while I'm waiting

Well, the week came to an end without any definitive word about the job. Patience is a virtue, right? (she says tapping her fingers impatiently) But, God is doing something in this time, of that I am sure. So, no worries...

The song that keeps coming to me is  "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller. A sample from the lyrics are:

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord
And I am hopeful, I'm waiting on You Lord
Though it is painful, but patiently I will wait

And I will move ahead bold and confident

Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint
I'll be running the race even while I wait

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord
And I am peaceful, I'm waiting on You Lord
Though it's not easy no, but faithfully I will wait
Yes, I will wait.

Character, Not Comfort

uphill both ways?

She's got a new boss at work who just happens to be BFF's with her worst enemy and now her once perfect job is causing acid producing knot twisting action in her stomach not knowing if this will jeopardize her job or not.

After several good years of getting a nice chunk of change back on his tax returns, it's been turned around... and the amount due next month is heavy. He has no idea where the funds will come from.

They are behind again on their mortgage and the dunning notices are piling up. 

He's been out of work for 6 months and the doors just keep closing.

She has excruciating pain in her teeth, no dental insurance and on top of that she is terrified of dentists.

The car wouldn't start this morning and he had a very important meeting to get to. 

I could go on and on....

Any one of those scenarios could be or has been something I've lived through in the past several years. Sometimes I pull my hair in utter frustration, wondering if life is ever going to get easier. And then, I listened in rapt attention last night as a dear missionary friend shared a hair raising tale of being held up at gunpoint while on the mission field, and then went on to tell of the horrible road trip they took, where if anything could go wrong, it did. He said at each break down, at each set back, at each delay, they prayed for their situation and shortly there after found help in one form or another. But he asked God "why did you allow all these mishaps to happen in the first place, Lord. I mean, here I am doing Your work and I thought you would protect me, bless me, make straight my path."

sometimes life just feels like an uphill battle

And God replied, "I'm more interested in building your character, your faith, than providing you with comfort."

Oh, isn't that the way it works? We pray for patience and instead of being automatically gifted with the ability to endure and accept all things, we are given plenty of opportunities to practice patience. We ask for our faith to be increased and suddenly all kinds of things start happening that scare us to death, or threaten our security in some way. Instead of quick easy solutions we're given faith building exercises.

Sometimes I don't like the way God thinks. I want Him to think MY WAY. I want His plans to fall in with mine, instead of submitting to His will for my life. Sometimes I just want things to be comfortable. Is that too much to ask? I don't want much... just a steady income so we can pay our bills on time and lower our debt ratio. I want to be able to enjoy dinner out once in awhile, or at least go for a cup of coffee with a friend. Cars that run smoothly, tools that don't break, pantries that never empty. Yet time and time again, I stare at bare cupboards. I twist the checkbook nervously in my hands as I weigh the balance against the pile of bills on the desk. Every time the car makes a funny noise my stomach does a flip and not in a good way. When more than a couple of days pass of my husband being off work, the panic rises inside me.

I don't like living this way. I want to live comfortably. Yet I can sense God telling me the same thing He told our friend.

Jesus said. "In this world you will have trouble."*

 Oh. Gee. Thanks.

"But take heart, for I have overcome the world!"

oh. o.k. 

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of any kind." emphasizes James.*

Joy? Really? And not just joy but Pure Joy? 

"for you know when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow."

I've grown, really I have. I've groaned too. Haven't I arrived yet?  

"So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing."

oh. o.k. 




I get tired, but I understand. I have a choice. I can sit there and feel sorry for myself, wallow in self pity, and grouse about how nobody  loves me, how hard my life is and it feels like God's just picking on me. Or, I can persevere. I can keep on keeping on, knowing that I won't walk alone. He does give me plenty of opportunities to practice what I say I believe and He also promises He will help me.

I pick up my sad dragging little behind and plod forward as I should. And in the first step, He gives me grace.



















*John 16:33
*James 1:2-4

Dangling Like A Carrot

It was waaaaaaay back in June that the job posting appeared. It took me a few days before I even decided to apply and it's been an interesting process since then.

In July I took the postal workers exam.

In August I was interviewed and later that month was directed to get my fingerprints, pee-in-a-cup and agree to the background check.

All systems seemed to be poised at "GO" when some i-dotting and t-crossing popped up. A form had been forgotten to be given to me and it has proven to be the biggest hurdle. It had to do with my physical ability to do the job. In the interest of full disclosure, and protection, of course the surgery to both of my rotator cuffs and lingering limitations were discussed. And documented. I had to end up seeing the orthopedic surgeon and have him sign off on it. This has taken WEEKS.

Currently, it seems we are waiting for someone, somewhere, to assign me an employee number so that I can begin my training.

Meanwhile I twiddle my thumbs and wonder.
Are they actually going to hire me?
Should I be looking for other work?
I have decided that for me to drive into town (30 min drive) the pay has to be more than minimum wage, or a damn exciting position to entice me.
And given my limited vocational training, the choices are NOT endless.

Just the waiting.

Attitude CHECK!

I had a list made out for this day. I got one thing checked off.

Today has been a full day of lessons in patience, trust, faith, practicing a good attitude and maintaining joy in the midst of adversity.

What should have been a routine installment of trailer brakes on his work truck and a tire inspection has morphed into 2 new tires and a complete overhaul on the truck brakes. to the tune of close to $1000 for all. ouch.

not to mention. we are scheduled to leave on Wed. to Oregon to deliver a custom shed kit. It's one thing to have to give up the truck for a day and a half to have repairs done, it's another to have all your work tools in that truck which means no one can work on the shed kit because the tools are not in the work shop. Leaving on time is looking more and more sketchy and I hope the man who has ordered the kit will be as patient as we are trying to be as we face the obstacles.

I donated plasma today and they had trouble with my right arm so we had to switch to the left. which means now I am sporting a wrap on each arm. and after all the running around and knowing we have ALPHA tonight, I decided the quickest route to dinner was a stop at McD's and I was so hungry I scarfed down the fries and shake regardless of how I would feel later. (it's later. I feel like I just scarfed down a milkshake and french fries. uggh)

And, I'm not entirely sure we will have anyone coming to ALPHA tonight. We kind of lost our momentum while Bruce was in Japan and trying to get back into the swing of things has been tough. There is a lot of illness and family issues and crises happening for folks.

I am being reminded moment by moment  how much we need God's Grace to carry us through it all.

Bruce remarked tonight "Isn't this FUN?" (having these opportunities to practice patience and good attitude and faith) oh, yes honey, TONS of FUN!

On the BRIGHT SIDE however... I spent a good portion of the morning with my husband and we made each other laugh, we learned about the brake trouble BEFORE we were driving down the freeway pulling a loaded trailer, and the bulge on the tire was caught before it exploded. And I still was able to donate plasma and be compensated for my donation. And if it is only Bruce and I at ALPHA tonight, we will still be doing what the Lord has asked us to do. I have to remember that.

let us not grow weary in doing good....  Galations 6.9

one other thing... a dear friend of mine's hubby had surgery today and I know she would appreciate extra prayers for their situation. thanks ya'll.

Life's MOMents

Wow, this week has been consumed by my mother and her accident. It's been a long rough ride for her -- and for my brother and me. Yesterday was easier for me in that I was able to feel comfortable about slipping away for breathers as needed, yet harder in those moments i was there to witness the depth of my mother's unhappiness.

I guess I have always been aware that my mom is not the happiest person on the planet. Others find her funny and witty. Many have been recipients of her giving nature when it came to baking or sewing. I think us kids have mostly seen her as unhappy.

The reality of the long road ahead of her has not fully sunk in but she is growing more aware of it as yesterday, in anticipation of the upcoming move to a convalescent home, she was being taught how to get out of bed and into a chair, using the walker and not resting any weight on her broken ankle. This is made harder by the fact that her left side, the side she needs to lean on now, is her weak side. She had a stroke a few years ago and it was her left side...  plus as a baby she had to have surgery on her neck, which resulted in nerve damage to her left arm. That hand has always been crippled.

So getting up and gripping the walker and leaning on her left side was-- is-- a large obstacle.  A lot of her success will depend on her attitude and right now, her attitude is far from good.

It's hard to watch. I know she is frustrated and in pain and even scared but I cringe when she yells at the nurses or displays defeat. We've got a long road ahead but so much of it will depend on her attitude and desire to win!

This is a life lesson for me. As the wise Kung-Fu man would say: Watch and learn grasshopper.

Yes. I am.

There are many actions I see displayed that I automatically will add to my list of "do not try this at home".  It's probably not fair but I can't help compare my mom to our friend who we visited with last Sunday. The one who has macular degeneration and still mows her lawn. Barb is a couple years older than my mom and she has taken a couple of bad falls in the last year. A broken collar bone and a fractured hip have not slowed her down much. Barb has a strong will to survive. She will live at home until she dies.

I want to be a strong person. I am a strong person. I am a survivor. I won't let life's curves take me down. I pray I can be strong for my mom as well. That my compassion and patience will not run dry as we navigate her healing process together.

Just as Mom will need to lean on her walker for support, I will be leaning on my Jesus.