My husband leaves in just a couple of weeks on his mission adventure to Honduras. As you may know this has been a real struggle for both of us; me feeling like the timing isn't right plus a whole lot of other reasons to grumble and hold back my blessing, he feeling compelled to go with or without my blessing and finding less than joy at the prospect of answering God's call in the face of this.
It's been a painful process of coming to terms with us being on such opposing sides to something. It's a new and uncomfortable place to be for us. We've never encountered this sort of situation in our relationship before. We've pondered what God is doing here, with this situation, with us, and have not come up with any clear answers. We've decided to move in faith as we always have, regardless. I have been awash in emotions and thoughts. My stance wavers as I question why I feel so fearful over his going.
Originally my biggest objection was finances. Now, I have a strong belief in the quote by Hudson Taylor: God's work done God's way will never lack God's resources, and we've seen this played out each and every time we've made the commitment to go on a mission trip. But we still make a sacrifice for the weeks of wages lost when taking time from work to go.... we always pull though but this time I felt like it was reckless, foolish and irresponsible to go. We'd just come back from a 2 week stint in Costa Rica, and were enjoying some financial stability for the first time in a very very long while. I didn't want to rock that boat!
My other objection was that Bruce seemed to arrive at the decision to go without fully bringing me into the discussion. (never a good idea) We worked through that issue and resolved it but it still kinda smarts if I allow myself to go there.... Finally my biggest and hardest objection has to do with the fact that he will be gone for 3 weeks. THREE WEEKS. We've been apart for 2 weeks at the longest and that was hard. I am one of those wives who really enjoys her husbands company.... but it is more than that. When I think about his leaving... the fear that rises up in me nearly chokes me. I don't understand this feeling. It scares me to be so scared quite honestly. Like maybe I have something I need to let go of.
Well.... anyway.....emotions be damned, hubby is going.... his tickets have been purchased... and God has once again stepped in and blown us away with his provisions. There has been NO fundraising done for this trip. Bruce had the funds for the airfare and the food and lodging expenses set aside as part of his budgeting since he started the last building project. When I saw this come together I was only partially mollified as I had insisted there also needed to be a way for him to support us in the face of 3 weeks of unemployment.
God is so much bigger than my whiny demanding ways. We learned today that because of some amazing generous anonymous folks, the funds to go on the trip are completely covered... which means the money Bruce had set aside to pay for his trip will go towards the loss of wages during his time away.
Like I said... I. Am. Speechless.
I stared at hubby dumbfounded and confounded when he told me... My objections wiped out in one clean sweep. I still have my emotions to deal with but I have to believe that the God who works all things together for good will work His way with me.