hands on her shoulders (instead of around her neck-- Just Kidding!!!) I put my hands on her shoulders and gently whispered "Mom, this is the day the Lord has made, let's rejoice and be glad in it." 

CHECKING THINGS OUT JUST BEFORE THE CHAOS BEGINS

There was a transitional moment as the words settled upon both of us and I knew we were going to be okay. I repeated the verse a couple of times during the day as the move progressed and tempers flared and frustration levels frazzled.... and each time it was the perfect mantra to bring the blood pressure down and keep us breathing smoothly. Thank you Jesus.

FERGIE CATCHING A RIDE 

MY LIL BROTHER BRIAN PUT IN A FULL DAY MAKING SURE MOM WOULD BE COMFORTABLE

DISCUSSING WHERE TO PUT THE NAIL TO HANG A PICTURE.

MOM'S SNAZZY NEW SHOWER CURTAIN. THE WORLD IS HER OYSTER. 

Mid afternoon my brother and I slipped out of the new apartment and went back to his place to get a few things. We were searching for a piece of furniture in his garage that might work for storage in her tight quarters. We spotted the forgotten microwave cart tucked in a corner and knew this was perfect for the spot we were thinking. We began emptying it and wiping off the dust. I pulled some junk from the bottom drawer and unearthed a small framed picture that when I turned over gave me a cry of delight. It was a sweet little farm scene with flowers and such with the bible verse from Psalms printed across the picture. Yes, This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.

"This is going with us and we are going to hang it on her wall where she can see it first thing every morning!" I  informed my brother. 

LOOKING LIKE HOME. 

The day was pretty successful if you take into account that we got it 99% done in one afternoon, no one was hurt and only a couple of small meltdowns happened. ( not naming any names) Mom had her first meal, supper, in the dining room and met a few of the residents. 

WHAT'S FOR SUPPER?

We left her shortly after supper, to settle in and adjust to her new surroundings. I know change is hard for all of us, more so the older we get and more set in our ways. I know the first few days will be interesting as she learns her way around the place, adjusts to going down to the dining room for her meals and finds all her things in new locations! But Moms are resilient if nothing else and I think she will do just fine. 

Oh, and the continuation of the theme? This morning my daily devotional reading began with this familiar verse from Philippians about always being full of joy-- I say it again.... REJOICE!!

Let's Do This Thing

If you have been following the posts here on Embracing Change, we are at Step FOUR which is Implementing the Plan.

To be honest, this one is a toughie for me right now. I want to follow the plan in my Curves Fitness & Weight Management book but it does require following a special food plan. Of course there are adaptions that can be made; exchange options. This will require me to be even more deliberate and thoughtful. And that can get old for me real quick. BUT -- and this is an important BUT-- I DO want to make this change and I do want success.

Regardless of what diet plan we decide to follow, there is always one fundamental step. Replacing the bad foods with healthier choices. It is suggested that we clean out our cupboards of everything processed and sweet. This can be a toughie when your budget will not allow you to purchase foods needed for following the program. (why is Top Ramen so cheap and things like fresh fruit and veggies so expensive?? Grrrr)

Still, I need to make this month my own: Stick to the plan and don't make a new decision after I begin. Each day I might be tempted to reconsider my decision. Don't reconsider-- recommit!

I said I would walk for 30 minutes every day. I said I would work out at Curves 3 x a week. I said I would follow the food plan to the best of my ability. For one month I will do this.

The magic of this month is the change that happens. This is where process kicks in!

 
Gaining weight happened gradually. It is estimated that the average woman gains about 2 lbs a year. It sneaks up on you till one morning you no longer can zip that sweet little skirt shut or carrying your toddler up the stairs strains your knees more than you care to admit. Excess weight chips away at our quality of life so gradually that we don't notice it till it's significant.

Losing weight happens the same way but in reverse. When you are feeding your body right and exercising it well you can see progress but it may feel small and inconsequential. Take heart! No progress is insignificant!

Just Do It

nike swoosh

Nike's famous slogan sounds great on paper but carrying it out is not always as simple as it sounds.

After 4 weeks of writing down everything I ate in an online weight tracker, with a goal of 1300 calories per day and with 3 workouts a week under my belt, I really expected to shake some pounds off. But my scale has NOT BUDGED. I am frustrated but not defeated. Tackling this subject of Embracing Change in my blog is making me look deeper at the reasons I want to lose weight and how I will attack it.

Today the focus is Planning the Solution.
I made the decision that fitness and weight management is a priority in my life. I am learning to operate from a place that is NOT motivated by emotions or desperation. It's not enough to let that be my motivation because my emotions change daily (sometimes minute by minute) and desperation will not steer me into thoughtful consideration of identifying the problem, prioritizing it, nor planning it. Desperation is what makes me skip breakfast, drink a 'energy drink' for lunch and then plan to eat a 'healthy dinner' all in an attempt to lose the 5 pounds that somehow attached themselves to me over a weekend. The plan fails before dinner ever arrives because I am starving.

Changing my body weight and sticking with a regular exercise program requires a thoughtful process that will produce lasting change. I don't have to depend on my will power-- because my will power won't change me. I have to change my habits. Saying 'Just do it' is not going to be enough.

Over the years in my spiritual walk, I have learned I can't change myself. Not until I give permission to the Holy Spirit to have HIS way with me, does real change occur.

I can establish change in my habits however. I can change out a bad habit to a good habit. I have made it a new practice to go to God's book each morning before I go to Facebook.  And spending time in knee-mail before I e-mail. They say it takes 21 days to establish a habit, good or bad. And it takes just as long to break one. Just a thought...

So, first things first. I need a plan that has proven to be effective. I have decided to follow as best I can, the weight management plan that is available to me through my old (dusted off) copy of the Curves fitness and weight management plan. We each have to find the one that we feel comfortable with, can work with and adapt to our specific needs. I have to make gluten-free adjustments and I don't want to cook 2 separate meals for me and my husband. But aside from that here are some MUSTS that we should all want to incorporate into our plan.

GOALS ARE A MUST
how are you going to end up where you want to be if you don't know where you want to go? Goals will focus your efforts and keep you moving in the right direction.

GOALS MUST BE SMART
>specific
>written down
       so they are real and you can see and refer to them
>exciting
>achievable
        you should be ENERGIZED when you think about accomplishing a goal!

DON'T CONFUSE DISAPPOINTMENT WITH DISASTER!
We're gonna mess up.
I'm gonna eat a chocolate bar.
I'm gonna pull a wimpy and skip my work out. I know this about myself.
But I am not going to let it derail me!
I am gonna forgive myself and get back on track.




So, Step 3-- Planning the Solution. Are you ready?
here are today's questions

1. what personal strengths will help you succeed?

2. list your triggers for making poor food choices.

3. how can you manage those triggers more effectively?

4. how can you make good food choices in bad situations?

5. what days of the week will you commit to some kind of exercise program?  what time of the day?

6. what is your weight loss goal for 30 days? how about this week?

7. what are your biggest fears about starting this new plan?

8. how could you proactively address those fears?

9. what part of this plan is exciting for you?