They say laughing is like aerobics for our insides. I love to laugh.
I love to feel my insides jiggle and jog and I giggle and snort.
I am blessed to be married to a man who makes me laugh...
even when I'm grumpy, tired, or, angry. I mean, look at this face---
just the fact that he would willingly hop in the cart and ride the wild pony ride with me says a lot, but the man totally gets into it!! It reminds me of a time we were vacationing on Lopez Island and we stopped to explore a sweet little church perched a top a hill... and the hill was so perfectly sloped for rolling down that to not roll down it would have been a sin, and who wants to sin in a church yard for heaven's sake?! I said "Let's roll down the hill!" and I really didn't expect or even think he WOULD but he DID. I chuckle just thinking about that day.... (and I wish I had pictures.....)
Well, this has been a week where laughter has saved me. So many things have gone awry. Or not come to fruition. We've been handed some disappointments and frustrations. Faced some uncertainties and been a little afraid. Not that this is anything NEW. Not in our life anyway. Welcome to the New Normal it would seem, to have life be so upside-down. So whaddaya gonna do? It's much better to laugh about it than to stay home and pout. Pity Parties are NOT ALLOWED.
I will admit that I struggle often with self image or self confidence. Too often I have let people or circumstances define me. Finding my self worth in the eyes of other people is dangerous. What if they don't like what I am wearing? What if they don't like ME? During my school years I was defined by the circle of friends I had or did not have. During my 1st marriage I let his abusive behavior define me. I struggled hard to find things to laugh about, believing it was easier to laugh than to cry. And I had learned early on that being a sort of clown gave me some control over how people responded to me. Much better to have them laughing at me because I was funny, then to laugh at me because I was a freak!
As my husband and I were driving to a family function the other day we both admitted to the stress we were feeling before we even arrived, knowing certain people would be present. People who often make us feel like we are gum stuck to the bottom of their shoe. And I was reminded of that quote attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt about how no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. We started thinking about whether or not we'd been giving people permission to treat us as inferior.... really examining that, and we decided we needed to be more pro-active about not letting this happen.
Ultimately my identity is found in Jesus Christ. I've been redeemed, washed clean, set apart and made whole, holy and blameless as I stand before His Throne of Grace. I need to remind myself of this daily, moment by moment some days. I was quiet that day at the family gathering, preferring to sit and observe and every time the little nagging voice of low self esteem whispered an assault, I was quick to kick it to the curb with the sacred reminder that THAT was NOT who I was. I am accepted. I am secure. I am significant. I am free. It was amazing what reminding myself of this did for me! I felt peace in the day and I found much to laugh about too.
I am really always trying to see my glass as half full.
I think I do a pretty good job. Yes, I fail occasionally.
That's what the wine is for.