Wednesday, April 27, 2011

It's been awhile...

Hello blog, how are you? 
I know I've missed a day or two or three or four....
I've been a little preoccupied
and things have been messy
emotions low, high, raw, tender...
Roller coaster weekend
full of tears and laughter
pain and celebration
isn't that the way life goes?

Looking back on it, Easter weekend was all it should be and more... a time to pray and celebrate and share and celebrate some more. But just below the surface was a constant ache as the news I received the day before the big weekend was too big to be forgotten.
My job is ending. Tomorrow is my last day. I have cried. A lot. And prayed and been comforted and know, know, know, in the midst of it all God has a plan for me-- a plan for good and to prosper me-- a future with hope---
still, I am sad. Its to be expected... and I know it is okay.

In the midst of this news is also learning that my mother has a fracture in her spine, that has likely been there for a couple of years and is probably related to a fall she took and why it has never bothered her till now, we may never know. But bother her now it does and she is in a lot of pain. I spent the day with her today. She was in her robe and slippers, too achy and too tired from lack of good sleep, to really function. She has pain med's (Rx) but she doesn't like the loopy feeling they give her so she saves it for night time. Only she forgot to take one last night and so she did not sleep and by the time she thought about taking one it was too close to morning and she didn't want to be groggy because she knew I was coming to visit.

Poor woman. Groggy from lack of sleep instead of the pill and still in pain. She wasn't up to going out with me but she had a list and so off I went, list in one hand, money in the other. When I got back with all her supplies, we sat and watched it rain-- sheets and sheets of rain!

And as we sat, we talked. My relationship with my mom has as many ups and downs as my weekend had! But today was a sweet one. Those are rare which makes me sad, but I will take what I can get when it comes to my mom and a sweet day with her!

She told me the other night she went to bed and told God to let her sleep all night long and not to wake her up until at least 5 a.m. And God complied. (when mom speaks, you better listen, right? Even God-- lol) She realized she had forgotten to read her bible that morning and she was tsk-tsk-tsking herself about it.

She talked about Debby, the sister who died before I was born and she talked about how even though it hurt and it never really has stopped hurting, she learned she HAD to give it to Jesus or she would not have made it through the pain. She said, Debby is in a much better place then any of us. She is with Jesus! And she wondered if when she see's Debby again, will she still be 4 years old or will she have grown up?

As mom talked, I thought how strong her faith really is. She gave her life to Jesus when she was a young girl, at a Young Life meeting and she has been  a faithful follower of God all her life. She taught me bible verses and songs about Jesus. I guess I was struck for the first time with how influential my mother has been in my own faith. It's been in a quiet way but in that quiet way she has spoken through actions to others in her life. When you are a kid you don't necessarily notice things like that.

Today, I did. 

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