So, I had my first run in with someone who takes offense with my being blessed. I must say, I should have expected it. I should have expected it might go this way considering the person.
How do we explain how God works? I don't know how he decides who gets this and who gets that and who doesn't get anything. I don't know why God would bless us with a car while another family is losing their home due to bank foreclosure. I can't explain that anymore than why Joey and Corrie would lose their baby while another couple will carry to full term. OR why a woman would choose an abortion while another woman yearns for a baby that her body can not give her. I don't know.
And I don't really know how to answer that when the question is thrown in my face. the person asking is losing their home. We have had several chats in the last few weeks over the economy and the hardships. I have shared with her just as she has shared with me, about no income, car repairs, medical bills, loans....
so today when she saw the car she asked if we bought a new one. I said no, it was a gift from someone. she asked more questions than I was comfortable in answering so I left it with a simple, " the Lord knew and he provided." Her immediate response was "Yah but Why would he help in some situations and not in others?" and from her tone I sensed the personal injury this question came from. She was in essence saying, why would God give you a car and take our house away from us? (I don't know... we face losing our house too... maybe this car will be the home we end up living in?)
I said "I don't know but I do know this... I'm not God, God is. and he decides..." it felt like a lame answer and I wish the timing would have provided a better opportunity to delve in a little bit more. but what else would I have said? I can't explain why someone felt compelled to give us the car. I can't explain why Bruce has been out of work for so long. I can't explain why we are going on a mission trip when we can't pay our mortgage.
I might have asked her if they have a church connection... if they are in relationship with Jesus... if they tithe.... (our pastor told us that over 80% of the people he sees for financial help are not tithing. its food for thought....)
I might have told her all the thousands of other little ways the Lord had provided... a car is just so much more visible... I might have told her all the times we did NOT feel blessed, but did feel abandoned. the times we felt we were walking in the desert place, in the wilderness, on the road marked with suffering... and God felt very far away indeed.
I do not know where she stands with Jesus. Our conversations have been surface. But now i will pray for opportunities to go deeper. Maybe offer her a copy of "the Shack" to read....
NO, I don't know why. But God does. and I have to trust him. I HAVE to TRUST Him.