jammie day

allergies +
fibromyalgia flare ups +
wee bit o' stress +
lack o' sleep (owing to the above) =
sick day.

some days though, we just need to take a jammie day and run with it. with the endless rain coming down, this seems like a good day to do that.

it's someones birthday

9 years ago today a little girl was born. I met her for the first, and since then, only time, when she was just 7 weeks old. I met her big sister then too, for the first time. I spent 5 precious days soaking up as much cuddles and kisses as I possibly could, not knowing when I might ever have the chance to do this again.
I have not seen these two little girls since and due to circumstances beyond my control, have no way to contact them. I am their grandma but they don't know me.

I don't write a lot, if ever, about the relationship -- or more accurately, the lack of one, that exists between me and my son. He will be 35 this year and it's been 3 years since we last spoke. He was just 13 when I packed up what was left of my spirit and escaped the nightmare that my first marriage has become. My daughter was 10 and she went with me but my son... my son refused. And I didn't push for it. I had no idea where I was going, how I was going to survive or  what the next moment held and I was too fragile to take care of myself, let alone my children. Thankfully good people came along side of me and gave me the strength and confidence I needed to make it through the painful process of establishing safe living arrangements. I counted myself lucky that I had escaped and I was grateful that my little girl was with me. I figured I would be able to bring my son to join us as soon as I was more settled and could convince him that he belonged with me. But he was never convinced. He bought into all his fathers lies and deception and the next several years were full of pain and separation. There were long periods of time-- months that became years, where I didn't know where he was living, what he was doing. I would hear fragments about his life via his sister or other family members... once in awhile our paths would actually cross... but the relationship was broken. Communication was basically nil. Too much time would pass between seeing each other and conversations were always surface based and fringed with animosity (him) and anxiety (me)

Mother's Day was for a very very long time, a great source of pain to me. It's gotten so much better in recent years as the relationship with my daughter has seen much healing and growth. There was even a period of time about 10 years ago when things seemed to be on the mend between my son and I. During that time of seeming stability was when I met my two little granddaughters for the first--- and only-- time. Just a few short years later the marriage between my son and his wife ended and not long after that my son broke off communication with me.... and it has been that way ever since. I learned later that my son lost his parental rights to the girls. Right now I do not know where my grandchildren live or how to contact them or their mother.

I entertain thoughts however, from hiring a detective to find them, and going to see them,  to opening my door some day to find these little blond haired beauties on my front porch saying "hello gramma" in a sweet southern drawl, "we've come to live with you." .... fantasies. little dreams..... sometimes they make me smile and give me hope. other times they just cause my heart to splinter a little bit more.

today is the youngest ones birthday. happy birthday Silver Noelle. This grandma loves you. May you be blessed.

from 2009, sisters Silver and Summer

Carrying On The Theme

This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it! 

Psalm 118.24

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again~ rejoice! 

Philippians 4.4

God has a way of speaking to us, even when we forget to listen. 

MOVING DAY. LOOKS LIKE WE GOT US A CONVOY.

Yesterday was Moving Day for Mom. I wrote before the move started about letting the day be a day for gladness, even though I knew the challenges that laid before us. I am so glad God planted that verse in my heart yesterday morning because before we'd even gotten the first piece of furniture out the door my mom was freaking out and causing all of us within earshot to cringe. I was about to lose it myself when I put my hands on her shoulders (instead of around her neck-- Just Kidding!!!) I put my hands on her shoulders and gently whispered "Mom, this is the day the Lord has made, let's rejoice and be glad in it." 

CHECKING THINGS OUT JUST BEFORE THE CHAOS BEGINS

There was a transitional moment as the words settled upon both of us and I knew we were going to be okay. I repeated the verse a couple of times during the day as the move progressed and tempers flared and frustration levels frazzled.... and each time it was the perfect mantra to bring the blood pressure down and keep us breathing smoothly. Thank you Jesus.

FERGIE CATCHING A RIDE 

MY LIL BROTHER BRIAN PUT IN A FULL DAY MAKING SURE MOM WOULD BE COMFORTABLE

DISCUSSING WHERE TO PUT THE NAIL TO HANG A PICTURE.

MOM'S SNAZZY NEW SHOWER CURTAIN. THE WORLD IS HER OYSTER. 

Mid afternoon my brother and I slipped out of the new apartment and went back to his place to get a few things. We were searching for a piece of furniture in his garage that might work for storage in her tight quarters. We spotted the forgotten microwave cart tucked in a corner and knew this was perfect for the spot we were thinking. We began emptying it and wiping off the dust. I pulled some junk from the bottom drawer and unearthed a small framed picture that when I turned over gave me a cry of delight. It was a sweet little farm scene with flowers and such with the bible verse from Psalms printed across the picture. Yes, This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.

"This is going with us and we are going to hang it on her wall where she can see it first thing every morning!" I  informed my brother. 

LOOKING LIKE HOME. 

The day was pretty successful if you take into account that we got it 99% done in one afternoon, no one was hurt and only a couple of small meltdowns happened. ( not naming any names) Mom had her first meal, supper, in the dining room and met a few of the residents. 

WHAT'S FOR SUPPER?

We left her shortly after supper, to settle in and adjust to her new surroundings. I know change is hard for all of us, more so the older we get and more set in our ways. I know the first few days will be interesting as she learns her way around the place, adjusts to going down to the dining room for her meals and finds all her things in new locations! But Moms are resilient if nothing else and I think she will do just fine. 

Oh, and the continuation of the theme? This morning my daily devotional reading began with this familiar verse from Philippians about always being full of joy-- I say it again.... REJOICE!!

This is the Day

that the Lord has made...
I will rejoice and be glad in it.

This is the day...
we move our mom to her apartment in the assisted living place....
we will rejoice and be glad in it.

this is the day of change...
big, small, difficult and pleasing, full of surprises....
we will rejoice and be glad in it.

this is the day of flexibility...
for the unwritten beatitude says blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape
but instead...
we will rejoice and be glad in it.

this is the day of patience...
and extra measures of grace, on all sides, of speaking softly, firmly, with love and respect...
we will rejoice and be glad in it.

this is the day of celebration...
for it is our Lord's command that we give thanks in ALL things
so let us be thankful... and rejoice... and be glad!



Happy Mother's Day to all the mama's out there... and grandma's, honorary moms, aunties, step-moms, foster moms and the dads who have to step into the mama's shoes....

Press On

Final Dispatch from Bruce

Note: Bruce is home safe and getting re acclimated as he processes his time in Honduras.This is his final post on his missionary adventure in Tegucigalpa.

 Our last evening in Tegucigalpa happened to be the first storm of the rainy season. “Storm” is actually a mild word compared to the incredible hour long lightning and thunder display followed by another hour of immense amounts of wind driven rain. The power went out early on, which added to the dramatic effect of the lightning. Each time a ball or bolt of lightning lashed out of the darkness, it would silhouette some of the many foothills that surround this city. Mateo, who has seen many a tropical storm, said that he hadn't seen one that strong in a long time.

            

Pastor Victor, of the church we worked on, rode his motorcycle to the airport to see us off and express the gratitude his congregation has for the building work accomplished by Dewey, Bill, Chris and myself. He’s a wiry fun loving man who lives in the barrio just a stone’s throw down the hill from the church. Twelve years ago, at 18 years of age, his life changed as he accepted Christ as his Lord and Savior. Victor told me that his motivation to pastor this church comes from the forgiveness he was given at that time. Because he knows the joy of being set free from the control of sin, he wants to see others experience that same joy.

           

I will admit that during my first few days in Tegucigalpa I wrestled with my decision to stay for 3-weeks. I could have signed up for a shorter stay. The heat, the constant security awareness, the sadness of injustice, the wasted human potential all were working on me to think twice about what I had signed up for. What made the difference was making personal connections with people like Victor, Juan, Jeffrey, Harrison and so many more. I am so impressed with their “press on” attitudes in the face of their circumstances. They have taught me a few things about my own reality. In fact, Bill said it well when he said, “My perspective has expanded about 10- times.”

            

It is more clear to me now than it has ever been that what we have as Americans are blessings from God. Our safety, freedoms, economy and educations should never be taken for granted. I have now seen people that need these blessings as much as we do, but are doing without. Yet, those I have met are not letting this knock them down. Instead, because of their connection to Christ, which no gang or faulty government can deny them, they are being strengthened to move forward. They deserve our prayers and support.

            

To keep posted on ongoing developments, visit Mateo and Alexandra Mattson’s mission website, Seeds of Righteousness at:  www.sormissions.org

Blessings to you,

Bruce  

He's Home and I'm Happy

Reunited and it feels so good!

Yes, all is right with my world again. Hubby is home, safe and sound with many amazing stories to share with me and thoughts to process. He got in late Friday night and we had a sweet lazy day Saturday to sip coffee (Honduran of course) unpack and talk, talk, talk! He napped a lot-- jetlag you know-- and I was happy to watch him sleep. We went to church Saturday night and had a great time chatting with our church family.

This morning we were up bright and early and on the road by 8am for a little island get-away. We parked our car at the Anacortes Ferry Landing and did a walk-on to the ferry and headed out to Friday Harbor, San Juan Island. What a fantastic day for an island excursion!

 The temp's were soaring in the high 70's which is pretty amazing for this time of year. We love riding the ferry and today was no exception. Bruce is still in recovery mode however so naps were snuck in when ever he could....

We enjoyed some good island coffee and ice cream, wandered the docks and dreamed about boats,

climbed the stairs and let the sun kiss our faces, tourist-shopped the stores and winded our way back down to the wharf for a delicious lunch of crab cakes, fries and cole slaw, washed down with ice cold root beer.

We watched the boats sailing on the water, got a little sunburnt and just reveled in each other's company. A sweet, sweet time.

We caught an afternoon ferry home and meandered the back roads to home. All in all a truly romantic and most satisfying day.

Natural Resources

Another blog post from Bruce, in Honduras.... 

this was written a day ago and was delayed in sending due to an electrical storm. As you read this, he is most likely winging his ways across the sky heading home!

This afternoon we completed the church addition project!! We have successfully added 800 square feet of space which will enhance this church’s ability to minister to a larger community than has been previously possible. 

Other than the Sunday messages of Christian Encouragement, this church’s  efforts also include Bible studies, purity classes, housing a family in need and the very successful neighborhood feeding center program.

Each day of work has included a one hour period of time when parents bring their preschool and elementary age children for a meal and a lesson. During this time of day, we've had to be extra careful of jobsite hazards but it has also been a time of our interaction with these extremely poor people of the community.

It has taken some effort on my part to mentally accept that the well kept kids, young people and adults we have encountered at this church actually live in the shacks and simple little houses right next door.

The typical home in this barrio looks to be about 2-300 square feet with no running water, an outhouse, camping style cooking and an outside concrete sink and washboard (a “pila”) for cleaning laundry. Yet it is very common to see the people looking well groomed and dressed in clean stylish clothing. I challenge any of us gringos to pull this off as well.

            

Our trusty group of teenage helpers seem like their counterparts back home hanging out together, joking and teasing each other. Some differences are also apparent. They don’t grumble about hard physical work and they aren’t distracted by technology or vehicles. In fact some of them are quite good musicians in the church praise band. It seems incongruent to my North American mind that they have been born and raised right here in this poor barrio. They are also a product of this feeding center which connected them with this church at a young age and likely rescued them from being recruited by the gangs.

           

I was introduced to a girl one day, about 13, who came by the church with her aunt and uncle as volunteers to help feed the kids that day. She looked a little shy and was dressed in a school uniform of clean white blouse and navy blue pleated skirt (all school kids here wear uniforms). When I conversed with her in my pathetic Spanish, she startled me by responding in clear and perfect English. I went on to learn that someone in the U.S. has sponsored this bright young lady for the last seven years at an English speaking school and she has been doing very well there.  I could clearly see reason for the pride that her Aunt and Uncle have for her.

            

Nelson is a gravel voiced middle aged member of this church who lives about 2-blocks down the hill and works as a self employed welder/fabricator. He makes steel roof trusses, doors, security bars for windows and property entrance gates. He speaks some English because of time he has spent in Panama working at a US military base. He saved our bacon a couple times by loaning us his paint sprayer and extension ladder.

            

Nelson exudes enthusiasm for life and seems to really savor the time he spends helping his church and discussing life with us. His opinion on his country’s leadership: “It’s no good. They can't be trusted”. Spoken as a man with first hand experience. He is part of a multi-family group that have pooled their resources to hire a 4^th grade teacher for their 4 3- 4^th grade kids. Each family chips in $5 dollars a month. Why? Because the school couldn't afford to hire the teacher.

            

I overheard Mateo asking a 12-year old girl what her plans were for her future. She replied that at one time she wanted to be a doctor but now she wasn't sure. Mateo suggested becoming a teacher to which she immediately replied “No,they don't get paid !”

           

 I have always found it interesting to just open the pages of a World Atlas to any country and examine the character of that country summarized on those pages. The type of government, geography, weather, religion and natural resources are all listed there. If you look up Honduras, for example, you would see that coffee, fruit and sugar cane are natural resources which are exported from Honduras.

           

Read on a little further and discover that at least 850,000 Hondurans have left this country of 8 million for Spain, Guatemala  Canada, the U.S., etc. in search of employment. That is 10% of the total population and 800,000 of these people come to the U.S., many arrive illegally.

            

I have had the pleasure of meeting two such men on our job here. Both of them have made the dangerous 2,600 mile journey on foot and on top of freight trains through Guatemala and Mexico to sneak across the border into the U.S. (read the book Enrique’s Journey if you would like to know more about this trip).

One of them worked 6-years in Virginia as a cabinet installer and then chose to return home to his family. The other worked 17-months in Maryland doing landscaping work and after a near fatal car accident, he was sent home by immigration.

            

This trip to Honduras has enabled me to see the world in a more realistic way than my life in idealistic America has allowed me to see. This refined perspective has spoken loud and clear to my conscience that the most valuable natural resource that any nation has is it’s people.

            

The first priority of any nation should be an investing in it’s people. Investments that release their potential & skills and provides the freedom to use those skills which, in return, will benefit the nation.  Unfortunately, Honduras looks to be a prime example of a government that ignorantly dismisses the value of it’s people in favor of individual greed and corporate corruption.

            

This may sound like an oxymoron but “Thank God for Christ!” because the model that Jesus Christ gave us for healthy relationships turns this self-focused approach totally on it’s head. Jesus directs us to love one another to the point of loving our enemies, to give unselfishly and to trust faithfully. This is the kind of power that can ultimately diffuse what is happening here in Honduras and this is what the Christian church is promoting here.

           

I have no trouble justifying the time and funds given through this 3-week mission trip to enable this life changing effort to go forward.

            

Thank-you for the part that you have played in this also.

Bruce

in closing, a few more pictures...