On Handling Disappointments

The big word is always TRUST. 

We all know one of life's Big Questions is "where is God when bad things happen", or some variation of that. One of the things that has been pressing close to my heart this past week is from Romans 8.

Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (Romans 8. 35 NLT)

What I hear in this passage is that regardless of my circumstances, I am still God's beloved child (I John 3.2) and I will never be snatched out of His hand. (John 10.28) Unless I willingly choose to step out of His protection in pursuit of my own selfish pleasures of this world, unless I am turning my back on God's will for my life, I am and will be, forever firmly planted in His care. 

It's been difficult to understand this long stretch of financial challenges Bruce and I have been traveling. If Life is a Road then there have been times when it feels like ours looks like this:

The hills and the valleys both bring challenges, the hairpin curves feel threatening, fog and rain make it difficult to navigate. There's been flat tires, engine failures and empty gas tanks. We've had to get out and push the car up the hill some days. (I'm speaking metaphorically, you understand) And it's been difficult to comprehend because it's not like we drive a clunker. In other words.... we are persistent in trying to follow what we believe is God's will. 

What it comes down to in this life is this: Trust. It's so crucial isn't it? I have to trust other people in order to build real relationships with them. I have to trust that things we set out to do will yield positive results. And I have to trust that God's Word is true. Trusting that God has the best plan for my life. Trusting that whatever life brings, nothing can snatch me out of His hand.

This week we got the news about the job Bruce applied for. The answer was a disappointing no. I thought I would be crushed by this, based on how badly I was rooting for it. The funny thing is, I did feel sad and disappointed and yet ...not without hope. While my first thought was "noooooooo!!!", my second thought was "God has something else in mind." 

There have been times I have wondered if we were somehow being punished for something we did--which I could accept being in dire straights if we were operating under illegal or immoral principles. I'd get it if we were lazy people who didn't want to work. But the God I know doesn't operate that way for people who follow Him. I don't follow the 'name it and claim it' theology but I do believe God wants to bless us. I am learning however that sometimes His blessings come in very different packages. 

I have to trust that what we are living is all part of God's plan for our lives. That even when I can't see what the purpose of the moment is, there is a higher purpose. Whether it is to teach us or someone else a lesson, to develop something in our character that still needs refining, or to build up something in us that no one can tear down, I need to trust God.

I must choose to trust God. Because any other option will break me. 

  

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8. 38-39 NLT)

Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This

Yesterday I felt great! I felt light and flexible, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound! I walked 4 miles at an average of 14 minutes per mile. The sun was shining and I was able to spend most of the day under those beautiful sunny skies.

sunny skies at the bay. 

Today I feel not so great. I feel heavy and tight, barely able to put one foot in front of the other. My joints feel like they've been filled with quick setting cement.  I forced myself out the door and pushed myself to do a 2 mile walk which took almost 45 minutes to do. The sky is overcast and rain is in the forecast. I have a feeling I might spend some of this day under the covers.

some days feel black and white.

But, despite all of that. I still got out there and walked. I don't care how long it took or how slow I walked or how short a distance I covered today. It doesn't even matter that yesterday I did great. What matters is I am moving. I will not let my fickle disease control me.

some days it's a struggle to stand upright. 

I can blame it on the weather or link it to something I ate the day before that caused inflammation to occur, but some times there just is no rhyme or reason to a Fibro-Flair Up. All I can do is hang in there because it always passes. I have my little tricks for recovery and I also know when to just ride it out . In the midst of the pain and lethargy I know I can go to God for comfort.

We are pressed on every side by troubles but we are not crushed and broken. We are perplexed but we don't give up and quit. We are hunted down but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going. Through suffering, these bodies of ours constantly share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies. 2 Corinthians 4: 8-10

Some days it's the fibromyalgia, some days it's the depression. And some times it's just life. "In this world we will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world!" Said Jesus.

That's my life line.

consider the (daisies) of the field, they neither toil not spin...

Ready, Set.... GO!

Tomorrow is the Big Day! 

The Run for the Honeywagon.

 Bucket List Day. 

Team Burke. 

The LoveBurkes do the honeywagon. 

A 4 mile walk. 

We've got this. 

No problemo! 

Piece of Cake.

And speaking of cake, I just might have some to celebrate after we finish. 

(gluten free of course) 

 Took an obligatory 2 mile around the high school track this morning, just because. I debated on making this a rest day but the muscles really needed to be stretched. And it was such a glorious, beautiful, sunny morning. The birds were trilling, the parking lot was busy with cars; high school kids showing up for some event, cars whizzing by on the highway, and the wind rustling my hair and nipping my ears. 

2 miles around the track, with a chocolate protein smoothie to finish it off!

I woke up with a sense that 

today was a day I really needed to remember all I am thankful for. 

To not let any waves of overwhelmedness, depression, anxiety or worry, get me down. 

As I gazed out my living room window, sipping my morning cuppa, and watching the sky change colors with the breaking of sun through clouds, I just stopped.

THANK YOU.  

Thank you God for your mercies, new every morning. 

Thank you God for your loving kindness. 

Thank you for loving me. 

Thank you for providing for me. 

Thank you for never giving up, even when I feel like doing so. 

Thank you for your strength that carries me when I am weak. 

Thank you for making me weak, so I will learn to depend and  lean on you. 

Thank you for building my faith muscle. 

Thank you for the little pill I take each day

 that helps keep me balanced and sane.  

some days this IS how it feels!!

I do try every day,

 to remember to be thankful for the things one would think we wouldn't be thankful for.

 Like depression. Who would be thankful for that?

 Or financial worries and woes. Who wishes for that in their life? 

For body aches and limitations. Why? 

But we are told repeatedly in scripture to give thanks. 

To praise him.

  Give Thanks in ALL THINGS, for this is the Will of God. 1 Thessalonians 5.18 (emphasis mine) 

some days are just FULL of hurdles!!

Really God? Give thanks for circumstances that aren't pleasant? 

Give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Ephesians 5.20

Give thanks for feeling weak and needy? 

My grace is sufficient for you; My power works best in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12.9 

what a wonderful way to look at it.

Yes. Some days its harder than others for me to remember to be thankful. 

To give thanks.

 And it is on those days that I need it the most.   

Yes, even more than coffee.

even more than coffee, I need to give thanks.

Tomorrow I will bust a move along with my sweetie, knocking out those 4 miles like it's nothing.

 And along the way, I will continue to be giving thanks. 

Good Morning World

I was pretty much toast when I went to bed last night. A day with my mom usually will do that. (OK-- the glass of wine helped too)

Hubby 'let me' sleep in this morning as he was meeting the guys for breakfast. It's a rare treat to sleep in on a weekday. It was a little after 8 before I tumbled out of bed and down the stairs. Oh, wait, I did NOT tumble down the stairs. No, no-- that would not have been safe! But with my little black shadow following at my heels, it's a wonder I didn't tumble. Toddy likes to be close by, if he thinks it means I will refill his bowl. ;)

So, as I sit here, sipping more coffee and listening to the sounds of the world outside my door (excavators on the road, as new cable is being buried on our street) (school children yelling across the campus) (logging trucks barreling down the highway) (state highway patrol car; siren's blaring-- probably chasing the logging truck) Despite the various aches and pains of  my body waking up, I am feeling grateful for another new day.

When Bruce and I first started keeping steady company, I was impressed with a phrase I heard in his prayers on more than one occasion:  "Thank you Lord for the promise of this new day." It was a simple, yet heart felt utterance that conveyed much.

A thank you to the Creator for all that we have.

The Promise of this new day.

Thinking about that, it always makes me smile....
 ...and remember the verse: the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His tender mercies are new every day. Great is His faithfulness.  (Lamentations 3:22-24)

I know this is what keeps me going each day. Even when my body protests about getting up and putting one foot in front of the other. Even though coffee is what I jokingly say 'saves my life every day'. Even though the love of my husband -- and yes, my cat-- make me feel treasured and needed (or kneaded, in Toddy's case)  it really boils down to this: Faith in the One True God. The God who sustains me and gives me life.

This morning our friend Michael's obituary appeared. I read it and wept  even as I rejoiced over a life well lived. (you can read it here-- and even though you may not know this man, this is one amazingly beautiful obit and worth the time to read) I suppose losing this dear man has me in a most reflective mood this week but I think the wrap up on posting my novel on This Robyn's Nest and reliving some of those moments from my past has me reflective too. Spending time with my mother, knowing she won't always be with us, that's pause for reflection as well. And certainly standing on the brink of a new career, at the tender age of 50something, makes me think.

I think about my son and my daughter and the miles that separate us. I think about the many many ways I wish I could do motherhood over -- and better-- but I can't. I can only go forward and keep striving to make what I have with each of them into something we can each treasure.


Thank you Lord for the promise of THIS new day.

the word

today's scripture reading has me in 1 Thessalonian 2. The last phrase of verse 13 caught me.  The full verse says:  Therefore, we never stop thanking God that when you received his message from us, you didn't think of our words as mere human ideas. You accepted what we said as the very word of God--which, of course, it is. And this word continues to work in you who believe.

I like meditating on this. It reminds me that no matter how much (or truth be told, how little) time I spend in God's Word, I take it with me when I close my Bible and get up to go about my day. Because I have the Spirit of the Living Christ, living in me, I have The Word. What a gift! What a promise!

Whatever we as believers embark on today, we can do it with confidence and assurance. Because even after we close our bibles and move on with all that we have planned for this day, we do it with the Living Word of God.

for the word of God is alive and active. Hebrews 4.12

YET

My heart is heavy today even as I release it all to my Heavenly Father. It is only natural that my emotions have their way, for it would be unnatural to breeze through this with out feeling some level of fear and despair.

It is no secret that for some time now, my husband and I have been teetering financially. Too many months with too little work has taken a toll on our lives in so many ways. We've barely kept our heads above water and have been blessed over and over again by Angels--  both in disguise and easily recognizable! Then, a new door opened for my husband and he was offered a full time job (which is fast approaching it's 90 day mark.) We celebrate each day thanking God for providing this avenue for him.

Still, months of unpaid bills do not immediately evaporate once a new job starts. We've been trying our best each month to play catch up and maintain. That has not been easy. We've had extra set backs, like unforeseen vehicle repairs and medical demands. Some months we have felt like we've taken on extra water as we paddle our little life boat over turbulent waters.

Yet God also saw fit to bless us, such as with the means to take this long awaited trip to visit our family. In less than 2 weeks I will be hugging my precious babies! On this dark day, that is a bright light to look forward to!

What is this darkness of which I speak? Well, try as we might, the one thing we have not been able to bring current during these long months, has been our mortgage. We've been in constant communication with the lenders and in this present economy the banks have been extremely patient with people in our situation. However, this week the hammer fell. We were told we had 72 hours to bring our loan to an acceptable amount. They would not accept less than. We'd been working hard to save up or sell things that would help accumulate the amount they were requiring but it was not enough.

(There is a part of me railing against that kind of logic. If it is hard enough for us to come up with a monthly payment, what makes them think we can come up with three? or six? And each month that they won't accept a partial, makes the next month that much bigger of an amount to come up with!!)

But I digress. The fact of the matter is that we are facing deep Doo-Doo. Today the bank will begin foreclosure proceedings against us.

whoooo. Deep breath.

Are we scared? discouraged? angry? depressed?  Oh my. All that and more.

YET. (this seems to be my theme word these days. it implies so much.... )

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust him!
How I've proved him o'er and o'er!
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust him more.

Yes, Jesus, an extra dose of grace is needed today, to trust You more.

For we know this is not the worst that can happen to us. We know there are countless others, believers who are praying for God's intervention in their lives over similar circumstances, who will still face dark reality.  It does not mean God doesn't love us. It does not mean God has failed us. It does not mean God is punishing us.

It means we live in a broken world and bad stuff happens. We are living in a war zone and these kinds of things are the casualties of these kinds of battles.

"In this world you will have trouble." Jesus said, "But take heart-- I have overcome the world!"

 From 2 Corinthians 12, one of my life verses....
But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."

and my #1 verse, Jeremiah 29.11.... 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

This morning as we sat at the breakfast table, fortifying ourselves with coffee and prayers, weeping some and laughing some, my husband and I clung to these promises and words of hope and encouragement. We will not be defined by this. We will not lose heart. God has a PLAN for us and while right now it does seem scary and it does hurt and if we lose our house, we will mourn, YET we will also cling to and live by the hope in Christ and that He does indeed have a wonderful plan for us. We can't see the other side of this storm but He does. 


I have heard people testify how life threatening illnesses have brought them closer to Christ and how they are thankful for the disease now because of what it brought them. I want to be able to look back on this moment and say that. God's ways are not our ways and I believe that He always, always has a better plan than we can ever imagine. 
I trust Him.


Oh for grace to trust Him more.

Of Rainbows and Promises

I attended a conference/retreat this past week that featured teaching on the work of the Holy Spirit, along with times for worship, prayer and fellowship. On the second day of the conference, during lunch break I wandered outside to enjoy the fresh air and  sunshine.....



I was laying on my back, nestled into the incline of the grassy knoll, feeling the warmth of the sun and the cool of the earth when I squinted my eyes against the hazy sky and saw it. A rainbow.
 
But not your average rainbow (and if you are like me, rainbows are NEVER average) This was unusual in that  1. it had not been raining, and 2. this rainbow did not arc from ground to sky to ground but rather was circling the sun!

of course I didn't have a camera on me to take a picture so had to rely on google images to find something that comes close to replicating what I saw.

 (I have since learned this is called a Halo-- or sundogs-- rather than a rainbow-- and they are created by reflections and/or refractions on hexagonal ice-crystals, instead of water drops.)

As I lay there marveling over what I was seeing and wondering if this was something that occurred often and I'd never noticed it before, or if this was a very rare appearance, the clouds which varied in light and dark shades, began to move in over the arc of colors.

I watched the speed at which the clouds were moving, as if they were devouring the sky in an angry feeding frenzy. How quickly the clouds changed shape! How quickly the rainbow disappeared under the haze of those cirrus clouds!

Yet as I continued to watch, I knew the rainbow colored arc was still there in the sky. It had not faded away anymore than the sun had quit shining. It was just temporarily hidden from view because of the other activities in the sky.

As I lay there marveling over this new-to-me phenomenon, I felt God draw near and whisper words of comfort and encouragement to me. He reminded me of the promise of the rainbow, that His word is full of promises and that He never breaks a promise. He reminded me that even when I can't see the fruition of things clearly, that His word is still true. The promise is still good. The rainbow is still in the sky, despite the cloud cover.

I was encouraged deeply by this experience but God wasn't done ministering to me. About an hour later I entered into a prayer session with 2 trusted prayer warriors. I had not shared anything about the rainbow experience and I came to them for prayer without any specific request or need in mind.

My two friends placed gentle hands on my shoulders and immediately I felt the Holy Spirits presence. What does that feel like? For me, it's a warm stirring within me, a tingling at times, and my senses are generally heightened in awareness of what a privileged it is to come to our God in prayer.

As my friends prayed, certain words were offered for my consideration. Words that they felt the Holy Spirit wanted me to hear. Words like 'journey' and 'promises made in the past that have yet to come to pass'. These things resonated DEEP with in me, especially in light of what had taken place under the sky just a short time before. There were several other things/words they shared that only made sense to me.  I was delighted and encouraged by the prayers. It was such a confirmation!!

I have had a long journey of wondering over things in my past, waiting for things to come to fruition, or wondering if things promised were false. Wondering if I had misunderstood or misheard or if I'd screwed things up by my own sinful actions. At one time I had been seen as an intercessory prayer warrior but of late my prayer life seems weak and ineffective. Doubt and Fear choke me when I try to intercede for others. It's been a frustrating and scary time for me.

At the end of the prayer time with my friends, I felt calm and excited at the same time. I think I floated out of the chapel and I felt both exuberant and peace-filled the rest of the day.

I had some other deeply moving experiences during the retreat that I'm still processing, treasuring, and resting in. I love how God works in our lives.

The promise is still good. The rainbow is still in the sky, despite the cloud cover.

A Promise of the Lord's Presence

This morning as my man was leaving the house he paused in the open door. "Have you read your bible yet this morning?"

Now, this was not a judgement call. Not a holding me accountable moment. Just a 'did you read it because i did and i want to weigh something i read' kind of moment. I invited him to share, meanwhile wishing he'd step back in the house as it's darn nippy out and I, wrapped in a towel fresh out of the shower, was on my way upstairs to get dressed. Did I say it was nippy out? Darn nippy. But I am really trying to practice patience with my man these days as he's struggling with plenty of disappointments, responsibilities and stress.

From Exodus 23: "See I am sending my angel before you to lead you safely to the land I have prepared for you." God was speaking to Moses but Bruce heard Him loud and clear this morning speaking to him. I love that Bruce was reading, that he heard God speaking to him and that he drew strength from it. I love knowing that as Bruce tromps all over Whatcom County today, with resumes and a list of places to go to, that this verse will reside in his heart and mind. That's the Living Breathing Word of God right there folks! 

It's speaking to me too. After I was dressed I sat down for my quiet time with the Lord and since both Bruce and I are following the same reading plan, this was what I read today too. it didn't jump out at me as it did for Bruce but the whole section from verses 20-33 was a fair warning and encouragement for me. 

We are both actively looking for work. For Bruce this is not a new thing by any means. Self employed in construction means always looking for the next job but for the 30 plus years he has been self employed he has needed to do very little searching as the leads have come to him through word of mouth, networking and God's provision. But now with so many people scratching and clawing for survival, and with God seemingly leading Bruce into something different than what he has been doing, looking for a job has taken on a new meaning. We are seriously considering closing down the business and letting all that is involved in that go, in trade for a regular 9-5, 40 hour work week and steady paycheck-- and, be still my heart --benefits.

And I am looking for something part time and putting my resume out there and filling out applications and checking out Craigslist and other classifieds every day. I found a job posting for a church as receptionist type position and I also applied for a receptionist type position in a secular setting. I applied at Curves in Bellingham which gave me a huge chuckle as I did so, thinking how fun it would be to do the part of the job I loved without having to carry the weight of ownership on my shoulders. more on that in a minute, I want to get back to how the scripture passage spoke to me.

It serves me more as a reminder/warning about maintaining my Christian values in the face of social pressure. I don't view myself as super susceptible to being drug down if I went to work in a secular place  but it was a timely reminder to not sacrifice what I hold near and dear in exchange for a few hours of work each week. In other words, I can trust God to supply my needs and not take any job offer that might mean I would have to give up things I am involved in, such as being a small group facilitator, or a table leader at Dream School. YAY!

So about Curves. Yup, I dropped off a resume on Monday and got a call from the owner on Wed. We had a good chat over the phone and it sounds very positive. I am going to go in on Monday to get a better feel for things. It's very part time and the hours would work fairly well for me plus I'd be able to work out-- something I have been missing terribly! I feel optimistic and enthusiastic about this opportunity.

Meanwhile, my man is checking out all kinds of opportunities. He applied online with Samaritan's Purse even though there were not any specific listings. They called the next day to ask him if he would be interested in a 90 day carpentry commitment!! it is a paying job but the catch is it's in Haiti. 

sigh. We feel pretty strongly that's just not the right place right now.

But again, we know the Lord is leading and He will lead us BOTH into the place He has prepared for us. He has promised us.

His Word--My Rock!

I know God always speaks through His Word but it's really amazing when you actually listen to what He says!!

I read this morning from the 1st and 2nd chapters of Exodus, where the new king of Egypt has no idea who Joseph was or the good he did for the people. The Israelites become slaves, the king orders all the baby boys to be killed and the mother of one little boy hides her baby in a reed basket in the Nile River. The beginning of the story of Moses.

What jumped out at me this morning was the comparison to my own life. How quickly I can forget all the good God has done for me.... from sending His Son to die for my sins, to the daily bread He provides, I tend to have a short memory when it comes to this. Why is that? (aside from age contributors I mean!) I have a tendency, like this King, to fear the future, forgetting all that has happened in the past to protect me. Thankfully, God is at work despite my short sightedness!

Just as God was putting a plan for redemption into place when He inspired this young mother to hide her baby in the river basket, so He is still governing the plans for my life. I must trust, I must remember, that God is orchestrating things even if I can't see them. All that we are going through right now may at times feel overwhelming and scary and seemingly without a bright future but the God who provided for us in the past is still at work and will provide for me today and tomorrow and the next day and the next and the next!

God never said it will be easy but He does promise Good!

My memory verse- which I quoted quite proudly this morning to Bruce with no cheating- anyone who listens to my teachings and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the flood waters rise, and the wind beats against the house, it will not collapse because it is built on bedrock! Matthew 7:24-25.

I'm standing on His Word because it is the Rock!

Man of Courage

We were supposed to leave a long, long time ago. But, well, it's been a week and a day of set backs and complications. Still, my man has kept his cool and if he can keep cool, so can I.

working in the shop

We were supposed to head to Oregon this (morning) (afternoon) (evening) .... ummm... we're still here. I'm at home, everything is packed, Bruce is at the shop and when I spoke to him a couple of hours ago, he was closing in on having everything loaded, secured and ready to roll. But there is no way we are driving to Oregon tonight, says the wife and I pray my husband will be cool about just heading out early tomorrow morning and that the customer will be even cooler about the need to adjust the schedule!!

I really just want to focus and celebrate the super celebration we attended last night! How many of you have seen the movie "Courageous"?

before the ceremony

For a few months now Bruce has been attending a weekly event for men called The Fire (men igniting men to love and lead like Jesus Christ) at our church. Over 200 men have been attending and last night, they held a commitment ceremony similar to the event featured in the movie, to take a stand and sign a document known as The Resolution.

It was AWESOME! We had a rocking worship time, then a rousing message from Sr. Pastor Kim, then the men all stood up and signed their Resolution.

We prayed over our men and then a party broke out! Yes, it was grand!

Hugging and Whooping, laughter and tears. I am SO PROUD of my husband. He tries every day to live out the call of Jesus in his life and taking the stand to sign this piece of paper only makes what I know in my heart to be true, that much more significant.

Lord, thank you for my godly husband.

thoughts for today

Romans 5 .3-5
We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.  And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. 


Sometimes God delivers us from the troubles, the pain and sorrow; sometimes he gives us something even better: Himself. 
In otherwords, when I am exhasuted I can ask God to give me renewed strength.... or.... I can ask him to just carry me.

the day before he leaves

what a beautiful Sunday morning! 

Worship! A powerful message! Love and support from family and friends! 

Bellingham Bay

Bellingham Bay, facing Fairhaven

what a beautiful Sunday afternoon!

Coffee date! A walk through golden trails leading to the water! quality conversation laced with kisses and promises. greasy yummy fast food for dinner and more kissing. ;)

a part of the Interurban Trail

at Fairhaven Marine Park

 what a beautiful Sunday evening!

Birthday celebration for mom with pumpkin pie and whipped cream, hugs and laughter. 

looking pretty snazzy for 83!

it was pretty close to being a perfect day! ah, heck it WAS (IS)  a perfect day!

love~love~love where we live!

I want to say THANK YOU again to each and everyone of you for all your love, your support, your prayers, your gifts, your words of encouragement and just for being in our lives! This trip to Japan is so much bigger than we would have ever dared to reach for but God is able to do so much more than we could ever dare to hope or dream. I know, I KNOW, that with God NOTHING is impossible!!

 

The Messy Room

We all have one. That room (or closet) in our home that we shove all the stuff we don't have time to deal with. Company is coming and we need to put the junk somewhere quick. Piles of junk we will save for a rainy day. Out of sight, out of mind. You know what I'm talking about right?

I have a spare room in my house. It's the guest room if we have company, it's the craft room when I feel creative and it has a desk for my computer. However the thing it is most used for is storage of "unsightly stuff" (otherwise known as cr@p)

 I know someone who has a room in their home that has had some water damage to the ceiling tiles and so the ceiling has fallen in a few places. The dog has a tendency to 'use' that room when for one reason or another he can't get outside and it has become the place to pile all the stuff that has no other place to go.... yah, definitely a cr@p room!   ;)

I was thinking about this as I cleaned up the spare room for company. (First I was thinking 'where am I going to put all this ?!?!' )  I was thinking.... That we all have a room in our heart/ life that we pile all the cr@p we don't have time or energy to deal with. We ignore it as long as possible. We keep adding stuff to it. Eventually the pile is so high that it's dangerous. Eventually it's gonna topple. We can't close the door on it anymore because it's spilling out over the threshold.We now HAVE TO deal with it. Does anyone have a giant pooper scooper??

when I was scouting for images to add to this 'serious' post, I found this; the ultimate Barbie, yes she is called "Pooper Scooper Barbie"

It is interesting to note that when we turn to God for help He does not wave his magic eraser over our mess and make it all go away. Is. 43 reminds me of this when I read: when you go through deep waters and great trouble I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up, the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One...

I am not promised that I will be spared from the fire or the raging rivers. But I am promised that when I call on His name, His Great Name, He will help me.

Thank God for HIS giant pooper-scooper.  I still have to clean up the mess but He gives me the power shovel to do so. I still have to face and deal with the consequences (stinky messy consequences) but I'm not scooping it by myself.

Letter to Someone I Love....

Dear....

I was giving a lot of thought and prayer to all you are going through right now. It seems overwhelming and the frustration and fear will wear you down. For some reason the story of Shadrach Meshack and Abednego came to mind. You remember them, right, from the book of Daniel? They refused to bow down to the king, because they would only give that kind of worship to their God. And because of this the king ordered them thrown into the fiery furnace. But what happened next? A figure was seen in the flames with them. The figure was that of an angel, or in some translations, it was the Lord walking in the fire with them. And they were brought back out of the fire with out a hair on their heads harmed. They didn't even smell like smoke!

Now while it is a story of amazing promise and hope, I find it really interesting that God protected them IN the fire. He didn't prevent the action of being thrown into the fire -- but rather He allowed it. And then he stood in the fire with them and protected them. And it made me think of you. Right now you are in a fiery trial period of your life. You may be wishing that God would have spared you from being thrown into the fire. But for His perfect reasons, He is allowing this to happen. But the same God who walked in the fiery furnace with Shadrack, Meshack and Abednego, is walking with you.  So hold on tight to that image. In Isaiah 43. 2 God says: When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulties, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up, the flames will not consume you, for I AM THE LORD YOUR GOD.

I also see a parallel to the fact that the 3 men refused to bow to the king. You have just made a commitment to another and to God to live in accordance to His will and His Will alone. This is a guarantee that the enemy will attack you. He will throw all sorts of fiery darts your way-- and God for reasons we may never understand, will allow this to happen. But HE will never allow harm to come to you. We are children of God and the evil one can not touch us!! Even in the face of the worse case scenario, God is GOOD and He is Sovereign. Rest in Him. Hope in Him. Wait on Him.

 I hope this gives you a measure of comfort and encouragement today. And tomorrow.... I know that verse from Isaiah was like a life line for me during some of the darkest moments of my life. I pray it will be the same for you.


Love,
Robyn

We're Not Going

After weeks of deliberations, after I finally decided that I was staying home, after more long discussions, after agonizing over his choices, finally, we have made the firm decision that we are not going on the mission trip to Honduras this year.

It was one of the more tougher things we have ever negotiated through as a couple.

Several years ago Bruce went to Costa Rica on a mission trip and I stayed behind. I didn't feel compelled to go but oh, the awfulness of that moment when we had to say goodbye! I watched Bruce get on the airport shuttle bus and my heart felt like it was breaking in two. He looked positively ill as he boarded the bus and all we could do was smile bravely and figure out a way to get through the next 2 weeks apart.

And God was faithful. It was lonely here at home but I was working and keeping busy. When I wasn't at work, I soaked up sunshine and read a lot of books and took long walks by the river.  And Bruce was able to email me a few times and I could tell from his letters that he was truly having the time of his life, despite me not being there.

Upon his return though, our reunion sweet and glorious, we looked at each other and said 'never again!' We were firm; we would either go together or not go.

And so last year we went to Macedonia together and it was a special time for each of us, separately and as a couple. When the opportunity for the trip to Honduras came about this year we started out thinking this was for us. As the days went by, however, I was feeling less and less positive about being called at this particular moment in time. We know Chad and Trina and are excited about the work they are doing in their ministry in Tegucigalpa. And the trip was being led by our dear friends Terry and Alexandra. So the tug to go was strong... and yet... the sense I kept getting was 'not now'.

Unfortunately, my dear husband was not getting this message at all.  Now, here's the thing. Bruce is ready to go, anywhere, anytime. He loves-- thrives --in these kinds of environments. Me... not so much. And so, even though we had made a promise to stay together, I finally had to say "I can't".  I went on to even say I released him from the promise because I did not want to have him resent me at some point for holding him back.  Soon after this however, I began sensing that he needed to really 'hear my heart' and know all the thoughts and feelings I was struggling with.

I started by outlining all my concerns, the practical reasons for not going, the limitations I felt about this mission trip at this point in time. I realized that if I decided to go now it would only be because I did not want to be left behind and that to me just did not seem like the right reason to go. We are talking a good chunk of change that others would be giving in sacrificial ways to enable us to go. I knew I would not feel good about using those funds unless my reason for going was pure and selfless.

So now Bruce was struggling. He wanted to keep the promise we had made but he didn't want to let the other guys from the mission team down. He was certainly conflicted and torn over this and it was for about 2 weeks from when I made my decision that he struggled. My poor sweet husband. He is a people pleaser and he knew whatever he decided it was going to affect somebody in a not so positive way.

We talked endlessly. We looked at it from every angle. We listed pro's and con's. Finally I said "You know how I feel about this. My decision has been made and I have released you from the promise. You are the head of this household and our spiritual leader. I submit to whatever choice you make and will honor your decision whatever it may be."

(I want you to know it was a lot harder to say that then it was to write it!! Being completely honest here!!! submission is not my strong suit, lol!!)

Bruce for his part told me how much he respects and appreciates, values and trusts my intuition on things. He gets going gung-ho on things and can sometimes miss the clues along the way that offer caution. So he was taking seriously my strong sense that this just was not the right time. (Despite his nature in thinking that anytime is the right time)

So, yesterday morning, 2 days after deadline, he made his decision. He is staying home. 

We think there is a lesson to be learned in all of this. We don't understand it all right now but part of it is this: Bruce feels called and compelled to be involved with mission and ministry. My calling is less passionate and my comfort level dictates to certain things. We realize we either need to be praying for Bruce to be more flexible about where 'we' go and what 'we' do, if it is going to include both of us, or we should be praying that God will do a work in me that changes me into someone more flexible for challenging situations. Or, that God gives each of us the courage and grace to face some of these things separately.

All worthy prayers.

Promises

I was reading from Romans 4 this morning and the verse about the promises God made to Abraham got me thinking... what are the promises God has made to me?

My bible, the New Living Translation, has this neat feature that posts verses that contain a promise from God at the top of the page. In the back of my bible is a list of all those promises so you can look up a subject and fine the correlating verse. As I glanced over the list, these are just a FEW of the promises from our Gracious God.

• Freedom
• Love
• Joy
• Protection
• Hope
• Healing
• Forgiveness
• The Holy Spirit
• Comfort
• Courage
• Friendship
• Direction
• Adoption
• Eternal Life

What an amazing list -- and there are so many more. Wow. If I made a list like that about my husband I would be falling in love with him all over again and again and again. And while my sweet hubby does do a pretty amazing job of making and keeping promises, some of the things on this list are not possible for him to do at all. But, God can. And it makes me fall in love with Him all over again!
 

One of God's Visible Promises, taken at Tall Timber Ranch