Saying Good Bye

In the last week and a half I have learned of the death of 2 people from my past and I am mourning their passing as much as the friendship that slipped away from us over the last couple of decades.

The first was the unexpected passing of a woman who was my friend a very very long time ago... back when both of us were married to different men... it was one of those friendships forged out of the fact that we had children the same age and our husbands were friends and the relationship we had was built around that. But she was an impressive woman. Strong, forthright, smart. And very kind. I found it easy and comforting to sit in her wide country kitchen, sipping strong coffee and listening to her talk; her southern accent discernible even after years of being removed from the south. She was creative and not afraid to try new things. Not afraid to do things that often were categorized as being in a man's domain. She was pretty and witty and when stirred up, a force to be reckoned with. I wished often for a small portion of her strength and strong will. Perhaps, I would think, if I could emulate her even a small bit, I could stand up against the injustice and cruelty that was being dished out at me each day in my marriage.

It is possible that maybe, a small piece of her was with me when I did finally escape the marriage.

The friendship disintegrated once I left my husband however. Because within less than a month from my decision to leave, she had moved lock stock and barrel in with him, leaving heads spinning, not the least of which was her own husband. It was an episode right out of "And the Stomach Turns"

My only knowledge of her where-abouts after that came through my children. She and my ex were married just days after our divorce became final but that marriage did not last. And once she was out of the lives of my kids, all contact was lost. So. for probably at least the last decade, I've had no idea of where she was and how she was. And truth be told, I didn't much care. I felt betrayed by her.

So this past week when I learned of her death, it was the first I had heard her name mentioned in years. And the circumstances of her death were tragic and suspect. She was living in Florida, having returned to her roots at some point, and while I have scoured the online newspapers daily, I find nothing about her... no obit, death notice, police report... it is as if the woman did not exist.

I find this as tragic as her death. Perhaps the family is still reeling in shock from her passing. Maybe she was estranged from her family. I don't know if she had a close relationship with her children or her siblings or parents. If there was anyone special in her life. And so, I find myself thinking about her a lot. Remembering her from those years we shared a friendship. I have long ago forgiven her for any betrayal I felt back then for her choices. I ache for her children, young adults now. I mourn for the woman who was my friend all those years ago. I imagine what she went through-- 2 divorces, separation from her children and family, and the sort of things that led her to the place she was at when she died.

"Rest in peace" sounds very cliche but I do hope in the end, she did have peace.