Monday, June 18, 2012

out of sync

It's hard to get back in your grove after a vacation. 
Really hard if you can't find your grove to get back into it!

exploring on of the historic residential streets of Pensacola. 

I suppose juggling the emotions of saying good bye and not knowing when I will see my kiddos again combined with traveling adventures, lack of real sleep or real food, then a memorial service to attend, has something to do with it but the icing on the cake for not being able to find my way is probably related to the outbreak of HIVES I have been dealing with since Sat. evening.

I stepped -- accidently of course, I would never step on one on purpose-- a small ant hill Sunday before last and was bit several times by some angry little guys-- that turned out to be Fire Ants. I know now why they are called fire ants because my foot felt like it was on fire!! I ended up with 5 or 6 bites across the top of my foot, which thankfully, once we washed it up and applied some topical medicines, stopped the pain. The next morning however every bite spot was marked by little white dots. Yes, like a pimple. But it's really dead tissue and you best leave it alone to flatten out on it's own. I was relieved to not have pain or itching which I had been expecting. Then on Wed. when we explored the Fort (Fort Pickens out by Pensacola Beach) I got bit AGAIN by some small ants that we jokingly nicknamed Charcoal Ants because they didn't make my foot  feel like it was on fire, just an annoying little sting which quickly dissipated.

or so I thought.

The arrival in Seattle late Thursday Night-- or more correctly EARLY Friday Morning, did two things to me. 1) the emotions of the past 2 weeks rose up and overwhelmed me and I had to fight to stay calm, think clearly and not completely fall apart over the separation from my kids. and 2) the swelling in my ankles turned out to not be totally related to the plane ride. And then it started itching.

By Sat afternoon as the memorial reception was starting to wind down and I was collecting Mom and my things I realized just how very very itchy my ankle and foot felt. By the time I got home the itching was spreading to random spots over my legs... then my arms, my face! I thought fleas! I thought food reaction! I thought what the ??? It just got worse and suffice it to say I didn't sleep much Sat. night, getting up twice for benadryl and cortisone cream. (the latter by the way does not work well as an antihistamine) I suffered through Sunday with more outbreaks and did my research on google trying to identify what was really going on.

And you know what? It may be an allergic reaction to Fire Ant bites and I did go to see the Doctor today and got an Rx for prednisone which is already bringing relief, but I also think this strong reaction may have been intensified by STRESS.

I know I am stressed when I would rather take an entire post to talk about my Ant Bites instead of what is REALLY bothering me. How did I manage for FOUR YEARS with out seeing those sweet precious kids? And when will I see them again? They have grown  SO MUCH!
Zac at 13 ( family readers, doesn't he look like his uncle Josh??
 I have a teenage grandson for heavens sake! 

The middle one is still my snuggle-bug but also has a real impish streak (which I love) 

The youngest one was talking before they left but it was a jumble of words and now, let me tell you, she can boss, direct, challenge and imagine with the best of 'em! 

We took the teenager out for lunch with us one day for some special one-on-one (or one-on-two) time and another day just driving around exploring things. He wanted to come back with us (to WA)  so bad and we would love to have that happen. We're going to plan for next summer for sure as I don't think any of us are in a position to make it happen this year. Zac talked about all the birthday adventures we did with him when they still lived here. (we didn't buy birthday gifts, instead we took each grandchild on an adventure, building memories instead) He remembers each one and recalls in great detail his favorite adventure of all. He said with such longing in his voice how much he misses those. I am glad we were able to have adventures with him while we were there. I hope it stands out in his memory as well as the other ones.

enthralled by Grandpa's "Scary Story"!

the last night at our motel we had a sleep over with Faith and Kristjian. They were super excited and i didn't think we'd ever get them to sleep. of course rough housing with Grandpa followed by SCARY STORIES didn't help settle them down! But finally, lullabys (you are my sunshine, of course) and bedtime prayers and then they were out cold!

and then there's the 2 NEW grandsons....  who stole our hearts quickly and made saying good bye 2 x more harder.

So, if I'm a little lost and a little stressed, so be it. I know I will find my way back but I'm gonna allow myself as much time as it takes. If I need to cry a little (or a lot) and suffer pangs of kid-withdrawal, and check my grandkids and daughters facebook pages repeatedly or text or skype or call.... I will.

And, I will begin planning (and saving)  for the NEXT TRIP. (did I just hear my husband gulp?)

1 comment:

  1. Sigh. this makes me a bit heartbroken too...for what you are going through and what I most certainly will be going through. We need to get away and lick our wounds together my friend.


thank you so much for taking time to read and comment! have a great day!