Reflections

Meet Bossy, Hossy, Saucy and Flossy. Everyone knows Thumbkin.

Several years ago my sweet niece gifted me with these ADORABLE fun winter gloves. I just love them and must admit to seeing raised eyebrows when people see what my fingers are sporting! But hey, I love to play and I love to have fun--- and I don't mind a strange look or two!

I think that is truly something to celebrate... when we reach that time in our lives when we can laugh at ourselves. Not take ourselves too seriously. Being ME and being comfortable in that. That's a gift!

In high school I watched from the sidelines as the popular girls flirted with the jocks, never dreaming they might have had just as many insecurities as I did. They had the looks, the hair, the wardrobe and the personality. It seemed like they had it all. And what did I have? A flat chest, a sad wardrobe, acne, strict parents, bad hair days every day and no idea how to act if a popular boy was to ever give me the time of day!

mooooving and grooooving.  it was theme day at work...

I think going to my high school class reunion last year (35 years) really helped cement the fact that we are all just people trying to live our lives as best we can. We were all struggling in high school to figure out this thing called life and some of us seemed to have a better handle on it then others. Or maybe just faked it better.

I think the first time I looked in my mirror and liked who I saw was when  I was approaching my mid-30's. I saw a clear smooth complexion, curves in the right place, cute clothes to enhance the curves and a much more flattering hair style. I knew more about how to wear make up and not look made up. I was gaining confidence as woman and that went deeper than what I saw looking back from the mirror at me.

goofing off while on vacation

The first time I let my sweetie see me without make up, sporting a bed-head and desperate for coffee was a major step. But the first time I went on a church retreat and let the people in my small group see me sans make up, sporting a bed-head and desperate  for coffee was the moment I knew I had arrived.

what do you call a lack of coffee? Depresso....

I have trembled slightly when I have written the number "55"... it's kind of a big deal you know? BUT I remember feeling like I was OLD when I turned 25 and my first born started kindergarten and my sister remarked that I was a 1/4 of a century old. (thanks sis!) All the subsequent birthdays have rolled by with ease... at 40 years of age I was happily (re)married, working in a job I took great pride in, growing deeper in my relationship with Jesus and loving my life. I did not flinch over my age but happily agreed with the gal in the mirror that I looked as good as I felt. (lest you think I brag, let me assure you, I looked good BECAUSE I felt good and that inner glow makes all the difference)

well, hello there!

At 50, I took stock in my life, assessed the damage that fifty years of good (and bad) living had done and decided that perhaps the bloom on the rose was starting to -- uh--- droop just a tad. Gravity was having it's way, whether I owned a fitness center or not!! Hot flashes, love handles, and some unsightly gray (can't even call them silver-- they were definitely gray) hairs cropping up, were all just par for the course. Still, in spite of those things I realized there were much more important things to focus on; relationships being #1.

I think my relationship with God really moved into a much deeper priority by then and it saddens me to think that it took that many years to place Him that high up the ladder. Yes, I have been a believer since I was 9 years old but I didn't really think about how He might have plans for my life and I might want to consult Him on those plans from time to time. (I realize Moses was in his 80's before God brought him into the ultimate purpose his life was designed for but I think I caught on earlier than that!!)

A few years ago I asked God to help me see myself as He sees me and while I know I still have a ways to go in this, I realize now, I always will. But the confidence with which I pursue life these days comes not just from the life experiences I  survived, but from understanding and believing that I truly am a Child of God; redeemed, forgiven, washed clean, sanctified, set apart and chosen.

So, here comes 55 and I think I am ready. I recently lost 25 lbs and this is the least I have weighed in about 20 years. I am walking 3-4 miles almost every day and reaping the benefits of  good physical exercise. I got my hair cut and colored today and feel vibrant and sassy.

the price we pay for beauty...

On the outside, the bloom may be coming off the rose, but inside.... inside, I know my purpose in life --as a writer, as a woman, as a wife, and I love each and every aspect of those roles. God still has a plan for my life. And I am determined, by His Grace, to know it and live it.

for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for good and not for evil, plans to prosper you and give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29.11