This Too Shall Pass

As 2018 starts to wind down.... I shake my head that I can even say that! Wind down? Didn't we just get started??  And here I am blowing the dust off my blog. Poor thing has seriously been neglected ALL YEAR LONG.  No excuses. No apologies. Its life.

I got a new laptop. That's exciting. Well, it is when you realize you need to remember or reset all your passwords and find your files. I honestly could not remember how to log in to my blog so there were a few times I tried because I thought I might want to write. Didn't take much to discourage me and I would close the laptop and pick my phone back up and play another round of spider solitaire.

Because that is much easier to do.

I find I have been choosing the easier things. If it's gonna take much effort I think twice.... and that's not a good thing. I am not patting myself on the back for taking the easy way out.

Its easier to sleep in than to wake with the alarm clock and have breakfast with my husband. Easier to eat a granola bar than cook something healthy. Easier to check facebook than get into God's book. Easier to stay in my slippers than don tennis shoes and go for a walk. Easier to buy a bigger size of jeans than actually loose those 5-10 pounds.

Easier to ignore chores. Phone calls. Responsibilities. And that's when I know my life is sorely out of balance. That's when I know that the depression is winning a round.

Thing have got to change for me. I'm plodding. treading water....
Some days look good. I'm actually productive and working my business. I reach out to my friends and cultivate those relationships. They seem short lived however and then I start to slip back into the comfort of seclusion.

Yah, yah.... the anti-depressants are working. I saw my Doctor for my annual review and things are OK. I accept that there will be days, waves, when it feels like I'm going under and there will be days I ride the wave. I accept that because I would rather learn to work within the struggles and challenges and be real than to add more Rx to my life and feel.... not free.( If that makes sense.)

As this year has unfolded someone very close to us was diagnosed with Bi-Polar type 2. If you didn't know this, they have reclassified manic-depression as two types of Bi-Polar. One and Two. And apparently if you are gonna be bi-polar 2 is better than One. I guess as far as managing it goes. Still, its been very hard for our loved one to find the right treatment and its certainly affecting the family unit, us included. But I do see how dealing with and learning to manage my own mental health can be an asset as I can truly relate and empathize.  I can assure our loved one that it will get better. It just takes time. And I can remind myself of that too.

That this too shall pass.

Free in Christ.

Today is a better day.

If I am actually sitting here writing, it's really a better day.

And I promise.... I will be back.