it backfired

i struggle often with insomnia. i can't make my brain shut off so i will lay awake and think and think and think. this isn't a big deal when sleeping in the next day to compensate is allowed to happen. i'm  really more of a night person than anything.

however, there are times when life necessitates getting up early. and those are the times where going to sleep at a 'decent' hour is important. those are the nights i can almost guarantee the dreaded insomnia will strike.

so i try to prepare for that. i'll take a benadryl or some other sleepy-time aid and head to bed at 10pm and it almost always works.   not this time.

i was fast asleep by 10 and barely registered when my husband joined me under the covers. i remember mumbling something unintelligible as he kissed me good night. slumberland was mine and i was hanging on for dear life. ah~~ bliss.

until 2:21 am.

waking up to go to the bathroom is one thing. that happens a lot and i take care of my business and find my way back to bed and am soon snoozing again as if nothing ever happened to interrupt my dreams. but when i woke up this morning i knew immediately i was in an AWAKE state that wasn't going to let me nod back off....

and i kinda panicked inside.
which doesn't ever help.

i tossed and turned for the first 20 minutes... and then tossed and turned for another 20 minutes. i tried praying the alphabet... (Lord, please bless Amber, heal Brittany, bless Corrie... etc) and I was still awake. in fact i was more awake. I looked at the clock. i knew getting up at 4 am was going to make for a long day as it was but getting up at 3 was nuts.

i have to work today to cover for a sick co-worker again. i have to leave the house at 5:15am to be ready to open the club at 6. it's now 4:12 and i heard the abandoned alarm go off 12 minutes ago from my cozy easy chair downstairs after i gave up and left my warm bed. i heard hubby shut the durn thing off and i know it is time for me to get in the shower and make coffee and start this day.

but i really hate this loss of sleep and i know it is going to catch up with me later today. i already feel the wave of sleepies coming back at me... if i didn't have to go to work this would be a great time to crawl back into bed and sleep.

durn it all.