I didn't plan to not blog for a week and a half. I sat down several times to start writing and after staring at the blank page for 30 seconds, I would close the page and limp away. Sometimes my writing muse does that. Goes on vacation and doesn't tell me. And honestly, don't we all ask these questions once in awhile: What new thing can I blog about? What words of inspiration, humor, wisdom or nonsense can I share with others today? And the answer I came up with was as blank as my blog post page.
I have been tired a lot. I mean, a lot tired and a lot of the time. I go to work each morning and stumble around and do my best and come home and sit. And sit. And sit some more. Part of this I blame on physical exhaustion as my job does demand a fair amount of physical responsibility. My brain can slide into neutral a lot of the time as I sort the mail and chat with a co-worker but my arms and hands, my legs, my feet, even my back, take a beating most days. Yet, I enjoy the job, the keeping busy, the people I work with, the pay check. I count myself blessed and lucky in this economy to have this job. But I often find myself asking, how long can I do this?
One of the physical tolls on my body has been pain in my feet, that awesome condition known as plantar fasciitis. But something else was going on and it was getting worse so I finally went to the doctor and it was decided I am probably dealing with a stress fracture in my left foot. The metatarsal to be exact. Top of the foot, the bridge part. I am now sporting a big thick black boot as my newest fashion accessory. I was also told that staying off my foot for the next 4 weeks was going to help it heal. I can't do that. I can't be gone from work for 4 weeks. And I can't do my job in a modified manner (as in sitting down-- it just won't work) I am taking this week off to try and stabilize things. Ice, ibuprofen, elevation, rest... repeat.... and we'll see how next week goes.
My emotional state has also been a little bit blank. I question of any of my tiredness is related to that depressive fog that has threatened me in the past from time to time. But this heart-fog feeling isn't like past times. So I examine a little more closely my spiritual state as that greatly impacts my heart. And I find that the spark I usually feel about Jesus and worship and spending time in the Word has gotten a little.... cold. I don't like that feeling.
I recently downloaded the YouVersion of the bible app on my phone and have been using that for my morning daily devotional time. I recently started a new reading plan called 'Falling in Love with Jesus Again and the scripture focus is Psalm 139. I am only on day 2. The prospect is to let Jesus reveal the parts of my life that need His touch. To invite Him to search me out and reveal what needs changing.
I sense this could be painful yet necessary. I want to get back on track. With my physical abilities, my emotional stabilities and my spiritual willingness. And, yes, back into writing. Inspiration, humor, wisdom, or nonsense. I'll take it.