Listening for the New Year

New Year's Eve... with many thoughts swirling through my mind, I sip another cup of coffee and reflect.

My dad at his favorite watering hole; Dunny's in Nooksack.
He met many a friend there for coffee several times a week!

Nine years ago this morning Dad passed away. I wonder how many cups of coffee he's enjoyed with Jesus since then? (I'm sure I acquired my love of coffee from my dad. After all, he started me on it about the time I was weaned!)

 I don't spend a lot of time wondering what heaven is like but when I do, I'd like to think we'll still drink coffee. Can you imagine sitting across the table from Jesus, and chatting over a steaming latte? Perhaps some biscotti to go with it. (Calories and gluten intolerance wont exist in heaven, of this I am certain!)

I do love a coffee date with a friend and many a great conversation takes place while we sip. What do you suppose one would talk about with Jesus? Oh, the possibilities are endless.

Speaking of talking, Jesus has been. Talking I mean. To me. I've been choosing a word now for the past several years, a word that would be my focus for the year. Love, Grace, Relationships, have been some of the words I've committed to. So, of course as this month started to close in I began thinking of a word for 2016. There were a couple of words that immediately came to mind. I even had a word for my sweetie (of course he was ever so grateful for me sharing that with him! HA!!) After I have a few words, I then bring those words before the Lord and ask Him to direct me.

He did. He brought me the word "listen". 

What? That wasn't on my list. I shook my head when I heard it. "Listen? Really Lord? That's what you want me to focus on in my new year?"

Well, now look. I like to talk. I mean, coffee dates, hello!
I'm often guilty of interrupting, in my enthusiasm for sharing my opinion or ideas. And I admit, when I'm tired or my internal battery has been depleted, zoning out is much more likely to happen than giving rapt attention to whomever is talking.  As a creative introvert, I am constantly processing internally all that is going on around me. Sometimes this results in getting lost inside my head and I begin to tune out the noise around me. Even when the 'noise' is the voice of a loved one.

But the Lord keeps reminding me that he gave us only ONE mouth and TWO ears so there must be a reason... which is to listen twice as much as we speak. He also convicted me in that its not just my earthly companions I need to listen better for. I need to be listening more for HIS voice....

This is what I read in my daily devotional a few days ago. "Are you interested in praying a prayer that could revolutionize your life? Try this: Begin each day by asking God a series of questions. "Lord how can I love you today? What acts of worship can I do? What words can I utter that will honor and bless you? What act of service can I do to represent your love? How would your scripture inspire me to pray today?" *

Whoa. That's some serious questioning and it will require intentional listening to discern the answers. It almost feels like too much to ask for. Because revolutionizing ones life sounds a little intimidating! Scary! Risky!! But, conviction gripped me and I knew this was meant for me to undertake at this point in my spiritual journey.

A day after this reading I learned from my boss that they were keeping me on after the holidays! I am delighted as this job has turned out to be a blessing in many ways. And when you are in the retail/customer service arena listening is very important. It's not about me, it's about serving others.

Then, just after I informed my husband I was pretty sure this was the word God has given me for 2016, I went on my phone to play a word search game and the very first word that I found was.... "LISTEN". Say what? Oh, God has such a sense of humor and I just chuckled... and the word was cemented in my heart.

*At His Feet; the one year devotional by Chris Tiegreen, Tyndale House Publishers Inc.

It Starts With Worship

All week I've been humming or singing the words from a song by Matt Redmond. It's called "The Heart of Worship" and it is a powerful reminder to me of what Worship is... and what it isn't.

It is absolutely true that God deserves our worship. Scripture says if we don't praise Him, the rocks will cry out. And when you look around at creation, a crashing wave, a soaring eagle, a mountain splendor, can't you see the glory of God? Does your heart swell like mine does, in giving thanks and praise to Him for creating such wonders? 

Over and over in the bible we find verses on worship, of praising God. Like most people, I first and foremost tend to think of singing  when I hear the word worship. I read somewhere the other day that music is the one thing that affects more parts of our brain than anything else. Music stirs the heart and emotions and stimulates the brain and becomes imprinted in ways like nothing else. So it's no wonder than that we often think of music and worship simultaneously. 

The story about the song "Heart of Worship" goes something like this: the pastor of the church where songwriter Matt Redman attended, deeply concerned with an attitude of apathy sweeping through the church, got rid of the sound system and instruments for a season. For many Sundays it was just the voices of the people being lifted as they gathered.  The idea was to find their way back to the true heart of Worship and the only way to do it was to strip everything away. The pastor began asking the congregation "When you come through the doors on Sunday what are you bringing as your offering to God?" Initially that led to some awkward silence but eventually people began to break out in spontaneous, genuine, heartfelt praise to God. They found their way back to the True Heart of Worship.

When the music fades
All is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless your heart

Worship is all about the position of my heart.

When I have challenges or things just don't seem to be very positive, it's very easy to lose focus and go the way of the grumpies. From there it's a slippery slope into cranky-ville. But having the right position in my heart allows me to put my focus on God rather than the difficulties I'm having.

One of the best depression-busters I've found is to put on worship and praise music and flood my soul with it. When I step into worshipping Him, it reminds me of His faithfulness. It also reminds me that worship does not stop when the music does.

Everything I do as a Christian, can --and should be-- done as an Act of Worship. For me that equates out to taking care of my household in ways that honor God. Living within our budget. Serving others with love. Being responsible with the things God has given me to care for. Valuing friendship. Honoring marriage and my husband. Even, yes, even taking my anti-depressant can be an Act of Worship.

We all worship something. I want what I worship to be Jesus.

King of endless worth
No one could express
How much you deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is yours
Every single breath

Worship sets the stage for me to walk forward with Jesus.

Our pastor asked the question last week, "When was the last time you had a planning session with God about your future?" It brought me up short, because, even as I start my day with devotions and prayer, my goals are usually short term-- 'help me get through this day' seems to be the MO of most of my morning pleas. But if I am going to live the life of a true worshipper, who has Christ at the center, I must think and plan strategically about my future. At my age that might seem a little late to the game, but until Christ calls me home, I have work here to do on earth and I want it to count for something. I don't need to map out the rest of my life, or even the rest of my year but I do feel I need to submit daily to whatever calling He has on my life today. And if He has stuff for me to do (which I am sure He does!) I need to be in a position that is ready and willing to do it. The positioning starts with Worship.


I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You, Jesus

Yes. It's all about You, Jesus.

Roller Coaster and Ferris Wheels

"Just once I'd like my ship to come in and not have it carrying nuclear waste." 

Spoken like a man who's been through the wringer when it comes to failures vs success. When you've been riding the financial roller coaster for so many years and then get on a Ferris Wheel you would think the ride would be much smoother. But the dull throb of the headache and lingering twists in your tummy take awhile to subside. 

For many years my hard working husband has been self employed. The last several years of that were beyond lean and we faced many an uphill battle to keep our home and our sanity. God was faithful to continue to provide for us and while we often felt weary from the stress we also grew stronger in our faith. With many people praying with us for a change in circumstances it was with a huge sigh of relief when my husband accepted a job offer for a local company. For the first time in our near 20 years of married life we had a regular paycheck to rely on and a budget that actually could work. What a tremendous blessing.

Still, we had months of financial wreckage to deal with and each month we squeaked by paying just what we needed to pay with nothing left over. We were paying our bills and that felt good but we knew all it would take was one visit to the dentist or a car breakdown to send us reeling. God stepped in once again and my husband, having proved himself capable received a raise in pay. Now we could breathe just a little easier.

Each time we went through one of those roller coaster dips, we tried hard not to freak out. Our God was always faithful and just in the nick of time He would show us a way through the dark valley. He didn’t rescue us from the dark valley but He did walk beside us holding the flashlight. 

photo by Robyn Burke

We often talked about the lesson we were supposed to be learning in all of this. We’d think we’d figured it out and then another financial crisis would strike and we’d cry, “What are we not getting here Lord? Are we really this slow at getting it that we need to go through this again?”

Then a daily devotional arrived in my email. The writer’s main gist was that our success isn’t measured by how well we perform during one of life’s trials, but by our faith. I can breakdown and cry. I can fret and worry and I can even complain bitterly about my situation. But as long as my faith in my Savior doesn’t waver, I come out a winner.

google images

Oh did I ever need this point brought to my attention. I shared it with my husband and we chewed on it for some time. Maybe the lesson we were supposed to be learning wasn’t about how to be strong in a crisis or being humble enough to ask for help. Maybe the lesson had nothing to do with learning to get by on less or going in a different direction. What was important was did we keep looking to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith?

With a renewed sense of direction we focus now on remaining faithful. If we occasionally still mutter when we pay the bills and worry about too much month at the end of the money, or grumble when others are going to dinner and the movies and we are eating rice and beans and watching you-tube videos, its okay. I doesn’t mean we’ve failed another test. What matters is we are living the life God called us to and we are living it with faith. We may not do it perfectly but we are intent on doing it better. 

Just Jesus

I'll just go ahead and say it. I'm a slow learner. Or, perhaps more correctly, a stubborn one.

You would think that after 40++ years of being a Christian, I'd get it. And, of course, I do. Get it I mean. I get what being a Christ follower means. I get what living a life set apart should look like. I get that living for Jesus demands my whole heart. I get it and I want it and I pursue it. Well, most of the time. I mean, let's be perfectly honest... there are days where living for Jesus is not at the front and center of my heart and mind. More correctly, it's living for Robyn taking His place. And so, I need these constant reminders, these daily checkpoints to stop me in my tracks, keep me in line and help me refocus, renew and recommit.

As so often is the case, when God wants to get a message, He does it repeatedly. It happened that way this morning....

In addition to following a bible reading plan, I receive multiple online devotionals via email. This morning as I sipped my coffee and tried vainly to focus my bleary eyes on the email as viewed through my smartphone, I read the scripture accompanying the devotional. 

From Philippians 4.19: And my God will meet all your needs, according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus. 

The main thrust of the devotional was about running on empty-- forgetting to spend time daily with Jesus, refueling. It was a timely and gentle reminder for me as I had allowed a few days to slip away where starting my day with The Word had been forsaken in exchange for whatever else was clamoring for my attention. 

I laid my phone down and picked up my bible and journal to jot down some thoughts. Satisfied with my pondering, I returned to my phone to finish my email. As I scrolled down through the content of the next email what jumped out at me? Reference to not worrying about our own needs because God will supply them.... and, yes, Philippians 4.19.

Even as my heart thrilled in my chest I wasn't that surprised. It was so clearly NOT coincidence. God had my attention. 

I don't forget to eat. I need food to fuel my body and my brain and when I skip a meal or go too long between eating, I grow cranky, tired and sometimes a little shaky. So why do I allow my spirit to skip feedings? 

It has to be more than just a habit I lock myself into. It has to be the most important source I turn to, daily, minute by minute. 

Jesus. 
Just Jesus.

REWIND??

Back in 1986 I watched a fantasy/comedy movie called "Peggy Sue Got Married"  In the movie, a woman named Peggy Sue attends her 25- year high school reunion. She's recently separated from her (cheating) husband Charlie. She regrets some of the decisions she made in her life-- such as marrying Charlie. When she faints at the reunion and wakes up in 1960-- back in high school, she's suddenly given the chance to live her life again. She sets out to change things... only... some choices are more complicated... her relationship with Charlie being just one of them.

I suppose all of us at one time or another has wondered if we had the chance do our lives over again, if we wouldn't do some things differently. I know I have.  If I woke up to find myself back in high school I want to think I'd make much wiser decisions, knowing then what I know now. However, who I am today is based on the experiences I have had. So, if I had a rewind button on my life, while I might be tempted to push it  I think it would be to revisit the highlights of my life, just for the pleasure of reliving those moments...

family hikes...
camping...
the birth of my children...
the falling in love experience with my sweetie....
vacations that brought much  happiness....
meeting my grandchildren for the first time...

But perhaps the one thing I would truly love to re-experience are the mountain top highs in my relationship with Jesus. 

I've been a Christian since I was 9 years old. I was raised in the faith, having attended church my whole life and except for some teen-age rebellious years, have pretty much tried to walk the talk. It wasn't until I was in my 30's however that I realized that what I'd been calling my "Christian Life" wasn't exactly the full life that God had planned for me. I'd been living life according to Robyn, making decisions based on what I thought was best for me, not on seeking out what was God's best for me. 

The day I came face to face with this truth was the day my relationship with Jesus got real. I realized that a lot of what I had been doing was based on religion: going through the motions of bible reading, attending church, praying and signing up for lots of 'do-good' activities. When I caught a glimpse of just how much Jesus loved me and how much He wanted a real relationship with me, that's when things began to change. For the better.

Since then, it's been a process, a journey, full of ups and downs, twists and turns, but an exciting adventure with laughter, tears, sorrows and joys. And while I wouldn't trade that for anything, there are times I realize I've been coasting, sort of taking my Christian life for granted. I start getting a little lukewarm about things... the passion cools, the mind wanders, and then I find I've drifted into a dry and weary desert... again.

I really don't like when this happens. That's when I wish I  could push a rewind button and go back to the times where I felt the Holy Spirit powerfully at work within me. This last time of desert dryness I finally reached a point of such frustration that I did something either incredible brave or incredible stupid. I asked the Lord to ignite in me a Holy Passion for the things He wants me to go after.

I prayed that prayer and then sat back in fear and trepidation wondering what would happen next. It's been a few weeks since I prayed that prayer-- and I've even repeated it a time or two. It's been a slow, tender unfolding but change is happening. I feel like I am coming out of a long winter's nap and as I stretch and yawn and look around, I feel like a little branch on a tree, it's delicate shoot gently unfurling a little more each day.

God knows me so well and while in someone else's life He might bring change swift and powerfully, He knows me and He knows my circumstances. He knows at what speed I need to travel --when to go fast, when to go slow. But each day I have felt the passion re-igniting. Yes, it's slow but it's enough. And I am aware that the rewind button isn't necessary. It's a brand new movie and while occasionally I might catch a peek of the trailer, it's with my best interest in mind that God reveals things to me in just the right measure, at just the right speed, at just the right time.

Praise  God!

More Than A Feeling

In my daily devotional reading the other morning I was reminded that we are so much more than our feelings.

I don't know about you, but these are the kind of reminders I need on a fairly regular basis.

 Feelings play such an important role in everything we do. I am a person guided primarily by my heart. Common sense is a precious commodity and being a realist in a world of optimists and pessimists has its advantages. While I do possess common sense, it's still my heart that takes charge 99% of the time.

Being led by the heart isn't always a bad thing.... but I have learned how it does need to be balanced with good judgement.

I let my heart lead when I decided to give that tall blond quiet guy a chance 20 some years ago.

 Thankfully, it was one of the best decisions my heart ever made.

Where being led by the heart has it's downfalls, comes when my heart is filled with fear, anxiety, anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, resentment, pride, selfishness and so on. Fear is probably the biggest one for me. Because I have found that when I feel fearful, that's when anxiety, anger, and the rest of those emotions come crowding in to stake their claim.

When I allow those negative, unhealthy feelings to rule, what follows are the equally negative feelings of guilt, shame and self-contempt. And if I let those feelings settle in, and they start to define me, well, friends, that's a path that can only lead to a dark dark place.

That is where this reminder that I am so much more than my feelings gives me hope.

When I remember that I am a child of God, a
powerful, wise, beloved, child of God, 
I  then also remember that I can do whatever I need to do in life because through Christ, He has told me I can!


When my heart is filled with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control, I can let my heart lead 100%.

What feelings are you letting define you?

With Time to Ruminate

I have been mulling it over in my heart all week. This thought about the glass being half full or half empty. About what's in my cup. About loving fully, no holding back. About serving without any expectations on a return for my investment. About 'doormat'.

Probably the word I struggled with the most was that last one. After more mulling, praying and discussing, I think I have reached the place of understanding that 'doormat' as Oswald Chambers uses it, means to serve without any thought of being noticed. I don't think it means to be walked on/walked all over/misused. I think it really means having a servant's heart.

The servant is probably the least noticed person in any given situation. When I dine out, I don't really want a chatty waitress. I just want my food. I'm not saying this to be snarky. If you wait on me in a restaurant and approach my table with a big smile and tell me your name and that you will be taking care of me this evening, I won't be offended. I won't be striking up a conversation with you though either, because, I came here to enjoy dinner with my companion and we'd like to be alone now please. But some people might not give the wait staff a second thought. Ever notice how in the movies conversations don't necessarily come to a halt just because the waiter comes by? That's the kind of going unnoticed, unappreciated kind of service I think being a doormat means in this reference.

I'm OK with that. It's not my strong suit, I'll grant you. I like to be noticed and acknowledged.  I get a little grumpy when I work hard for someone else and barely garner a thanks. So, this is probably also an area I need to work on. Because, as it says in Ephesians 6.7: Work with enthusiasm, as though you are working for the Lord, rather than for people. And again in Colossians 3.23: Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord, rather than people. If it is what the Lord asks of me, to serve where He calls me to serve, to work where He needs me to work, I should respond, willingly, whole heartedly and without any expectations of reward.

My pride wrestles with that I guess. Just as I have tried to protect certain areas of my heart and wrestle with the idea of full surrender no matter what the cost, I will wrestle with this one.

I used to have a button back in Jr High School that said "Please be patient. God isn't finished with me yet." I could use that button now. I may be over 50 and have probably used up over half of my life, but I'm still a work in progress.

Love Without... Boundaries?

There's a lot of talk about having personal boundaries and not letting people infringe on them. We learn it is not healthy to let people take advantage of or step over those lines. When I wrote my post the other day with the quote by Oswald Chambers, it stirred up a lot of conflict for me.

Oswald challenges us to be doormats. That raised my hackles right away. I mean, come on! I was someone's doormat for 15+ years and I ain't never going back to that! I don't believe Christ calls me to live a life without safeguards in place. Does He? I'm struggling with this.

I understand that people who go into the mission field full-time make huge sacrifices. They give up financial security as they live day to day on the generosity of others. They sacrifice personal safety as they go into places deemed dangerous. They risk being persecuted for being a Christian. They face criticism from others who might not understand this crazy call on their lives, especially calls that might involve bringing your young children into the mission field with you.

But all I'm talking about in my own life, my own personal conviction, is loving those God places in my path, without reservation, without conditions, without fearing the risk of being hurt.

Let me tell you a true story. Strange, but true.

The other night as we were hosting guests and getting ready to sit down for dinner we had a knock at the door. Bruce went to answer it, me at his heels. There on our front stoop stood a young girl, maybe 18-20. Dark skin, tiny, pretty but dressed--and there is just no other way to say this-- like a hooker. We're talking cut down to there and up to here, short and revealing. And tight.  And her shoes? Bootie-type shoes. Definitely hooker shoes. She looked a little disorientated and her approach was shy yet her request was as bold as you please.  She wanted to know if she could borrow our lawn mower to mow the neighbors yard because she and her boyfriend were desperate for some cash.

Okay. Wait a minute. We've had people from time to time find their way to our door to ask for gas money or food and even once, a place to stay. I don't know how they pick our house out of any other house on the street but perhaps it has something to do with a flashing neon sign above our home with an arrow pointing down. ( I kid!) Somehow people seem to know that this house might grant them favor. (and for that I am grateful, in a mixed up sort of way, and we'll save that discussion for another post) Anyway, we've never had this strange of a request. Ask for money for gas, sure. But you want to borrow my lawn mower to mow someone else's yard? How did you know we had a lawn mower to borrow? What made you think we might say yes? How do we know you won't take off with it and try and sell it (crappy piece of machinery that it is, but still!)

My immediate reaction was NO WAY and I did my best to convey that thought through facial expressions that only my husband could see. But Bruce operates under slightly different principles than me. Walking with her down the driveway a bit so she could point out which neighbor needed a lawn mowed, he asked her why she chose our house. She told him Jesus said to ask us. (it's the neon sign and arrow!)

Short story is Bruce got the lawn mower out of the shed and with some instructions for operating our tricky machine, sent her down the road with it. I wasn't happy but I also know better than to argue with my sweetie when I can tell he has good reason for deciding this is the right thing to do.

Later in private Bruce and I discussed the randomness of this girl coming to our house for help. Bruce allowed that it was strange indeed, and certainly a little sketchy. But a lawn mower is just a lawn mower and he believes in holding on to material things lightly. He is always more interested in what is going on in a persons heart and head and if lending out a lawn mower will allow him a closer peek into their life in order that he might speak God's Truth, than so be it.

This is a prime example of love without borders to me. Where I would have said no way and closed the door and shook my head, Bruce stepped out of the house to learn more. In the process he heard her mention Jesus and a little more conversation took place because of that. She left to get better shoes on before she took the mower down the street and when she returned she was also wearing a t- shirt over her dress. The T-shirt was from a Mercy Me concert ( Christian rock band) Bruce made comment on the shirt and more conversation ensued. She allowed that she wasn't exactly living a life she should be and seemed to be kind of mixed up with some one not the safest and was trying to get her life straightened out. I am sure there is much more to her story and we can debate to the authenticity of her words but the bottom line for my husband was/is: love her. Love the lost. Love our neighbors. Love. Just love. And yep, you might get hurt in the process. You might be taken advantage of. You might get stepped on. But still, love.

Now I suppose if she took off with the mower and never brought it back and then showed up one day to ask if she could borrow our rototiller, Bruce would say no. Because why should we enable bad behavior? But in the beginning go ahead and take the risk sometimes.

I know my own conviction about loving fully comes from the relationships closest to me. As I said in yesterdays' post, I struggle in the relationship with my mom. As a child, I experienced more than one occasion of what borders on physical abuse from her hands. Emotional abuse was also part of the experience. But as a young mother I developed a better relationship with her. For some time we had a pretty good, fairly close relationship. As she has aged and certain things in her brain have changed, the communication process has gotten more difficult. The memories of those negative experiences of the past have a way of rising up and taunting me when she acts cranky. So I put up my guard to protect myself but as I do, I put a restriction of just how much love I feel for her will be let out.

This is the conundrum. I want to love. Fully. Completely. Without holding back. How do I do that while still maintaining some control over my life and keeping personal boundaries in place?

There are many people who come in and out of my life that we refer to as EGR's. (Extra Grace Required) How do I show love to them without getting sucked into their vortex of crazy? We say things like  "not my circus, not my monkeys" and laugh but does that mean I close the door in their face and miss the opportunity to share Jesus with them?

I don't have the answers to these questions plaguing me right now and I'm not writing this to try and convince anyone else that Oswald really does mean be a doormat. What if loving fully means becoming a doormat under other peoples feet? What if being poured out as a living sacrifice is the only way to truly experience a full life in Christ? Am I willing? Will I go there?

As I said yesterday, I want to say yes.I want to live a full life. I don't want to miss out on what God really has in store for me. Exploring this will be by the grace of God. I invite you to ride along with me and help hold me accountable. There will be more to come...

Half Full.... But Of What?

I've always thought of myself as a glass half full kind of gal, and sometimes even full to overflowing. I think it is significant to point out that even in my deepest darkest days of depression I've still felt my cup was half full.

This morning though, I was struck with the thought, half full of WHAT?

I guess it hit me as I was kicking a pair of shoes back into the closet, trying to take a short cut to putting something away, a short cut that ended up taking longer than just doing it the right way in the first place, because as I kicked, my little toe, which has been outfitted with a GPS specially designed for finding sharp corners, connected with the said sharp corner and the words that flew out of my mouth as I hopped on one foot, were nothing to be proud of.

This follows a day last week when I found myself screaming obscenities into the tub of my washing machine as I worked to untangle a pair of panties that had twisted itself around the agitator, sucking everything else in the wash into its vortex. The only thing that kept me from popping a blood vessel was to finally walk away knowing there was a chocolate bar in the freezer, and really, is twisted knickers worth having a hemorrhage over?

I've always known there were things to be thankful for, things to believe in, things to hope for. That's what makes me the glass half full person that I am. But when I find myself irritated by little things, when someone says something that sounds remotely critical and my first reaction is one of defensiveness, when I find myself erecting the old wall around my tender spots... well, that makes me wonder just where my attitude really falls in the glass empty/glass full category. 

What struck me this morning is that sometimes there's vinegar in my cup. 

So I ruminated on this, while rubbing my toe and then getting dressed (and why are these panties all stretched to hell? .........OH. Yah.) I knew there was some life lesson tied in with this and so I wouldn't forget this moment I posted something to that effect on my Facebook status. Then I went to my women's writers group and in the meeting room of the coffee house we meet at, I saw a poster on the wall of a mug spilling over with coffee beans that said "Half Full or Half Empty; it really doesn't matter if your cup is half full or half empty, it's what's in the cup that matters." 

Huh. 

Ooookay. Obviously this is a thought I DO need to spend some time on. Maybe I am an optimist, and filled with hope but there's a sour side to me that comes to the surface every now and again. I find it rises most often when surrounded by people I don't trust. I'm not talking about being discerning here. I'm talking about people whom I know have the capability of hurting me. People who I've let get close only to be stomped on. People I trusted only to be let down. People who've proved to be less than I believed they would be. 

Well, shoot, that's just about everybody in the world. We all fall down in our relationships. No matter how well meaning we are, we just fail from time to time. I fall often. I fail often. I've experienced it with family and friends and I know they've been on the receiving end of my foibles. 

What happens is that because I've been let down, I start coming to expect it. Take for example my mother. (Please, take my mother.) I love my mom. Of course I do. But she is, God bless her, NOT the happiest camper in the campground. I think it's safe to say my mother is a glass half empty individual. She can be cranky, difficult, sulky, cranky, obstinate, hard to please, did I say cranky? So, when ever I go to visit her, I go wearing my armor. I have come to expect that she will say something that will push a button. I expect she will be argumentative, she will whine, she will berate me and be ungrateful. I know for sure she's going to be cranky. And you know what? I'm usually right. She dishes out exactly what I was expecting. I was right to put up my guard. But in doing so, I find I hold back some of my love. My cup has vinegar in it.

I think about how Christ loves. Fully. Completely. Unconditionally. There's no vinegar in His Cup. And don't I, as a Christ follower, want to be more like Christ? Live like Christ? Love like Christ? Oh, that my cup would overflow, overflow with the sweetest honey. 

What will it take to ensure my cup is sweet? 

The fruits of the Spirit include love. I think that's where I begin. I state right here on my blog that I am loving fully but I am being convicted as I write this. I've placed conditions and restrictions on my heart. I like the idea of loving fully but if I am really honest with myself, I've been holding back. Sure, I can make a case for protecting myself but it comes right back again to living my life as a Christ follower. Ephesians 5.2 says "Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God." 

In "My Utmost for His Highest" Oswald Chambers says "Are you willing to sacrifice yourself for the work of another believer—to pour out your life sacrificially for the ministry and faith of others? Or do you say, “I am not willing to be poured out right now, and I don’t want God to tell me how to serve Him. I want to choose the place of my own sacrifice."

In Philippians 2.17 Paul wrote: But I will rejoice even if I lose my life, pouring it out like a liquid offering to God, just like your faithful service is an offering to God. And I want all of you to share that joy.

Oswald goes on to say: It is one thing to follow God’s way of service if you are regarded as a hero, but quite another thing if the road marked out for you by God requires becoming a “doormat” under other people’s feet. ...  Are you ready to be sacrificed like that? Are you ready to be less than a mere drop in the bucket—to be so totally insignificant that no one remembers you even if they think of those you served? Are you willing to give and be poured out until you are used up and exhausted—not seeking to be ministered to, but to minister? 

Ouch. 

Yet I know, if I walk away from this conviction, if I shelve it until I feel stronger, or more ready to commit, I will effectively be denying Jesus. I already feel twisted up inside, much like those poor little panties were, and I know that God is calling me to go deeper with Him. If I want my cup to be full and sweet, I must respond. I must say "Yes." 

Extraordinary Thoughts on an Ordinary Day

Perhaps I exaggerate. My thoughts are rarely extraordinary. I'm just your average blogger woman, who occasionally gets an inspiration to write a story. Yet, today as I meandered down a country road, taking in the sights, smells and sounds of my surroundings, I was struck with what I think was an extraordinary thought. At least to me it was. I will leave it up to your own judgement whether the same is true for you.

As you may know, I walk almost every day. I average 3 miles each time out but some days life conspires against me and a 2 mile shuffle is all I can manage. On the days my energy level soars I try to take advantage and log in more but on average it's 3 miles. According to my husband I walk very fast but I think I'm just faster than him. Some times I wonder why I don't seem to increase in speed, or the length for which I can speed walk. And then I shrug my shoulders and say "whatever. at least I got out there."

That's what I was thinking today as I stopped to take a pictures, scratch a mosquito bite, tie my shoelace. As I stopped to tie my sweatshirt around my waist I thought, "It's not about how fast I walk, or how far I go. What matters is that every day, I'm getting out there and I'm moving." Just as quickly the next thought came: The same is true in my Spiritual Journey.

 It's not about how many souls I reach for Christ (although that is important-- but really Salvation is up to the Holy Spirit) what matters is, am I shining His light to others?

Am I  living my life for Jesus? Am I living in accordance with His Will?

Obedience is what unlocks God's power. Am I being obedient to His Call?
Am I doing what He asks of me?

Yes. It's not about how much I do each day, but that I do it. Just keep moving in His Path.

 One step at a time.

Of Polka Dots and Nail Polish

Its date night! The love-burkes have reason to celebrate this evening. A job well done, a chance to show it off, and plenty of good food, good friends and good vibes to do it with!

For the last few months my carpenter-sweetie has been transforming an old pizza parlor into a new, fun, vibrant pizza parlor. A Hawaiian/Polynesian themed pizza parlor. Think beaches and bamboo and thatch. It has come together beautifully and tonight, the weekend before the grand opening, we get to enjoy a private celebration with the owners, staff, subcontractors, and some of our family and friends.

I got a sneak preview last week, and even though it was still in the last phase of finishing touches, I could see the creative details that my husband put into it. Gone were the garish red counter tops and walls, the Christmas colored booths and chairs. It's been totally transformed!

 

almost complete and ready for opening.

almost complete and ready for the grand opening.

In anticipation of date night, I've been primping already this morning. Picking out my outfit and accessories, putting on fresh nail polish and adding extra product to my hair to ensure it has longer staying power. Putting in a little more time on the workout so I can eat guilt free this evening. When my sweetie left this morning, I was still in my robe and slippers, hair looking like shredded wheat, un-caffeinated and mostly incoherent because of that. When he comes home tonight he will find me totally transformed.

 Transformation can be a scary word. It usually represents change and you know how some of us are about change. We like status-quo. If it aint broke don't fix it, right? The 'old' pizza parlor that was sitting empty for awhile, there wasn't really anything wrong with it. The kitchen still worked-- you could still crank out a pizza in its ovens. You could still sit in the booths and not get poked by broken springs. But with fresh paint, fresh decor, a buzz of excitement comes and it's attractive and people like attractive. My sweetie adores me and he doesn't care that my hair isn't brushed or that I look desperate for coffee, but he truly does appreciate the extra efforts I make when I 'gussy up' for him on those special occasions.

God is in the transformation business. He loves us, unconditionally, as He proved so long ago by sending His Son to us, to die for us and rise again. (John 3.16)  He accepts up, just as we are, offers us forgiveness, redemption, and grace. But He doesn't just stop there. He takes our old dirty rags (our old selves) and clothes us in robes of righteousness. (Isaiah 61.10) And still He does not stop. As He proclaims us without sin, without blemish, He also adopts us into His family, giving us full access to the Throne of Grace. But there's more! God wants to continue the amazing journey we have embarked on when we stepped on to His path. To paraphrase Max Lucado, yes, He loves us just as we are, but He also loves us too much to leave us there. So He calls us, Come, be transformed! Come be like Jesus

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corinthians 5.17

We are new! Like a brand new restaurant, ready for its grand opening-- still capable of welcoming guest and feeding people good food, but in a fresh, clean, vibrant and exciting way. We are new! Like an excited wife who's had her coffee, ironed her new polka dot dress, and polished her nails, still me, only sparkly! 

 Yes, God is, still, in the transformation business. I am not the same girl I was 45+ years ago when I asked Jesus to save me. I am not the same girl who at 14 made a more public profession of faith by being baptized. I am definitely not the same girl who ran away from home, got married at 17, and was divorced at 34. I am not even the same 'girl' I was 5 years ago. I am constantly being changed, by the things around me, and most importantly, by the changes I allow inside of me. 

Romans 12.2 tells us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds, and that can only truly happen when we surrender it fully to God. Like the project manager of a restaurant remodel, He needs full access to the whole shebang.

from The Message: 

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

and so we reflect

It's the last day of 2013. A time for reflection, examining the past, and then pressing onward, looking to the future with expectations. I came across this popular post on Facebook , perhaps you have seen it? It is credited to the popular author Debbie Macomber and it's an excellent tool for thought provoking conversations with others and ourselves.

What was one of the greatest blessings I experienced this past year?

Three things immediately come to mind and it is hard to pick just ONE but these top 3 need little explanation for making my list. 

1. Mom moving into Summit Place Assisted Living; she is settled in and thriving in her new environment

2. My sister and bro-in-love moving here. 

3. Our oldest grandson coming to visit for a week. 

What was one of the biggest challenges you faced?

Oh, wow. It was Bruce's decision to go on his mission trip to Honduras that challenged me in SO many ways. It tested our relationship, it stretched me in ways I thought would make me snap.  It required great relinquishment on my part and subsequently a deeper spirit of submission to both God and my husband. It also required forgiveness and acceptance, both of which were difficult for me to arrive at. It was not my favorite experience of 2013 by far, but yet it was also a very crucial part. I don't know yet what that sort of testing may someday lead up to, but I sense it is definitely part of a bigger plan God has for the two of us. EEk!!

What lesson did you learn from that challenge?

Not to try and navigate these sorts of things on our own. I think sometimes we forget that God created us to live in community and we neglect to bring in the wise council of strong fellow believers. It is natural and right for a married couple to turn to each other first when facing a challenge but what do you do when the challenge has you on opposite sides? For too many weeks Bruce and I were at such odds over his decision and we thought we could navigate this turbulent trial through continued conversations but those conversations only left me more angry and resentful. Finally we sought the counsel of 2 couples from our church that we respect and trust. It didn't solve the dilemma but it calmed the storm raging inside me. And that was the first major step in bringing me to a place of acceptance.  

How can use that lesson to help you grow as a person?

By realizing how much another believer can help me, I came to understand that if I offer that sort of help to someone else who is struggling, that in turn will grow me in ways that will never happen if I keep it to myself. One of my roles as a leader of a small group is to come along side of another and support or mentor them. I feel a strong affinity for young married women in particular. Not that I am an expert on marriage by any stretch of the imagination but I can offer to listen and to pray. I can turn them to God's word for instructions and encourage them as others have encouraged me. I liken this to my past role as a fitness coach. I learned the work out and then began to teach it to others. It not only was a benefit to my members but it served to reinforce my own learning of the workout. As a result, both the women who came to my club and myself, grew stronger. I look forward to using my own past experiences to fuel both myself and another who is challenged, into a brighter tomorrow. 

You know, 2013 was a pretty good year! There were plenty of other blessings and challenges that I could pull out and examine and I probably will as the week rolls on. Today brings to mind this scripture passage from Hebrews; Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses,  let us also lay aside every weight and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance, the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith...

Good bye 2013.... and let's get ready to embrace with JOY the New Year!!

just a small announcement...

nothing too major... 

but.... a few days ago... 

last week in fact...

I REACHED MY WEIGHT LOSS GOAL!!!

Yup. 20 pounds. Gone. I started back in June, really counting the calories and concentrating on taking in less than I was putting out in the form of exercise.It took committment. Time. Effort.  It paid off.

20 lbs lighter than last year at this time. It may not be greatly noticed by some but I certainly FEEL it!!

Maybe 20 pounds doesn't sound like a lot but trying lugging a couple 10 pound sacks of sugar around all day and you suddenly realize the stress you are putting on your body! I am going to stick with my eating plan and exercise for a few more weeks because I really want to get myself on 'that side of' the magic number on my scale. Well, actually I intend to stay with my exercise indefinitely!! And since I'm not really 'dieting' but rather eating sensibly, I will be sticking with that too!

oh darn, I'm gonna have to go shopping for clothes that fit me better!! ha ha ha.

So how does it feel? It feels good to be back at the weight recommended for my age, height and body frame. It feels good to slip into jeans that have been hidden in the back of my closet, just hoping for this day. It feels good to be comfortable in my clothes. It feels good to set a goal and REACH IT. I think for awhile there I was starting to believe I was not ever going to lose the weight. I was stuck at that overweight number for a few years. I would try to 'diet' and just yo-yo'd 2-3 pounds over and over again. It was frustrating. Especially when I went through the hard work of doing this so many years ago only to slip away from smart eating and let myself slowly gain the weight back.

the picture that motivated me to get the weight off. 

About 12 years ago I had reached a new high in my weight and I was really feeling unhappy about it. I saw a picture of myself that shocked me into doing something about it. I joined Weight Watchers and gave myself a year to take the weight off. I was successful.

I lost 45 pounds by following the program and walking daily. I kept that weight off for a year and then... yah, you guessed it. I got lazy and careless and gained some of it back. When I opened Curves in 2004, I was feeling fat and frumpy. I had gained about 20 lbs back. Working out on a regular basis and teaching other women about fitness was motivation for me and though I did not lose much weight, (about 10 lbs) my body got in shape and as I gained muscle the inches started sliding off.

that jacket kinda hangs on me now, as does the t-shirt. I no longer have the jeans because they are 2 sizes too big!

After I sold the club I started the yo-yo thing with my weight again.... and  the scale numbers slowly began climbing upwards and the clothes feeling snugger. I was 15 lbs heavier than I should be but at least it seemed to plateau there and I stayed steady at that weight for a couple of years. Then this summer when I injured my foot and could do nothing but sit, another 5 lbs leaped on me and I started feeling desperate!

I used to say I would rather tell people how old I was then tell them how much I weighed and I guess I still feel that way. Because this December I will turn 55. (that freaked me out a little to write that!) I reasoned that I did not want to be overweight in addition to reaching another milestone birthday. So I got serious.

Couple of things that I used this time that really helped were some apps for my smart phone. I downloaded the free "lose it" app which I use to track everything I eat. It counts my calories, and tells me how much fat, carbs and protein I had so I can keep a healthy balance to my eating. It also let me choose how quickly I wanted to lose the weight. Did I want to lose 1/2 a pound a week or did I want to lose 2 lbs a week? I chose to go for 1 lb a week and it then calculated how many calories I got each day and it told me I should obtain my goal by such and such date. Very cool. I love techy gizmo things so this was a great motivating tool for me to use.

things fit so much better! this was me going to my high school reunion last year and how those clothes fit now. awesome!!

The other free app I downloaded is the MapMyWalk.It tracks my route and how fast I am walking and tells me how many calories I burned. Love seeing that!  I have been walking every day since my foot healed and gaining in speed and distance. I am now averaging about 3 miles a day but sometimes I feel the need to take an extra walk in the evenings (I walk every morning) and I rack up another mile or two. It feels GREAT!!

The third thing, and really the most important one, isn't an app but an attitude. Realizing that my body is a temple where the Holy Spirit dwells and that I am called to a life of discipline made me even more determined to get back into shape. Just as God gave us the earth to take care of and be good stewards of all we are given, so am I to take care of the body He has given me. What a blessing to see this truth and work on living it out.

So, yep! I feel GOOD. And happy. But most of all I just feel proud of what I accomplished. Like I said, setting a goal and reaching it, is SO empowering!

Yah, so I'm feeling a little cheeky. I think I earned it. ;)

Whose That Tapping On My Shoulder?

I'm not really sure where to begin, but God's been working in my life and there's a lot of cool stuff going on.

I can't even remember if I blogged about this but I recently took on a role in my church of small group coordinator for our campus. (We are a church with different locations and our "mother" church is large but it's little offspring is flourishing!) My role has ramped up in the last few weeks as school started and a flurry of activities related to Fall and a new school year began.  I have stood up in front of my church for several Sundays in a row and joked, cajoled, sung and even danced, as I talked about the benefits of belonging to a Life (or small ) group. We are launching several awesome studies this month... a class on Boundaries (Townsend  Cloud-- how to set boundaries in your relationships and still be loving) Freedom in Christ (Neil Anderson- being set free from addictions and past baggage) and Building Strong Marriages (Family Life Marriage Builders). It's been exciting and SO rewarding to see some of my favorite people step up into leadership roles and act as facilitators for these classes.

Bruce and I are also getting a new LIFE group rolling this month. We will meet in our home over the next 8 weeks using a curriculum that will mesh well with our new sermon series that kicks off this weekend. We will be taking a closer, deeper look at that awesome passage from Ephesians 6 about putting on the WHOLE ARMOUR OF GOD. I find it really interesting that this is the focus over the next several weeks for a couple of reasons. 1. This is one of my most favorite books in the New Testament and chapter 6 is powerful!! 2. I just this month joined a women's bible study that is, guess what? On the book of Ephesians.

I have to say something about this women's bible study. I have not ever been a very serious student. In school I flew by the seat of my pants and got average grades. Even as an adult doing some post high school classes, I didn't take it super seriously. I was just, so whatever about it. When it came to women's bible studies I was pretty much ho-hum about the whole deal. Did a few and (yawn) they were OK but nothing that ever melted my butter.

I love the small group setting so much more but even in those gathering times, I can't say I ever got all up and at 'em about what we were studying. So it makes it all the more curious that not only did I sign up for a bible study but I chose a inductive study-- one of those dissect each verse and study the who, what, when, where and why out of it. It's a Kay Arthur Precept study which I am quickly learning is like THE BOSS of bible studies. Perhaps the idea of going shopping for colored pencils and cool notebooks and dividers got me pumped, (because I dearly love to LOOK organized) but more likely it was the tantalizing notion of doing this study with my sister. Oh, yes. this is something we have never done together before and it's very cool to be doing it!!

So, here I am all digging in to this new way of reading a bible verse and thinking I am in a good place. All the while in the back of my head is this little thought that has popped up from time to time to time, about me leading a women's bible study of my own AT SOME POINT IN TIME. I was asked to lead one a couple years ago and I gently but firmly declined. It just wasn't the right time for me. But the idea never departed and once in awhile I would think about what I might choose for a study topic. I flirted with the idea out loud a couple of times with some gals from church but that was as far as it went. Today, TODAY,  while having coffee with a new friend, I even dared to tell her that SOME DAY I might like to do a women's bible study. But, I hastened to add that I believed God would tell me when that right time was.

We continued this great conversation as we drank our coffee, touching on several things, all the while circling the theme of going deeper in our relationships with Jesus. I mentioned the Precepts bible study I was doing and the small group Bruce and I were starting and  the topic of that study and....that's when it happened. THE NUDGE. Actually, it was more than a nudge; it was a firm grip on my shoulders and it was as if Jesus was looking right into my eyes as He spoke firmly. "This is the time. You need to lead a daytime study for women using the same stuff you're gonna use for small group."

I think I broke off speaking for a moment and then, in a kind of laughing, shaking voice I told my friend what I thought I was being told. I watched her tear up as I shared and then I knew that was the confirmation I needed. This woman needed this study and I needed to lead it.

I contemplated it as we continued to talk and I said I was going to pray about it and talk it over with my husband but inside my heart was racing and my mind was already making a list and my fingers were dialing numbers to invite other women whom I knew wanted this as well. I knew this was the time and this study on Ephesians and spiritual warfare was the one to pursue. 

There you have it. I am starting this new group next week and God is being very gracious in letting me start small-- very small-- there will only be 3 women plus myself, meeting in my home to do the same study Bruce and I will be doing with our LIFE group. I am being obedient to the call of God.

It is interesting to note that though I take a certain amount of pride in being less than studious, that I like being thought of as a free spirit and even a bit of a rebel now and again, God seems to think this is a time for me to get disciplined and shine. Well, OK, then.

tune in next week when you hear Robyn say.... "WHOSE CRAZY IDEA WAS THIS ANYWAY???"

Remind me of the WHO, will you? ;)