it comes in whispers, it comes in shouts

We all have one.
The voice inside our head that tells us things.
You know the one...

you look fat...
he doesn't really love you....
they think you are weird.....
you aren't welcome here...

Sometimes its a subtle little whisper. 
Sometimes it's loud, drowning out the voice of reason.
Sometimes it's an annoying echo in your head, or worse, a damaging dose of poison in your soul.

It sneaks up on you, when you are alone in your room, in front of the mirror. Those pants that looked so good on, in the dressing room mirror don't look as great in the privacy of your own room, where doubts live.

It attacks you in the middle of a party when you see your life partner engaged in conversation with the vivacious hostess.

Insecurities rise up  when you begin to engage in a discussion on biblical truths, insecurities that remind you of your lack of training, your lack of experience and your ridiculous ideas.

Regardless of how much weight you have lost, how many times he has said he adores you, and how hard you studied to prepare, regardless of how many times you have faced this battle and felt victorious, the voice in your head won't stay silent.

The thing we have to understand is that the voice in your head is lying. 

The truth is, the voice in your head isn't your voice--- it's the enemy's and we can choose not to listen.
The truth is, we live in a world fraught with evil. But Jesus has overcome the world.
The truth is our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against the powers of the dark world, and against spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
And because of Christ, we fight, not for victory but from victory.

A couple of days ago, in my ladies bible study, we began to share some of the lies that prey on us. Those accusations that come from some deep seated insecurity... you are such a bother, you talk too much, you are stupid, you have nothing of value to contribute. 

Even as we shared and joked about these statements that we knew deep down are LIES, it was amazing to realize how much power they often have over us.

All of us gals are at an age where we've become pretty comfortable in our own skin. We've made peace with our shapes and our looks and if the mirror doesn't exactly give off a glowing review of how we look today, we shrug and say "Oh well!" and we go out anyway.

But the lies that attack us in our core, the ones that try to shake our confidence that we have anything of value to offer to the world? Those seem to be harder to shake off.

In this Captivating book study, we've looked at the wounds that have broken our hearts and at the ways in which our Heavenly Father wishes to heal those hurts. We've worked on letting Him have access to the broken places so that healing can take place and we are all making positive steps towards deeper healing. Still, the attacks continue and it is why we are commanded in scripture to Stand Firm and keep on standing firm. Don't back off, don't let down your guard.

It's an process. An ongoing one.

But....
For every whispered lie, Jesus whispers, "You are mine. I love you."
For every loud accusation, Jesus reminds me, "I am with you. You are precious to me."
For every damaging echo in  my soul, He counters it with, " Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name, you are mine."

These reminders, these assurances come in a myriad of ways.... through scripture,books, music, through His creation, and quite possibly through a trusted friend.

Sometimes it come in whispers. Sometimes it come in shouts.

But always, if we will look for it and then listen, the truth comes.

Facing Your Fears

Last night was Date Night for my sweetie and me. Because the key word in date night is frugal, we were thrilled to find a FREE activity happening at our local library.  A young woman from the Bellingham area was sharing through words and slides, her record breaking experience of hiking the entire Pacific Crest Trail last summer. She set a new record for how quickly this hike has ever been done but that wasn't the reason hearing her talk piqued our interest. I had recently completed the true-life story "Wild" by Cheryl Strayed, another epic adventure of a hiker on the PCT and as I have stated in previous posts, hiking the PCT isn't on my bucket list, but there is a fascination for me with hearing about others who have accomplished this daunting and thrilling task. So going to hear Heather Anderson share about her experience was something both Bruce and I were instantly drawn to.

Heather said one of the goals of her trek over this hike was to face down two fears. Because she was going for a record breaking time she knew she'd have to hike into the dark hours each day and so that was fear #1, hiking at night, and fear # 2; mountain lions/cougars. She encountered not just one, not just two, but SEVERAL mountain lions during her two month hike and she did cover a lot of ground after the sun went down. She conquered both of her fears. She said the night hiking has a beauty all of it's own and as for the lions, she barked and yelled and acted bigger than them and it worked. I can only imagine how accomplished she feels. I know the measure of joy I feel when I face down a challenge and rise above it.

The PCT, if you are not familiar, is the famous trail that stretches from the Mexican border to the Canadian border. Over 2600 miles that forges over mountain ranges, sloughs through dessert, and thrills all the senses as it does so. At least, that's what I gather from reading others accounts. I wouldn't know personally; I've never hiked any of the PCT although my husband has done a couple of short sections in Washington State. As I said, I have no burning desire to hike the PCT, at least not the whole thing! I have no burning desire to even do an overnight hike, preferring my treks into the wilderness to be contained to at the most an all day adventure, free from bugs and extreme temperatures. But I am interested in facing my fears.

It's interesting to note that my ladies small group recently started the book "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldridge and some topic of discussion has been about fear. Not so much about fears such as being afraid of the dark, or fear of spiders, etc, but more along the lines of. what is that deeply rooted fear that drives me in my sin patterns.

Yes. Sounds like a lot of fun to go digging after doesn't it?

Probably a fear most women have in common is that of not being loved. Accepted.  Not feeling wanted or needed. Of not being found with beauty. The question/comment in the study guide that made me the most uncomfortable this week was: Underneath our sin is a deep fear. What are you most afraid of? 

As I mulled this over all week I finally came up with this realization; I  fear not being accepted. I find that when I am treated with an air of dismissal, when someone doesn't  fully acknowledge me, or my offering is treated with disrespect, I shut down. My wall of defense goes up, I retreat and I withhold myself. It's out of protection to be sure; my battered heart will only take so much. But I realize that in that pattern of protection lies the fear of "this might happen. this is going to happen."  and it sets me up to raise the wall of defense before it is ever needed. As a result, I withhold some of myself before it's ever proven that there is a need. I short change others in our exchanges because I don't trust. I wont risk.

To be sure, these modes of protection can be a good thing. A necessary thing. But it's also very tiring. And what about when the people I don't trust or the situations that I don't want to risk, are the very people and things that God has brought my way for the very purpose of facing those fears and being set free?

Hmm. Food for thought. Something that I am pretty sure will be delved into in depth over the course of the next several weeks. Stay tuned....

With Pen (or Laptop) in Hand

I've joined a writers group! Our first meeting is tomorrow and while I don't know much about how this will lay out, I do know this: I've been WAITING for forever to find the right group to belong to! There are several writers groups out there, but either the timing was wrong, the location a logistical nightmare or the genre of the group a little off putting. A friend of mine from church took the bull by the horns after a conversation with my sister and me about whether or not we'd enjoy being in a group for (Christian)  (women) writers. We both jumped at the idea. The gathering together once a month with other like minded women, for sharing, encouraging, critiquing, can really serve as a catalyst for some growth in the area of written word. I am stinkin' excited for tomorrow to arrive!!

Whose That Tapping On My Shoulder?

I'm not really sure where to begin, but God's been working in my life and there's a lot of cool stuff going on.

I can't even remember if I blogged about this but I recently took on a role in my church of small group coordinator for our campus. (We are a church with different locations and our "mother" church is large but it's little offspring is flourishing!) My role has ramped up in the last few weeks as school started and a flurry of activities related to Fall and a new school year began.  I have stood up in front of my church for several Sundays in a row and joked, cajoled, sung and even danced, as I talked about the benefits of belonging to a Life (or small ) group. We are launching several awesome studies this month... a class on Boundaries (Townsend  Cloud-- how to set boundaries in your relationships and still be loving) Freedom in Christ (Neil Anderson- being set free from addictions and past baggage) and Building Strong Marriages (Family Life Marriage Builders). It's been exciting and SO rewarding to see some of my favorite people step up into leadership roles and act as facilitators for these classes.

Bruce and I are also getting a new LIFE group rolling this month. We will meet in our home over the next 8 weeks using a curriculum that will mesh well with our new sermon series that kicks off this weekend. We will be taking a closer, deeper look at that awesome passage from Ephesians 6 about putting on the WHOLE ARMOUR OF GOD. I find it really interesting that this is the focus over the next several weeks for a couple of reasons. 1. This is one of my most favorite books in the New Testament and chapter 6 is powerful!! 2. I just this month joined a women's bible study that is, guess what? On the book of Ephesians.

I have to say something about this women's bible study. I have not ever been a very serious student. In school I flew by the seat of my pants and got average grades. Even as an adult doing some post high school classes, I didn't take it super seriously. I was just, so whatever about it. When it came to women's bible studies I was pretty much ho-hum about the whole deal. Did a few and (yawn) they were OK but nothing that ever melted my butter.

I love the small group setting so much more but even in those gathering times, I can't say I ever got all up and at 'em about what we were studying. So it makes it all the more curious that not only did I sign up for a bible study but I chose a inductive study-- one of those dissect each verse and study the who, what, when, where and why out of it. It's a Kay Arthur Precept study which I am quickly learning is like THE BOSS of bible studies. Perhaps the idea of going shopping for colored pencils and cool notebooks and dividers got me pumped, (because I dearly love to LOOK organized) but more likely it was the tantalizing notion of doing this study with my sister. Oh, yes. this is something we have never done together before and it's very cool to be doing it!!

So, here I am all digging in to this new way of reading a bible verse and thinking I am in a good place. All the while in the back of my head is this little thought that has popped up from time to time to time, about me leading a women's bible study of my own AT SOME POINT IN TIME. I was asked to lead one a couple years ago and I gently but firmly declined. It just wasn't the right time for me. But the idea never departed and once in awhile I would think about what I might choose for a study topic. I flirted with the idea out loud a couple of times with some gals from church but that was as far as it went. Today, TODAY,  while having coffee with a new friend, I even dared to tell her that SOME DAY I might like to do a women's bible study. But, I hastened to add that I believed God would tell me when that right time was.

We continued this great conversation as we drank our coffee, touching on several things, all the while circling the theme of going deeper in our relationships with Jesus. I mentioned the Precepts bible study I was doing and the small group Bruce and I were starting and  the topic of that study and....that's when it happened. THE NUDGE. Actually, it was more than a nudge; it was a firm grip on my shoulders and it was as if Jesus was looking right into my eyes as He spoke firmly. "This is the time. You need to lead a daytime study for women using the same stuff you're gonna use for small group."

I think I broke off speaking for a moment and then, in a kind of laughing, shaking voice I told my friend what I thought I was being told. I watched her tear up as I shared and then I knew that was the confirmation I needed. This woman needed this study and I needed to lead it.

I contemplated it as we continued to talk and I said I was going to pray about it and talk it over with my husband but inside my heart was racing and my mind was already making a list and my fingers were dialing numbers to invite other women whom I knew wanted this as well. I knew this was the time and this study on Ephesians and spiritual warfare was the one to pursue. 

There you have it. I am starting this new group next week and God is being very gracious in letting me start small-- very small-- there will only be 3 women plus myself, meeting in my home to do the same study Bruce and I will be doing with our LIFE group. I am being obedient to the call of God.

It is interesting to note that though I take a certain amount of pride in being less than studious, that I like being thought of as a free spirit and even a bit of a rebel now and again, God seems to think this is a time for me to get disciplined and shine. Well, OK, then.

tune in next week when you hear Robyn say.... "WHOSE CRAZY IDEA WAS THIS ANYWAY???"

Remind me of the WHO, will you? ;)

The Dream Girls

You sit around a table together one a week for 8 plus months and something happens. For the whole school term of Dream Realization School, these ladies were my table mates but they quickly became so much more than that as we shared and bared our hearts and souls. We laughed together, we cried together, we shared, we cared, we prayed. What a gift!

Last night we had a reunion-- one month+ after graduation... we were missing a few ladies but wow, what a couple of hours we had! Rich in conversation, insights, encouragement and love.

Women need women. That heart connection that just doesn't happen with our spouse no matter how deep the love and how rich the understanding between us. Men love us but they don't always "get: us. And that's okay... because I have my gal-pals, my dream girls!

Each one of us unique and special. Each with our own baggage (accessorized, of course) and our own way of doing things.  Some of us as different as night and day, and ranging in age and experience. We all are in different stages of our lives.... retirement, motherhood, wedding preparations, careers, mid-life what next's (refuse to call it crisis) it's all wonderful.

Each one of these ladies makes me feel special to be called their friend. Who know when we first met that we'd go to this level of friendship, trust, transparency. Oh, yah, God did. And so he gifted us with each other.

Here's to the Dream Girls... may we have many more heart-to-hearts around the table.

What about the Church?

Tonight was Alpha. Have I mentioned how much I love this group of people who have been attending for the last several weeks? Next week will be our last Alpha and I was already feeling sad for it to end.

In my small group for Alpha, which is made up of ladies (the guys meet on the other side of the worship center) we have really shared and bonded over our time together. We have laughed and cried, complained and prayed. Encouraged and cheered and even, scolded (gently, lovingly) a couple of times.

As we shared tonight I remembered our first night of Alpha as we talked and how polite we were and cautious. Over the weeks we have been meeting, walls have come down as relationships have been built. Over the weeks, people's faith has grown as we have been stretched in different ways. For some it was the simple act of trusting enough to share from the heart, for others learning that praying out loud might seem scary but in reality it's just talking to someone who cares. It's been beautiful to watch.

It has really personified the fact that you can't be a Christian alone; we need community to keep us growing in Christ. We need family; the church is the family of God.

Fittingly, tonight's topic was about the Church and I love the 5 points that were made to answer the question "what is the church?"

Point 1: It's the People of God.
Point 2: it's the Family of God.
Point 3: It's the Body of Christ.
Point 4: It's a Holy Temple.
Point 5: It's the Bride of Christ.

Based on that, perhaps the question isn't What is the church after all but rather, WHO is the church! Perhaps the summary is the best of all: We don't GO to Church, We ARE the Church!

As I looked around the circle of ladies, who we are now calling sisters (even ya-ya's, lol) I thought excitedly, yah, this is the church. We aren't 'doing church' we are being the church!  And as the evening came to a close we talked about the fact that next week will be the last one... until someone said "Can't we keep meeting? And do something else, another study?"  It was eagerly embraced and the sadness I was feeling about Alpha ending faded because a prayer request of mine had just been answered. It's not the end. It's the beginning!

Being Thankful Day 11

Lovely things....

coffee with a dear friend

sharing secrets, advice and stories

NEVER admitting our weight but ALWAYS saying how great the other looks

encouraging, praying for one another, giggling, crying.

she totally gets me. 

it's a lovely thing.

yahoo date with my bestest sister

sharing pictures, secrets and hearts

she KNOWS what i am going to say BEFORE i even say it!

affirming each other, praying for one another, lol's and upside down smiley faces

she totally gets me

it's a lovely thing.

Heart to heart with Abba Father

sharing my heartaches and my joys

I can tell him ANYTHING and it will ALWAYS be safe.

He builds me up, listens to my prayers,  and gives me strength & grace to face the day

He loves me unconditionally,and TOTALLY gets me!

it's a lovely thing.

It's been another 'best day'

Yay for Shopping!


Only a woman can say that right? Well, at least in my household! Last week I did my shopping for the outfit to wear to the wedding.... And I did good, I think! Fall colors, an outdoor wedding, down on the farm.... yup, I think this will work well....

Today we did the shopping for the "Wedding Officiant" (he won't let me use the 'P' word). Found a classy, casual outfit for him that happens to match quite nicely with mine. (imagine that!)
I think we're gonna look pretty good.

Actually, I think my outfit has the hots for his...