Wednesday, May 23, 2012


My heart is heavy today even as I release it all to my Heavenly Father. It is only natural that my emotions have their way, for it would be unnatural to breeze through this with out feeling some level of fear and despair.

It is no secret that for some time now, my husband and I have been teetering financially. Too many months with too little work has taken a toll on our lives in so many ways. We've barely kept our heads above water and have been blessed over and over again by Angels--  both in disguise and easily recognizable! Then, a new door opened for my husband and he was offered a full time job (which is fast approaching it's 90 day mark.) We celebrate each day thanking God for providing this avenue for him.

Still, months of unpaid bills do not immediately evaporate once a new job starts. We've been trying our best each month to play catch up and maintain. That has not been easy. We've had extra set backs, like unforeseen vehicle repairs and medical demands. Some months we have felt like we've taken on extra water as we paddle our little life boat over turbulent waters.

Yet God also saw fit to bless us, such as with the means to take this long awaited trip to visit our family. In less than 2 weeks I will be hugging my precious babies! On this dark day, that is a bright light to look forward to!

What is this darkness of which I speak? Well, try as we might, the one thing we have not been able to bring current during these long months, has been our mortgage. We've been in constant communication with the lenders and in this present economy the banks have been extremely patient with people in our situation. However, this week the hammer fell. We were told we had 72 hours to bring our loan to an acceptable amount. They would not accept less than. We'd been working hard to save up or sell things that would help accumulate the amount they were requiring but it was not enough.

(There is a part of me railing against that kind of logic. If it is hard enough for us to come up with a monthly payment, what makes them think we can come up with three? or six? And each month that they won't accept a partial, makes the next month that much bigger of an amount to come up with!!)

But I digress. The fact of the matter is that we are facing deep Doo-Doo. Today the bank will begin foreclosure proceedings against us.

whoooo. Deep breath.

Are we scared? discouraged? angry? depressed?  Oh my. All that and more.

YET. (this seems to be my theme word these days. it implies so much.... )

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust him!
How I've proved him o'er and o'er!
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust him more.

Yes, Jesus, an extra dose of grace is needed today, to trust You more.

For we know this is not the worst that can happen to us. We know there are countless others, believers who are praying for God's intervention in their lives over similar circumstances, who will still face dark reality.  It does not mean God doesn't love us. It does not mean God has failed us. It does not mean God is punishing us.

It means we live in a broken world and bad stuff happens. We are living in a war zone and these kinds of things are the casualties of these kinds of battles.

"In this world you will have trouble." Jesus said, "But take heart-- I have overcome the world!"

 From 2 Corinthians 12, one of my life verses....
But He said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."

and my #1 verse, Jeremiah 29.11.... 
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

This morning as we sat at the breakfast table, fortifying ourselves with coffee and prayers, weeping some and laughing some, my husband and I clung to these promises and words of hope and encouragement. We will not be defined by this. We will not lose heart. God has a PLAN for us and while right now it does seem scary and it does hurt and if we lose our house, we will mourn, YET we will also cling to and live by the hope in Christ and that He does indeed have a wonderful plan for us. We can't see the other side of this storm but He does. 

I have heard people testify how life threatening illnesses have brought them closer to Christ and how they are thankful for the disease now because of what it brought them. I want to be able to look back on this moment and say that. God's ways are not our ways and I believe that He always, always has a better plan than we can ever imagine. 
I trust Him.

Oh for grace to trust Him more.

1 comment:

  1. Sweetie,
    I am so sorry you and Bruce are going through this and am praying as I type! God's mercies and blessings on you!!!!

    Oh, and btw I AM one of those of whom you speak...having a life threatening illness twice and drawing closer and closer not only to my family but, to my ever wonderful and faithful Lord.



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