and so we reflect

It's the last day of 2013. A time for reflection, examining the past, and then pressing onward, looking to the future with expectations. I came across this popular post on Facebook , perhaps you have seen it? It is credited to the popular author Debbie Macomber and it's an excellent tool for thought provoking conversations with others and ourselves.

What was one of the greatest blessings I experienced this past year?

Three things immediately come to mind and it is hard to pick just ONE but these top 3 need little explanation for making my list. 

1. Mom moving into Summit Place Assisted Living; she is settled in and thriving in her new environment

2. My sister and bro-in-love moving here. 

3. Our oldest grandson coming to visit for a week. 

What was one of the biggest challenges you faced?

Oh, wow. It was Bruce's decision to go on his mission trip to Honduras that challenged me in SO many ways. It tested our relationship, it stretched me in ways I thought would make me snap.  It required great relinquishment on my part and subsequently a deeper spirit of submission to both God and my husband. It also required forgiveness and acceptance, both of which were difficult for me to arrive at. It was not my favorite experience of 2013 by far, but yet it was also a very crucial part. I don't know yet what that sort of testing may someday lead up to, but I sense it is definitely part of a bigger plan God has for the two of us. EEk!!

What lesson did you learn from that challenge?

Not to try and navigate these sorts of things on our own. I think sometimes we forget that God created us to live in community and we neglect to bring in the wise council of strong fellow believers. It is natural and right for a married couple to turn to each other first when facing a challenge but what do you do when the challenge has you on opposite sides? For too many weeks Bruce and I were at such odds over his decision and we thought we could navigate this turbulent trial through continued conversations but those conversations only left me more angry and resentful. Finally we sought the counsel of 2 couples from our church that we respect and trust. It didn't solve the dilemma but it calmed the storm raging inside me. And that was the first major step in bringing me to a place of acceptance.  

How can use that lesson to help you grow as a person?

By realizing how much another believer can help me, I came to understand that if I offer that sort of help to someone else who is struggling, that in turn will grow me in ways that will never happen if I keep it to myself. One of my roles as a leader of a small group is to come along side of another and support or mentor them. I feel a strong affinity for young married women in particular. Not that I am an expert on marriage by any stretch of the imagination but I can offer to listen and to pray. I can turn them to God's word for instructions and encourage them as others have encouraged me. I liken this to my past role as a fitness coach. I learned the work out and then began to teach it to others. It not only was a benefit to my members but it served to reinforce my own learning of the workout. As a result, both the women who came to my club and myself, grew stronger. I look forward to using my own past experiences to fuel both myself and another who is challenged, into a brighter tomorrow. 

You know, 2013 was a pretty good year! There were plenty of other blessings and challenges that I could pull out and examine and I probably will as the week rolls on. Today brings to mind this scripture passage from Hebrews; Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses,  let us also lay aside every weight and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance, the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith...

Good bye 2013.... and let's get ready to embrace with JOY the New Year!!

Love, in it's Purest Form

There are so may fine blogs out there that I consider it a pure joy when I find one that really resonates, inspires, motivates and challenges me. I just recently discovered this one and just in time to join in the 31 days of love marriage challenge. I am not sure if I will blog about what the challenge teaches me every day because to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure I will stick with it the whole 31 days... I know I am great at starting out strong.... and not always finishing.... but I find it fitting to at least start this New Month with a post pertaining to the 1st day of the challenge.

In it's Purest form the answer to the first-- and second question, is: Love is patient, kind, not jealous, boastful or proud. Love does not demand it's own way. Love is not irritable and keeps no record of wrong. it is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance. 


The tougher question is #3. Where do I stumble when it comes to loving? Oh, boy. I'm not always very patient or kind but where I really fall down is in demanding my own way. If there is one area that my husband and I clash in, repeatedly, it's the age old struggle for control. I see this play out EVERY SINGLE TIME we step into ministry together. We both have creative ideas and we both tend to be a bit sensitive about them. I agree with and I want my husband to fully own his role as identified in scripture, as spiritual head of the household. 

In theory. 


Reality is another story. Shoot. Who am I kidding? I want CONTROL!! I could blame this desire on the fact that in my former life, when I was being held captive by  married to the other guy, I had no control over anything in my life at all. And that would be fair, right? But if love keeps no record of wrong and I want to love like Christ loves, then I can't use this as an excuse. No in all honesty, my stubborn streak dates all the way back to childhood. (I can hear my sister giving a hearty "Amen" on that one!!)  And it is an area I struggle with not just in my marriage. 


It's all about Surrender, really. Have I fully surrendered EVERY area of my life to the One who gave me life? We don't like to talk about surrender anymore than we like the other S word, submission, but that's what it comes down to. Am I living in submission to God's Word and will for my life? 


Time and time again when I take a spiritual inventory, this is the one that jumps out and bites me. I'm still holding on tightly to my own stubborn will, my own way of doing things. 


They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So the last question in today's challenge freaks me out a little bit. I know what the steps are I need to take toward change. Give it to God. Surrender. Fully. Completely.  


oh. 


God, are you tired of hearing me pray this prayer? Help me. Change me. I mean it this time. Here, here are all the pieces....    no really, that's all of them.    What?    Hiding one? I don't know what you're talking about Lord. I gave them all to you....   oh. that one. Um... well it's just such a little piece really. You're sure you want that one?     But, but, what if I like, need it for something?        I don't know, like the next time I feel scared, or threatened. Like someone's gonna try and take something away from me.      You'll take care of it?    Oh. OK. Um, but could I help you carry it? We can keep it right here, in my pocket, it will be yours honest, but I could carry it for you and ...    Oh, Lord, I don't like that look on your face. I don't like making you look so sad. OK, it's yours. Here. 100%. I mean it this time. Help me. Change me. 


And so it goes.