Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Rest for My Soul
9 years ago, in a moment of desperation I told to my husband that I wanted to run away from home. I wanted nothing more than to escape to a sterile hotel somewhere and do nothing for 48 hours. He looked at me like I was quite possibly deranged. He tried to qualify my statement by paraphrasing. "You mean you and I running away for a weekend." (Not a question.)
I shook my head quite vehemently. "No, not you and me. Just me. Alone."
I wasn't mad at him or wanted to leave him. We hadn't been fighting. It was just that life had gotten incredibly crazy and my house was too full and my personal bubble had been seriously invaded. And I wanted nothing more than to be completely alone with no pressures, no expectations, no obligations or responsibilities.
I never did get my 48 hours of solitude and I did survive the crisis but when ever life has dished out some rougher times I have returned to that particular little dream of holing up somewhere by myself to just 'be.'
Oh, sure I have had lots of alone times at home. Bruce goes on his 'wild at heart' adventures with the boys or on a mission trip and I am home alone and I do fine. But there's just something about going to another space to rest and relax....
here I am this week living out my little dream.....
someone else is preparing the meals and cleaning up the bathroom and even making the bed. With one click of a switch I have a romantic warm fire burning and I never have to throw a log on the fire. The bed sinks softly around me, enveloping me with clean pristine sheets and comforter, the quietness soothes me.
I took a walk yesterday in the frigid air, bright sunshine making it possible to endure the biting cold. The possibilities for a walk were endless; over 5 miles of trails to choose from in a garden that come summer time must be breath taking.
Even so, in this winter shrine, the stark beauty stirs me.
Twisted vines, frost bitten plants, scruffy bushes, frozen ponds, hopping robins scratching out food to survive.
For an hour I explored the garden and breathed in deeply the invigorating air. When my nose was as shiny as Rudolf and my toes were numb I finally headed back to my hotel room where my cheerful fire awaited me. I snuggled under the blankets and mindlessly channel-surfed. I skyped with my sister, I shared photos on facebook. I sipped coffee and made a carefree lunch of meats and cheeses. And my soul sang from the activities.
When Bruce got home from his day of labor, we dressed up and went for dinner in the resort's dining room. Feasted on Pacific NW Salmon and shrimp and scallops and rice pilaf and fresh steamed winter vegetables. Drank far too much wine and laughed hysterically over everything. We came back to our room and collapsed on the bed, fully connected in heart and soul.
I have expressed to him that this week, despite all the hardships we endured to finally get here, is such a gift to me. To think that with out much effort on his part, he has provided me with the perfect birthday gift, giving me more than 48 hours. He understands me so much more than he did 9 years ago. Understands my need for rest and solitude as necessary ingredients to a healthy balance in my psyche. So when I thank him again for this week, he merely looks at me and grins.