GETTING BACK ON TRACK
So yesterday I said, my pencil needed sharpening. Time spent away from The Word and in touch with God will dull my pencil lead faster than anything. I resolved that the next day would be different.
This morning, my spirit was still resistant however. not only that, my spirit was critical... and grumpy... and irritated. So I do what I do best when I am in those sorts of moods. I took it out on the one person who seems able to love me despite my critical, grumpy, irritated, rebellious self. No, not the cat, though I wish that was true because the cat seems to revel in abuse. (JK)
No, I managed to open my mouth and say things.... that may have needed saying.... but could have been said differently... or timed better. Ugh. Now, for the rest of the day i live with that look on his face as he left the house. And he will have the picture of his shrewish wife in his mind all day as well. (when he comes home tonight and climbs on top of the roof, I will remember that verse in Proverbs about contentious wives and dwelling on the rooftop.... )
Thank God, literally, thank you Jesus, for your grace that extends and welcomes. Even as I 'stared' at your Word this morning, knowing I needed to dig in, but feeling so resistant, your Holy Spirit rose up off the page and calmed me. How is that possible? that just by picking up my bible and opening it, not even reading it yet, but just laying it open in my lap, has the power to woo me, that gravitational pull, that magnetic draw, reaches into my soul, stirring me, calming me, soothing me, speaking to me. I find the peace there and then i am able to take the next step, to let my eyes rest on a word, a sentence, a fragment of Holiness.... and from there be able to enter into conversation with you.... honest, brutally honest in my expression of how I feel and don't feel... what I am thinking and what struggles are taking place with in me. And I know, I feel it, that you are listening, without judgment, perhaps even a smile on your face as you listen to my rants.
Aah, you who designed me, understands me. I don't have to go very far to explain my self because you tell me that you totally get me. Whew, that's such a relief.
then, just as literally as a cloud that blocks the sun, moves over and the sunshine is free to shine, so my spirit shakes free of my contention and i am filled with joy. And I am back on track.
I still need to do something to fix the rift of this morning. Perhaps this sometimes contentious wife should have humble pie waiting... and ready to be served on the roof top.