Last night I attended a Talent Show fund raising event. My sweet friend has two daughters ready to embark on a mission trip to Africa this summer and they put on a great night of talent to raise money for it. My beautiful friend sang-- one of my favorite Amy Grant songs-- and there was a lot of sparkle and hope in the room as each person got up and gave their all for the cause. What fun!
Today, Bruce and I have a meeting for the Mission Trip to Honduras that we have been praying and talking about. The trip is May 28-June 6th. I feel stuck in the middle of my choices. We both want to go to Honduras and see -feel-taste-- the scope of the work that Chad and Trina Baron are involved in with Manos Extendidas (Hands Extended) but I am questioning if THIS is the time for us to go. I believe we should go; but are we being called to go now?
We have done several mission trips over the years and each time have done the fund raising in various ways. This year we feel strongly that sending out letters asking for support is not the way to go about it. We would gladly lay out sweat through volunteer work that resulted in a donation but with 2 months left in which to raise the funds I am starting to feel a little doubtful about the whole endeavor. Which has me now questioning if the call to go Honduras was a miss-dialed number. Bruce doesn't feel that way, but then again, Bruce is always ready to go anywhere, anytime. His wiring, motivated by deep compassion and a desire to help others, moves him miles ahead of me in this area of service. I have compassion but I am often weighed down by practical realities.
We have started discussing the idea of me staying home and Bruce going... which was something we thought we would never do again... (a few years ago when Bruce went to Costa Rica on missions without me, we felt so funny about the whole thing that we decided never again! But now... never say never?)
I want to say things like "If God really wants us to go He will provide the way" and then I am convicted that thoughts like those may not be very mature. I mean, He does expect us to put forth some effort, does He not?
I am conflicted too as I look at the cost of the whole mission trip and discover that for the price of the airfare alone, I could easily purchase round trip tickets with a hotel and car rental for a week and go to Florida and visit my daughter and grandkids. Wouldn't visiting my babies be a mission too? Arrg, this granny is deeply troubled.
When I first started thinking about the trip to Honduras I felt strongly that we should go. Are these just fears manifesting as doubts working to persuade me to stay out of the mission field? I don't know. I really don't. Then, suddenly in the middle of my questioning I see a ray of light that shines assurance on the whole picture. That light says 'don't fret, all is well. it will be okay, no matter what you choose' and I am reminded that God sees my heart and He knows my thoughts and He is pleased that I want to serve Him and He is okay with my not knowing for sure what it is I am being asked to do. I'm not pulling a Jonah, running away from the ministry He is asking from me. I am willing.
I just don't know how we are going to pull it off.
In the fall we also have an opportunity to travel to a YWAM base in Germany. Actually, name ANY mission trip coming up this year and we could add our names to the list. The opportunities are endless really.
Meanwhile, today, we have a meeting to attend and at some point in the very, very near future we have to say, definitively, yes or no.
And I just don't know what the answer should-- or will-- be.