On Handling Disappointments

The big word is always TRUST. 

We all know one of life's Big Questions is "where is God when bad things happen", or some variation of that. One of the things that has been pressing close to my heart this past week is from Romans 8.

Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (Romans 8. 35 NLT)

What I hear in this passage is that regardless of my circumstances, I am still God's beloved child (I John 3.2) and I will never be snatched out of His hand. (John 10.28) Unless I willingly choose to step out of His protection in pursuit of my own selfish pleasures of this world, unless I am turning my back on God's will for my life, I am and will be, forever firmly planted in His care. 

It's been difficult to understand this long stretch of financial challenges Bruce and I have been traveling. If Life is a Road then there have been times when it feels like ours looks like this:

The hills and the valleys both bring challenges, the hairpin curves feel threatening, fog and rain make it difficult to navigate. There's been flat tires, engine failures and empty gas tanks. We've had to get out and push the car up the hill some days. (I'm speaking metaphorically, you understand) And it's been difficult to comprehend because it's not like we drive a clunker. In other words.... we are persistent in trying to follow what we believe is God's will. 

What it comes down to in this life is this: Trust. It's so crucial isn't it? I have to trust other people in order to build real relationships with them. I have to trust that things we set out to do will yield positive results. And I have to trust that God's Word is true. Trusting that God has the best plan for my life. Trusting that whatever life brings, nothing can snatch me out of His hand.

This week we got the news about the job Bruce applied for. The answer was a disappointing no. I thought I would be crushed by this, based on how badly I was rooting for it. The funny thing is, I did feel sad and disappointed and yet ...not without hope. While my first thought was "noooooooo!!!", my second thought was "God has something else in mind." 

There have been times I have wondered if we were somehow being punished for something we did--which I could accept being in dire straights if we were operating under illegal or immoral principles. I'd get it if we were lazy people who didn't want to work. But the God I know doesn't operate that way for people who follow Him. I don't follow the 'name it and claim it' theology but I do believe God wants to bless us. I am learning however that sometimes His blessings come in very different packages. 

I have to trust that what we are living is all part of God's plan for our lives. That even when I can't see what the purpose of the moment is, there is a higher purpose. Whether it is to teach us or someone else a lesson, to develop something in our character that still needs refining, or to build up something in us that no one can tear down, I need to trust God.

I must choose to trust God. Because any other option will break me. 

  

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8. 38-39 NLT)

Divine Appointments

I wasn't going to write about this until I knew what the outcome was going to be. I was convicted however, by the reminder that no matter how this turns out, it's still God who is in control. God, who knows what's best.

Last week as I perused the classifieds a job posting caught my eye. I mentioned it to Bruce as a possibility for him. He was intrigued enough for me to send him the listing to examine for himself. While the job was definitely within his realm of interest and skill set, he was a little iffy about pursuing it as it would take him out of active home building and design, something he still really loves to do. Still, a job is a job and with our roller coaster economic situation all opportunities need to be explored and considered.

A couple of days later he had business to attend to at the place that was advertising for help. As he parked his truck he decided, for various reasons, to not ask about the job. He tends to be a bit of a "fleece thrower" and he just wasn't sure this position was a direction God was taking him. As he stood in the parking lot one of the guys who works there, a guy who Bruce deals with almost exclusively for all his material orders for construction jobs, came out to greet him. This wasn't strange really, but still, a little unusual. J. told Bruce he had a couple of things he wanted to Bruce to know. First, he told Bruce, he was retiring. (Ah, the reason for the job opening) That made Bruce a little sad as he really trusts J. and enjoys doing business with him. The second thing, J. pressed on, was he had already given his boss Bruce's name as a candidate to replace him. 

You can imagine the shock that rippled through Bruce at that moment but he maintained composure and a lengthy conversation ensued. This was followed by a chat with the manager of the store. While nothing was settled by these discussions, Bruce left there with his head spinning slightly. He certainly recognized this was not a coincidence by any means. In fact he knew this could only be a God-orchestrated moment and he felt obliged to follow through on this as far as he could.

You can probably also imagine the reaction he got from me when he got home and shared all of this with me. While I TRIED to maintain a neutral expression and refrain from telling him what to do, my body language CLEARLY told him anyway. We had quite a conversation about the possibilities and what to do next. Then, putting it into prayer and the Lord's hands, we tabled it.

The next morning he was called and invited to come in for an interview. On Monday he had the interview. It went well but he had no real sense of what they might be thinking. There were of course, several other applicants to meet with. But we should hear something by the end of this week. Until then, while I am anxious for a decision, I am also watching Bruce wrestle with this:  What is God calling me to do? Is He calling me out of construction after clearly leading me into it 30 some years ago? If I don't get the job what should the take away be from the way this opportunity was crafted?
Other questions like: am I ready to walk away from home building and instead be supplying materials to other home builders? I've been looking for work but the opportunities are slim. My body can't keep up with the physical demands of construction; I need to be using my administrative and managerial skills and let the younger guys do the physical stuff.  

And so on. It's not easy when you've been self employed for over 30 years to lay that down in exchange for being an employee. Even when that means steady income and somewhat less stress.

Sigh. I'm watching and praying.

Experiencing the Divine Appointment of last week has reminded me just how much God is involved in the minute moments of our lives. That verse about knowing the numbers of hairs on our head and if He cares about the sparrow, how much more He cares about us?* It's true and this was driven home so clearly for me this past week. I am having my own wrestling match with my thoughts that range from how clearly this IS a God- moment and how I believe that Bruce will get the job and life will settle down and be somewhat calmer, to preparing myself for him to not get the job-- or worse, he's offered the job and feels led to say no-- in which case I have a friend lined up to help me hide the body--(JUST KIDDING)  but through it all, remembering that God knows the plans for us... plans for good and not to harm us, plans to give us a future and a hope.**

Knowing, and believing, WHO is really in control, is keeping me sane.

* Matthew 10.29-30
** Jeremiah 29.11