Sunday, October 10, 2010

Personal Transformation

In my previous blog I wrote about Being Transformed by the Truth and said I would share about this on a personal level. Let me start by saying, this is a process for me and I am not always sure where in the process I fall. I do know that there have been numerous times the Holy Spirit has given me divine revelations that I, sadly, chose NOT to believe, therefore loosing the blessing God had intended for me.

But there have been times I have chosen to believe what the Lord has whispered to me in the stillness of my heart and those have been life giving moments for me.  Let me share about one of the earliest times...

step One; Receive Revelation: Tall Timber Ranch, March 1994. A church retreat and I am there as an 'extra' in a weekend retreat for the youth group. I came with no expectations, no responsibilities and no other agenda but to lose myself in the weekend and come back refreshed.
Well, God met me there in a way I had never experienced before. During a time of reflection and meditation on Psalm 23, as the leader read the words, "he restores my soul" something lept inside of me-- reverberated with in me. I knew in that instant that I had just heard the Lord speak to me. it was a Revelation!

Contemplation: As I prayed and reflected on this, I sought out what the Lord was trying to tell me through this. For a long time I had been nursing bitter hurts, broken places and deep wounds. I sensed the Lord was urging me to give Him those things... all of the pieces, once and for all. But it wasn't easy!

Wrestling with mind will and emotions: You bet I did. After all, those wounds were what defined me! Like a soldier with a Purple Heart, i had earned my battle wounds. Was I really ready to give them up? But I knew the only way to find peace and healing and RESTORATION was to let God have it. I made the decision to...

Choose to Believe:  in the instant that i stopped wrestling with these thoughts and surrendered it ALL, I experienced such a wave of peace. It was overwhelming in goodness and blessings. But the next step was to...

Stand on the Truth/Act on the command, which I may not have realized i was doing at the time but I had to confront the things that had brought me the pain in the first place. Sure I may have surrendered those things but was I going to leave them there at the feet of Jesus or was I going to reach out and reclaim them?(why we are so often tempted to pick those nasty ugly painful things back up I'll never understand. you would think we'd be so glad to be rid of them but still....)

I am happy to say that in spite of the temptations to slide right back into the old way of doing things, I stood firm and left those ugly hurts where they belonged! And the blessings began to flow!  As I clung to the balm in the blessings more healing occurred with in me. The more I healed the more the Truth was reinforced. The more the truth was reinforced, the more I healed. it was a sweet circle of blessing. It was a time in my life that I felt myself really growing in my walk with the Lord.

It was enough to hold me up when the testing of my belief came. Here was another time where i might have lost this battle and had another thing stolen from me but gosh, by this time I was really really tired of having the enemy steal even one more thing from me!! I hung on to that promise of restoration for my soul and now know that this is when the belief I held on to became a conviction! Praise God!!

since that time, the testings have come again and again and each time I am presented with a choice. Do I give in to the temptation to let the wounds of the past have their way with me or do I stand firm in the belief that the One who has given me restoration still reigns supreme?

the last few years i feel as if I may have slipped into some old patterns. I have had new hurts and disappointments that have really put me back. I realize that I lost some ground. the enemy stole my sunshine and stole my blessings because I temporarily forgot who's child I am. I forgot that MY DADDY has my back... and my front and my side and most perfectly my INSIDE. I am looking right now on this exercise and seeing the truths I neglected and need to reclaim. The revelation God gave me 16 years ago is once again being reinforced by a time of testing and experience.

Earlier today I was reflecting on some things and I thought i want to be able to say and mean it, "I"m back"       meaning the girl who was living with passion and conviction over several years, and then lost her way, has found her way back into living victorious....
And you know what? God is SO GOOD. He gives us the desires of our hearts when we ask for the things he so wants to give us! I feel like melted butter as I sit here soaking up the blessings of his grace and restoration.

so.... watch out world......   I'm back!!

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