Blessed Assurance

I discovered a hidden treasure the other day. While going through boxes of my parent's belongings, I came across a precious piece of paper. In my father's handwriting is a testimony worksheet he had filled out in which he shares how he received Christ and how his life was different because of this. Oh! What a find! And while I have made copies for my siblings, I'm claiming the original for myself. This is why:

Among the things my dad shares in this testimony are several scripture references to verses he was memorizing or found especially comforting to him because of the promises offered. As i jotted these down and began to look them up, something amazing came to light. With the exception of only a few, every single one was something already highlighted in my bible as special to me! With the first two discoveries I just smiled and thought how nice. But as more of them matched my own a little shiver ran up my spine.

 This was not a coincidence. Sure these verses are favorites of many. Verses like "He was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities... and by his stripes we are healed" (Isaiah 53.5 KJV) or this one from Romans 8.1: "So now there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." (KJV) But a few of them were less commonly quoted or familiar. Yet at one time or another, in my bible readings, these same verses my dad loved, were underlined or highlighted as special to me for one reason or another.

As to the verses that were not a match to my underlined ones this one in particular jumped out at me: "I assure you, those who listen to my message and believe in God who sent me, have eternal life. They will never be condemned for their sins but they already have passed from death into life." (John 5.24 NLT)

Why did this verse grab my attention?

Well, even though I asked Jesus into my heart when I was 9 years old, I have experienced many times in my life where my salvation felt troubled. Fear and doubt would creep in, making myself question my salvation. I remember as a young girl coming home to find an empty kitchen. A pot was simmering on the stove and while my mother's presence was palpable she was nowhere to be found. My mother was always there when we came home from school. Always. But not this day. Fear struck my heart and I gulped. Terror gripped me as I searched the house calling out her name. I was sure the Rapture had occurred and I'd been left behind! You can imagine my immense comfort when my mother wandered in, fresh from a visit to the neighbors for an impromptu tea visit. And while I nearly collapsed in relief, I was unable to share with her the anxiety and fear I'd just experienced. How could I explain it when I was "supposed to be" a Christian?

I am a little embarrassed to admit that this doubt would continue to haunt me on more than a few occasions. A quiet room when someone had been in it just moments before. A sick feeling coming over me when hearing of terrible things going on in our nation (9-11) and thinking "this is it, the end is near" and being afraid that no matter how many times I'd prayed again to be saved, because I wanted to make sure, I'd still somehow fallen short of being one of those counted righteous in His Sight.

It wasn't a pretty feeling.

Thankfully, in part because of a praying husband, I was able to work through this over time and reach a point where I could say I was sure that I was not going to be left behind. I could rest in God's promise when He said he's adopted me into His family and I will spend eternity in Heaven with Him.

Why I experienced such doubt over my salvation, I can't explain. Perhaps my childhood traumas and later the betrayals by one who professed to love me, played into my psyche and fed that vein of low self esteem: I'm not worthy, I don't deserve salvation. I'm still not good enough for God. Well, here's the deal-- all of that is true! I'm NOT worthy. But because of God's amazing grace and endless love, He accepts me anyway. Funny how I seem to always need reminders of this... but then, we all have an Achilles heel that the enemy loves to poke at. We all have a propensity to something and apparently this was mine. How thankful I was when I realized that particular monkey was off my back.

So, then, coming across this verse the other day was a strong but gentle reminder that I can continue to rest in the promise Jesus gave. The fact that this reminder from my Heavenly Father, came via my other father is a significant factor for me. No matter how many times I struggle in my daily walk with the Lord, no matter the desert-dry days in my spiritual walk, I am still a Child of God. No matter how long I sit in front of a blank page cursing the blinking curser of my computer screen because of writer's block, no matter how apathetic I feel, no matter the brain fog or feelings of lethargy, it does not change Who I Am in Christ.

I am God's girl.
I am forgiven.
I am saved.
I will inherit His riches.
I will be in His Kingdom.
Indeed I already am.

Blessed Assurance, Jesus is mine
O what a foretaste of glory divine
Heir of Salvation, Purchase of God
Born of His Spirit, washed in His Blood.

This is my story, this is my song, 
praising my Savior all the day long
This is my story, this is my song, 
praising my Savior all the day long *

*Fanny Crosby

date night

i love date night.

this date was a surprise because when you are not working steadily, money for frivolous adventures just does not exist!

Bruce delivered a storage building kit to a customer the other day and was happy to stay and help the guy start the initial set up phase.  The customer was so pleased that he handed Bruce a cash bonus on top of the paycheck with instructions: take your wife to dinner!

it was more than enough for dinner so we took in a movie too!

We decided to dine at the India Grill. Featuring east Indian cuisine, this little eatery has placed repeatedly in Best Places to Eat. We'd never been and we were looking forward to a different experience.

We ordered appetizers; an assortment of  Hors d’Oevres, then at the recommendations of the restaurant owner, who was very amicable, (he wandered over several times to chat with us and we really enjoyed our exchange with him) we shared a feast of Tandoori Shrimp and Chicken Tikka Masala with jasmine rice and spinach nan (a flat bread like a tortilla) and a half a carafe of Chardonnay.  All so very very tasty! To finish it off we enjoyed a delicious mug of steaming Chai tea with milk and lightly sweetened. Then, the owner sent us home with a small packet of Chai spices with instructions on how to brew a perfect cup of tea from it. Looking forward to that!

Across the street from the restaurant there must have been a Halloween party taking place because we saw lots of interestingly dressed people going in. Pirates, witches, french maids, sock monkeys, gangstas, vampires, and the like. We certainly enjoyed the parade of interesting costumes!! 

After our fine dinner, we rolled on down the street, taking in the last rays of sunshine as it settled over Bellingham Bay, reviling in the crisp autumn air and the vibrant colors of the trees that line the streets. And arriving just in time at the movie theater for  Courageous

This is an excellent movie!!! We laughed. We cried. We sat on the edge of our seats. We cheered. I know that sometimes faith-based movies can come off a little bit cheezy but this really was top-notch all the way through!


We were pretty quiet on the way home as we reflected on the message of this film. The main theme of the movie is about being men of honor, in both work and home and making a special point to bring out the importance of the active presence of a dad in the home. Having so many people in our lives who suffer from the fall out of divorce and absentee fathers, it hit close to home.

Bruce has been attending a gathering on Tuesday nights at our church, called "The Fire" and it ties in closely with the message of this movie. Raising men up to be the spiritual leaders in the home, as Christ has called them to be. In fact last meeting he received a copy of the book The Resolution for Men which was written by the Kendrick brothers, who also wrote and produced the movie. The book serves as an excellent companion to the film. I am excited for Bruce to be reading it.... although I already think he does a pretty good job of stepping up to be the man God has called him to be.

it was a lovely evening.

i love date night.

Father's Day and ...

No deep thoughts or life changing comments today... just randomness about dads.

We leave to Tall Timber today! Yippee! I am taking a few moments this morning to write while I also watch my sweet husband pack. I am glad to know some one else agonizes over what to take. Packing shouldn't be so hard.

It's also Father's Day... My dad passed away several years ago. Bruce's dad and step-dad are both gone as well. Because we have been making the trek to Tall Timber for almost every year of our marriage and because our departure day always falls on Father's Day, it's been quite a long time since Bruce and his son Joey have spent the 'official' day together. But they have a very loose and comfortable relationship-- one that isn't dependent on spending specific times together. They talk often on the phone and for the last couple of months have been working on a remodel project together: getting ready for the big change in Joey's life-- that's right, Joey will soon be a Father too!

I am thankful for the father relationship I have witnesses through my husband and his love for his son and for my children and for dozens and dozens of kids that have come through our doors over the years. Bruce was a sunday school teacher, youth group leader and boy scout leader. That's a lot of kids!

I loved my dad and I miss him but we were not always close. I don't listen to songs like "Butterfly Kisses" or "Dance with My Cinderella" and get all misty eyed and choked up. But I have lots of good memories of playing 'kick the can' in the warm dusk of summer or riding on the tractor or helping milk cows or hiking, swimming and camping-- all with my dad.

When I reflect on the Father Figures in my life I can't help but think about how they helped shape how I perceive my Heavenly Father. Some of that has been negative-- God as heavy handed, judgmental and formidable; can I, do I, really trust Him? I think of all the father-child relationships I've witnessed, my husband has given me the clearest, truest glimpses of how God loves us. So, thank you my sweetie, for showing me the Father's Love.